Other thread was closed... Joint Decision Making

[Pearl72]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

First off, I apologize for starting yet ANOTHER thread, but my other one was closed...

Thanks for the ideas for the christmas vacation, to those that asked, yes we live an hour apart, and yes, the weather sucks sometimes.. but he is expecting me to do ALL the transportation, so he doesn't care about the weather, and that...

But I have another issue, Just needed to know if I have a reason to be upset or just to blow it off?

Ex announced to me today after dropping off my daughter to him, that she will not be going to school on Thursday so that she can spend the day with his mom all day. I advised we would discuss this later, and he told me that No, we would not. It is his time, and I have no say in the matter. He said he was just doing a courtesy letting me know, (also that is a day that i volunteer at daughters school - on Thursdays) so he told me not to bother going. Granted this is the same day we have our final mediation meeting with each other, My lawyer and GAL. Wouldn't that be a joint decision making decision that he would need to discuss with me? Or is he right that it is his time, so i have no say in the matter if she goes to school or not that day? My concern is, Grandma can see her on his time after school at any time. Daughter has already missed 1 1/2 weeks of school due to a serious illness a few weeks ago. Am i out of line here, and just let this go? Or am i right that this should be a joint decision making deal here? Thanks.

 

[CJane]

Really not a hill to die on Pearl.

 

[LdiJ]

Really not a hill to die on Pearl.

I agree. I understand why you feel that missing a day of school is not a good idea right now, particularly after missing so much school due to illness, but it really is NOT a hill to die on at this point.

 

[mistoffolees]

Ex announced to me today after dropping off my daughter to him, that she will not be going to school on Thursday so that she can spend the day with his mom all day. I advised we would discuss this later, and he told me that No, we would not. It is his time, and I have no say in the matter. .

I agree that it's not worth fighting about.

HOWEVER, if he makes a habit of this, you should object. As a parent, he has a legal obligation to ensure that the child is in school every day. If he starts taking the child out regularly to visit relatives, I'd make a fuss. You do have a right to be involved in decisions affecting the child's education.

 

[Pearl72]

Update

Went to our final mediation. This is tenative of what he will agree to - Every other weekend for me from 7pm Friday til 8pm Sunday. Every Tues and Thurs from after school til 8. We split and rotate holidays every other year. Still won't give me any summer time - wants the schedule during the school year to be same during the summer. If i move within my daughters school district, I can have her thru Monday morning to the start of school (on my weekends), and the thursday after school til beginning of school on Friday (before his weekend starts) and every tuesday after school til beginning of school on wednesday (before my weekend starts). Then also still have my after school til 8 on the Thurs or Tues that I don't have an overnite. I was really surprised... what do you all think? The GAL is still doing a contested hearing on some other things - such as he refuses to let me pick up our daughter from after school on my weekends (citing her tae kwan do comes first) - and contesting the summer time, and a few other things. You think this is fair enough after everything? Oh - he also refuses to do any transportation, unless i move within the school district.

Also, the GAL had mentioned that it is Colorado Law that each parent cannot take the child out of state without the written consent of the other parent? Not wanting to doubt the GAL, but i have never heard of this law? Anyone know where i can find this? I tried google, but nothing really came up, unless it is written in the order itself...

Thanks guys!

 

[stealth2]

I no longer remember - who created the distance?

 

[mistoffolees]

I no longer remember - who created the distance?

Just a few more pages and we're approaching a Harry Potter - length saga.

 

[stealth2]

Point being - I'm not wasting my time going through that many posts to find out. Harry is at least an entertaining read.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I know that mom moved around a lot. I'm not sure if she's ever mentioned about how dad got to where he is at now.

 

[LdiJ]

I know that mom moved around a lot. I'm not sure if she's ever mentioned about how dad got to where he is at now.

I remember....

Dad moved away first. Then moved to mom's community and they had 50/50for a while. Then mom moved about 30 minutes away and they still had 50/50, then dad moved 30 minutes further in the opposite direction.

Pearl, if dad is willing to do Tues and Thurs overnight and every other weekend til Monday morning (if you move to his community) that is a true 50/50 schedule, therefore it makes sense that he won't talk about anything else for summer. If you do anything different for summer then you should both get a couple of weeks of uninterrupted time for vacations.

