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proving unfit

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dad43

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? tx, child in KY

i am having an issue proving my 1st wife unfit. cps has apparently been involved several times, but #1, i've only been alerted to this very recently, and also, i have found that the reason nothing is ever done, is because the woman who oversees the CPS office in my hometown, is my ex mother in laws best friend. so when my wife(then fiance) made an allegedly anonymous complaint to cps(i will tell why, b/c i'm sure someone will say she shouldn't have done it)...when my wife made the complaint, she had to give her own info. she called cps, and told them that my then 6 year old was giving us a full description of xanex, and that her mommy would "get all hyped up on liquer and xanex" and get mean with her grandparents. my ex has also chased her father with a butcher knife(in FRONT of my daughter), after throwing her mother through a table. neither parent will press charges, as they are afraid their daughter will go to jail. well, my wife described these incidents, and others. a few days later, although we're unsure how events unfolded, it came to light my wife called. my mother actually chased her out of town, and a few months later, gave me a call with the desire to speak to my wife(who was upset, b/c my ex mother in law stated her daughter wasn't on drugs, and had conviced my mother also, which is why my mom nearly beat my wife)....anyways my mother proceeded to tell my wife she was sorry, and that she had learned that the reason it was known she'd called, was because the woman she spoke with had given the report to her manager, who is my xMIL's best friend. the head woman then drove over to my ex's home herself, read my xmil the report, and gave her the info on my wife right then.


i've contacted lawyers in the area, all of whom refuse to touch my ex, because she has "informant status". my mother has told us to go to the next county, something she had to do when she took my nephew with my brother. i called there, and was given the same "informant" thing":that no one wants to take on the case of an informant! also, i've found there've been about 5 reports on my ex, all unfounded! in fact, they called my wife calling them a "malicious, unfounded attempt of harrasment"....

what do i do? her parents have told me they want to get a lawyer and take my ex's rights away. and that they want custody. well, they themselves abuse prescription drugs! also, the reason they keep telling me they want her rights, is because they know that if my ex signs hers away, my daughter comes to me, not to them. and i think they REALLY believe i'd hand over mine also, which won't happen on an ice storm day in hell.

i need some insight how to handle this. i know i have the cs issue with my son, but i know he is well taken care of and as much as i dislike his mother, he's probably alot better taken care of there, as i work offshore, and am gone a little over half the year. as for my daughter, especially with my ex having a baby in 3 weeks, is just not in good hands whatsoever. and i don't know what to do about this.

in case someone says "you don't want double child support" you're very wrong. in fact, i still pay the original tiny amount i was ordered to pay 7 years ago, b/c as my ex tells me " i know if i raise it you'll take her from me"....i've volunteered to raise it myself, but she's worried if it goes to court, she'd lose custody. which is her fear, and my greatest concern. what can i do?
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? tx, child in KY

i am having an issue proving my 1st wife unfit. cps has apparently been involved several times, but #1, i've only been alerted to this very recently, and also, i have found that the reason nothing is ever done, is because the woman who oversees the CPS office in my hometown, is my ex mother in laws best friend. so when my wife(then fiance) made an allegedly anonymous complaint to cps(i will tell why, b/c i'm sure someone will say she shouldn't have done it)...when my wife made the complaint, she had to give her own info. she called cps, and told them that my then 6 year old was giving us a full description of xanex, and that her mommy would "get all hyped up on liquer and xanex" and get mean with her grandparents. my ex has also chased her father with a butcher knife(in FRONT of my daughter), after throwing her mother through a table. neither parent will press charges, as they are afraid their daughter will go to jail. well, my wife described these incidents, and others. a few days later, although we're unsure how events unfolded, it came to light my wife called. my mother actually chased her out of town, and a few months later, gave me a call with the desire to speak to my wife(who was upset, b/c my ex mother in law stated her daughter wasn't on drugs, and had conviced my mother also, which is why my mom nearly beat my wife)....anyways my mother proceeded to tell my wife she was sorry, and that she had learned that the reason it was known she'd called, was because the woman she spoke with had given the report to her manager, who is my xMIL's best friend. the head woman then drove over to my ex's home herself, read my xmil the report, and gave her the info on my wife right then.


i've contacted lawyers in the area, all of whom refuse to touch my ex, because she has "informant status". my mother has told us to go to the next county, something she had to do when she took my nephew with my brother. i called there, and was given the same "informant" thing":that no one wants to take on the case of an informant! also, i've found there've been about 5 reports on my ex, all unfounded! in fact, they called my wife calling them a "malicious, unfounded attempt of harrasment"....

