parental abduction

[flygrl]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My X and I are still bound by our old parenting plan giving him everyother weekend with the children, but since he moved to CA in July - we have not been going by that. He usually just comes once a month.

This month (April) I didn't hear from him til last week - the 19. He wants to come this weekend (the 29th). I suggested in email that the next weekend would be better. He didn't agree. I cut the conversation short as I am not supposed to be talking to him anyway and told him to have his lawyer call mine and let them work something out.

I have not heard anything from my lawyer.

Can he just come into town and take them? I have no idea who's "weekend" it is.

The only way I know he is coming is because I have access to airplane reservations here at work - otherwise I would have no idea he is even going to be in town.

Unfortunately I will be at work when the girls get off of school and I won't be able to intervene. I can't get off of work - I already asked - but we are short staffed as it is.

Can he just take them? I have put out a call to my lawyer. If he takes them what can I do? I won't even know where he is and he never answers his phone when I call (even though I am supposed to be allowed to talk to the girls)

Help.

 

[howamidoing]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My X and I are still bound by our old parenting plan giving him everyother weekend with the children, but since he moved to CA in July - we have not been going by that. He usually just comes once a month.

This month (April) I didn't hear from him til last week - the 19. He wants to come this weekend (the 29th). I suggested in email that the next weekend would be better. He didn't agree. I cut the conversation short as I am not supposed to be talking to him anyway and told him to have his lawyer call mine and let them work something out.

I have not heard anything from my lawyer.

Can he just come into town and take them? I have no idea who's "weekend" it is.

The only way I know he is coming is because I have access to airplane reservations here at work - otherwise I would have no idea he is even going to be in town.

Unfortunately I will be at work when the girls get off of school and I won't be able to intervene. I can't get off of work - I already asked - but we are short staffed as it is.

Can he just take them? I have put out a call to my lawyer. If he takes them what can I do? I won't even know where he is and he never answers his phone when I call (even though I am supposed to be allowed to talk to the girls)

Help.

You both should be going by the court order. You not knowing who's weekend it is doesnt matter. Whatever the court order says, you HAVE TO BOTH ABIDE BY! That is the purpose of the court order. You two couldnt work things out so thats why the Judge had to. You both could face penalties for not following the court order. Figure out who's "weekend" it is.

 

[Inquiry123]

Whatever happened to "The Friendly Skies"?

So, for 8 months he has been visiting the child once or more times per month and he lives/works 2000 miles from the child. And he gave you 10 days notice that he wanted exercise his visitation. I can see a judge looking on that favorably.

Why, exactly, will you tell the judge that "next weekend would [have been] better"? Will that answer make an impression on the judge?

You could lie and tell the ex that your records show that this weekend is YOUR weekend. Chances are, he doesn't know whose weekend it is either. But do you really want lie about something like that?

Here's my suggestion...

You know he's coming. Why make your life a living hell (parental abduction, the coming court fights, etc.)? Bend over backwards and make this work. It's not worth the fight...over ONE weekend. It only goes downhill from there. Be the bigger person. Olive branches. Good luck.

 

[flygrl]

Ohio

Why?? Because that is exactly the problem. I bend over backwards to make things work and in return he continues to harass me financially thru the courts by way of frivilous litigation.

The only reason he is coming into town is because he just filed contempt charges against me and we have a court date. Oh, contempt for what? For making an appointment with an orthodontist for our child. He has said he refuses to pay for braces until we have a new parenting plan. Why after all this time don't we have a new parenting plan? Because everytime our lawyers mediate one - he changes his mind on what he wants. I have three parenting plans from the last year alone. $15,000 out of my pocket. I make a whopping 35,000 and he makes 185,000 a year - get the picture?

So, I will have to spend $1000 to tell the magistrate that my daughter needs braces and also they need summer camps and that my X is responsible under the current parenting plan to pay his share.

He has not called the girls since February. He refuses to talk to me about anything.

And why is one weekend better than the other? Because it is my birthday and I would like a freaking BREAK.

I have not gotten one extra dime to pay for childcare for the parenting time he is not taken - we have been in and out of the courts as he harasses me - and you want me to continue to take the high road? I am tired and broke. It would be nice if one of the weekends he comes to town I don't have to work and might actually get a minute to myself.

