READ THE Military & Support modification POST

[topsidder]

What is the name of your state?

Now all you MALE NCP's out there. Read the post dated 7-20-04 carefully!

When the service comes to you and says you will now be on active duty, tell them you cannot afford it. Tell them that because of the TEMPORARY INCREASE for hazard duty, the courts, your ex, and all the men bashing websites will take you to court (during your VACATION over in Afghan., Kosovo, or if your real lucky, your vacation in Saddam territory) and increase your support.

Tell your CO that you really appreciate the offer to go on vacation and put your life at risk, but the financial reward (that whopping extra 300/mnth hazard pay) will ruin you for the next 15 or so years. Because, you see, once they raise the CS to the level of your TEMPORARY pay increase (so you can get killed) the courts will now and forever imput that income.

I am certain if all military personnel explain this in a rational manner, actually tell your CO to read the post dated 7-20-04 "Military & Support Modification", they will see your plight.

REFUSAE THE TEMPORARY HAZARD PAY. THE COURTS WILL IMPUTE THE INCOME AND EXPECT YOU TO MAKE THAT LEVEL FOREVER!

 

[nextwife]

Topsidder, both male and female NCPs in miltary service face the same problem.

 

[topsidder]

I stand corrected. Thank you for pointing out my error nextwife. All NCP's in the military both male and female.

However, in my experience, the percentage of men NCP's who pay support vs. women NCP's is about 5 to 1. In my view, that is sex discrimination.

I will once again get on my soap box, briefly. I am not an attorney. Just a person who got in the "system" and now cannot shake the feeling of total lack of due process, repsect for the judical system and most importantly, upholding the constitution.

There once was a time when government did not "regulate" dometic relations. Our great country is now at the point of letting government in to our personal lives and we actually have supporters of this type of "regulation". The government has stomped all over the constitution, and bar the most recent ruling from CA. (non-bio dad does NOT have to pay support), the people we trust the most to protect and prevent injustice, have been aiding and abetting the criminal government. Only in the past week, has a judge actually looked at a public department and said we will not help you (county) violate this mans constitutional rights. It is about damn time.

All who can challenge this figure pls do so. Site case on point pls. I am interested in compiling this data.

 

[bobina]

If you go to any state child support site there is information there for Guard and Reservists who have been called to active duty. It states that if their pay is going to be decreased because of it they should file for a modification accordingly.

If a service member is getting $300 extra for hazard pay, that is not enough to warrant a modification in child support. Also, if you are overseas on "vacation to lose your life", the courts will not raise your support since you will not be available to attend a court hearing. (which is the reason I posted my question)

I'm not sure exactly where you were going with this but maybe you should do some more research.

 

[snodderly]

I'm not real sure why you have a problem with the mother of a child who has not been recieving support for that child, finally being able to go after the father for said support.

Explain that to me please! The thread you referenced was not started by some money grubbing mother who wants more child support and is trying to take advantage of the guys hazzardous duty pay. It was started by a mother who has been getting no support and is looking at this as an opportunity to finally get what is rightfully hers.....financial help in raising the slobs child.

Let's think about it this way. All those mothers and fathers who are off on some foreign soil while away from their families, what do you suppose they are doing about keeping those families financially secure. Maybe if they go to their CO and nicely explain that being in harms way puts a financial strain on them then they can also cut their children lose.

Man, I think you have hit on something big here!! Hell, every active duty member could use it as an excuse to slough off their financial responsibilities. Uncle Sam would surely be understanding!! Maybe they can ad a clause to enlistment papers....if you have to go off to war you no longer have to worry about supporting your children. Bet that would help up the enlistment numbers!!

Give me a break buddy!! You are just another sore head pissed off because he had to take care of the children he played a part in creating. I saw your post on how to get a garnishment stopped as soon as your daughter turned 18. You wanted it stopped whether she had finished high school or not. You wanted it stop regardless of what she might be needing from you cause she was 18 and that meant the end of your responsibility.

For your information Georgia has post minority support. If the mother of your daughter chose, she could take you back to court and get another 4 years worth of support out of you while your daughter attends college. Thank God there are legal systems willing to intervene and make people like you who are looking for a way out of supporting your own children do the right thing by those children.
snoddrely

 

[topsidder]

First of all, orders open for modification of termination date (in it's own right, in my opnion, unconstitutional) in GA must be dated prior to July 1st 1993. So, therefor, my husbands order MAY NOT be changed at some Judge's whim.