what do i do? her parents have told me they want to get a lawyer and take my ex's rights away. and that they want custody. well, they themselves abuse prescription drugs! also, the reason they keep telling me they want her rights, is because they know that if my ex signs hers away, my daughter comes to me, not to them. and i think they REALLY believe i'd hand over mine also, which won't happen on an ice storm day in hell.

i need some insight how to handle this. i know i have the cs issue with my son, but i know he is well taken care of and as much as i dislike his mother, he's probably alot better taken care of there, as i work offshore, and am gone a little over half the year. as for my daughter, especially with my ex having a baby in 3 weeks, is just not in good hands whatsoever. and i don't know what to do about this.

in case someone says "you don't want double child support" you're very wrong. in fact, i still pay the original tiny amount i was ordered to pay 7 years ago, b/c as my ex tells me " i know if i raise it you'll take her from me"....i've volunteered to raise it myself, but she's worried if it goes to court, she'd lose custody. which is her fear, and my greatest concern. what can i do?

In order to change custody, you would need hard evidence that mom is unfit. Otherwise, you don't have the necessary change in circumstance.

It doesn't sound like you have the necessary hard evidence, and the fact that you work offshore half the year unfortunately doesn't help you either.

I am at a loss as to what to advise you. It does sound like your daughter may be in a bad situation, but clearly CPS won't help you, you also state that no attorneys will help you, and you also don't have any hard evidence.
 

dad43

Member
sorry i COMPLETELY lost this thread, even had to google my UN, a keyword, and the website:rolleyes:

i keep reading about GAL's.....who are they appointed through? and can i request that one be added?

another thing, in the thread about the poster whose mom called cps, is in new york, and rushia jumped in:
my daughter has been taught that if cps comes around, NOT to say anything...in fact, my mother and i have tried to tell her she can talk to her teachers, but my exwife tells her that it's no ones business what goes on at home and she's not allowed to talk about it, or my ex will "have a talk with her"...

my daughter is SO scared of authority, that once when we lived there, my wife was pulled over for speeding(she slid down an ice patch. she's "new" at the snow thing:p)...my daughter started freaking out so badly, because every time her mommy gets pulled over, she goes to jail. crap my daughter was so histerical, the cop made my wife call me, so that i could come get my daughter! wouldn't let my wife drive off till i showed up and confirmed my wife was indeed the one who my daughter was supposed to be with(they were xmas shopping)...heck, if you asked my daugher "where do you live" she'll say "i dont know"! my ex "usually" lives with her parents, but now that she's pregnant, she's been living with the man who was in jail. BUT since my daughter is supposed to be with her MOTHER, my ex told my daughter that she's not supposed to tell me where she lives. my daughter is smart, but at the same time is a very loyal child. in fact, somehow she's made a "force" with my wife, to the point where only my wife can get her to answer a question directly, b/c she feels my wife is not trying to punish her. i don't try to punish her, but she knows(thanks to her mom), that if my daughter mentions something inappropriate(like living with her GP's while mommy is laid up at HER OWN home), that i'm going to ask my wife...

i keep trying to wrap my head around this. like i said, no matter what i know my son is taken care of. sometimes i think the worry i have about my son, and his mom, really isn't them(i mean the paranoia of court with son's mom), but it's because of the lack of assistance with my daughter...

thanks for the response, again.....
 

CJane

Senior Member
You do NOT have a reasonable shot at custody while you're working offshore. At. All.
 

dad43

Member
You do NOT have a reasonable shot at custody while you're working offshore. At. All.

i'll quit my damned job. i'll request to be moved to the shop. BUT that would be a voluntary change of employment, and i wouldn't be able to afford the support for my son, and of course that won't be changed if i choose to change employment for the betterment(is that a word?) of my daughter...
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
i'll quit my damned job. i'll request to be moved to the shop. BUT that would be a voluntary change of employment, and i wouldn't be able to afford the support for my son, and of course that won't be changed if i choose to change employment for the betterment(is that a word?) of my daughter...

Dad, it honestly doesn't sound like you have the necessary hard evidence to effect a custody change even if you already worked onshore rather than offshore.

However, CJane is right. Mom would have to be proven to be very seriously unfit (from a legal standpoint) in order for a parent who works offshore for 1/2 of the year to have any hope whatsoever to have primary custody. Your child wouldn't be in your custody 1/2 of the year. Your child would be in the custody of someone else 1/2 of the year.

I do agree that it sounds like your daughter is in a bad situation, but if you cannot even find an attorney who is willing to touch the case, I honestly don't know what you can do at this point.
 
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