Not sure what to do about this. Suggestions?

[nvsilverfox]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

So my ex and I have joint custody of our 2 kids, ages 10 and 13. She has the kids Sundays 8am - Wednesdays 8pm, and I have them the rest of the week.

A few months ago my ex asked me if I could pick the kids up for her when her weekly time with them is up. Normally her mother keeps the kids for her and drops them off when the ex can't, but she didn't want to deal with it anymore because (according to the ex) she's too tired from working all day. In exchange for picking the kids up for her, I'd get an extra hour with them, so I said ok and have been picking them up for her ever since.

Now here's the problem: My daughter has gymnastics that night and it ends at 730. My work schedule has changed, and beginning next year I won't get off in time to pick her up. In fact, I'll barely be able to make it home on time for the normal drop off time of 8pm.

Anyways, I told this to the ex and she went nuts. She said she couldn't drop them off on time because she had to work, and her mother couldn't pick up my daughter from gymnastics anymore because she couldn't see well enough to drive in the dark. So I'd either have to continue picking up the kids for her or wait for her to get off from work to drop them off. She doesn't usually get off until well after the kids' bed time, so that's out of the question.

Now here's the next problem: The ex's mother takes my daughter to gymnastics and it doesn't start until 6pm. In the winter, it's just as dark at 6pm as it is at 8pm, and there's about 3 times as much traffic. So my question is, why is the ex letting her mother take her to gymnastics in the dark, in much heavier traffic, if she can't see well enough to drop the kids off at 8pm? It doesn't make sense.

I don't know if the ex is just saying this to try to manipulate me into continueing to pick the kids up for her, or if her mother really does have problems driving in the dark. The ex is well known for head games, so I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

So my ex and I have joint custody of our 2 kids, ages 10 and 13. She has the kids Sundays 8am - Wednesdays 8pm, and I have them the rest of the week.

A few months ago my ex asked me if I could pick the kids up for her when her weekly time with them is up. Normally her mother keeps the kids for her and drops them off when the ex can't, but she didn't want to deal with it anymore because (according to the ex) she's too tired from working all day. In exchange for picking the kids up for her, I'd get an extra hour with them, so I said ok and have been picking them up for her ever since.

Now here's the problem: My daughter has gymnastics that night and it ends at 730. My work schedule has changed, and beginning next year I won't get off in time to pick her up. In fact, I'll barely be able to make it home on time for the normal drop off time of 8pm.

Anyways, I told this to the ex and she went nuts. She said she couldn't drop them off on time because she had to work, and her mother couldn't pick up my daughter from gymnastics anymore because she couldn't see well enough to drive in the dark. So I'd either have to continue picking up the kids for her or wait for her to get off from work to drop them off. She doesn't usually get off until well after the kids' bed time, so that's out of the question.

Now here's the next problem: The ex's mother takes my daughter to gymnastics and it doesn't start until 6pm. In the winter, it's just as dark at 6pm as it is at 8pm, and there's about 3 times as much traffic. So my question is, why is the ex letting her mother take her to gymnastics in the dark, in much heavier traffic, if she can't see well enough to drop the kids off at 8pm? It doesn't make sense.

I don't know if the ex is just saying this to try to manipulate me into continueing to pick the kids up for her, or if her mother really does have problems driving in the dark. The ex is well known for head games, so I'm not sure what to do.

Follow your court order to the tee. If that means your daughter does not get to go to gymnastics because of it, then apologize to her and consider signing her up for class on another day.

 

[nvsilverfox]

Follow your court order to the tee. If that means your daughter does not get to go to gymnastics because of it, then apologize to her and consider signing her up for class on another day.

I should've mentioned, I suggested that and was told no. The ex said it was her night with the kids, so she had the right to do with them whatever she wants.

And something else that's bugging me is, if her mother can't see well enough to drive after dark, but the ex is still letting her take the kids places after dark, doesn't that constitute reckless endangerment?

 

[Antigone*]

I should've mentioned, I suggested that and was told no. The ex said it was her night with the kids, so she had the right to do with them whatever she wants.

And something else that's bugging me is, if her mother can't see well enough to drive after dark, but the ex is still letting her take the kids places after dark, doesn't that constitute reckless endangerment?

Following the court order is not a suggestion.

If you fear for your children's safety and you know grandma is driving the kids call the police.

 

[nvsilverfox]

Following the court order is not a suggestion.

If you fear for your children's safety and you know grandma is driving the kids call the police.

Ok, so aside from going to court, how do I get her to follow the court order?

And suppose I call the police and find out the grandmother has no problems with driving in the dark? Like I said, the ex is pretty manipulative, so I wouldn't put it past her to make up some BS story just to get me to continue to pick up the kids for her.

 

[mistoffolees]

Ok, so aside from going to court, how do I get her to follow the court order?

And suppose I call the police and find out the grandmother has no problems with driving in the dark? Like I said, the ex is pretty manipulative, so I wouldn't put it past her to make up some BS story just to get me to continue to pick up the kids for her.

Stop playing games.

If the children are in danger, call the police and/or CPS. If they're not in danger, then stop trying to interfere with Mom's time with the kids.

As for forcing someone to follow the court order, you can't. The court can penalize them if the infraction is severe enough, but there is absolutely nothing you can do outside of filing for contempt.

 

[Antigone*]

Ok, so aside from going to court, how do I get her to follow the court order?

And suppose I call the police and find out the grandmother has no problems with driving in the dark? Like I said, the ex is pretty manipulative, so I wouldn't put it past her to make up some BS story just to get me to continue to pick up the kids for her.