Secondly, my husbands decision to not continue support after the age of majority is his RIGHT. If you have read my posts as you claim, you will also notice that:

1. The courts decided that my husband was so unfit, the ex be granted sole custody.

2. In addition to providing 100% of the childs support for the past 17 years (she does not and has not held a job), he pays 100% of the health insurance and 100% of EVERY out-of-pocket expense incurred for medical care right down to the $10 copay, SHE gets the tax break! And, she does not even have income!

3. Finally, the ex has stated, in front of my step-daughter and the courts, that my husband is a terrible father. That he is a danger to her.

Now, please explain why would you expect him to give a rat's a$$ about a child he does not know, who costs him over 1K/mnth, and to top it all off, labeld a "dead beat, unfit, no custodial rights" parent . What makes you even think he would voluntarily give to that? I have said it before, and I will say it again, his obligation ends at 18. That was in the divorce papers and was never changed. In any of the three modifications he has received since being in the system. Actually, he spoke with his case worker this week, and was advised that since the original order was dated prior to 1993, and education was never addressed, it is to late for them to address the issue.

However, to be honest with you, BOTH my husband and I would relish an opportunity to see her in civil court again. Maybe you can contact her and recommend an attorney. Better hurry though, less than 30 days left untill 18.

 

[nextwife]

Children of married parents are not entitled to post minority support. I personally paid my own way through college, so did my siblings (and my father before me who became an attorney). WE all became responsible, very successful adults. Why should children of divorced or never married parents have a greater entitlement to something we children of intact families weren't entitled to?

Until and unless we require this of ALL parents, we have no business requiring it of some.

 

[snodderly]

nextwife, no one is entitled to any sort of post minority support. I also paid my way through college....every last penny of it and work at the same time. Am I a better person because of it, am I more successful because of it....no.

My ex husband on the other hand had everything paid for. During our marriage there was an agreement that our children would be given the same opportunity he had in life and their college tuition would be paid for by us. His father did it for him and he prided himself on being in a position to do it for his own children. That all changed one day in his mind and he wanted no part of any of the responsibilities he had been a party to.

In doing research on post minority support I contacted 2 state universities. At the University of Alabama I was told that 87% of the students there get their tuition paid for by their parents. At the University of Auburn I was told that 83% of their students get their tuition paid for by the parent. The majority of those students get federal financial aid with the remaining balance paid by the student's parents.

It would seem that, although we are not legally entitled to post minority support that there is clear evidence that the majority of the parents in this country feel it a moral obligation to help finance their child's college education. I'm glad to say I fall in that majority.

Legally issues can be dictated by the court system. Moral issues can't and the court system can not dictate how a parent feels about providing for that child's needs. They can, however dictate what a parent will do based on past behavior of that parent. My ex husband sat on a witness stand and told a judge that it had always been his intention to pay for college but he could no longer do that because of his new $43,000.00 truck, his new horse, his stable fees and his new horse trailor. Thank God the judge didn't have much sympathy for him!

When asked how his father had managed to put him and his brothers through college the ex told the judge that his father had sacrificed. The judge told him he it was too bad he had not inherited his father's character.
snodderly

 

[snodderly]

1. The courts decided that my husband was so unfit, the ex be granted sole custody.

It's pretty hard to prove a parent unfit. Being a court advocate in custody cases I've seen a judge grant parental rights in cases that were appalling. I can't imagine what your husband would have to have done for a judge come to this decision.


2. In addition to providing 100% of the childs support for the past 17 years (she does not and has not held a job), he pays 100% of the health insurance and 100% of EVERY out-of-pocket expense incurred for medical care right down to the $10 copay, SHE gets the tax break! And, she does not even have income!

You are contridicting yourself. In a recent post you said that he was taken to court in 2003 and forced to pay $900 toward $1700 in medical bills. That sounds like a far cry from 100%. You said he was taken to court by his ex wife to help cover medical expenses for a five year period. What about the 12 years before that?

3. Finally, the ex has stated, in front of my step-daughter and the courts, that my husband is a terrible father. That he is a danger to her.

If this is her belief then it is her right to express it. Are you saying that the mother of a child should only get child support if she is willing to stand up in court and singing his praises?

