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nolegirl1990

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?Florida- SouthEast Fl

About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my 8 year old son's father (ex husband) having cancer and going to a residential treatment center for about 3 months.
Bottom line, I am CP and my ex is NCP. He has liberal visitation and we have a pretty specific schedule-my ex has over night visits Thurs. and Fri. and every other weekend.
We meet at a public place to "exchange" our son, when he is in school due to the permanent retraining order on my ex- to protect me.
Anyway, I have tried to discuss the situation with my ex. (He never discussed the issues with me-people from his job offered their empathy to me and that is how I found out he even had cancer.)
I confronted him and he did say he had cancer and he did say he was going to a residential treatment center. He would not divulge when he was going to the treatment center, he told me it would be in NY or Central Fl.I told him that I wanted to help in any way he needed me. That we could work out scheduled visitation so that he could spent as much time as he wants with our son. I told him that if at all possible, when he discusses his condition with our son-if i could be there for support for them...and so that our son can see that he and I are "co-parenting" even though we do not live together.
Over Spring Break- I dropped off my son to my ex and stepmom. My son was over his house for visitation for 5 consecutive days. Upon my son's return, he told me that Daddy was in the hospital the entire time of his visitation. My son did not go to visit dad at hospital and those days my son stayed with his teenage step brother and step sister.I called my ex again, (he rarely answers his phone when he see it is me)-so I left a message again, emphasizing how when he goes in for treatments- that I would gladly agree to adjust our schedule so that when he is not home I have my son and when he comes home- he can have my son over his house even though it is my scheduled time. I said that this would help out our son-since he came home and told me how much he missed his dad and how he cried because he did not get to see his dad the whole time over there. I also said it would be easier on stepmom (and stepsiblings)-so they don't have to worry about our son while they are trying to deal with him being away.
I am positive that my ex will not take my suggestions- and I am sure he will not notify me when he goes and lives at the treatment center-even after I try to have a discussion with him.
My question is....when Dad is not home for months at a time...do I have a right to keep my son with me?Should I seek legal advice from an attorney on this issue?(I really have linited cash-so if there is NO WAY- to temporarily adjust the visitation schedule-then I will not try to talk to an attorney)
I just feel that my ex and his family are consumed with dealing with this illness and I could ease the burden of them having to be there to comfort my son, watch my son, help my son with school work, transport my son.Again I am more than willing to give my ex time with him when he is able to physically be there.
HELP?
 


casa

Senior Member
nolegirl1990 said:
What is the name of your state?Florida- SouthEast Fl

About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my 8 year old son's father (ex husband) having cancer and going to a residential treatment center for about 3 months.
Bottom line, I am CP and my ex is NCP. He has liberal visitation and we have a pretty specific schedule-my ex has over night visits Thurs. and Fri. and every other weekend.
We meet at a public place to "exchange" our son, when he is in school due to the permanent retraining order on my ex- to protect me.
Anyway, I have tried to discuss the situation with my ex. (He never discussed the issues with me-people from his job offered their empathy to me and that is how I found out he even had cancer.)
I confronted him and he did say he had cancer and he did say he was going to a residential treatment center. He would not divulge when he was going to the treatment center, he told me it would be in NY or Central Fl.I told him that I wanted to help in any way he needed me. That we could work out scheduled visitation so that he could spent as much time as he wants with our son. I told him that if at all possible, when he discusses his condition with our son-if i could be there for support for them...and so that our son can see that he and I are "co-parenting" even though we do not live together.
Over Spring Break- I dropped off my son to my ex and stepmom. My son was over his house for visitation for 5 consecutive days. Upon my son's return, he told me that Daddy was in the hospital the entire time of his visitation. My son did not go to visit dad at hospital and those days my son stayed with his teenage step brother and step sister.I called my ex again, (he rarely answers his phone when he see it is me)-so I left a message again, emphasizing how when he goes in for treatments- that I would gladly agree to adjust our schedule so that when he is not home I have my son and when he comes home- he can have my son over his house even though it is my scheduled time. I said that this would help out our son-since he came home and told me how much he missed his dad and how he cried because he did not get to see his dad the whole time over there. I also said it would be easier on stepmom (and stepsiblings)-so they don't have to worry about our son while they are trying to deal with him being away.
I am positive that my ex will not take my suggestions- and I am sure he will not notify me when he goes and lives at the treatment center-even after I try to have a discussion with him.
My question is....when Dad is not home for months at a time...do I have a right to keep my son with me?Should I seek legal advice from an attorney on this issue?(I really have linited cash-so if there is NO WAY- to temporarily adjust the visitation schedule-then I will not try to talk to an attorney)
I just feel that my ex and his family are consumed with dealing with this illness and I could ease the burden of them having to be there to comfort my son, watch my son, help my son with school work, transport my son.Again I am more than willing to give my ex time with him when he is able to physically be there.
HELP?

I have no legal answer to you re; this (since you apparently don't have right of first refusal in your court order- it's typical, but not guaranteed- that Dad can designate whomever to care for the child during his parenting time)

On the emotional issue(s) you bring up~ Based on your previous posts and this one...You are overlooking the importance of sibling and family relationships when dealing with grief/loss. The child being together with Dad's family, his step-siblings etc. will only be beneficial for all involved. *IMO* You seem to want to whisk your son away from the environment to 'protect' him, and what you may not realize is even if Dad is not in the home- the child is still discussing, experiencing & processing the emotions and changes within that home along with his step-siblings and Dad's side of the family. His Dad's family is part of his life too. Dad won't be around much longer possibly, so why not let Dad make the decisions during his parenting time while he can? Don't be such a control freak.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
casa said:
I have no legal answer to you re; this (since you apparently don't have right of first refusal in your court order- it's typical, but not guaranteed- that Dad can designate whomever to care for the child during his parenting time)

On the emotional issue(s) you bring up~ Based on your previous posts and this one...You are overlooking the importance of sibling and family relationships when dealing with grief/loss. The child being together with Dad's family, his step-siblings etc. will only be beneficial for all involved. *IMO* You seem to want to whisk your son away from the environment to 'protect' him, and what you may not realize is even if Dad is not in the home- the child is still discussing, experiencing & processing the emotions and changes within that home along with his step-siblings and Dad's side of the family. His Dad's family is part of his life too. Dad won't be around much longer possibly, so why not let Dad make the decisions during his parenting time while he can? Don't be such a control freak.
I concur. This is one of the rare times I would tell anyone facing a circumstance where the ex is not present to leave it alone. The child will face losing his father soon enough. You really want to have him think you are part of the reason ?
 

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