Rights of Unmarried Mother for baby

[grandmah]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado
I have a 6 month old girl and just recently separated from her biological father (we were never married). I have her 5 days/6 nights per week. He refuses to follow her schedule when she's with him as he states he's the father and can do whatever he wants. He's very difficult to deal with and by him changing her schedule to what suits him, is messing her up when she comes back home. I am in the process of getting an attorney, but until I get one, can I legally not allow him visitation until the court orders otherwise?

 

[mmmagique]

You could, but you shouldn't. Father is going to get some sort of custody/visitation anyway, and yes, he will be able to follow his own schedule rather than yours on his time. You need to come to terms with it and find work arounds, rather than cutting off your child's time with her father. There will be many disagreements ahead, some that may warrant getting the courts involved. A different schedule is not one of them, and will just make you look petty and vindictive in the eyes of the court. If the court feels that way, they may give dad more sympathy, and thus, give him more than he would have otherwise. Love your child enough to let her have (and enjoy) the time with her dad. This is not worth fighting over.

 

[grandmah]

What he's not following is messing with her though. I've given him approved lists of foods she can eat and how much and when her bedtime is. He feeds her unapproved foods which is causing her bowel issues and keeps her up 2 hours past her bedtime so she wakes up several times during the night (then he complains about it). At 6 months old the pediatrician said her schedule needs to be consistent otherwise can cause development issues as well as possible allergic reactions to foods since baby food is just now being introduced.

 

[mmmagique]

What he's not following is messing with her though. I've given him approved lists of foods she can eat and how much and when her bedtime is. He feeds her unapproved foods which is causing her bowel issues and keeps her up 2 hours past her bedtime so she wakes up several times during the night (then he complains about it). At 6 months old the pediatrician said her schedule needs to be consistent otherwise can cause development issues as well as possible allergic reactions to foods since baby food is just now being introduced.

Unless there is a true health issue with certain foods (such as a peanut allergy) dad can feed her what he feels is best. Lots of children have inconsistent schedules and do just fine. You are trying to control everything, and honestly, that's not going to work.

 

[Ladyback1]

What he's not following is messing with her though. I've given him approved lists of foods she can eat and how much and when her bedtime is. He feeds her unapproved foods which is causing her bowel issues and keeps her up 2 hours past her bedtime so she wakes up several times during the night (then he complains about it). At 6 months old the pediatrician said her schedule needs to be consistent otherwise can cause development issues as well as possible allergic reactions to foods since baby food is just now being introduced.

You are a first time Mom, aren't you??

While consistency seems to work well for most children; having both parents in a child's life is much more important than a doctor approved "food list".

 

[RRevak]

Did you automatically know everything there was to know about raising a child when the child was born? I'm betting you had a few stumbles along the way, all new parents do. How else do they learn? Dad is going to learn to do things in ways that work for HIM just as you've had to learn to do things that work for YOU. Are those things always going to match? Of course not because that's the drawback of having 2 PARENTS who aren't together and live apart. If its causing you this much strife NOW then you're going to be in a world of awful when kiddo gets older because believe me, it won't change. No court is going to force dad to do things your way unless there are medical issues that require a 100% consistent routine (and even that can sometimes be iffy) because the court recognizes that parents often do things differently. You really need to relax and unless then child is in danger, start getting used to dealing with things as they come.

 

[single317dad]

What he's not following is messing with her though. I've given him approved lists of foods she can eat and how much and when her bedtime is. He feeds her unapproved foods which is causing her bowel issues and keeps her up 2 hours past her bedtime so she wakes up several times during the night (then he complains about it). At 6 months old the pediatrician said her schedule needs to be consistent otherwise can cause development issues as well as possible allergic reactions to foods since baby food is just now being introduced.

Dad will be allowed to make his own decisions as to how to feed the child (within reason -- broken glass, for example, is not a food; chocolate chip cookies are.) Far too many parents feed their children an exclusive diet of McDonald's chicken nuggets. That, too, is allowed.

If Dad is complaining about the child fussing after him feeding her the wrong foods, I suggest you explain once that the food caused her distress, then refuse to hear further complaints on the matter.

