Okay Pro's Give my Holy Cane on this one!

[tab62]

What is the name of your state?WA

Okay super pro’s- so far you guys have been dead on all your points and I cannot thank you enough!

Here’s the big question:

I am the step dad to a wonderful teenage daughter and wife of almost 5 years and all is great expect one thing- my stepdaughter’s father. He refuses to pay child support I make too much money. When my wife mentions to him about child support he threatens us a civil lawsuit and taking his daughter from us via social services. Also taking our house, cars, my retirement and getting me fired from my job if we attempt to go to a court. So far we have lived in fear and have done nothing at all. He also mentions that if we do go the legal route he will drag us through mud and I will have to pay for my attorney and he will get one for free since he is considered low income. We are so tire of this loser should we fight or just give in to him? Can I get a lawyer in family court at a fair rate? Does my step-daughter have any say on who she would live with if a judge were to listen?

Here are the facts on our situation:

Father lives in San Francisco, CA and not sure about his employment.
Both parents have Joint Custody with the mother having physical custody on top of the joint with her ex-husband.
Daughter is 15 years old.
Step-Dad makes 91,000 per year and we are a single family income since my stays home to raise our 3 year daughter. We own our family home in Washington State where my step-daughter has lived with us for almost 8 years.

Totally confessed…

Thanks.

Tom

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And IS there a support order or not?

 

[tab62]

No support order ever even before I meet my wife. He paid her under the table when ever he felt like it. It has been almost two years since he last sent her any money. She even offered him the choice to send the money directly to her and he told her now. One point that I forget to mention before. He had a no moving away clause in the divorce decree and gave her the verbal to move away from Albany, NY with me. Neither party contacted the court to inform them of this move. No he is saying he may enforce this order and sue me big time if I push for child support.

Thanks.

Tom

 

[tigger22472]

Exactly.. is there a support order? If so he's in contempt. If not it's up to your wife as to what she wants to do. Does she want to go through all the crap that going through the courts can do and fight for money that she'll probably never ever see, then fight to try to get it or just let things go the way they are. I definately don't believe that a parent should not support a child but I also know from experience all the BS it takes to go through to get it from someone who doesn't want to pay. Does father have visitation rights and does he utilize them?

 

[tigger22472]

No support order ever even before I meet my wife. He paid her under the table when ever he felt like it. It has been almost two years since he last sent her any money. She even offered him the choice to send the money directly to her and he told her now. One point that I forget to mention before. He had a no moving away clause in the divorce decree and gave her the verbal to move away from Albany, NY with me. Neither party contacted the court to inform them of this move. No he is saying he may enforce this order and sue me big time if I push for child support.

Thanks.

Tom

Firstly YOU can't push for child support. ONly your wife can. And if there is no support order then legally as of now he doesn't have to pay a penny for his daughter. Refer to my last post as to what your wife can do.

 

[tab62]

Tigger your the best! I does visit her when he feels like it on his own grounds. I would love for my wife to blast this guy out of the water but not by spending our family income on this guy to get nothing back. Does family court provide any type of reduce legal fees to take the financial bite off my income? You know from you experience what could my legal fees run and if this guy decides to drag it out? He is crazy and feels that his ex-wife ruin his life!

 

[tigger22472]

Tigger your the best! I does visit her when he feels like it on his own grounds. I would love for my wife to blast this guy out of the water but not by spending our family income on this guy to get nothing back. Does family court provide any type of reduce legal fees to take the financial bite off my income? You know from you experience what could my legal fees run and if this guy decides to drag it out? He is crazy and feels that his ex-wife ruin his life!

Ok.. are you saying that there isn't a visitation order in place either? If not then legally mom doesn't even have to let him see or contact her. Do I think it's right? I don't know... it's a matter of playing hardball and going to that legal line and knowing your rights without crossing that line. I have to be honest with you. With the household income you stated you aren't likely to get any lead way on getting a break on legal fees so you'll be stuck with them. Yeah it sucks that as a step-parent you have not rights but your household income can be used in order to prevent legal aid but that's how it works.

As far as the move away... how long ago did that happen? If it's been a long time then he has little recourse. He would be asked why he's just now fighting it and in cases like this judges generally see the revenge issue that brings things on.

How does your step-daughter feel about her father? This is where you need to start.

 

[tab62]

Yes, he has vitation rights and my wife obeys the court order.

My step-daughter is afraid of him but still loves him. We have been away from Albany, NY for almost eight years now so I would be surprised if they enforce her back there.

Does the family court look only a household income not just hers? How much would it cost to bring this guy to court for the support order.