If she does not bring the kids home or pick them as ordered, file for contempt. Keep a log of each time you've had to pick up your children when she should have delivered them

If your ex is that much of a liar, don't give her comments any credence. Follow the court order. If it is not followed, choose which hill to die on and file for contempt.

 

[CJane]

So, what does the order say regarding transportation for exchanges?

And have either of you considered asking one of the other gymnast's parents if THEY could drop kiddo off after class?

 

[The_Non-Mom]

I assume that you are picking up two of your kids from Mom's and the 3rd from gymnastics? Is it possible for kiddo to hang out at the gymnastics place and wait for you to pick her up even though you could be up to 30 mins late?

Also, just out of curiosity, has the schedule you described always been your schedule? Is it the same every week? How do you make that work? Neither one of you ever gets a full weekend with the kids.

 

[stealth2]

Or maybe grandma takes kiddo to gymnastics earlier? Before it gets dark?

 

[nvsilverfox]

If she does not bring the kids home or pick them as ordered, file for contempt. Keep a log of each time you've had to pick up your children when she should have delivered them

I was hoping to find a way to resolve this without going to court, but I probably won't, so I'll keep a record just in case.

Assuming I do end up in court, do you have any idea what should I expect?

If your ex is that much of a liar, don't give her comments any credence. Follow the court order. If it is not followed, choose which hill to die on and file for contempt.

I'll have to give this some thought. I'm still trying to figure out if she's lying or not. I'm guessing she probably is, but I want to be 100% certain.

You see, she's played so many head games in the past, I don't know what to believe 1/2 the time. So there is a possibility her mother does have a hard time driving in the dark, but she just didn't want to tell me, and is now only telling me because she feels like she doesn't have any other choice.

So, what does the order say regarding transportation for exchanges?

Just that I'm supposed to drop the kids off when my time with them is up, and she's supposed to drop them off when her time with them is up.

And have either of you considered asking one of the other gymnast's parents if THEY could drop kiddo off after class?

Her gymnastics class is in the next town over which is about 8 miles away. She's the only one from our town.

I assume that you are picking up two of your kids from Mom's and the 3rd from gymnastics?

No, it's just the 2. I pick up my son from the ex's and then pick up my daughter.

Is it possible for kiddo to hang out at the gymnastics place and wait for you to pick her up even though you could be up to 30 mins late?

It'd be more like around 40-45 minutes late, and they close up at 730.

Also, just out of curiosity, has the schedule you listed below always been your schedule? Is it the same every week? How do you make that work? Neither one of you ever gets a full weekend with the kids.

Neither of us ever get a full weekend, but then again neither of us is off for a full weekend either. I'm off Saturdays and she's off Sundays and Mondays.

Or maybe grandma takes kiddo to gymnastics earlier? Before it gets dark?

Unfortunately, she can only make it to the 6 o'clock class.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

So my ex and I have joint custody of our 2 kids, ages 10 and 13. She has the kids Sundays 8am - Wednesdays 8pm, and I have them the rest of the week.

A few months ago my ex asked me if I could pick the kids up for her when her weekly time with them is up. Normally her mother keeps the kids for her and drops them off when the ex can't, but she didn't want to deal with it anymore because (according to the ex) she's too tired from working all day. In exchange for picking the kids up for her, I'd get an extra hour with them, so I said ok and have been picking them up for her ever since.

Now here's the problem: My daughter has gymnastics that night and it ends at 730. My work schedule has changed, and beginning next year I won't get off in time to pick her up. In fact, I'll barely be able to make it home on time for the normal drop off time of 8pm.

Anyways, I told this to the ex and she went nuts. She said she couldn't drop them off on time because she had to work, and her mother couldn't pick up my daughter from gymnastics anymore because she couldn't see well enough to drive in the dark. So I'd either have to continue picking up the kids for her or wait for her to get off from work to drop them off. She doesn't usually get off until well after the kids' bed time, so that's out of the question.

Now here's the next problem: The ex's mother takes my daughter to gymnastics and it doesn't start until 6pm. In the winter, it's just as dark at 6pm as it is at 8pm, and there's about 3 times as much traffic. So my question is, why is the ex letting her mother take her to gymnastics in the dark, in much heavier traffic, if she can't see well enough to drop the kids off at 8pm? It doesn't make sense.

I don't know if the ex is just saying this to try to manipulate me into continueing to pick the kids up for her, or if her mother really does have problems driving in the dark. The ex is well known for head games, so I'm not sure what to do.

I have some thoughts to throw out there. First, grandma is not obligated to provide the transportation therefore it really doesn't matter why grandma doesn't want to do it anymore. It doesn't matter how well grandma sees at night at all. If grandma doesn't want to do it grandma isn't obligated to do it. Its not grandma's problem its you and mom's. If mom is working at that time then a judge isn't going to make mom leave work to transport the children.

If your work schedules don't work with your current scheduled pickups and dropoffs then its time for the orders to be modified to reflect something that DOES work with your current work schedules. That is what the judge would expect the two of you to do.

Also, the most normal and standard transportation arrangement is that the receiving parent picks up. In this instance that means that you would be picking up at 8:00PM on Wed and mom would be picking up at 8AM on Sunday. So, do YOU have someone else who could pick up the children for YOU?

Seriously dad, you have to think outside of the box here and figure out either new transportation arrangements or a new schedule. Perhaps another parent in the gymnastics class could give your daughter a ride back to grandma's house, and you could pick up the children there as soon as you get off work?

Or, since your daughter is 13 perhaps there is a bus she could take back to grandma's? Or perhaps your daughter will have to give up gymnastics (although I could see a really upset 13 year old if its important to her) so that both children are waiting for you at grandma's house when you get off work.

One way or another, its clear that your work schedules do not support your current exchange time. Therefore you either find a solution or the schedule gets changed.