non custodial parent issues

[imxoz]

What is the name of your state? oklahoma
Help! My son when he goes to visit (age 10) is poured on with mega guilt, and this come live with me if you love me. My son asked to go hunting with his father and his behavior had been horrible last night. I said no, which caused "thats why I neecd to live with my dad, you don't support me spending time with my dad" and long tears. I would not have said no if his behavior would have been good. I wouldn't let any of my kids do any activity if their behavior had been bad. I need suggestions on how to handle him. He has never moved out of that I want you two together phase. I won't allow him to emotionally black mail me either. Help

 

[snostar]

Do you have a legal question? If so, ask it and clearly state the facts.

 

[stealth2]

You should never - NEVER - use (taking away) time with Dad as a punishment. That is just a terrible thing to do to a child. If his behavior is poor - take something else away from him. But not time with the other parent.

 

[casa]

Ditto Stealth! There are many privileges that can be taken away from your son for bad behavior.
I would say admit that you were frustrated with his behavior, explain you won't remove time with the father in the future (which will alleviate his resentment) and outline what consequences he will have for bad behavior from now on.
Good luck

 

[imxoz]

Okla
I am very sorry. I really wasn't trying to do anything to purposely take time away. That was not my motive. We had plans and when I picked him up from school he announced that he wanted to do this in 10 minutes. I appreciate your advice (minus the bullets LOL) as I am very supportive all in all in time with their father. This has been the first time that I said no. He has been asleep since 6pm, which confirms for me that the major issue was fatigue on his part. I probally was frustrated and was trying to set some boundaries for his behavior and made a mistake. Thanks

 

[casa]

parents make mistakes. That you are willing to learn from them demonstrates you genuinely care for your son.

 

[stealth2]

Also.... if he really was overtired, a better way to handle it (perhaps in the future) would be with "well, not today, but do you think Dad could take you (tomorrow, Saturday, etc)? Why don't we see what we can work out with him."