Unfortunately, now is the time for me to put down my foot.

I will be more than happy to tell the judge that at my X's directive is he does not want to talk to me unless it is a TRUE EMERGENCY (and I have this in writing) so when he emailed me - I told him that I was under advisement from my lawyer not to have any conversations with him as that might put me in contempt unless it was a true emergency and that he should address all issues thru the lawyers.

Oh, and by the way, I have gotten no word from the lawyers that he is coming. The only way I know is that I work for the airline and can look up flight arrangements.

If I didn't have this inside information, I would get a call from the sitter on friday wondering where the children were cause they didn't come home from school and I would have no idea where they are.

S in cincinnati

 

[stealth2]

So take a break a week earlier. Seriously - is this a hill worth dying on? If he wasn't planning on coming out, you'd get no break at all. You're also not 5 - celebrating "on the day" isn't that huge a deal. So do something for you this weekend, and celebrate with the kids next.

 

[stealth2]

He's coming from California and you make no attempts to go out there or meet half-way etc.

I have to disagree on this point. He created the distance when he moved to CA. Transportation should be his responsibility.

 

[flygrl]

LOL - it is so hard to jump in in the middle of a situation and have people understand.

He CHOSE to move to CA.

He has not called the CHILDREN since Feb.

He refuses to talk to me at all - so how am I supposed to work ANYTHING out?

Yes, activites and orthodonture is covered in the parenting plan we have.

We went to very expensive and extensive mediation and at the last mintue he refused to sign a new plan - he did this several times. He basically got most of what he wanted all three times. But he thinks that because he has money it is totally his way or the highway.

No, I don't have to let him just take the girls. This is not about him waltzing into town whenever he feels like it and disrupting things. If he wants shared parenting - then let him begin to SHARE the parenting. I am doing it all 24/7/365 with no help from him. Where was he when the kids were sick and I had to take off work? Where was he during school projects? Where was he during school conferences or when the little one was getting picked on by the class bully?

Like I said - he didn't HAVE to move - he was accommodating his new wife. But that does not mean that the rest of the world needs to accommodate him. He can either work with me as a parent and take some of the responsibility or take a hike.

S in cincinnati

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And so far nothing you have said makes any difference to the court. It doesn't matter the reason he's coming to town, the reason you want to postpone the visit or anything else.

What matters is the current, standing court order. Unless you want another legal charge of civil contempt, I would suggest you either sit down and figure out who's weekend it is or put your pride on hold and accommodate.

The matter of dentistry has nothing to do with visitation.

 

[flygrl]

Well, I tell you what. As soon as he decided that he wants to communicate with me - then maybe we CAN figure it out. It does me no good to call and leave a message or email and get no reply. I have had months of that - I give up.

Live goes on and if he wants to be a part of it he can communicate.

It is his directive that I only contact him in a TRUE EMERGENCY and for nothing else. I guess then he needs to follow his own rules and only contact me for TRUE EMERGENCIES.

There can't be two sets of rules. I can only contact him in a TRUE EMERGENCY and he can contact me anytime he wants something.

 

[nextwife]

There can't be two sets of rules. I can only contact him in a TRUE EMERGENCY and he can contact me anytime he wants something.

UMM, YOU have his kids, He must contact you in order to see them. You do not have to do the same to see your kids.

Your kids deserve to see their dad. He gave you notice, he's coming to town, WTF are you making this so difficult?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Well, I tell you what. As soon as he decided that he wants to communicate with me - then maybe we CAN figure it out. It does me no good to call and leave a message or email and get no reply. I have had months of that - I give up.

And of course, you can point to a clause in your divorce/custody and/or visitation order from the court whereby he is ordered to provide you free access to him.

Live goes on and if he wants to be a part of it he can communicate.

PLEASE use this in court when you are in front of a judge.
I'd love to hear the response.

It is his directive that I only contact him in a TRUE EMERGENCY and for nothing else.

And that is his right as a citizen of this country to not be harrassed by you. And, as previously stated, if there is no provision requiring him to provide open access to you, then you have no legal right to that access.

I guess then he needs to follow his own rules and only contact me for TRUE EMERGENCIES.

