Overnights with daddy

[huntersmommy06]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I am currently working my son up to overnight stays with his dad (he is 20 mos. old). He is breastfed and our pediatrician reccommeded gradualy increasing time to work up to 1 overnight stay consisting of 12 hours and then to full weekends. My question is this: my husband lives with a married couple who have 2 children during the week and 4 children on weekends, they live in a 1074 sq foot duplex (2 bedrooms, 1 living room, a kitchen and a bathrom), All four of those children (mixed genders and ages from 4 -13) share one bedroom and their parents have the other bedroom. Personally, I feel that my son won't have adequate sleeping arrangements or alone time with dad. Would a judge request that dad obtain better arrangements for our son, or would this be acceptable conditions????

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I am currently working my son up to overnight stays with his dad (he is 20 mos. old). He is breastfed and our pediatrician reccommeded gradualy increasing time to work up to 1 overnight stay consisting of 12 hours and then to full weekends. My question is this: my husband lives with a married couple who have 2 children during the week and 4 children on weekends, they live in a 1074 sq foot duplex (2 bedrooms, 1 living room, a kitchen and a bathrom), All four of those children (mixed genders and ages from 4 -13) share one bedroom and their parents have the other bedroom. Personally, I feel that my son won't have adequate sleeping arrangements or alone time with dad. Would a judge request that dad obtain better arrangements for our son, or would this be acceptable conditions????

Well...since dad doesn't even have a bedroom that he can share with your child that's not exactly adequate. However honestly its almost impossible to predict whether or not a judge would agree that its inadequate. You certainly can't have a 20 month old sleeping on the floor or couch, so adequate bedding for the child would be an issue.

 

[haiku]

Do you or daddy own a 'pack'n'play portable bed/playpen?

my daughter slept copmfortably in that at her dads, grandmas, whereever I visited. (I traveled ALO throughout her infancy. She also used one at home, because I lived in a 2 story home, and it made naptime 'easy".

 

[huntersmommy06]

OHHHH yes, if only my little monkey would stay in his play pen! He started climbing out of it at 13 mos. He is at that age of More Elmo, hungry, more milk please to avoid bedtime, and my concerns were him trying to go to sleep in the midst of the other family's activities. I just don't see the kids (4-13) playing quietly in their room at naptime or his 8:00pm bedtime in order to give him quiet time to fall asleep as daddy sleeps on an airmattress in the living room! What do you think????

 

[stealth2]

I would think that's really Dad's problem to sort out (the child not falling asleep due to activity).

 

[huntersmommy06]

Thank you, he'll probably have a VERY cranky baby on his hands. I've kept him on a pretty strict schedule since infancy just to avoid these situations. If it's not a problem for a judge then I won't make it a big deal either, those were just my personal concerns. Daddy has to learn how to deal with the cranky side of our little angel too, as he is under the impression that raising a highly active, toddler boy is all fun and games!!!

 

[Chelle0511]

Thank you, he'll probably have a VERY cranky baby on his hands. I've kept him on a pretty strict schedule since infancy just to avoid these situations. If it's not a problem for a judge then I won't make it a big deal either, those were just my personal concerns. Daddy has to learn how to deal with the cranky side of our little angel too, as he is under the impression that raising a highly active, toddler boy is all fun and games!!!

~If he is a highly active toddler boy, isn't it time to take him off the breast?? I could never imagine an almost 2 yr. old child attached to my chest, you are brave. If dad could put the pack and play between a wall/ couch or something and his mattress I would think that he would wake if the child were to crawl out. However, if I was you...I wouldn't stress it. Dad will have to deal with it or find other living arrangements.

 

[haiku]

OHHHH yes, if only my little monkey would stay in his play pen! He started climbing out of it at 13 mos. He is at that age of More Elmo, hungry, more milk please to avoid bedtime, and my concerns were him trying to go to sleep in the midst of the other family's activities. I just don't see the kids (4-13) playing quietly in their room at naptime or his 8:00pm bedtime in order to give him quiet time to fall asleep as daddy sleeps on an airmattress in the living room! What do you think????

Thats just life with a baby. its totally normal, and truly dads "problem" to deal with, not yours. babies all over the world, have older and younger siblings, travel, vacation, spend time with grandparents, and aunties, and friends. what you have described is not unusual in the least for weekend visitation.

having been there done that with this sort of thing already myself, on both sides of the argument. This is one fight I don't think you will have any luck with.

