right of first refusal

[cwx4]

What is the name of your state?CA

Does right of first refusal have to be put into the court paperwork for it to be in effect?
I didn't know to put it in there. I live out of state from my x, but when the children visit him I will be in the same town because I have to fly them home. He definately has to work while the children are in his care.
We had it put into the paperwork that the only acceptable child care providers would be maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents or a licensed child care provider.
There is no way my x will leave the children with my family and his parents both work. He has told me that none of them have put in for time off and the visitation will be in the next few weeks. Knowing him like I do I believe he will leave the children with his girlfriend, her neighbor or another member of his family.
None of these people are acceptable. How can I use the right of first refusal?
Or how can I make sure he doesnt leave them with someone who is not in our divorce agreement?
Is there really anything I can do?

 

[VeronicaGia]

He will have had to already ignored the court order in order for you to file contempt. You cannot deny visitation because you think something will happen, it must happen and be provable.

Look, do you want to deny the kids their rights to the other parent? Do you want to control every aspect of your ex's life when it comes to the kids? By denying him visitation, you are really denying your children their right to two parents. They are the ones who ultimately lose.

 

[SingleMom67]

I agree with Veronica. Also, it is highly unusual to have specific language regarding right of first refusal when parents live in two separate states, but to answer your question, "Yes, it needs to be included specifically."

 

[nextwife]

So, if he's arranged for camp, or similar daytime care for his kids, would that be a violation? My kid has had camp type day programs since age 4 and loves it. My child also has a friend from school whose family is VERY rich (Multi-million dollar home) and have a full time live-in nanny doting on their child, and my daughter has on occassion been invited to spend the day with them and go to "the club". Guess, since that wouldn't be Grandam or Grandpa or an accredited day care, you could file contempt if some similar arrangement were made with your kids?

Good grief, he doesn't follow you around during your time of possession. Let him enjoy his little bit of annual possession time without swooping in from out of state into HIS time.

 

[cwx4]

I must not have explained myself very well. I am not going to deny him visitation for this, I am not going to hold him in contempt of court for something that hasnt happened.

Our divorce papers being mailed to me right now. I just never knew about this right of first refusal.

We have strict child care guidelines because he doesnt want my fiance to babysit and I dont want his girlfriend to babysit because she lost custody of her own children to her first ex-husband who wasnt even really the childrens father, he just raised them since birth. The family member he wants to use to babysit has childrens services investigating her right now and she might loose custody of her son to the state.
Also my two oldest dont like the family member and due to my x introducing his girlfriend to my children before I knew about the affair, they arent comfortable with her. My x likes that he doesnt have to pay either of these people.

I am not trying to be hateful. I was simply wondering if it was too late to put that in there. He has never mentioned it so he may not know about it either.

The summer camp thing wont happen. My x thinks things like that are a waste of money. He wouldnt even allow me to put them in swimming lessons or boy scouts when we were togeather.

 

[cwx4]

So, if he's arranged for camp, or similar daytime care for his kids, would that be a violation? My kid has had camp type day programs since age 4 and loves it. My child also has a friend from school whose family is VERY rich (Multi-million dollar home) and have a full time live-in nanny doting on their child, and my daughter has on occassion been invited to spend the day with them and go to "the club". Guess, since that wouldn't be Grandam or Grandpa or an accredited day care, you could file contempt if some similar arrangement were made with your kids?

Good grief, he doesn't follow you around during your time of possession. Let him enjoy his little bit of annual possession time without swooping in from out of state into HIS time.

This last part about how he doesnt bother our time, yes he does. And the reason I have to stay in the town he lives in while the children visit him is because that is where my family lives and I would like to visit them. And he will not fly the children anywhere. I have to take the children to him and pick them up. So why buy two plane tickets when I can just visit my family for a few weeks and save the extra money?
I wont be following him around during his time. My children dont want to go see him. He was abusive to me and they saw alot of that. I do however think its a good idea to stay close by (it's about a 20 minute drive across town to where they will be) incase he decides to take his anger out on them since I am not there to catch it.

 

[titansfan]

its dads choice who he has for a babysitter

unless its proven that any of these people are a danger to the kids, dad is allowed to make any child care arrangements he wants during HIS time, wether its his gf, the nieghbor or whoever. you certainly cant leave the kids home alone. his girlfriend losing custody of HER kids is none of YOUR business.your kids dont have a choice-they either go to dad's or you risk being held in contempt, they dont have a say in the visitation.

 

[tigger22472]

unless its proven that any of these people are a danger to the kids, dad is allowed to make any child care arrangements he wants during HIS time, wether its his gf, the nieghbor or whoever. you certainly cant leave the kids home alone. his girlfriend losing custody of HER kids is none of YOUR business.your kids dont have a choice-they either go to dad's or you risk being held in contempt, they dont have a say in the visitation.

Kelly, do even read ANYONE"S post before you run your mouth? The poster said it is in the COURT ORDER(remember what those mean?) that only the maternal or paternal grandparents are to watch the children. Dad could probably EASILY get this changed, especially considering the distance involved here but until it is changed then he must follow the order. His girlfriend losing her child COULD very well be her business depending on the circumstances. STOP giving wrong advice and leading people astray.

Poster, unless I missed it I didn't see an age of the children. Why are YOU flying out with the children? Is this also in the court order?

You aren't likely going to get first rights of refusal due to the distance, in fact, as stated above dad can likely easily get the order changed to a care provider of his choice. Whom are you to leave the children with when you need a sitter?

Another thing, assuming the two of you lived in the same state previously, who moved away during (or before) the divorce?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

tIGG, I was replying just as I saw yours.

Kelly is clueless to the law. Actually, she is just clueless all the time.

How's all those kids and dead folk Kelly? Well, some were dead, but now they are not.

Get off the forums you idiot. Everyone knows who you are, and all you are doing is imbarrassing yourself.