Now, please explain why would you expect him to give a rat's a$$ about a child he does not know, who costs him over 1K/mnth, and to top it all off, labeld a "dead beat, unfit, no custodial rights" parent . What makes you even think he would voluntarily give to that?

Because that is what sets us apart of animals. Our human ability to love our children unconditionally. Loving a child is not based on how much that child costs us, how well we know that child or what that child has said about us. It is human nature to love our child by the mere fact that they are our children. There is nothing my children could do to me that would cause me to stop loving them and wanting to give to them. Hell, Ted Bundy's mother loved him right up until the time they walked him into the death chamber and he had said and done terrible things to her. It's the difference between being a parent and a butt sniffing dog in the mud.

As for that $1000 a month he is sending her. It's a drop in the bucket compared to what it takes to actually raise a child in a decent lifestyle these days. You guys really shouldn't be patting yourself on the back for doing it cause it ain't much that you have done.

When you get that child support stopped and you have that extra $1000 a month. You can enjoy the extra income, go do some shopping, maybe buy a new car or some new furniture. In the long run what you do with it won't matter at all though cause neither of you will have the respect and trust of that 18 year old girl. That, to me, is a sad statement as far as what you feel is important in life.

Something to think about. Somewhere along the line your husband decided his daughter was of no importance to him. He has paid but he was resented every penny of it according to you. You might be careful, cause if he can treat his own daughter with such disregard what the heck would he do to you if he should ever decide you were no longer of any us to him? You might want to sock a little of that extra $1000 away in a secret account in case you ever find yourself in the position of having to take him to court. You don't have children with him do you?!?!
snodderly

 

[topsidder]

snodderly,

my niece really wants to go to private school. My brother needs 550.00/mnth to send her. Can you please pick-up the tab?

I know you do not even KNOW HER, but your human kindness would be greatly appreciated.

Your pretty moral package may work on others, but I have been in the system to long for that to work on me. It is nothing but a bunch of crap we feed the NCP's to anesthitize them! He met his obligation. He owes no more and unless and untill some judge says he does, he is not paying more.

Now, if you want to say we are immorale fine. Assuming that she matches his 1K a month, thats 2K month to raise one child. Are you idicating that is inadequate?

Hey, like I said, please send money to my brother. Why would you not want to help out some poor child you do not now? I can give you his address.

 

[bobina]

Snodderly, great post.

Topsidder, why does your husband not know his child? Did he not have visitation rights? Did he not use those visitation rights or fight for those rights?

It sounds like it's his own damn fault and I feel very sad for him.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Topsidder, It sounds like you are pointing your finger in the wrong direction but apparently you and your husband deserve each other.

Snodderly pointed out the contradicitons in your story which speaks for its self and the advise to start putting aside some money for your future might be a very wise idea.

I sincerely hope the child's future is not adversely impacted by all the venom you hold for her and her mother and perhaps best in the long run that there has been limited contact apparently it was with good reason.

 

[stealth2]

Now, please explain why would you expect him to give a rat's a$$ about a child he does not know, who costs him over 1K/mnth, and to top it all off, labeld a "dead beat, unfit, no custodial rights" parent

Uuuuuh, because the kid is not the one who did any of this? Whatever hatred and disdain Dad has for Mom, the daughter is an innocent victim. Yes, even at 17, she is the victim of her parents' relationship. She had no choice in being born, not having her parents stay together in a marital relationship, not in living with Mom, not in hearing negative things about her Dad. None of it. Could she have fought her way through all that? Perhaps. But kids do what they need to do to survive. If she's treated Dad in less than a kind manner, Dad needs to be the grownup and understand that she's been doing what she had to. The last thing he should be doing is punishing her for his and Mom's poor choices and behaviors.

JMO.

 

[snodderly]

topsidder, your ignorance and lack of character shine through every time you post. You are, without a doubt one of those who believe they should not have to suffer the consequences of their actions. I have a feeling that life, for you is about getting what you need when you need and to hell with what other's might need....even the daughter of the man you are married to.


my niece really wants to go to private school. My brother needs 550.00/mnth to send her. Can you please pick-up the tab?

The concept of parental love and carying for one's child is completely lost on your isn't it? If your brother needs money for private school for his daughter and feels it is the best thing for her then I'm sure he will come up with the money. Most father's and mother's would. Unless of course they are the type people to resent doing what your average parent would feel compelled to do. If so, then there is nothing I could do except pick up the tab for their sorry butts. Us tax payers are doing it day in and day out for slugs like your husband.

