Parent Forbids Child to Bring Things From Other Parent's House...

[great_ideas]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My daughter told me that her dad said that she is NOT allowed to bring anything from my house to his house, and nothing from his house is allowed to be taken to my house.... In my eyes they are our daughter's things. I allow her to take whatever she wants, within reason. I would not take her TV or something like that, and she is not allowed to take her I-Pod or DS to her Dad's, because her stepbrother breaks her things....

Anyways, I have to approach the subject with her dad.... How??? Am I wrong or is it his right to tell our daughter what he did? She refused to take her over night bag that I bought her to her dad's.

She also told me that her dad told her that my mom and I would rather see him dead than spending time with her. I assured her that is not true. What can I do? I am worried that if I don't approach the bag subject I'll be accused of not coparenting. If I do approach the subject when Dad picks her up tonight he'll punish her for telling me.

What is the best way to handle this?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My daughter told me that her dad said that she is NOT allowed to bring anything from my house to his house, and nothing from his house is allowed to be taken to my house.... In my eyes they are our daughter's things. I allow her to take whatever she wants, within reason. I would not take her TV or something like that, and she is not allowed to take her I-Pod or DS to her Dad's, because her stepbrother breaks her things....

Anyways, I have to approach the subject with her dad.... How??? Am I wrong or is it his right to tell our daughter what he did? She refused to take her over night bag that I bought her to her dad's.

She also told me that her dad told her that my mom and I would rather see him dead than spending time with her. I assured her that is not true. What can I do? I am worried that if I don't approach the bag subject I'll be accused of not coparenting. If I do approach the subject when Dad picks her up tonight he'll punish her for telling me.

What is the best way to handle this?

You are both being petty. The IPod is your daughter's. The DS is your daughter's. If she wants to take them to dad's she should be able to and vice versa. Both of you adults should agree that anything junior takes to the other's house, JUNIOR is responsible for. And if they are of great value should be returned with junior. Such as the IPod. A court would say you are being petty of over this.

Try saying this, "Dad I wanted to talk to you about Junior bringing her IPOd to your house. It is hers and I believe she will take care of it. Could you please make sure that she remembers to bring it back to my house when she comes so she can have the enjoyment at BOTH of our homes?"

 

[Isis1]

i'd start by asking dad directly for clarification on that particular house rule. it;s possible daughter is not understanding the rules and may have misinterpetted them. i have noticed that kids have a habit of not understanding the exact rule fully.

i have a rule similar, but for a reason. my son was caught with a contraband at school. he is no longer allowed to bring ANYTHING in his backpack that is not school material related. he is checked in front of the school before he enters, and checked after school before he comes home, anything found in his backback is immediately thrown away. his dad din't find the issue that serious.

 

[great_ideas]

You are both being petty. The IPod is your daughter's. The DS is your daughter's. If she wants to take them to dad's she should be able to and vice versa. Both of you adults should agree that anything junior takes to the other's house, JUNIOR is responsible for. And if they are of great value should be returned with junior. Such as the IPod. A court would say you are being petty of over this.

Try saying this, "Dad I wanted to talk to you about Junior bringing her IPOd to your house. It is hers and I believe she will take care of it. Could you please make sure that she remembers to bring it back to my house when she comes so she can have the enjoyment at BOTH of our homes?"

Dad and I have a mutual agreement about the IPod and the DS. Our daughter's stepbrother has ADHD that he is not on any medication for, and he cannot control his actions. He goes on sprees of taking things and smashing them.

i'd start by asking dad directly for clarification on that particular house rule. it;s possible daughter is not understanding the rules and may have misinterpetted them. i have noticed that kids have a habit of not understanding the exact rule fully.
i have a rule similar, but for a reason. my son was caught with a contraband at school. he is no longer allowed to bring ANYTHING in his backpack that is not school material related. he is checked in front of the school before he enters, and checked after school before he comes home, anything found in his backback is immediately thrown away. his dad din't find the issue that serious.

I too thought about that possibility.

He will not let her have her journals/ diaries, clothing, stuffed animals, cd's, jewelry, (Cheap stuff, nothing fancy), shoes, coats, jackets, roller bades, etc.

I bought the darn stuff! She doesn't have skates at her dad's. Her stepbro does. Why should we both spend the money on skates in the first place? Her feet won't be that small forever. Anyways, they are her things. They are not mone, they are not her dad's. They belong to her. What is the big deal about a little girl bring her journals back and fourth? It is something that hurts her, and I don't think that her dad should do that to her. It's ridiculous IMO.

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad and I have a mutual agreement about the IPod and the DS. Our daughter's stepbrother has ADHD that he is not on any medication for, and he cannot control his actions. He goes on sprees of taking things and smashing them.



I too thought about that possibility.

He will not let her have her journals/ diaries, clothing, stuffed animals, cd's, jewelry, (Cheap stuff, nothing fancy), shoes, coats, jackets, roller bades, etc.

I bought the darn stuff! She doesn't have skates at her dad's. Her stepbro does. Why should we both spend the money on skates in the first place? Her feet won't be that small forever. Anyways, they are her things. They are not mone, they are not her dad's. They belong to her. What is the big deal about a little girl bring her journals back and fourth? It is something that hurts her, and I don't think that her dad should do that to her. It's ridiculous IMO.

Talk to dad. Start a conversation -- not demanding but rather a conversation -- express that you want your daughter to be able to have the joy of her items at both houses such as her skates. Maybe dad is believing that since you agreed upon the IPOD and DS then that went for ALL items due to the stepbrother.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

she is not allowed to take her I-Pod or DS to her Dad's, because her stepbrother breaks her things....

Maybe dad wasn't want to be liable for those items - therefore, he's just not going to have it over there.

 

[stealth2]

Or... maybe Dad's just a butthead. Mine weren't allowed to bring anything - down to the girl's sanitary pads. Ever watched a grown man throw sanitary pads all over a front yard on a busy street while screaming? That was pleasant.

 

[janM]

Or... maybe Dad's just a butthead. Mine weren't allowed to bring anything - down to the girl's sanitary pads. Ever watched a grown man throw sanitary pads all over a front yard on a busy street while screaming? That was pleasant.

OMG!! Does dd make him go into the store with her to buy some to have at his house?
(Did he get charged for littering?)