Not sure if i did the right thing

[loves thorn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I have 2 separate problems so this will be long I apologize.

Problem 1:
My soon to be 5 year old will be starting school this September. I have residential custody of my son. I made a verbal agreement with the father during the end of my 2nd pregnancy. I agreed to week on week off instead of the 3 overnights previously agreed on by us signed by the judge. (We are allowed to change days and so forth per the court ordered agreement) We made this arrangement so our son wouldn't spend the time with my mother.
After I healed from the delivery and surgery I spoke to the father informing him as such. Then mentioned the fact that maybe we could keep it this way until our son starts school since when he does start school his fathers visitation would be cut. He said that that would be wonderful. Two months ago after the meeting with the school his father agreed to the school and so forth. I told him that we need to work on the new visitation schedule and he said no he wants to leave it the week on week off. I refuse to this only because his father lives one hour away when there is no traffic. i told him he could have every weekend and all holidays minus Christmas and Easter and alternate his birthday. He still said no.
My father was kind enough to take the drive several times to see the approx. travel time, my son would have to leave his fathers around 5:30 in the morning to reach the school but 7:55. My sons father does not have a license so his father would be doing the driving on his way to work. since i don't know what time his father has to be at work it is more likely that my son would have to be dropped off at my house earlier than that anyway. and considering my son would also leave school before his grandfather would leave work my son would come home to me when school lets out. my father was also kind enough to to the drive back home several times as well if his grandfather gets out at 3 he would be at my home by 3:30 and my son wouldn't get to his fathers home until 5:00 and if his grandfather gets out at 4 he wouldn't be at my house until 5 and my son wouldn't be at his fathers until 6:30 7 o'clock. My sons bedtime is 8 pm, He would never get any sleep. This is why i refuse to allow this.
My sons father also suggested that i can drive him back after school i have a 9 month old and i will not put her in the car like that everyday. then his other suggestion was his mother would pick him up, i said no that is a violation of the court order. I have court scheduled for the end of august can't make it any sooner. If this does drag out is there anything I can do to make sure this doesn't happen during the first few weeks of school?


Problem 2: (This is shorter)
My 12 and 9 year old nieces (my sisters kids) have currently come to live with me for the past 6 months while their father is in prison. He says that it will be at least 2 years before he is released. My eldest niece has made many friends and does not want to leave my home, she would like to graduate with her friends. She informed her father of this and now he is threatening to have the girls removed form my care and placed in the care of is friend. We did sign a letter stating i would have temporary custody of both girls and i received a legal document from the courts that i have custody for the time their father serves. (it was for insurance purposes) Can he really have the girls taken from me without taking me to court or is there something i can do to prevent this?

 

[Ohiogal]

Snipping a little bit...

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I have 2 separate problems so this will be long I apologize.

Problem 1:
My soon to be 5 year old will be starting school this September. I have residential custody of my son. I made a verbal agreement with the father during the end of my 2nd pregnancy. I agreed to week on week off instead of the 3 overnights previously agreed on by us signed by the judge. (We are allowed to change days and so forth per the court ordered agreement)

I told him that we need to work on the new visitation schedule and he said no he wants to leave it the week on week off. I refuse to this only because his father lives one hour away when there is no traffic. i told him he could have every weekend and all holidays minus Christmas and Easter and alternate his birthday. He still said no.

Nothing changed with the court order so you could go back to the court order and time that was ordered. HOWEVER from reading this you have been doing week on/week off for nine months. It is possible that a court would allow dad to make the drive if that is what he wishes to put the child in school where you are. And it is possible that the court would order week on and week off. One hour is NOT a long trip.

My father was kind enough to take the drive several times to see the approx. travel time, my son would have to leave his fathers around 5:30 in the morning to reach the school but 7:55.

That is over two HOURS for your son in the car. Why the change? First it was an hour and now it is over two hours for your son to travel?

