What is the name of your state? Texas
It's been almost three years since my child custody case resulted in my oldest daughter (now 15) being allowed to live with her dad and the younger daughter (now 8) staying with me. Because the oldest had written that she wanted to live with her dad, the judge decided she could. Since my home and paranting were not deemed as inappropiate he did not give custody of the younger child to her father. My ex wanted to have me pay child support instead of the 184.00 a month I had gotton from him for both girls. The judge decided since each of us had responsibility of one child no support was required from either side. I was horribly hurt, and to help my oldest pack and leave me tore my heart out. I still feel the hurt every day.
I just made the last payment to my lawyer for her services, I guess that is what got me to reflecting as to how our lives are today. 3 years later.
My oldest has just started high school, she & her dad still live with his sister and her family in thier house. She calls me most nights to bring her over to eat dinner, her father works late and goes to bed as soon as he gets home and with the other family members working evenings or busy with thier own plans my oldest is often on her own for dinner. I never say a word I just pick her up and am happy to have her. On my weekends off she comes over to stay Friday and Saturday night with us and tells me all about her teenage world, I give her love and encoragment, we have talked thru problems with her grades, the "too old" boyfriend and a host of other issues. I always let her know that my home is always her home too. I am nervous daily, she is often left to her own devices because her dad is frequently working, out with his friends, or over across the border at the casino. My oldest feels like he needs her though and she wants to stay there with him. Just tonight she told me she had not talked to or seen her dad all weekend, he left Friday after work & didnt return till this morning. He didn't tell her he was going anywhere and did not return her calls to his cell phone. I try to discuss this with her father that I am concerned but he doesn't return my calls either. But I keep trying. Plus all my information is only what I hear my oldest say. I cannot know exactly what goes on there as I do not live there. I keep contact with her daily, ask that she inform me of her plans that even though she lives with her dad that does not change the fact that I am her mother and wish to be as activly involved in her life as I can. So I settle for dinners, weekends and phone calls and pray everyday. I help with her school clothes & expenses, I'm not asked to, I do it because she is my child. I make arrangments for her medical care since he does not carry insurance on her.
My youngest is healthy and happy, her days are filled with school, friends, playing with her brother and getting into all sorts of scraps. My ex doesn't call her but maybye once a month, he never calls to have her come stay the weekends he is entitled to unless it is first instigated by the oldest and just plain ignores her. She made the comment to her sister tonight that her daddy just lies to her and it makes her angry. My husband and I stay very involved with her and her brother, we frequently tell her we love her. We do not talk badly of her father where she can hear us but we don't offer excuses for his behavior either. But it hurts me to see her cry when he doesn't show up to pick her up like he said he would. He doesn't help with her school clothes or activities or medical expenses, I don't rely on him for any contribution to her care whatsoever. I could say that someday he will reap the harvest of his actions but, he ignored both girls like this when my oldest was younger but as soon as she became a teenager suddenly he was the best thing in the world.
I am very wary of everything now, I have learned the hard way how life can be. I only do the best I can. One thing I have learned is life does go on, regardless of decisions made you learn to adjust, eventually.
There is no purpose to this post really, only maybye to provide a little insight to others going through child custody battles. Things may not always go your way, even if you feel your 100% right. Be open to the facts and no matter how it works out just be as much a part of your childrens life as you can. My oldest and I are probebly closer now than we ever were. It is to my advantage at this time to be the "other parant". Life may change, but love doesn't.
Wishing everyone peace, love and happy children,
teggieWhat is the name of your state?
It's been almost three years since my child custody case resulted in my oldest daughter (now 15) being allowed to live with her dad and the younger daughter (now 8) staying with me. Because the oldest had written that she wanted to live with her dad, the judge decided she could. Since my home and paranting were not deemed as inappropiate he did not give custody of the younger child to her father. My ex wanted to have me pay child support instead of the 184.00 a month I had gotton from him for both girls. The judge decided since each of us had responsibility of one child no support was required from either side. I was horribly hurt, and to help my oldest pack and leave me tore my heart out. I still feel the hurt every day.
I just made the last payment to my lawyer for her services, I guess that is what got me to reflecting as to how our lives are today. 3 years later.
My oldest has just started high school, she & her dad still live with his sister and her family in thier house. She calls me most nights to bring her over to eat dinner, her father works late and goes to bed as soon as he gets home and with the other family members working evenings or busy with thier own plans my oldest is often on her own for dinner. I never say a word I just pick her up and am happy to have her. On my weekends off she comes over to stay Friday and Saturday night with us and tells me all about her teenage world, I give her love and encoragment, we have talked thru problems with her grades, the "too old" boyfriend and a host of other issues. I always let her know that my home is always her home too. I am nervous daily, she is often left to her own devices because her dad is frequently working, out with his friends, or over across the border at the casino. My oldest feels like he needs her though and she wants to stay there with him. Just tonight she told me she had not talked to or seen her dad all weekend, he left Friday after work & didnt return till this morning. He didn't tell her he was going anywhere and did not return her calls to his cell phone. I try to discuss this with her father that I am concerned but he doesn't return my calls either. But I keep trying. Plus all my information is only what I hear my oldest say. I cannot know exactly what goes on there as I do not live there. I keep contact with her daily, ask that she inform me of her plans that even though she lives with her dad that does not change the fact that I am her mother and wish to be as activly involved in her life as I can. So I settle for dinners, weekends and phone calls and pray everyday. I help with her school clothes & expenses, I'm not asked to, I do it because she is my child. I make arrangments for her medical care since he does not carry insurance on her.
My youngest is healthy and happy, her days are filled with school, friends, playing with her brother and getting into all sorts of scraps. My ex doesn't call her but maybye once a month, he never calls to have her come stay the weekends he is entitled to unless it is first instigated by the oldest and just plain ignores her. She made the comment to her sister tonight that her daddy just lies to her and it makes her angry. My husband and I stay very involved with her and her brother, we frequently tell her we love her. We do not talk badly of her father where she can hear us but we don't offer excuses for his behavior either. But it hurts me to see her cry when he doesn't show up to pick her up like he said he would. He doesn't help with her school clothes or activities or medical expenses, I don't rely on him for any contribution to her care whatsoever. I could say that someday he will reap the harvest of his actions but, he ignored both girls like this when my oldest was younger but as soon as she became a teenager suddenly he was the best thing in the world.
I am very wary of everything now, I have learned the hard way how life can be. I only do the best I can. One thing I have learned is life does go on, regardless of decisions made you learn to adjust, eventually.
There is no purpose to this post really, only maybye to provide a little insight to others going through child custody battles. Things may not always go your way, even if you feel your 100% right. Be open to the facts and no matter how it works out just be as much a part of your childrens life as you can. My oldest and I are probebly closer now than we ever were. It is to my advantage at this time to be the "other parant". Life may change, but love doesn't.
Wishing everyone peace, love and happy children,
teggieWhat is the name of your state?