 

[futuredust]

I remember....

Dad moved away first. Then moved to mom's community and they had 50/50for a while. Then mom moved about 30 minutes away and they still had 50/50, then dad moved 30 minutes further in the opposite direction.

Pearl, if dad is willing to do Tues and Thurs overnight and every other weekend til Monday morning (if you move to his community) that is a true 50/50 schedule, therefore it makes sense that he won't talk about anything else for summer. If you do anything different for summer then you should both get a couple of weeks of uninterrupted time for vacations.

Agreed. I would definitely ask for a couple weeks for vacation, for both parents, during the summer.

 

[my life is mine]

why not week on week off? or switch every 2 weeks? this is for summer, so it should be pretty darn equal no matter what

 

[futuredust]

why not week on week off? or switch every 2 weeks? this is for summer, so it should be pretty darn equal no matter what

I would venture to guess because they cannot agree on this situation. So instead of dragging it out longer she and her attorney can present the summer vacation proposal as a benefit to both parents. Thus getting some uninterrupted time in the summer, without letting dad feel like he lost the upper hand.

Sometimes you just have to let others continue to think they have all the power, to save your own sanity and pocket book.

 

[rbw5147]

Went to our final mediation. This is tenative of what he will agree to - Every other weekend for me from 7pm Friday til 8pm Sunday. Every Tues and Thurs from after school til 8. We split and rotate holidays every other year. Still won't give me any summer time - wants the schedule during the school year to be same during the summer. If i move within my daughters school district, I can have her thru Monday morning to the start of school (on my weekends), and the thursday after school til beginning of school on Friday (before his weekend starts) and every tuesday after school til beginning of school on wednesday (before my weekend starts). Then also still have my after school til 8 on the Thurs or Tues that I don't have an overnite. I was really surprised... what do you all think? The GAL is still doing a contested hearing on some other things - such as he refuses to let me pick up our daughter from after school on my weekends (citing her tae kwan do comes first) - and contesting the summer time, and a few other things. You think this is fair enough after everything? Oh - he also refuses to do any transportation, unless i move within the school district.

Also, the GAL had mentioned that it is Colorado Law that each parent cannot take the child out of state without the written consent of the other parent? Not wanting to doubt the GAL, but i have never heard of this law? Anyone know where i can find this? I tried google, but nothing really came up, unless it is written in the order itself...

Thanks guys!

I live in Colorado and yes, our orders state that neither parent can take the child out of Colorado without the other parent's consent and not without providing an itinerary and contact numbers of where we will be and who we will be with.

I suspect that you're expecting Dad to give you a hard time if you want to go on vacation with your daughter out of state, while on your time. As long as she's not missing school, such as during summer or any other school break, Dad will likely be SOL. His reason being, "I just don't want her to", isn't gonna cut it. Once during an arguement, my ex threatened to try and stop me (after agreeing to it) and I said "fine, I will ask for an emergency hearing and we'll settle it there." I guess after he calmed down and realized that I was fully within my rights and that it would only cost him time and money and we would still get to go, he backed off. Plus, likewise the same will go for him.

 

[mistoffolees]

I live in Colorado and yes, our orders state that neither parent can take the child out of Colorado without the other parent's consent and not without providing an itinerary and contact numbers of where we will be and who we will be with.

I suspect that you're expecting Dad to give you a hard time if you want to go on vacation with your daughter out of state, while on your time. As long as she's not missing school, such as during summer or any other school break, Dad will likely be SOL. His reason being, "I just don't want her to", isn't gonna cut it. Once during an arguement, my ex threatened to try and stop me (after agreeing to it) and I said "fine, I will ask for an emergency hearing and we'll settle it there." I guess after he calmed down and realized that I was fully within my rights and that it would only cost him time and money and we would still get to go, he backed off. Plus, likewise the same will go for him.

That is really bad advice.

If there's a court order saying you can't take the child out of state, then you can't do it. It's a court order, not a recommendation.

If you do it without permission, you could be found in contempt. Even if you aren't, telling the judge that you don't have any respect for his orders is a really bad idea.

And you're not going to be able to get an emergency order on the basis of "my court order says I can't take the child out of state and I want to do it".