My sons father does not have a license so his father would be doing the driving on his way to work. since i don't know what time his father has to be at work it is more likely that my son would have to be dropped off at my house earlier than that anyway. and considering my son would also leave school before his grandfather would leave work my son would come home to me when school lets out.

Okay. Where does HIS father work? It is likely the child could be dropped off directly at school.

my father was also kind enough to to the drive back home several times as well if his grandfather gets out at 3 he would be at my home by 3:30 and my son wouldn't get to his fathers home until 5:00 and if his grandfather gets out at 4 he wouldn't be at my house until 5 and my son wouldn't be at his fathers until 6:30 7 o'clock. My sons bedtime is 8 pm, He would never get any sleep. This is why i refuse to allow this.

Your son's bedtime at YOUR house is 8pm. That doesn't mean that is his bedtime at dad's house. Dad is allowed to make that decision.

My sons father also suggested that i can drive him back after school i have a 9 month old and i will not put her in the car like that everyday.

Do you do any of the transportation for visitation? Your nine month old is irrelevant quite frankly.

then his other suggestion was his mother would pick him up, i said no that is a violation of the court order.

Why can his mother not do any driving? Is she prohibited from driving for some reason?

I have court scheduled for the end of august can't make it any sooner. If this does drag out is there anything I can do to make sure this doesn't happen during the first few weeks of school?

You can ask for temporary orders.

Problem 2: (This is shorter)
My 12 and 9 year old nieces (my sisters kids) have currently come to live with me for the past 6 months while their father is in prison. He says that it will be at least 2 years before he is released. My eldest niece has made many friends and does not want to leave my home, she would like to graduate with her friends. She informed her father of this and now he is threatening to have the girls removed form my care and placed in the care of is friend. We did sign a letter stating i would have temporary custody of both girls and i received a legal document from the courts that i have custody for the time their father serves. (it was for insurance purposes) Can he really have the girls taken from me without taking me to court or is there something i can do to prevent this?

The court order would need changed by the court. Parents do NOT get to UNILATERALLY change court orders -- the court has to be involved.

 

[loves thorn]

That is over two HOURS for your son in the car. Why the change? First it was an hour and now it is over two hours for your son to travel?

The hour is without traffic. During the times that my father took the drives was during rush hour sorry i didn't clearly clarify that.

Okay. Where does HIS father work? It is likely the child could be dropped off directly at school.

His father works about 30 minutes from me, I don't feel comfortable naming the place he works. The drop off time at my sons school is 7:55 am.

Your son's bedtime at YOUR house is 8pm. That doesn't mean that is his bedtime at dad's house. Dad is allowed to make that decision.

That is the written agreed bedtime between us. If his father is not following that wouldn't that be in violation of the written agreement?

Do you do any of the transportation for visitation? Your nine month old is irrelevant quite frankly.

Currently I provide all the transportation per the court order. (the court order says I will arrange the transportation) My 9 month old is actually relevant if i have her in the car for that amount of time it is considered child endangerment.

Why can his mother not do any driving? Is she prohibited from driving for some reason?

There is a reason she can not. (again not comfortable giving out anothers personal information) The judge agreed with the reason and put in the custody agreement she is not allowed to drive with child in car.

 

[Ohiogal]

The hour is without traffic. During the times that my father took the drives was during rush hour sorry i didn't clearly clarify that.

Okay that makes more sense.

His father works about 30 minutes from me, I don't feel comfortable naming the place he works. The drop off time at my sons school is 7:55 am.

I don't need that information as to where. It was more of a distance thing. 30 minutes is not that far. You need more facts though.

That is the written agreed bedtime between us. If his father is not following that wouldn't that be in violation of the written agreement?

is the written agreement COURT ORDERED? And have you ever gotten your child in bed at 8:05? or 7:55. Technically depending on how it is worded you would have been in violation.

Currently I provide all the transportation per the court order. (the court order says I will arrange the transportation) My 9 month old is actually relevant if i have her in the car for that amount of time it is considered child endangerment.

