step parent adoption

[jasminesrealmom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I wish to adopt my step daughter. Her father and I have been married for almost 2 years. I have been the only mother in her life since she was 2 years old. My husband filed for sole custody and won about 4 years ago she didn't even call in, and there has been little to no contact since then from the birth mother (2 emails and a threatening call from a another baby daddy). The birth mother lives in Europe and has for 4 years and has another child from a different person. She also comes from money yet has none of her own, she does not support herself or child other child. No child support obviously. I am a stay at home mom for my step daughter and are surrounded by my family (not my husband). We are all she knows. I know that to adopt her we have to terminate the birth mothers parental rights and I have a feeling she will put up a fight. Also she owes about $50,000 in back taxes and was here illegally for about 3 years before she left the country so she would not get caught. ( Don't know if that matters probably not)

Is there any chance I could adopt my step daughter?

 

[Zigner]

Yes, there is definitely a chance. You will want to retain an attorney to assist...this is NOT a do-it-yourself project.

 

[Isis1]

contested adoptions are hard to come by. alot of what you mentioned matters nothing in a court judgement.


the no contact from the parent, matters. was visitation ordered? the no child support matters. when was the last payment? the other stuff, just nonsense.

now, mom will have to be served. if she puts up a fight, it is her legal right.

this is not a DIY project. i'd consult an attorney to see if it's even something you want to pursue to length.

 

[Proserpina]

I'd usually agree, Isis - but seriously, if Mom lives in Europe with so little contact, the court might have a hard time justifying why TPR/stepparent adoption shouldn't go ahead even if Mom objects. If Mom was here illegally, it's likely that she'd face a bar from reentering the country.

Dad and stepmom need to talk to an attorney though, absolutely.

And before dannyt pipes in - don't bother, danny. This is different. Okay?

Okay.

 

[LdiJ]

I'd usually agree, Isis - but seriously, if Mom lives in Europe with so little contact, the court might have a hard time justifying why TPR/stepparent adoption shouldn't go ahead even if Mom objects. If Mom was here illegally, it's likely that she'd face a bar from reentering the country.

Dad and stepmom need to talk to an attorney though, absolutely.

And before dannyt pipes in - don't bother, danny. This is different. Okay?

Okay.

I agree, this is one that might very well happen with an attorney on their side. It doesn't look like there is any viable chance that mom is going to be an actual parent to the child.

 

[jasminesrealmom]

more info

thank you for all the replies.

court custody ruling sole and physical custody awarded to my husband

no visitation was order for birth mom...She did not show up or call into hearing, complete no show

there has been no child support for over 4 years

No contact with the child of any kind for the last 4 years (not even phone call)

Thank you again for any informed opinions and information

We do fear possible kidnapping of our daughter, birth mom has lots of family all over Europe and could hide very easily and has mentioned in past conversions if child were to visit her there, we probably would not get her back. one of the many reasons why we want termintation of rights

ps child in question is now 7 years old almost 8

also how much of my relationship with my daughter a factor in judgment?

 

[Isis1]

thank you for all the replies.

court custody ruling sole and physical custody awarded to my husband

no visitation was order for birth mom...She did not show up or call into hearing, complete no show

there has been no child support for over 4 years

No contact with the child of any kind for the last 4 years (not even phone call)

Thank you again for any informed opinions and information

We do fear possible kidnapping of our daughter, birth mom has lots of family all over Europe and could hide very easily and has mentioned in past conversions if child were to visit her there, we probably would not get her back.

one of the many reasons why we want termintation of rights

look, here's why i said what i said. she might have paid those taxes off since dad last talked to her. she might have been granted a visa. all this you are getting third party. an attorney would definitely help take everything apart and pick up what needs to be done. especially since mom is out of the country. don't want to leave a loophole of something isn't done right.

