Parenting Plan Pitfalls?

[tuffbrk]

What is the name of your state? NJ

Rec'd letter indicating that I have to attend mediation to develop a parenting plan for my 13 yr old son - presumably the 19yr old doesn't "count" as he is an adult. From reading through threads here it seems that I should include something addressing mileage changes if the STBX moves a distance from our current town. From looking on-line I see that typically you include holiday preferences, sports, school activities and social schedule accomodations by the parent who has the child on that day and if the child can't be accomodated the other parent has the option to take on the responsibility.

In your experiences - are there any items that have "popped" after the fact that you wish you had included?

Also - Custody isn't on STBX's response to my divorce motion. Not sure if that means physical custody of our son is not contested? And so I should plan to address this from purely a visitation perspective?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? NJ

Rec'd letter indicating that I have to attend mediation to develop a parenting plan for my 13 yr old son - presumably the 19yr old doesn't "count" as he is an adult. From reading through threads here it seems that I should include something addressing mileage changes if the STBX moves a distance from our current town. From looking on-line I see that typically you include holiday preferences, sports, school activities and social schedule accomodations by the parent who has the child on that day and if the child can't be accomodated the other parent has the option to take on the responsibility.

In your experiences - are there any items that have "popped" after the fact that you wish you had included?

Also - Custody isn't on STBX's response to my divorce motion. Not sure if that means physical custody of our son is not contested? And so I should plan to address this from purely a visitation perspective?

No, the 19 year old doesn't "count", because you are correct, the 19 year old is a legal adult and gets to make his/her own decisions.

13 is a really tough age to be having your parents split up. Therefore what you should be focusing on is how to give your 13 year old the maximum time with each parent without completely discombobulating/destroying his "world" as he sees it.

My advice would be that the two of you both stay in the same school district, and that you share time with the child but accomodate his activities and social life. The less that actually changes for him, the better.

I once heard a judge admonish two parents, by telling them that the life of parents of a 14 year old meant that you spent most of your weekends hauling the child back and forth between activities and friends, and to LIVE with that....that it was part of parenting a younger teen.

 

[tuffbrk]

Thanks LDiJ! I'm thinking that I should have it tailored to joint legal with me having primary residential care? I have concerns based on current behaviors that Dad will deny our son access to me at will so I'm guessing that is the best type of arrangement to propose? My sister and her family, STBX's parents and sister and her family all live in our town. I promised our son that he and I would remain in town until he graduates 8th grade and then any decision to leave woul donly be if my employer required me to do so. I have no intention of removing him from his support network - regardless of the current situation in my life, both families love him and I want him to remain free to visit them at will - it's tough in our household so even though Grandma has a lot of negative to say about me, the rest is all positive for him and I wouldn't want to change that.

Does joint legal sound most appropriate? There's also a join physical but Dad already tries to deny him access to me, yells at him if he calls me at work - tells him he's not allowed to even though I bought and pay for the cell phone the child uses...so I'm thinking joint physical may not be the best solution in my case....