Bull. It is NOT considered child endangerment. Do not even attempt to state that or you will severely destroy your credibility.

There is a reason she can not. (again not comfortable giving out anothers personal information) The judge agreed with the reason and put in the custody agreement she is not allowed to drive with child in car.

Okay. Then she is court ordered not to drive with the child in car. That is fine.

However dad can still possibly get 50/50 time as that has been status quo for the last 9 months. He will most definitely get more time than he was court ordered -- that is just about guaranteed. Who moved from whom to create the distance?

 

[loves thorn]

I don't need that information as to where. It was more of a distance thing. 30 minutes is not that far. You need more facts though.

It is approx 30 minutes without traffic. But he would drive past his work to get to my house.
What kind of facts would I need, like the time his father works?

Bull. It is NOT considered child endangerment. Do not even attempt to state that or you will severely destroy your credibility.

That is what i was told by my lawyer.

is the written agreement COURT ORDERED? And have you ever gotten your child in bed at 8:05? or 7:55. Technically depending on how it is worded you would have been in violation.

We are to maintain approx bedtime time. Time is to be agreed upon by the def. and the pan.

However dad can still possibly get 50/50 time as that has been status quo for the last 9 months. He will most definitely get more time than he was court ordered -- that is just about guaranteed. Who moved from whom to create the distance?

Our verbal agreement was to be until i healed. Then we agreed this would be the arrangement until school started. I have a tape recording of both of those conversation.

The distance was made by me with agreement with the courts when I got married.

 

[LdiJ]

It is approx 30 minutes without traffic. But he would drive past his work to get to my house.
What kind of facts would I need, like the time his father works?




That is what i was told by my lawyer.



We are to maintain approx bedtime time. Time is to be agreed upon by the def. and the pan.



Our verbal agreement was to be until i healed. Then we agreed this would be the arrangement until school started. I have a tape recording of both of those conversation.

The distance was made by me with agreement with the courts when I got married.

The reality of things is that no one can predict with any certainty whether dad would or wouldn't get to maintain 50/50 placement once the child starts school.

He doesn't have it now, so he would have to actually file for 50/50 placement, and that would take some time. Only the existing court orders are enforceable.

If dad can convince the courts that he can get the child back and forth from school during his weeks, and the judge doesn't think that the distance is unreasonable, he could prevail. If he cannot convince the judge, he won't.

My bigger concern would be that he convinces the judge, and then his father (grandpa) discovers that the extra commuting miles/time is too much for him, and flakes out on it. Dad doesn't have a license, so its not a sacrifice that he can make himself. Other people will have to make that sacrifice for him. That would add two hours to his father's daily commute.

 

[Rushia]

I want to know what kind of lawyer told you that you can't put a young child in a car for several hours. Think about it: All the parents who take driving vacations would be charged with child endangerment. When my son was 10 weeks old, we took a 6 hour car trip (one way) for a family reunion. I have done this every year and have yet to have CPS on my doorstep. Another family drove 13 hours with a month old, I don't think they're in any trouble either.

 

[Ohiogal]

I want to know what kind of lawyer told you that you can't put a young child in a car for several hours. Think about it: All the parents who take driving vacations would be charged with child endangerment. When my son was 10 weeks old, we took a 6 hour car trip (one way) for a family reunion. I have done this every year and have yet to have CPS on my doorstep. Another family drove 13 hours with a month old, I don't think they're in any trouble either.

What kind of lawyer? If a lawyer ACTUALLY said that then it was a dumb lawyer. Or it could be a case of OP heard what SHE WANTED to hear out of what her attorney told her.

