Newest update

[LittleLisa]

What is the name of your state? DE - most of you know my story, i deleted that thread to update that way no-one has to read all the posts in that thread...here it is summed up: on 12/23 her and I had big fight, she called her dad and of course he came to rescue (anytime we had a fight, shed call him and he would come get her, after she "ran-away", walked to friends house and stayed the night and went shopping and was shoplifting, when he came to get her the next day..he told her "IM NOT COMING ANYMORE TO RESCUE YOU FROM WHATEVER IS GOING ON DOWN THERE, YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH YOUR MOTHER AND STEPDAD AND WHATEVER RULES, CHORES ETC YOUR TOLD TO DO", the reason she left that day, was because she called me a bit.. and i went to grab her by the arm and she turned around and grabbed me and said If I touched her she would call cops.

Well dad went back on his word, came and got her (after his wife was telling him to turn around the whole time (we live @40 miles apart) stick to what he told her...so not hearing from anyone till x-mas break, my ex called and asked if i would agree to let her live up there and continue her schooling up there, that he discussed it w/her and thats what she wanted, so I agreed and he said all he had to do was to go to Family Court to get "proof of residency" for the school.

One evening my doorbell rings at 8pm...im being served custody papers...called ex...said thats what he had to do to get her into school...the reason he put down "family and child agree that a change of environment is in need", now this whole time thats gone by, she doesnt call, when we did talk she was the meanest person, told people i threw her out, called me brainwashed by my husband, and that i chose him over her?? now this was all 2 days before x-mas and her gifts had been bought..one of which was a $300 stereo system she wanted, she asked me to pack her belongings and her and dad would be down to pick them up, so i packed everything but her bed, dresser, tv, well this stereo ws in the garage, (she did not come till Jan) and she saw the stereo, grabbed her stuff and piled into her dads truck.

Then called me and said i had no right not to let her take the stereo. i told her i did not feel she should have it at that point cuz of the way shes been to us, and she hung up, i held that stereo till the end of Feb, she never changed her attidute, nothing,,in fact things got worse so i took it back to store, but put the $ in her savings acct.

Heres where we are, dad has residential custody, we have joint, she's to visit every other wknd, and 2 weeks summer, (Basically just flipped flopped what dad had), I have seen her 1 time since she left here, she refuses to come here, she talks to me so disrespectfully, has broken my heart in pieces 2x....so i told her i love her unconditionally, and always will, i miss her, but until she can talk to me with respect as her mom, i would no longer be calling her,my door is always open for you.

So now (i am sorry this is so long), shes failing, having sex, and dad wants child support, asked for $200/month, i got to thinking, we filed in 1991 and he was ordered to pay me $59/month..over the years we verbally agreed for little increases, up to when she left I was getting $73/mnth, nver took him for increase, tried to be adults, the court alloted him $199/mnth for med insurance(she ws to be put on his), he NEVER put her on insurance till 2/05, so after talking to my husband (who came into our lives when she was 4), he said right now, he doesnt think we should pay, we dont see her, she has nothing to do w/us or her little brother, it has nothing to do w/$$.

So i told my ex- I would put her back on our med insurance (they have really bad med and no dental) for now, and when she starts becoming part of our lives, then we can talk about money....he got pissed..i asked him what he made..i was just trying to go by our states formula, to come to a fair decsion., he called back and said never mind...my husband should not have to pay for her since shes not his daughter (i am a stay at home mom of 4 year old).

Now Ive known my ex for 16 years, he is the most sneaky, decietful person, ive ever met,,i KNOW there is some motive behind this...By the way did talk to my attorney who did my divorce (friend of my mom), and she said that I could even file a petion for the $199 medical allowance from the original decree and get the arrears,which comes out to $31,044. I dont want to go down that road...im not the revengful person he his and I totally respect his wife whom iam very closeto,any advice??

i think by typing all this im probably booted from online for no activity...again so sorry this was so long...thanx

 

[stealth2]

Paragraphs would help. Just hit Enter a couple of times between sentences.

 

[LittleLisa]

Hope this is easier to read, sorry

Paragraphs would help. Just hit Enter a couple of times between sentences.

Hope this is easier, sorry its so long

 

[stealth2]

He has every right to file for child support, and will likely have it awarded to him. Visitation and support are different animals and not dependant upon one another. If you want her to come - you make her come one way or the other. If you don't, you don't. But that doesn't excuse you from helping support your child.

As for the medical insurance issue - you can file against him for contempt and a judge may or may not rule in your favor.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Lisa, deleting the posts is a bad idea because it loses a lot of the history. If there is need of a correction or an update, simply add it, or edit the post such as to add paragraphs. We do read through many pages of posts, spend time researching and considering your problem, only to have you delete it. You already received much advice which is now missing along with some significant facts in your latest account, eg your addiction to Rx. I understand you are blaming all this on your daughter and her attitude, but this also happened at the same time that you were caught with your Rx addiciton problems and began your recovery. We have already advised you insofar as the fact that you will owe child support.

Now the other day you did a similar thing because you were upset by the state fraud investigator visiting you, what has prompted your latest revision of hte story? I thought you had come around, but now it appears that you are wavering. It is important for the whole story, the facts, not just a part, even so you still were advised as before.

 

[LittleLisa]

seperate issue!!