 

[tigger22472]

When looking into legal aid and such they use HOUSEHOLD income. I looked into at one time before my current husband and I were even married but because he lived in the house his income counted.
What I guess I don't get is why your wife didn't address support issues when custody was granted and what not.

It really depends on what the case could cost you. The support itself could be fairly simple however if you expect problems from dad you could be in court for several different issues costing you thousands of dollars. Again you have to look at the issue as to wether it's worth it. For one you're looking at only 3 years of support. They aren't going to go back and make him pay for all those back years. For two he's already told you what he'll do if you do it. Can he get away with it? More then likely not but that doesn't stop him from trying. He's also told you he won't pay. You live Across the country from him and trust me if he doesn't want to pay you will get LITTLE done. YOU will be in charge of finding out where he works if he quits paying, you will be required to find out where he's living.. ETC.. YOU will have to do all the leg work. I still live in the same state as my ex... only 2 hours apart and I can't get anything done so the likelyhood of being able to do it with that distance is even worse. Mine isn't an issue of not trying. My ex is over 25,000$ behind in support. He avoids paying at all costs and there's nothing being done to him short of having his license suspended. That means if he drives the ONLY thing they can get him on is driving while suspended. They can't even get him into court to file contempt charges on him. Unless they are properly served and found nothing will happen. Sure, there's a chance you can get a warrent without him appearing (I've seen it happen, just not in my case) and you could call when you knew he was in the area but again you're doing all the work. And in the end you say your step-daughter loves her dad... you could end up looking like a bad guy to her. There are MANY things to consider in your case before just going to a lawyer and doing all this.

 

[tab62]

Makes me upset but you're so RIGHT! My wife might ask him if he is willing to send his daughter back to Albany by uprooting her from our house and let her know that he would destroy her world to avoid his wife getting anything from him. At least this would show the true monster he is to his own daughter. Not as good as support but at least something...

Tom

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

You're wife can start a support order simply by going to your local child support enforcement agency and filing for one. The fee is usually minimal (here it is $20, unless you're on state aid then it's free) If he is working on the books, they can track him down, serve him and garnish his wages. The only problem I see with this is she may need to file in the originating state but I would still go and file. She may easily be able to file in your state since neither party lives in the original state any longer. If he has been at the same job for a while then maybe he won't want to quit just to avoid support. Have her gather all the info she has on him (SS#, birthdate, address, phone # ect) and take that to CSE to file.

The one thing you seem worried about is the unauthorized move away. You say this was 8 years ago and he has known all this time where his daughter was, has sent money and has also exercised visitation since the move. Your wife can use the laches defense, meaning, he has known for 8 years that she moved but chose to do nothing, therefore, consenting with his silence.


I'm not sure what he thinks he can sue YOU for but you nor your income has anything to do with a child support case.

 

[tab62]

This guy is a wolf in sheeps clothing! Here is some comments by him:

He will call social services on us and have our children taken away by the state of Washington due to the threats made by her when she gets upset at him not paying any support to his daughter. He also threaten to contact my boss and have me fired. He is simple in a rage on us.

Should we contact the Albany, NY court about her not living there anymore and have them make a decision? Also should we contact social services and have them come to our house? I just want to take his weapons (Threats) away before we file for child support. Once he gets the papers he is going to go nuts. He has basically threaten my life and I've got in on tape via my voice mail at home and work.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

Should we contact the Albany, NY court about her not living there anymore and have them make a decision?

**I would contact CSE in your area and ask them if she can file there and they handle NY giving up jurisdiction.

Also should we contact social services and have them come to our house?

**No, let him make his threats and if he follows thru, social services will show up at your house and talk to you and the family and look around. If everything is clean and there is food in the house and no one is being abused ect then the charges he makes will be unfounded and dismissed. Social services knows & understands when revenge calls are made and knows how to handle it but they do need to investigate any charges made, even if it is bogus. If he keeps calling social services making fake complaints then he can and will get into hot water.



**keep the recording of his threats and if it continues, file for a restraining order and harassment charges.

I would also talk to your boss before she files and let him know of the threats to your job. If you have that particular threat on your voice msg's I'd let him hear it.

 

[ChevyGirl]

Just curious, you don't have to answer but....

If you make 91,000 a year, why are you so worried about the costs of a lawyer?

 

[kidoday]

Do you have his threats of going to Social Services on tape or written anywhere? If you do, I would be notifying Social Services of his intent to contact them prior to him doing so. As Smarty said, they are used to revenge calls, and if you can forewarn them, it will be to your advantage.