Quick Question about Sole Custody

[wnagel]

What is the name of your state? KS

I have been granted sole custody of my 12 year old son. Mother has limited visitation, but gets one specific week in the winter. During her week, she removed my son from school for 3 days and took a trip with him.

Being that I have sole custody, can she remove this child from school and then excuse his absence? Isn't removing a child from school an educational decision for which the sole custodian is in charge of?

No, there is nothing specific in our order about her taking the child out of school on her visitation time.

I was just wondering if you could point out a good definition of what constitues sole custody. I just assumed that I would be the decision maker for health, education, and welfare. Does that about sum it up?

Many thanks

 

[IrishLady47]

And did the school excuse his absence? I realize some are very strict about the number of days absent & reason. Other than that, how did a trip during her visitation time constitute a "decision" about his health, education or welfare?

Are you asking if you can file a contempt of court on her? Just trying to understand what the problem is.

 

[ceara19]

What EXACTLY does your court order say about both physical AND legal custody? Even IF she technically violated the order be taking him out of school, this isn't a matter that I would bring to the court unless I could PROVE that it taking the child out of school HARMED the child. If you do, you will run the risk pf looking like an ass that wants to control what mom does during HER parenting time.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? KS

I have been granted sole custody of my 12 year old son. Mother has limited visitation, but gets one specific week in the winter. During her week, she removed my son from school for 3 days and took a trip with him.
Being that I have sole custody, can she remove this child from school and then excuse his absence? Isn't removing a child from school an educational decision for which the sole custodian is in charge of?

No, there is nothing specific in our order about her taking the child out of school on her visitation time.

I was just wondering if you could point out a good definition of what constitues sole custody. I just assumed that I would be the decision maker for health, education, and welfare. Does that about sum it up?

Many thanks

I think one problem is that your order is too specific on the exact dates of Mom's parenting time, and that it conflicts with what is now the child's current school schedule.

Either flex with Mom in private, or take it back to court for a modification on the dates that flexes with the actual schedule. For example, she might get the first half of the child's winter break and you get the second half. That way, the exact dates don't matter.

 

[CJane]

Being that I have sole custody, can she remove this child from school and then excuse his absence? Isn't removing a child from school an educational decision for which the sole custodian is in charge of?

My ex used to have sole legal custody, and he made these same assumptions.

What 'sole legal' allows you to do is CHOOSE the child's school, CHOOSE their Doctors, CHOOSE their religion if applicable. It does NOT allow you to DICTATE what mom does on her time. She can still take the child to the doctor that YOU have chosen... she can take the child to curch - or not on her time. She can attend parent teacher conferences, keep the child home from school if he's sick (and have the absence excused by the school) etc - without informing you at all, unless the order specifies differently.

You having sole legal custody ONLY removed mom's right to choose those things i outlined - it did not remove her ability or right to parent as she sees fit w/in those constraints.

Be careful, or you too may be one of those people who 'used to' have sole legal.

You also so not get to dictate visitation. If it's outlined in the order, mom gets the time.

 

[ceara19]

My ex used to have sole legal custody, and he made these same assumptions.

What 'sole legal' allows you to do is CHOOSE the child's school, CHOOSE their Doctors, CHOOSE their religion if applicable. It does NOT allow you to DICTATE what mom does on her time. She can still take the child to the doctor that YOU have chosen... she can take the child to curch - or not on her time. She can attend parent teacher conferences, keep the child home from school if he's sick (and have the absence excused by the school) etc - without informing you at all, unless the order specifies differently.

You having sole legal custody ONLY removed mom's right to choose those things i outlined - it did not remove her ability or right to parent as she sees fit w/in those constraints.

Be careful, or you too may be one of those people who 'used to' have sole legal.

You also so not get to dictate visitation. If it's outlined in the order, mom gets the time.

I'm not sure that this guy really even has SOLE physical AND legal custody. It would be nice if he'd answer my damn question about the exact wording.

 

[CJane]

I'm not sure that this guy really even has SOLE physical AND legal custody. It would be nice if he'd answer my damn question about the exact wording.

Yeah, me either. But... if he does, he doesn't have all the power that he thinks he does.

Also, this is from the KS Bar Assoc's Website

Sole custody means that one parent makes all the major decisions regarding the child's upbringing and the child lives with that parent. The other parent may have specified visitation rights. Sole custody occurs when one parent is not involved, i.e., prison, or suffers from mental incapacity.

Wonder what Mom's mental incapacity is?

 

[ceara19]

Yeah, me either. But... if he does, he doesn't have all the power that he thinks he does.

Also, this is from the KS Bar Assoc's Website



Wonder what Mom's mental incapacity is?

I have a few ideas, but I think I'll keep them to myself until he answers my question.

I've noticed that far too many people are under the impression that being named the residential parent or being given primary custody means that they have sole custody. It's even worse here in Texas because they use the terms "managing conservator" (cp) and "possessory conservator" (ncp). I've actually been in court a few times and seen the respondent (defendant) get excited when they are named the "possessory conservator" because they think it means that they will have primary POSSESSION of the kids.