 

[Proserpina]

thank you for all the replies.

court custody ruling sole and physical custody awarded to my husband

no visitation was order for birth mom...She did not show up or call into hearing, complete no show

there has been no child support for over 4 years

No contact with the child of any kind for the last 4 years (not even phone call)

Thank you again for any informed opinions and information

We do fear possible kidnapping of our daughter, birth mom has lots of family all over Europe and could hide very easily and has mentioned in past conversions if child were to visit her there, we probably would not get her back.

one of the many reasons why we want termintation of rights

I think it's absolutely best to just go ahead and speak with an attorney. I truly can't see much of a problem even if Mom objects - but given that she's out of the country, you might need to do an alternate form of service and that's never a do-it-yourself project.

Good luck to all of you!

 

[Proserpina]

look, here's why i said what i said. she might have paid those taxes off since dad last talked to her. she might have been granted a visa. all this you are getting third party. an attorney would definitely help take everything apart and pick up what needs to be done. especially since mom is out of the country. don't want to leave a loophole of something isn't done right.

I agree about the taxes.

But the immigration thing? Not happening - if she was here illegally (and there's obviously a paper trail), she's not getting a visa any time soon. It's just not happening. She's got at least another 5 years to go before she'd even be considered.

I understand why you posted what you did, though

 

[Isis1]

I agree about the taxes.

But the immigration thing? Not happening - if she was here illegally (and there's obviously a paper trail), she's not getting a visa any time soon. It's just not happening. She's got at least another 5 years to go before she'd even be considered.

I understand why you posted what you did, though

so you still love me?

 

[mistoffolees]

I'd usually agree, Isis - but seriously, if Mom lives in Europe with so little contact, the court might have a hard time justifying why TPR/stepparent adoption shouldn't go ahead even if Mom objects. If Mom was here illegally, it's likely that she'd face a bar from reentering the country.

As a general rule, I'm not real keen on stepparent adoptions, particularly in cases like this where Mom is not in the picture at all. What does SM hope to gain? She can love the kids without adopting them. She can spend time with them without adopting them. She can even support them without adopting them.

Is she aware that if she and Dad divorce, she'll be paying child support until the kids are grown? That's a huge down side.

There are very, very few positives. The main one would be that if they DO divorce, SM (who would then be Mom rather than SM) would have the right to file for custody and/or visitation - and continue to see the kids after the divorce. But depending on the judge, SM (now Mom) might only get very limited visitation, anyway.

Think really hard about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

 

[jasminesrealmom]

@ mistoffolees

Honestly, the main reason why I want to adopt my step daughter is encase anything would happen to my husband my daughter's life would stay as stable as possible. My family( her grandma, aunts, cousins, uncles, etc I have a big family) and I are all she know besides her dad obviously.

I feel that have the security is completely worth the responsibility.

(divorce is not an option in our mind set however if it did happen for some unthinkable reason I would still be a huge part of her life and child support is not an issue we talked about it before we got married )

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If she adopts, she is mom. She is already a stay-at-home mom. In case of a divorce, she would most likely be primary.

Because this is international, go thru an attorney.

 

[Proserpina]

As a general rule, I'm not real keen on stepparent adoptions, particularly in cases like this where Mom is not in the picture at all. What does SM hope to gain? She can love the kids without adopting them. She can spend time with them without adopting them. She can even support them without adopting them.

Is she aware that if she and Dad divorce, she'll be paying child support until the kids are grown? That's a huge down side.

There are very, very few positives. The main one would be that if they DO divorce, SM (who would then be Mom rather than SM) would have the right to file for custody and/or visitation - and continue to see the kids after the divorce. But depending on the judge, SM (now Mom) might only get very limited visitation, anyway.

Think really hard about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

I do understand what you're saying, and in many ways I agree.

But in this situation? I think it's one of the few cases where adoption really might be the best option for the child.

If something were to happen to Dad, stepmom obviously wouldn't have any rights, and it could turn into a horrible, painful and expensive mess.

 

[mistoffolees]

I do understand what you're saying, and in many ways I agree.

But in this situation? I think it's one of the few cases where adoption really might be the best option for the child.

If something were to happen to Dad, stepmom obviously wouldn't have any rights, and it could turn into a horrible, painful and expensive mess.

Mom is out of the country and can't return.

IIRC, CA recognizes de facto parents and SM would clearly meet that definition. It might not be as hard as you think for her to remain in the child's life if something happens to Dad.