Need Help with some Wording to be put into Order ?

[Pearl72]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hi! If anyone can help me with some wording - The GAL wants me and ex to give her what we want put in the order that was left out - and have tried looking online, but havn't had much luck...

Need wording for Summer Time - It is ordered that we get 50/50 or split it, but needed something stating that in even years/Od years ex has by a certain date to notify me of what dates he would like, not to interefere with Father's day or July 4th (whoever gets that holiday) or daughters birthday (Her birthday is in the summer) ?? Any ideas?

Also, in the order it states we have to get permission to take daughter out of state - any wording that would help in this? He has a tendency to not respond to emails for a very long time, if at all - wouldl ike to put a timeline if possible to prevent that - mainly such as if i wanted to take her out of state, he has like a week or two to respond to request or something? Just trying to protect myself here, and prevent any issues in the future... wasn't sure if sending something to him certified mail would work? If he doesn't respond, then what? He likes to be difficult when it comes to my time with my daughter.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hi! If anyone can help me with some wording - The GAL wants me and ex to give her what we want put in the order that was left out - and have tried looking online, but havn't had much luck...

Need wording for Summer Time - It is ordered that we get 50/50 or split it, but needed something stating that in even years/Od years ex has by a certain date to notify me of what dates he would like, not to interefere with Father's day or July 4th (whoever gets that holiday) or daughters birthday (Her birthday is in the summer) ?? Any ideas?

Also, in the order it states we have to get permission to take daughter out of state - any wording that would help in this? He has a tendency to not respond to emails for a very long time, if at all - wouldl ike to put a timeline if possible to prevent that - mainly such as if i wanted to take her out of state, he has like a week or two to respond to request or something? Just trying to protect myself here, and prevent any issues in the future... wasn't sure if sending something to him certified mail would work? If he doesn't respond, then what? He likes to be difficult when it comes to my time with my daughter.

It would be a lot simpler to just go every other week during the summer. That's 50/50 and doesn't require any discussions or notifications of what time you want to take. I also don't think that either one of you should have to have the other's permission to travel out of state on vacation...so I would try to have that taken out.

 

[Pearl72]

I agree LdiJ - doing the every other week, however he is still pushing to reduce my summer time to 2 weeks right now (even tho it's ordered 50/50) but there is nothing stating how to divide that time, hence why the GAL wanted some wording in there as to how we were going to decide that. He had that in there, (permission to take child out of state) and won't take it out or rather agree to take it out, so that he can know where she is with me, and requests an itemized list of where we are going, what we are doing, phone numbers etc, and he wants to have the ability on whether or not i can take her out of state - but it gives me the same opportunity - he can't take her out of state, without a way of getting a hold of her (daughter) and where they will be etc. He's taken her out of state and not told me, and would go days without being able to talk to my daughter...

 

[stealth2]

I would keep the out of state travel to nothing more than notification regarding the destination, duration and contact info. NOT requiring permission.

 

[mistoffolees]

I agree LdiJ - doing the every other week, however he is still pushing to reduce my summer time to 2 weeks right now (even tho it's ordered 50/50) but there is nothing stating how to divide that time, hence why the GAL wanted some wording in there as to how we were going to decide that.

The GAL is completely correct. Details must be spelled out or it becomes a mess.

The only thing about every other week is that it prevents either of you from any extended vacation time. My family often gets together for a week or so at various places. With travel time on both ends, that really requires 9 days - and alternating weeks wouldn't cut it.

I'd suggest that each parent get to choose one two week period during the summer.

And btw, even if you do every other week, that doesn't solve the problem - you still have to figure out when it starts and when it ends - and find a way to put that into words.

 

[stealth2]

And btw, even if you do every other week, that doesn't solve the problem - you still have to figure out when it starts and when it ends - and find a way to put that into words.

Good point. And the more specific you can be, the better. For example, in our order, summer visitation begins the Friday after school ends. Seems clear, right? Well - what if school ends on Friday? IS THAT the day it starts, or is it the following Friday? Is it the day school ACTUALLY ends, or the day that the school calendar had initially specified it ended (which WAS specified as tentative, depending on emergency closures)?

 

[SESmama]

I guess it depends on the school schedule. Mine is fairly specific in that the school has made the determination for us.

Each parent shall have x weeks of summer parenting time. Said x weeks may be consecutive. A week is defined as x:00 (am/pm) from date of pickup until x:00 (am/pm) 7 days later. The summer period shall not interfere with the holiday scheduled parenting time set out (below, in section x, etc). The summer parenting time shall be provided by each party on or before April 15 of that year. In even numbered years the mother shall have first choice of summer parenting time. In odd numbered years the father shall have first choice summer parenting time. The summer period shall begin .... and shall end ....


In our PP the summer is defined as the day following Memorial Day weekend (as school gets out that previous Friday) and ends 1 week prior to school starting. Of course our school starts the first Monday in August. Always.