 

[nextwife]

Agreed Haiku. A baby does NOT need their own bedroom. It's nice, but not a prerequisite for a daddy to parent their child. I know several VERY successful people who grew up in very crowded housing conditions.

You know, my mom had 7 siblings, plus another family sharing a three bedroom flat during the depression. Mom and a sib slept in the dining room. Two of those sibs became doctors, one a VERY high ranking government official - and nobody had a great place to nap.

 

[huntersmommy06]

~If he is a highly active toddler boy, isn't it time to take him off the breast?? I could never imagine an almost 2 yr. old child attached to my chest, you are brave. If dad could put the pack and play between a wall/ couch or something and his mattress I would think that he would wake if the child were to crawl out. However, if I was you...I wouldn't stress it. Dad will have to deal with it or find other living arrangements.

My son has no desire to wean. According to the LaLeche League, 2.5 is the average age a child will wean his self (they know when they are ready) and extended breastfeeding beyond infancy is advocated through LLL, UNICEF, The World Health Organazation, etc..... Yes, I am brave as he has had a mouthful of teeth since 7 mos! I won't stress the issue at all, just wanted to know some thoughts and experiences. I'm sure it will all work out, just a personal concern. I just hope he has plans to get on his own feet at some point!!

 

[huntersmommy06]

Thats just life with a baby. its totally normal, and truly dads "problem" to deal with, not yours. babies all over the world, have older and younger siblings, travel, vacation, spend time with grandparents, and aunties, and friends. what you have described is not unusual in the least for weekend visitation.

having been there done that with this sort of thing already myself, on both sides of the argument. This is one fight I don't think you will have any luck with.

Thanks for the insight! We were a pretty succluded family with most of our relatives out of state and my son (only child) has never stayed anywhere else but home. I know babies/toddlers adjust to situations easily (I wish that were the same for adults!!!! ). All of this is just so knew to me, but I know that my son enjoys his time with daddy and that makes it [a bit] easier.

 

[casa]

My son has no desire to wean. According to the LaLeche League, 2.5 is the average age a child will wean his self (they know when they are ready) and extended breastfeeding beyond infancy is advocated through LLL, UNICEF, The World Health Organazation, etc..... Yes, I am brave as he has had a mouthful of teeth since 7 mos! I won't stress the issue at all, just wanted to know some thoughts and experiences. I'm sure it will all work out, just a personal concern. I just hope he has plans to get on his own feet at some point!!

I breastfed 2 children and both self-weaned around a year old. As soon as they could hold cups and drink other things which had more taste- they were less interested.

The 'average' you state is international~ and you must be aware like any grading curve, that takes the oldest and youngest for an average- in 3rd world countries due to hunger issues children are breastfed well beyond the 'norm'...and you must take into account the culture your child actually lives in. Not only that "beyond infancy" is just that- beyond INFANCY, not toddler years. Infants are only infants until they can walk, which happens around a year old. Nice try though

 

[huntersmommy06]

I breastfed 2 children and both self-weaned around a year old. As soon as they could hold cups and drink other things which had more taste- they were less interested.

The 'average' you state is international~ and you must be aware like any grading curve, that takes the oldest and youngest for an average- in 3rd world countries due to hunger issues children are breastfed well beyond the 'norm'...and you must take into account the culture your child actually lives in. Not only that "beyond infancy" is just that- beyond INFANCY, not toddler years. Infants are only infants until they can walk, which happens around a year old. Nice try though

I was so afraid of weaning my son early on as it was a great experience for me, now I'm almost afraid he won't stop he just plain has no desire, he grabs and me and screams and cries when I try to hold him off a bit. I am planning on the weaning process, I just need daddy's help with that, as my son knows, he's not getting any of that from daddy Also, here is a link on Extended Breastfeeding and the Law written by Elizabeth Baldwin, leading national expert on breastfeeding issues (passed away in 2000). http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/LawExtended.html
This is definately a personal decision on my end, however I am doing my best to take away 1 feeding at a time (per my son's pedi.)

 

[stealth2]

So..... you're not self-weaning.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Look, you've been whining and crying about this same issue all the time you have been here. I breast feed my children too and can say that, argue all you want, you don't have anything special going for you.

The plain and simple fact is that you don't want your child and his father to have a relationahip and are doing all you can to prevent it. Children adapt very well when given the opportunity and encouraged, that is what you must do. It sounds like a good place for your child since there will be other children there and other experienced parents to lend a hand as his father gets the chance to bond with his child. If anyone is cranky, it is you so please encourage your child to have a good relationship with his father and quit trying to interfere or a judge will speak far more abruptly than I.