De - I thought a new post would help w/this current situation, sorry, should have kept it, but let me first start by saying she had no knowledge or does she still know about my addiction. When I was hospitalized, i was actually scheduled for surgery that week, my ex told her i was having the procedure then due to a scheduling error. She never knew i was an addict so it has played no part in this situation, the reason she left was that we had an arguement at the dinner table, which turned into her screaming at her step-dad, which he did not permit disrespect. Originally when she left, she was just going for a few days. Found out later, that her dad talked her into moving in w/him, and she jumped at the idea of greener grass on the other side. What i wrote had nothing to do with the fraud invesigator what so ever, im glad he came here, finally this doc will be shut down, and can not do this to someone else. I spoke to my lawyer who did my divorce, and if we add her back on our insurance, (what shes on now, she has no dental and limited medical), and the amount taken out of my husbands check a week is close to $300/week, the MOST i would have to pay if any would be $115/month. but she thinks the judge would look at the medical and dental, and the fact of the arrears totalling 33,000. So it will pretty much = itself out. I would love to contribute to her, money is not the issue here, the fact is i dont feel and even her step-mother now agrees, the way she is acting, not having me involved in her life, she does not deserve it at this moment. We have already told my ex we would contribute to car, car ins, college, marriage. etc..but not when she has this attitude. Yesterday my ex finally managed to hear how she talks to me, finally got a backbone and corrected her several times. And to make things just even better, i called her school to get tickets to her graduation (whether she wants us there or not), and their are none left under her name. So i cant even go to that because she filled out other members. then told me she does not even consider me her Mother, i dont exist. Well, that hurt more than i can describe, but shes taking alot out on me on things i have no control over, (boyfriend broke up w/her, doing bad in school, etc.) so Iam just going to lay low for a while and she what she does. THats al i can do right now.

 

[stealth2]

De - I thought a new post would help w/this current situation, sorry, should have kept it, but let me first start by saying she had no knowledge or does she still know about my addiction. When I was hospitalized, i was actually scheduled for surgery that week, my ex told her i was having the procedure then due to a scheduling error. She never knew i was an addict

Kids are a lot more aware than we give them credit for. I wouldn't discount that she knows - just never told you she does.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

These issues are linked even though you think they are separate.

She knows, but may think it something different, such as cocaine or Meth. I suggest you all get together and sit down and be honest with her, tell her the whole story. Right now she is thinking you are a hipocrite.

 

[LittleLisa]

Really she does not know

These issues are linked even though you think they are separate.

She knows, but may think it something different, such as cocaine or Meth. I suggest you all get together and sit down and be honest with her, tell her the whole story. Right now she is thinking you are a hipocrite.

Trust me she has no knowledge of that situation whatsoever - we made sure she could never find out - she knew i was in hospital, she came in to see me, I was on a regular floor, but this was the 3rd day i was in there. She knew I was supposed to have the surgery, and thats exactly what she knows. It has never been brought up. Believe me if she knew, she would have thrown it in my face by now. Her father does not even know. But im assuming she will be finding out soon enough. Then I will tell her the truth, right now I dont want to throw this into a picture that is already bad enough. I will not lie about it when its addressed, but I cant see bringing this up to her in the situation we are in already. That I think would just totalling ruin any kind of reconcilation whatsover. Im trying to deal with her now and thats hard enough and all the other things that are going on. I love her too much to bring it up right now.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Lisa,
Come clean with this NOW, don't wait to be discovered. Kids know, whether you believe it or not. The secracy is interfering with your relationship and your recovery. This is a part of your recovery. Discuss this with your counselor and your sponsor and plan this discussion before she finds out.

 

[LittleLisa]

Dont want to make things worse then they are

I'm very leary about discussing this w/her at this point, because of the fact things are bad enough as it is and I feel this will just push her even further away then she already is. She told me on Tues, I called her to congrat her on an award she recvd at school, then she all of the sudden started screaming and cursing (as usual) that every time I call im either trying to get her in trouble for her grades, or have found out shes violated her restrictions, then proceeded to tell me that she no longer has a "mom", she doesnt consider me her mother, and as far as she's concerned i dont exist. THe reasons she give me were b/s..so her father picked up the other line, and started yelling at her the way she was talking to me, the cursing, and then he told her she didnt deserve child support if this is the way she treats me, then she got mad at him, but FINALLY he heard the way she speaks to me. And again IF she had any knowledge of the past, trust me she would have brought it up way before now. I dont want to add anything else negative to this point. Im trying to at least get on a "road" with her to start re-building and after running this by my doc, he adivsed that this would be the worst time to inform her of what happened. its only going to make her hate me more. I dont want to keep going back with her..i want to move forward, but ive basically put everything in her hands right now. when she's ready to become part of our lives again, she knows the address. and i did stress how much i do love her no matter what and always will and this door is always still open for her. As far as my recovery, im doing great, i have been clean since Oct 12, 2004 and not one temptation has ever occured, even after finding pills that i would hide, actually I get mad when i come across a pill or a bottle, and have no problem or hesitation whatsoever to go right to the toilet and flush...

 

[L.Lundy]

I, too, wish the old threads hadn't been deleted. I feel like there's a lot going on here that I don't know about, and me making any kind of statement, advice wise, would be a mistake.

I hope the situation improves for all parties involved.