Using the school calendar can help prevent squabbles over when summer begins and when it ends. I don't remember if your child is in school or not but if not then it will already be set when s/he does get into school.

 

[Pearl72]

I had proposed two weeks on, two weeks off, and then we each get a week too, but he won't agree to anything unless i agree to two weeks period, then he gets nine. (Daughter's summer break is anywhere from 10 to 11 weeks depending on school calendar) Just trying to word it so it's reasonable. He is insisting on the two weeks for me, so that daughter doesn't miss Tae Kwan Do class that i never agreed to, and he signed a contract for her for two years to attend, so that is why he is being such a stinker about it.

I also proposed what was suggested, just taking the permission part out of it (out of state travel) with giving itinerary, phone contact numbers etc, but he insists i need to get his permission to leave the state...He won't budge on that.

 

[Silverplum]

I had proposed two weeks on, two weeks off, and then we each get a week too, but he won't agree to anything unless i agree to two weeks period, then he gets nine. (Daughter's summer break is anywhere from 10 to 11 weeks depending on school calendar) Just trying to word it so it's reasonable. He is insisting on the two weeks for me, so that daughter doesn't miss Tae Kwan Do class that i never agreed to, and he signed a contract for her for two years to attend, so that is why he is being such a stinker about it.

I also proposed what was suggested, just taking the permission part out of it (out of state travel) with giving itinerary, phone contact numbers etc, but he insists i need to get his permission to leave the state...He won't budge on that.

Regarding the bolded, I have two comments:
1. You may also insist. You may also refuse to budge.

2. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If he insists on retaining the "right" to give you permission to vacation out of state, then you may insist upon retaining the very same right to approve or disapprove of his vacation plans with your shared child. See how he likes that.

Don't let him think he has all the power over you, because he doesn't.

On the other hand, don't fight battles that aren't winnable or worth winning. Which those are, are up to you. Think long-term.

Just to throw another summertime split idea into the mix here, my H's summer with his children was split 50/50. The day they got out of school till *exactly* halfway through the summer. Then to their mom's for the rest of the summer. Period. No variations. No switching. It worked great for them for umpteen years.

 

[CJane]

Why not propose that the 50/50 split continue throughout the summer, with each parent getting two continuous weeks for vacation? State that in odd years you will notify him prior to May 1 of which two weeks you're choosing and he notifies you by May 15 which ones he's choosing (not to conflict with yours). In even years, he notifies first and you respond.

Easy peasy. You still end up with a 50/50 split for summer and kiddos schedule is disrupted less.

 

[stealth2]

I suspect that doesn't provide enough drama, though...

 

[ecmst12]

I think in your case it's better that there is no choosing of dates and no notifying or anything like that. In even years mom gets first half of the summer and dad gets second half, odd years vice versa, and plan your vacations around your time. Less to argue about later.

 

[Pearl72]

Stealth2 - Not trying to have drama. Just want it black and white. I will suggest what was mentioned, that we each get 2 weeks each of uninteruppted time, and keep the 50/50 schedule as it is, as to not disrupt the schedule so much, however, in the summer - how would that wording be? As i don't get daughter til after school now on Tues and Thurs, and return her to school the following morning, and then keep her on my weekends from friday after school until the return of school on monday.. Not trying to be difficult here.. just trying to do what is fair for my daughter so that she can spend as much time as possible with both of us. Trying to reason with ex is difficult, and tries to minmize my time as it is... Unfortunately, i have to be specific here with ex, otherwise he makes getting my daughter for my time VERY difficult.

 

[LdiJ]

Stealth2 - Not trying to have drama. Just want it black and white. I will suggest what was mentioned, that we each get 2 weeks each of uninteruppted time, and keep the 50/50 schedule as it is, as to not disrupt the schedule so much, however, in the summer - how would that wording be? As i don't get daughter til after school now on Tues and Thurs, and return her to school the following morning, and then keep her on my weekends from friday after school until the return of school on monday.. Not trying to be difficult here.. just trying to do what is fair for my daughter so that she can spend as much time as possible with both of us. Trying to reason with ex is difficult, and tries to minmize my time as it is... Unfortunately, i have to be specific here with ex, otherwise he makes getting my daughter for my time VERY difficult.

Well, you could simply change the exchange times and locations for summer. Instead of exchanges being after school, they could be in the morning for your Tuesday and Thursday parenting time and could remain the same for the weekend, just changing locations.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I like Ldij's suggestion with a caveat:

1. Each parent is entitled to a two-week uninterrupted vacation that starts on (you name the day and time.) Vacation schedules will NOT interfere with a parent's holiday schedule (you name them.) In even years, (name parent) shall notify the other parent by 04/15 of their vacation period in WRITING, send CRRR (prevents the drama.) If said parent does NOT make the choice, then the other parent is allowed to schedule. Then, reiterate the odd year for other parent.

A person take a vacation from their permanent address will give the other parent contact information to the other parent, along with a basic itinerary which give approximate dates and locations.

Spell it out Pearl.