It would be so much easier if all of the states would get together and come up with standard, consistent terminology instead of having 50 different phrases that have the same basic meaning.

 

[CJane]

I have a few ideas, but I think I'll keep them to myself until he answers my question.

I've noticed that far too many people are under the impression that being named the residential parent or being given primary custody means that they have sole custody. It's even worse here in Texas because they use the terms "managing conservator" (cp) and "possessory conservator" (ncp). I've actually been in court a few times and seen the respondent (defendant) get excited when they are named the "possessory conservator" because they think it means that they will have primary POSSESSION of the kids.

It would be so much easier if all of the states would get together and come up with standard, consistent terminology instead of having 50 different phrases that have the same basic meaning.

I'm not even sure that KS differentiates between physical and legal custody as some states do... as Missouri does.

And then, when you have agreed orders, it gets even weirder. My ex had sole legal AND physical custody of the kids - but they have always lived with me 60% of the time... now we have joint legal and physical, they still live with me the majority of the time, but use his address for school purposes - making him the 'residential' parent.

And... neither of us has 'visitation' - in MO it's now called 'temporary custodial period'... which my ex fought tooth and nail both times because he thinks that calling it visitation gives the CP more power.

 

[ceara19]

I'm not even sure that KS differentiates between physical and legal custody as some states do... as Missouri does.

And then, when you have agreed orders, it gets even weirder. My ex had sole legal AND physical custody of the kids - but they have always lived with me 60% of the time... now we have joint legal and physical, they still live with me the majority of the time, but use his address for school purposes - making him the 'residential' parent.

And... neither of us has 'visitation' - in MO it's now called 'temporary custodial period'... which my ex fought tooth and nail both times because he thinks that calling it visitation gives the CP more power.

My final custody papers were very different then most just because the ex was not "named" anything except "the respondent". It didn't even specifically name him "the father". Fortunately, that is all over and done with. I think I'll use my extra copies of the order to line the cat's litter box.

 

[CJane]

I think I'll use my extra copies of the order to line the cat's litter box.

Heh. I think I like that idea a lot.

Unfortunately, mine just keep expanding. I'm now up to almost a full drawer in the filing cabinet, just for legal stuff.

 

[wnagel]

What EXACTLY does your court order say about both physical AND legal custody? Even IF she technically violated the order be taking him out of school, this isn't a matter that I would bring to the court unless I could PROVE that it taking the child out of school HARMED the child. If you do, you will run the risk pf looking like an ass that wants to control what mom does during HER parenting time.

Thanks for your response. My court order states (after a hearing that lasted a day) that I have sole custody, that I am the primary custodian and Mom has limited visitation, being every Saturday, a few holidays, and one week in december. I did this feat pro'se against 4 attorneys at their table.

 

[wnagel]

My ex used to have sole legal custody, and he made these same assumptions.

What 'sole legal' allows you to do is CHOOSE the child's school, CHOOSE their Doctors, CHOOSE their religion if applicable. It does NOT allow you to DICTATE what mom does on her time. She can still take the child to the doctor that YOU have chosen... she can take the child to curch - or not on her time. She can attend parent teacher conferences, keep the child home from school if he's sick (and have the absence excused by the school) etc - without informing you at all, unless the order specifies differently.

Thank you for the definition. This is helpful.

 

[wnagel]

Yeah, me either. But... if he does, he doesn't have all the power that he thinks he does.

Also, this is from the KS Bar Assoc's Website



Wonder what Mom's mental incapacity is?

Mom had sole custody for 10 years. From day one she denied me my children, only allowing me to see them just to keep the court happy, but then denying them over and over again. Most judges will accept any type of excuse, but eventually after 690 actual denied visitation days and 180 denied telephone calls, the Judges and over 10 years, the jugde finally said that he had enough and changed custody, awarding me sole custody. So, after spending close to $100,000 in attorneys for bringing her to court for over 10 years the shoe is now on the other foot. No, I'm really not one of those vengeful people who will deny back. So far, I have had sole custody for about a year, and only had to file one contempt for mom not returning the child. The court did find in my favor and took away her visitation for 2 months for the stunt.

 

[ceara19]

Mom had sole custody for 10 years. From day one she denied me my children, only allowing me to see them just to keep the court happy, but then denying them over and over again. Most judges will accept any type of excuse, but eventually after 690 actual denied visitation days and 180 denied telephone calls, the Judges and over 10 years, the jugde finally said that he had enough and changed custody, awarding me sole custody. So, after spending close to $100,000 in attorneys for bringing her to court for over 10 years the shoe is now on the other foot. No, I'm really not one of those vengeful people who will deny back. So far, I have had sole custody for about a year, and only had to file one contempt for mom not returning the child. The court did find in my favor and took away her visitation for 2 months for the stunt.

I would just drop the matter at hand all together. The Judge got tired of mom's games and changed custody. You don't want to start bringing petty matters in front of the court and make the Judge regret the decision.

Unless the child failed the semester because of the missed days, it's really not something to make an issue of. I take my kids out of school for vacations all the time. I would ask mom to please let you know in advance if she is planning on doing this again so that arrangements can be made to get the child's school work done BEFORE the trip.