 

[Isis1]

I want to know what kind of lawyer told you that you can't put a young child in a car for several hours. Think about it: All the parents who take driving vacations would be charged with child endangerment. When my son was 10 weeks old, we took a 6 hour car trip (one way) for a family reunion. I have done this every year and have yet to have CPS on my doorstep. Another family drove 13 hours with a month old, I don't think they're in any trouble either.

oh no!! i'm locking all my doors and windows. not answering the phone or doors! can they contact you by e-mail now?

we went to SF from LA. in a car. and the kiddies watches movies the whole way. it took 8 hours. omg. i should get an attorney right this instant.

 

[Rushia]

oh no!! i'm locking all my doors and windows. not answering the phone or doors! can they contact you by e-mail now?

we went to SF from LA. in a car. and the kiddies watches movies the whole way. it took 8 hours. omg. i should get an attorney right this instant.

Mine watched movies too. I'll contact my lawyer first thing Monday morning when CPS shows up.

 

[kimberlywrites]

So lemme get the facts straight.
YOU moved away and created the distance.
YOU were ordered to provide transportation.
Now that YOU have a new baby, you don't wanna do it anymore.

 

[LdiJ]

So lemme get the facts straight.
YOU moved away and created the distance.
YOU were ordered to provide transportation.
Now that YOU have a new baby, you don't wanna do it anymore.

No, she didn't say that at all...she is talking about the feasibility of dad getting an official 50/50 custody situation with a one hour distance, once the child starts school in a few weeks.

The official orders don't give dad a 50/50 parenting schedule...and wouldn't require her to provide the transportation to get the child back and forth to school during dad's time, even if they did.

 

[loves thorn]

So my lawyer is a moron, not surprised she is wrong yet again. (Hence I'm not using her I'm trying court on my own) If i continued to rely on her I would still be waiting for a court date after my son graduates 8th grade.


Yes i agreed to the transportation 4 and a half years ago when i lived one town over. Yes i decided to get married and move in with my husband instead of living in my parents house for the rest of my life.

I never trusted and still don't trust his mother driving my son in the car (neither did the judge) and the father not having a license there really wasn't much of a choice. I was not ordered to drive my son myself but PROVIDE transportation, I have the option of arranging for someone else to pick up and drop off my son. Maybe i shouldn't have been nice to him back then and i wouldn't really be in this mess.

 

[Ohiogal]

So my lawyer is a moron, not surprised she is wrong yet again. (Hence I'm not using her I'm trying court on my own) If i continued to rely on her I would still be waiting for a court date after my son graduates 8th grade.

Well if definitely is not child endangerment.

Yes i agreed to the transportation 4 and a half years ago when i lived one town over. Yes i decided to get married and move in with my husband instead of living in my parents house for the rest of my life.

And then you moved further away which if you had returned to court then the court most likely would have ORDERED you to be responsible for transportation.

I never trusted and still don't trust his mother driving my son in the car (neither did the judge) and the father not having a license there really wasn't much of a choice. I was not ordered to drive my son myself but PROVIDE transportation, I have the option of arranging for someone else to pick up and drop off my son. Maybe i shouldn't have been nice to him back then and i wouldn't really be in this mess.

You were ordered to PROVIDE transportation? Then have your husband drive your son to his dad's. Have your neighbor, best friend, cousin, hire a taxi or limo. But you are legally required to provide transportation for your child. And don't expect it to be HIS family. The court could change that order.

 

[loves thorn]

You were ordered to PROVIDE transportation? Then have your husband drive your son to his dad's. Have your neighbor, best friend, cousin, hire a taxi or limo. But you are legally required to provide transportation for your child. And don't expect it to be HIS family. The court could change that order.

Per this I have a hypothetical question. Say the judge does agree to grandfather providing the transportation and the grandfather decides not to bring him up for school for whatever reason, what would be the possible repercussions besides me having to drive down and bring my son to school myself?

And say the father is granted the visitation and I am required to do all the transporting is there a possibility that I can request help paying for the gas and what not. We do not have a support order issued because the father is unemployed and at the time of the custody arrangement i didn't want to put that strain on the family.