It is in everyone's best interest that you go to court and get an order for custody, visitation, and child support. Follow that order, which may be limited at first due to the age of the child but will eventually amount to something close to every other weekend, one weekday evening, and extended summer visits (assuming the two of you don't agree to another arrangement and submit that to the court).

 

[RRevak]

I'm also going to add then no, at this point you technically do not have to let the child spend time with dad. BUT, if you withhold the child it COULD make you look bad in the eyes of the court which may bite you in the bum when its time to determine custody and visitation (which dad WILL get so prepare for that). NO the court will NOT order dad to give her only your approved foods, NO the court will NOT force dad to make the child go to bed when you want kiddo to, and NO the court will NOT do anything other than create an order for the appropriate times dad can and WILL have visitation with eventual custody time. Really OP, its time to step back and prepare for the inevitable lest you end up on here later complaining that the judge just didn't see things your way and you're not going to follow the order because you know best and dad is lame and the child is "endangered". Trust me, we know the drill as we see that sort of attitude all. the. time.

 

[anearthw]

You're going to make this a long 17.5 years.

Schedule a pediatrician appointment and go together to discuss your baby's bowel issues. Maybe the doctor will have good advice to assist you both this transition.

 

[stealth2]

I've given him approved lists of foods she can eat and how much and when her bedtime is.

Approved by whom?

Maybe it would be better to send a list of what kiddo really likes, instead of what is "approved". What *I* would do is pick a few things that she really, really likes, and talk to Dad about making those Daddy's house foods. If she loves peaches, don't feed them at your house - leave them for Dad to feed. The less you try to control, the more willing he will be to work with you on other stuff.

Maybe get him a copy pf something like"What to Expect The First Year" and tell him how much you learned from it, as a first-time parent. Let him be an equal partner in your child's life - the next 17 1/2+ years will be much easier to navigate

 

[stealth2]

Okay, guess you're not a first-time parent, since you have a 24yo grandson... and a 6mo daughter...

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/grandma-wants-custody-254357.html

 

[anearthw]

Food lists are great. 6 month olds also enjoy crud they find in the vents. This is petty. Don't use your child as a pawn (grandchild?).

 

[Just Blue]

Okay, guess you're not a first-time parent, since you have a 24yo grandson... and a 6mo daughter...

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/grandma-wants-custody-254357.html

I would love to know when the title "grandmother" started to = flipping nutty control freeek. The more I read and hear I get more frightened for all the grandbabies out there.
I am not posting to insult the loving and giving grands out there...but some of these persons are flipping NUTS!!

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado
I have a 6 month old girl and just recently separated from her biological father (we were never married). I have her 5 days/6 nights per week. He refuses to follow her schedule when she's with him as he states he's the father and can do whatever he wants. He's very difficult to deal with and by him changing her schedule to what suits him, is messing her up when she comes back home. I am in the process of getting an attorney, but until I get one, can I legally not allow him visitation until the court orders otherwise?

Welcome to the joys of co-parenting!

Not to beat the horse into the glue factory, but...yeah. As frustrated as you might feel, contributing to frustration doth not a bad parent make.

Let's turn things around though. Say had custody, with you getting visitation. Unless you're the next Dalai Lama, you'd hate being told what you could and couldn't do during your parenting time.

Routine is important, yes. But kids adjust far better than we give 'em credit for doing. I believe they benefit far more from a fluid co-parenting situation where both parents are able to recognize that well, we broke up but we can't let that dictate how we do things than from a rigid "I have custody so you have to follow my rules" situation. The latter is far more stressful to the child in my humble opinion.

The baby is what, 6 months old? She can't even figure why her toes wiggle at this point. She isn't going to complain too much because one of you fed her PB&J.

What you do now is going to set the pace for the next 17+ years.

 

[grandmah]

Thanks for the info and opinions. I am a first time mom. This account was created by my grandma years ago when trying to get custody of my uncle's son. I completely forgot she used this back then. I am 22. Some of the info was more helpful than others but information is important. I meet with an attorney tomorrow and we will start the paperwork process and go from there.