Ruminations on a blended family Christmas

[The_Non-Mom]

This will probably be deleted sooner rather than later, but I thought it was worth sharing.

I have four siblings: a step-sister, two half-sisters, and a half-brother. I grew up with my mom, step-dad, and halfs in Wisconsin. My step-sister lived with her mother in Kansas. My father was never in the picture.

My halfs and I rarely got to see my step-sister because her mother often denied visits to my step-dad. Sometimes, we wouldn't see her for years. One time, my mom and step-dad drove all the way to Kansas to pick her up, and no one was home. They stayed in the car at the curb all day waiting for my step-sister and her mother to show up, only to discover that they had snuck in the house when my mom and step-dad dozed off. I asked my step-sister about this once a couple of years ago, if that was the way it really went down. She said that was pretty much how she remembered it - her mom driving around the block until it was "safe" and then hiding in the back bedroom until the knocking on the door stopped.

When she did get to visit, it was a mess. Our mom made sure that we knew my step-sister was an outsider, and we had free reign to treat her that way. My step-dad played Disney dad, trying to cram a whole year's worth of affection in just a week or two. We didn't mind too much when she got expensive toys for Christmas because we got to play with them too. But we were pretty peeved when she got to go home to Kansas with them, and we were stuck with our plain ol' stuff. And our mom blamed my step-dad for our disappointment.

Now we are all grown up. My step-sister still lives in Kansas, and me and my halfs still live in Wisconsin. Her mom is now in a group home after several suicide attempts, and my mom and step-dad split up a few years ago. But all the siblings spend Christmas together every year....with no parents. This year, she and her family are driving to my home for the week and the rest of the siblings will be here with their kids on Christmas Eve. We will spend the day enjoying one another's company with no one watching to be sure we don't get too close to the "interloper". And there won't be resentment from knowing there's a "favorite" (though my sister's new baby is definitely my favorite nephew ). And just like the last two years that we have all been together for Christmas, it will be glorious.

Moral of the story - Parents and step-parents, put your anger and resentment aside this holiday season. Or when the kids are no longer bound by court orders, you may find your kids all spending Christmas together...without you!

 

[Nevergrowup]

This will probably be deleted sooner rather than later, but I thought it was worth sharing.

I have four siblings: a step-sister, two half-sisters, and a half-brother. I grew up with my mom, step-dad, and halfs in Wisconsin. My step-sister lived with her mother in Kansas. My father was never in the picture.

My halfs and I rarely got to see my step-sister because her mother often denied visits to my step-dad. Sometimes, we wouldn't see her for years. One time, my mom and step-dad drove all the way to Kansas to pick her up, and no one was home. They stayed in the car at the curb all day waiting for my step-sister and her mother to show up, only to discover that they had snuck in the house when my mom and step-dad dozed off. I asked my step-sister about this once a couple of years ago, if that was the way it really went down. She said that was pretty much how she remembered it - her mom driving around the block until it was "safe" and then hiding in the back bedroom until the knocking on the door stopped.

When she did get to visit, it was a mess. Our mom made sure that we knew my step-sister was an outsider, and we had free reign to treat her that way. My step-dad played Disney dad, trying to cram a whole year's worth of affection in just a week or two. We didn't mind too much when she got expensive toys for Christmas because we got to play with them too. But we were pretty peeved when she got to go home to Kansas with them, and we were stuck with our plain ol' stuff. And our mom blamed my step-dad for our disappointment.

Now we are all grown up. My step-sister still lives in Kansas, and me and my halfs still live in Wisconsin. Her mom is now in a group home after several suicide attempts, and my mom and step-dad split up a few years ago. But all the siblings spend Christmas together every year....with no parents. This year, she and her family are driving to my home for the week and the rest of the siblings will be here with their kids on Christmas Eve. We will spend the day enjoying one another's company with no one watching to be sure we don't get too close to the "interloper". And there won't be resentment from knowing there's a "favorite" (though my sister's new baby is definitely my favorite nephew ). And just like the last two years that we have all been together for Christmas, it will be glorious.

Moral of the story - Parents and step-parents, put your anger and resentment aside this holiday season. Or when the kids are no longer bound by court orders, you may find your kids all spending Christmas together...without you!

I think it is amazing that you all grew up to be normal, caring people after experiencing what you did. It is so stupid, what some adults do to their own children. Incredible that you all didn't turn out to be manipulative self serving people like the adults in your lives.

I have three dads...lots of sets of grandparents, and a couple of siblings on each side. Blended families can be a blessing, if the adults allow it to be so!

 

[The_Non-Mom]

I think it is amazing that you all grew up to be normal, caring people after experiencing what you did. It is so stupid, what some adults do to their own children. Incredible that you all didn't turn out to be manipulative self serving people like the adults in your lives.
I have three dads...lots of sets of grandparents, and a couple of siblings on each side. Blended families can be a blessing, if the adults allow it to be so!

Well don't give us too much credit.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Well don't give us too much credit.

LOL.

It is amazing what people do to kids. Until I was adopted by Dad #2, I along with my mother was considered an outsider by his side of the family. Then when I was adopted, instantly they were nicer to me. Not to my mom. I did learn to appreciate that side of the family as an adult, but hated those celebrations when I was growing up.

Dad #1 remarried, and his wife was jealous and disliked me (when she became a parapalegic later in life, she changed, we grew closer, she died this summer). They would bring me to her family celebrations, and I had to sit there while all the other dozen kids opened bunches of presents, and I usually got nothing. One time I got $2. Another time I got an adult ornament. I think I might have been 8.

Then on the other side, my "adopted" Grandparents (best friends of my paternal Gma who died before I was born) were truly like bio grandparents, spoiled me rotten, and were truly lovely people. She collected Barbies for me...I have them still, in my daughter's room. Holidays were fantastic with them and I wasn't related by blood to a single one.

My daughter, 17, who has a terrible relationship with her stepmother and father to put it nicely, is treated like a queen at stepmother's family celebrations, go figure. At least some people do the right thing!