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seeking advice on adoption

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tuck26

Junior Member
My stepson is six and honestly doesn't know me by any other monicker then "dad". He doesn't know that another man is out there who is his biological father.

The topic of adoption has come up from time to time between my now wife and family.

Albiet, I am all for due parental rights, but I feel it is in the best interests of the child to become a legal parent and adopt.

Of course, there is the pesky business of the bio father being around. If the man had any real love for his child, he hasn't shown it.

I live in kentucky and we have asked him to voluntarily terminate. Being the man he is, it has always been a prompt "no". Every time it's only because he feels thats one thing that he can hold over mom's head.

Scenario:
Bio mother has sucessfully had abandonment charges filed on bio dad and the court agreed (my step son is six - no contact from bio father)

Bio mother has sucessfully convinced courts to force a name change (child has mothers maiden name)

Bio father has been court ordered to pay child support and is now a year and a half behind. It would be more, but the sad fact is he was ordered to pay up after finally being caught - with illegally tinted windows and the local police ran his file. He was able to conjure up the 5K from that problem after 5 months of court stalling. He narrowly escaped flagrant non support charges.

Bio father had EPO filed from when child was first born (domestic violence). No current EPOs are active.

With that information, I was wondering what would be the best strategy to win this legal battle

1. "Force" him to volunatarily sign over. I assume by filing against him flagrant non support and going through the court mess again. He had weaseled his way out last time, even with the state breathing down his neck.

2. File a petition of involuntary termination of parental rights using some of the aforementioned reasons as my "clear and convincing evidence."

3. Or just go on and see about the petition of adoption, having option 2 follow in its wake.

As a hard working middle class citizen, married proper and happily to his mother, and fully supporting all elements of this childs life, I feel it my duty and right myself to have all the legal ramifications of being his recognized parent and guardian. I am willing to fully to committ to this endeavor no matter the cost.

Shortly, I will have a daughter and want to give my step son the same opportunties and care a real father should - as I do now - and will continue to do.

I do -not- want something to happen to my wife and have a vulture waiting in the wings because I didn't step up and give this child my all. I'm very passionate about my children and want the very best for them.

Thank you for reading. I await your advice on how to proceed.
 


Gracie3787

Senior Member
Hire an attorney. Any type of adoption needs to be handled by an attorney, to make sure everything is done correctly.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
However, adoption or not, the adoption community seriously discourages LYING to, or misleading any child about their bioheritage. Do not allow kiddo to believe you are his biodad even if you do adopt. Adoptive parents should never allow a child to believe adoption is something to hid or that needs to be lied about. It's just another way to create a family, so STOP letting kiddo think you are his biodad!
 

momofrose

Senior Member
The "pesky...vulture" is the person who impregnanted your wife. he may not have stepped up to the plate, but I suggest you change your attitude. You are WRONG WRONG WRONG to let this child think you are the bio father..at this point you are a STEP-father and nothing more. Even if you do go through with an adoption plan you NEED to tell this child the truth and do it gently - DO NOT make thi child think allthose things YOU think. Remember he does stillhave a FATHER "out there" and a child's self esteem can severely be impacted if he is being told his dad is a dirt bag.

TELL THE TRUTH!!!
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
OK, I'm going to take a shot at this. And OP, I'm being nice...


My stepson is six and honestly doesn't know me by any other monicker then "dad". He doesn't know that another man is out there who is his biological father.

The topic of adoption has come up from time to time between my now wife and family.

Your wife needs to tell her son the truth. You're not his Dad. He NEEDS to understand that there is a biological father out there, and that guy ain't you.

Albiet, I am all for due parental rights, but I feel it is in the best interests of the child to become a legal parent and adopt.

Of course, there is the pesky business of the bio father being around. If the man had any real love for his child, he hasn't shown it.

This is going to sound harsh - what you think doesn't matter one iota in a legal sense, and ideally, your wife needs to come here, register, and ask the questions. But since you're here, I've taken a shot anyway.


I live in kentucky and we have asked him to voluntarily terminate. Being the man he is, it has always been a prompt "no". Every time it's only because he feels thats one thing that he can hold over mom's head.

Scenario:
Bio mother has sucessfully had abandonment charges filed on bio dad and the court agreed (my step son is six - no contact from bio father)

So the court agreed that his rights should be terminated based upon abandonment? What exactly do you mean by that? Abandonment "charges"?


Bio mother has sucessfully convinced courts to force a name change (child has mothers maiden name)

Bio father has been court ordered to pay child support and is now a year and a half behind. It would be more, but the sad fact is he was ordered to pay up after finally being caught - with illegally tinted windows and the local police ran his file. He was able to conjure up the 5K from that problem after 5 months of court stalling. He narrowly escaped flagrant non support charges.


So, how many times has Mom gone to court to enforce support?


As a hard working middle class citizen, married proper and happily to his mother, and fully supporting all elements of this childs life, I feel it my duty and right myself to have all the legal ramifications of being his recognized parent and guardian. I am willing to fully to committ to this endeavor no matter the cost.


You have no rights. Understand? For the sake of your stepson, do NOT stroll into court with this attitude.


Shortly, I will have a daughter and want to give my step son the same opportunties and care a real father should - as I do now - and will continue to do.

I do -not- want something to happen to my wife and have a vulture waiting in the wings because I didn't step up and give this child my all. I'm very passionate about my children and want the very best for them.

Thank you for reading. I await your advice on how to proceed.


This isn't your child. You need to understand that.

Now, your wife needs to highttail it to an attorney, because no matter which route this is NOT a DIY project.
 

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