Out of Control Teen

[brniis37]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Illinois
I have a teenage daughter whom I gave up for adoption 5 years ago. last year she came back into my home with a limited Power of attorney so I could get her in school and get her medical attention. She has ran away from home several times, has had four myra reports filed on her and has been caught shoplifting twice. Both times costing me money. Since I have not legally adopted her back, what is my solution? She wants to leave here. She does not want to be here at all and has expressed this many times. She is on drugs and has had several sexual encounters. She is 15 yrs old. She came back to live with me after her adoptive father could not take her anymore she ran away from him 9 times and was caught doing drugs and having sex with 2 boys in the house. She has been in counselling with several different counsellors in the last 8 yrs and is also failing in school, that is when she chooses to attend. Please help!!!!!!!!!1

 

[HomeGuru]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Illinois
I have a teenage daughter whom I gave up for adoption 5 years ago. last year she came back into my home with a limited Power of attorney so I could get her in school and get her medical attention. She has ran away from home several times, has had four myra reports filed on her and has been caught shoplifting twice. Both times costing me money. Since I have not legally adopted her back, what is my solution? She wants to leave here. She does not want to be here at all and has expressed this many times. She is on drugs and has had several sexual encounters. She is 15 yrs old. She came back to live with me after her adoptive father could not take her anymore she ran away from him 9 times and was caught doing drugs and having sex with 2 boys in the house. She has been in counselling with several different counsellors in the last 8 yrs and is also failing in school, that is when she chooses to attend. Please help!!!!!!!!!1

**A: at what point in time would you think to call the police?

 

[brniis37]

The police do not help with any answers and they tell me that she is a minor. i want to know because I only have power of attorney what are my options.

 

[ENASNI]

well

Go ahead and put her back in the system. No one in her life seems to want to help her.
No one seems to want to put her in counselling or give her tough love...or find out why she is acting out.
No one seems to want to see why she was given away and when she comes back is not wanted.

No one seems to see why the person who adopted her doesn't want her anymore.
Put her back in the system... I am sure there are some foster homes out there that aren't destructive, and might want to try to help.

If this seems harsh... well... I have a 16 year old... who I treasure.. and is quite close to perfect...who has classmates that were her grammar school friends and middle school friends that are not her friends anymore because they are acting like your child...
and it was because of all of the above.
No one cared .

 

[brniis37]

she has had loving and caring and she has had help and refuses to accept the help that is offered to her. You can talk about tough love but to what extent. It isn't asking to put her back into the system. She isn't happy anywhere she is at and no matter what will make everyone around her miserable. How long are the parents supposed to suffer thru with a child who has no respect, shows no remorse or has any feelings? This isn't just someone trying to get rid of a child this is someone who has been totally frustrated beyond any kind of normality that is looking for peace of mind. When a child refuses to even do one thing that is asked it is beyond comprhension.
She isn't asked to do any chores or abused in any way. She has made up her own mind that she is old enough to be whatever she wants and do whatever she wants. She even treats the authority figures at school without respect as well as the law. So then what?

 

[stealth2]

I'm never sure why, in situations such as this, people are surprised when the kid acts out. At 10, one parent essentially walked away from her (I'm assuming that you're bioDad). That must have been a devastating thing for her to have happen - regardless what the reasons behind it may have been. Then, the man who willingly (and legally) agreed to be her Daddy in your stead turned her back on her - both by not providing effective parenting (Mom shares the blame here as well) and then essentially tossing her out when she's crying for help.

Did it occur to any of the so-called adults in this situation to get her therapy five years ago when you terminated your rights? Have her parents done anything to learn how to be effective parents to a preteen/teen? This behavior didn't happen overnight and I would bet is a direct result of all three of you dropping the ball as parents. Now you ALL will have a much tougher fight ahead of you to save this kid - and I suggest all three of you take that responsibility seriously. Counseling, parenting classes, tough love - anything and everythign it takes.

Set the blame exactly where it belongs - with you, adoptive Dad and Mom.

(edit - and I realize that this is not a feel-good response, and is on the harsh side, but all of you have failed this child.)

 

[brniis37]

I don't think anyone is really reading what has been posted. Please take time to consider what has been posted. Eight years of counselling, separation, adopted by my ex-husband. She is my daughter but I could not handle her outbursts 5 yrs. ago and thought she would change. He is an excellant father. Raised my two oldest sons very well. she is very much out of control. She has been loved and nurtured and COUNSELLED from several counsellors. Nothing has worked including TOUGH LOVE. Please be more careful in reading this because to me this is a very serious matter that I am asking for help with. I have turned everywhere and have come up empty. I tell her all the time how wonderful and beatiful she is and how smart. She does not care about anything but the MOMENT. She wants to be out on her own. Please read the first submission very carefully. She has not been denied help but refuses to have it.

 

[withonel]

involuntary hospitalization

If out-patient counseling has had no effect, have you considered hospitalization? If she is a danger to herself or others you may be able to get her hospitalized for at least a 24 hour observation. That alone may wake her up to reality. If she's not going to school, does your local police dept have a truancy program? In most states it is the law that a minor attend school. Report her as a runaway every time she is away from home without permission. Threaten adult associations with prosecution for aiding in the delinquency of a minor if they are supplying drugs/alcohol. Call the police when you find drugs/paraphenlia or alcohol on her. Know the names and phone numbers of friend's parents, call them when she 'runs away' and tell them they are not to allow her to stay at their home, she has a home to come to and must stay there and live by the rules there. TEASPOT...Take Everything Away for a Short Period of Time. Remove (lock in your car) her clothes, makeup, music, everything every time she disobeys a rule. Not longer than 3 days for each offense, teens think in the present, too long and they give up. Do it EVERY time. She may run away, call the police. Make them take a report. Take a teen parenting class...they will have many ideas for you.
The high school counseling department should have community resources for you. There is help out there, but you have to work very hard to find it.
Good luck.

 

[brniis37]

thank you for that I have done all of the above including removing the door from her bedroom because she was getting cigarrettes snuck in by her bedroom window. The police department only gave me a list of numbers to call for abuse. There isn't any of that going on. They told me that I have to keep calling which I do for every instance. She does not respect authority at all. The other problem I have is a financial one. I am currently unemployed with no income. I am a single parent and at my end. It has been a rough road and try as I might nothing is working.

 

[stealth2]

Okay, I'll admit I missed the portion regarding counseling on the first read.

withonel gave you good advice.

 

[Wolflmg]

Has she ever been tested for ADD or anything similair to that. She might have something wrong with her that might rrequre medication.
I know a kid, who when he was little 9 or so, had a similiar additude like your daughter, he ended up having ADD. And since his parents found out, he's gotten the help he needed and has turned into a pretty good kid.

 

[brniis37]

She has been tested and does not have any kind of chemical or mental instabilities. As I have stted before, I have been through quite a bit of everything extensively for her and have tried everything I know to do within my boundaries to get her to do what is right. She is seemingly beyond help. I am lost.

 

[brniis37]

I am still hoping there are more answers or anyone out there who can help me out with this. I appreciate other opinions.

 

[Tyler_Durden]

I think see needs to reflect what she has been doing to herself. Thats about the only thing that will help. Get her a way from the city. Some where she will be by herself and not be tempted by tempations. Some where she will really have time to think about what she has done. Philosophy helped me. Maybe it will have an effect on her to.

 

[Wolflmg]

The only other thing I can think of is a disaplentry or retreat type program.


Or maybe find something that would really open her eyes, show her how other people live, up close, with her own eyes. Maybe even ask a church group or something for some help.