Your pretty moral package may work on others, but I have been in the system to long for that to work on me. It is nothing but a bunch of crap we feed the NCP's to anesthitize them! He met his obligation. He owes no more and unless and untill some judge says he does, he is not paying more.

I've been in the system a long time myself topsidder. Nearly 6 years of haggling with a man who makes $92,000 over providing for the children he decided he didn't want. Oh, he wants them to love him and respect him and visit with him and not ask him any questions about why he all of a sudden decided to take his money, love and concern elsewhere. Sounds like he might be related to your husband!!

We are talking about 2 different issues here. Morality and financial responsibility toward one's children are not the same thing. Of course, there are some of us who feel that it would be immoral to not be financially responsible for our children. Some though were never taught those core values and no matter how long you are in the "system" if it ain't there it ain't going to be there. I have a feeling if your husband had the core values that most father's have you would not have been in and out of the system so much. If he had been doing the right thing toward his child then the system would not have become involved in the first place. Stop complaining about the system honey, when it's your own actions that got you caught up in the system.

Now, if you want to say we are immorale fine. Assuming that she matches his 1K a month, thats 2K month to raise one child. Are you idicating that is inadequate?

Is that a serious question? You better believe $2000 is inadequate!! That would put his daughter living at right above the poverty level according to the last census taken in this country. It would qualify her for free lunch at school and extra support from the state. What I don't find adequate is the morals of a man who can sleep at night knowing that the only responsibility he has toward his child is sending a check for $1000 a month. Give me a break, that fool you are married to is contemptable if he feels he has done anything at all for his child other than completely dismiss her as a human being.

My ex pays $1040.00 a month is child support. That is for 2 children and based on an annual salary by him of $92,000.00 a year. My ex husband walked away from his children, took $79,000 and year with him. Excuse me if I don't feel any pity for him and his burdens in life. I provide 3 times the financial support my ex husband does so that I can maintain a decent lifestyle for my children.

I and mothers like myself don't have the luxury of being stroke and told how wonderful we are and how terrible it is we are having to live the lives we live. I can't lay awake at night and grow bitter over how badly the system did my children. Hell, I'm too busy raising them on a daily basis, doing EVERYTHING that is done for them and on less than half the income of my ex husband.

If your husband is paying $1000 a month child support then honey, he must have a substantial income of his own. Child support is based on income and don't come back and try and tell me some judge just arbitrarily took most of his salary and the two of you are doing without.

topsidder, you are a vindictive, unempathetic wife who resents the fact that her husband was forced to take care of the child he had with another woman. You have so little concern for what life might have been like for this man's daughter over the last 18 years that it is contemptable. You lack common human decency. Most of us would care more for a perfect stranger than you seem to be able to for the daughter of the man you are married to. Every time you post on these forums you give yourself and your true nature away.

Why would you not want to help out some poor child you do not now? I can give you his address.

I do help. I work 10 hours a week with my local family court system as a volunteer court appointed advocate. I have a degree in psychology and work part time with Families First in the state of Tennessee. I work my a$$ off teaching my children the meaning of the concept of compassion and empathy. To respect themselves and others and to never shirk their responsibilities. I work daily trying to put a stop to the sick cycle that people like you perpetuate every day in this country.

That is something you can't understand though. Your mind goes straight to money....give me a hand out....pay for something I don't feel like paying. Believe me, I come into contact with people like you daily. Thank God most of them have more respect for themselves, their children and the system than you!
snodderly

 

[topsidder]

The only slug snobberly is the ex wife. Thats who you and my husbands tax liability (he makes 85K year) and my tax dollars are supporting. Your tax dollar is NOT supporting my husbands resposibility. You are supporting his ex's other child who was born out of wedlock. His daughter receives NO financial aid and WE made certain of that. Even though she was down at medicaid claiming she qualified (leave it to a 10th grade education to think this way) even though WE carried full-boat insurance, I nixed that right away!

We pay her 880/mnth in support. Her contribution = ZERO ZILCH NADA NOTHING! And, she continues to have children WTF to men she does not marry! Get of your soap box pal. I am certain if you stand in line, you will get your turn at the turn knob also. Rumor has it, she does just about anyone!

Want her number