Again, please tell the judge this. I'm sure it will make for an entertaining day in court.

There can't be two sets of rules. I can only contact him in a TRUE EMERGENCY and he can contact me anytime he wants something.

woman, you are a work of art. There ARE two sets of rules. Of course, you can do what I advise others in your position who don't like the facts as they are in divorce. You can give up custody so that you can see how wonderful the other side of child custody is.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My X and I are still bound by our old parenting plan giving him everyother weekend with the children, but since he moved to CA in July - we have not been going by that. He usually just comes once a month.

This month (April) I didn't hear from him til last week - the 19. He wants to come this weekend (the 29th). I suggested in email that the next weekend would be better. He didn't agree. I cut the conversation short as I am not supposed to be talking to him anyway and told him to have his lawyer call mine and let them work something out.

I have not heard anything from my lawyer.

Can he just come into town and take them? I have no idea who's "weekend" it is.

The only way I know he is coming is because I have access to airplane reservations here at work - otherwise I would have no idea he is even going to be in town.

Unfortunately I will be at work when the girls get off of school and I won't be able to intervene. I can't get off of work - I already asked - but we are short staffed as it is.

Can he just take them? I have put out a call to my lawyer. If he takes them what can I do? I won't even know where he is and he never answers his phone when I call (even though I am supposed to be allowed to talk to the girls)

Help.

Get a calendar out, get the order out- figure out what weekend is his and what weekend is yours. Pretty easy. If the order isn't modified he still has a Right to e/o/w and I'm sure they are outlined in the order. Whether or not he exercising that right is irrelevant. But if he chooses to, the children should be available to him. That's the way it works- and you have the privilege of being the CP.

The communication issue is confusing~ First you say when he was discussing this visit with you, that you cut the call short and directed him to speak to his attorney...Then, later in the thread you say he won't answer your calls/e-mails. Which is it? It sounds like you expect him to talk to you when YOU want to talk, but not when HE wants to talk. He tried to discuss his objection with you- and you refused and cut the call short. NOW you are saying he won't communicate about it. Have you thought that (just like you can't get off work that day) he may not be able to get off work or out of previous obligations on the other weekend?

Do yourself a favor and let him come see his kids. In court this would be considered trivial. You can't use your upset re; Child Support as leverage for Visitation. They are 2 separate issues.

 

[howamidoing]

Bottom line is Dad has a right to exercise his visitation according to the court order. You wanting a break has nothing to do with it. You are being selfish and inconsiderate. You should be happy he wants anything to do with his kids. A lot of men this day do not. No offense to the good Dads. You tell the Judge that you wanted to wait a week for your birthday. Go ahead and work that out with him. Then YOU can pay to have them fly to him the next weekend and then back. How about that? Remember YOU had children with him. If he is that bad of a person, that doesnt say much for your ability to choose a fit parent for your children.

 

[Inquiry123]

Fighting...Are you GOOD at it?

flygrl:

OK...There's some history to your story. Most of us understand...most have some hx of ex's that act like idiots. And sometimes WE are idiots. There are two sides to every story.

Is support being paid? $185K...how much does that work out to a month? $15K in legal fees out of your pocket? Who put how much of that into your pocket? Braces? So what...How much would the payment plan cost? Do you see what I'm driving at? -- On the money side, things could be worse. I'm figuring that would be part of your ex's story.

Get out of court. You're fighting a battle you won't win. And don't step into his punch by playing foolish games like withholding visitation. After enough contempt charges, the judge may decide to move residential custody to HIM. Then you'd be singin' the blues about how you have to pay support out of your $35K and how much it costs you to travel to visit the kids, etc.

You've bent over backwards? Only you know for sure. KEEP ON! I'm not saying that you have to let yourself be run-over constantly...but like stealth says, CHOOSE your battles. You've got some distance between you two...limit your interactions to letters if that helps. If you can make it, don't bother sending a bill for the $10 co-pay. Enjoy your kids! Peace, baby -- It's GROOVY! Good luck.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You are already being charged with contempt, go ahead, keep it up, then you will get a break from your kids.

BTW, does your airline have a policy about using company resources for personal business? Do they have a confidentiality policy? Does you ex know that you are accessing his confidential records and abusing your position with your company?