Summer...

[stepmom04]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AR

My husband (cp) recently went to court and a few people in mother's (NCP) life was ordered to stay away from kids. At that time she told the court that she would be getting a place of her own...which she didn't. At the begining of summer worked out deal with her about getting them everyday for the 6 weeks summer for a few hours each day other than his weekends. She rarely ever shows.

Legally...what should we do. This agreement is not working out. She shows up without calling to get kids...comes and goes as she pleases. Says she's coming and doesn't show up. Doesn't help with babysitting, but we have to pay for a different babysitter (that is more expensive) just in case she wants to pick them up.

Question is...say she shows up and hasn't called to tell him (he requested that she made the arrangements the night before) can we deny her the day if we have plans. Our live is absolutely put on hold right now..wondering if she'll take the innotiative to show.

This not what the court order says...this was something he did to help her out...since they couldn't be around the people that she lived with. We will be going to court again soon...and he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. But when the six weeks is over..it would be in the best inerest of everyone legally to go back to the ordered eow. correct?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AR

My husband (cp) recently went to court and a few people in mother's (NCP) life was ordered to stay away from kids. At that time she told the court that she would be getting a place of her own...which she didn't. At the begining of summer worked out deal with her about getting them everyday for the 6 weeks summer for a few hours each day other than his weekends. She rarely ever shows.

What kind of deal? Court ordered? Or just a side deal?

Legally...what should we do.

WE should NOT do anything. Dad should enforce the court order by only allowing her the time in there. If she is not abiding by it then he takes her back to court for contempt.

This agreement is not working out. She shows up without calling to get kids...comes and goes as she pleases. Says she's coming and doesn't show up. Doesn't help with babysitting, but we have to pay for a different babysitter (that is more expensive) just in case she wants to pick them up.

WE don't have to pay for anything. Dad needs to make sure his children are being watched. Dad doesn't have to allow anything OTHER than what is in the COURT ORDER. If the court order mandates that she call in order to exercise visitation, then if she doesn't call, she doesn't get the children. Unless the court has ordered she has to pay for the babysitting, she doesnt' have to.

Question is...say she shows up and hasn't called to tell him (he requested that she made the arrangements the night before) can we deny her the day if we have plans.

YOU can NOT deny her anything. YOU are a LEGAL stranger. Dad can deny her if it is NOT her court ordered time.

Our live is absolutely put on hold right now..wondering if she'll take the innotiative to show.

Why?

This not what the court order says...this was something he did to help her out...since they couldn't be around the people that she lived with.

OH well. Then HE should only follow the court order.

We will be going to court again soon...

YOU have NOT learned anything have you?

and he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. But when the six weeks is over..it would be in the best inerest of everyone legally to go back to the ordered eow. correct?

Following the court order will NOT make him look like the bad guy. And the best interest of mom, dad and the legal stranger in the corner doesn't matter. It is what is in the best interest of the children that matters and no one will be able to tell you what that is.

 

[Humusluvr]

Follow the court order to the letter.

If mom does not show up for the visitation - then you have a fun free weekend. But, don't plan ahead, assuming she won't show. Always plan as if she will show up,k then have a fun weekend with the kids if she doesn't.

But don't get the kids involved or in the middle, or try to get them disappointed or hurt by the process.

Just tell them "X weekend is your mom's weekend, don't make plans." Then if mom just doesn't show, tell them" Hey guys, lets go to the zoo." Works, see? No drama, see?

 

[stepmom04]

Yes...this was a deal that we made *I say we...cause I was involved with that*. So no there is no court order that states this arrangement. The court order was the first friday after school let out at 5:00 for 6 weeks. CP getting the children eow.

Yes I have learned something...I say we..cause I actually do help foot the bill for both court and babysitters. Yes..I have stepped back. I've even stopped answering the phone when she calls. You guys said to take a step back..and I did. That agreement was made before I stepped back. You would be proud of me the other day when she did call me ...she said...isn't it your weekend. Your weekend..to me. I told her no...it's dad's weekend, his kids..his decision..if you have a question about kids..call dad. She still didn't call dad...called me 2 hours later seeing if I called dad. I said no..and I am not going to. Now...she has officially stopped seeing her kids...since I don't answer the phone. I almost think it make her get a beat down from new boyfriend if she talks to him or something. When she doesn't have a boyfriend *which is rarely ever* she doesn't have a problem talking to dad. It's when she's involved with someone, she stops talking to him.

Ohio gal....Since she didn't do as the court order stated and has just got them sporadically during the summer...this is contempt of court?

It is hard to not get the kids involved. I never tell them she's coming and neither does dad. She calls them...and says that she's getting them. Then doesn't show up. They are older..so they have concept of time. They know when its her weekend and they know that it's her summer right now. They are slowly getting used to it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes...this was a deal that we made *I say we...cause I was involved with that*. So no there is no court order that states this arrangement. The court order was the first friday after school let out at 5:00 for 6 weeks. CP getting the children eow.

Yes I have learned something...I say we..cause I actually do help foot the bill for both court and babysitters. Yes..I have stepped back. I've even stopped answering the phone when she calls. You guys said to take a step back..and I did. That agreement was made before I stepped back. You would be proud of me the other day when she did call me ...she said...isn't it your weekend. Your weekend..to me. I told her no...it's dad's weekend, his kids..his decision..if you have a question about kids..call dad. She still didn't call dad...called me 2 hours later seeing if I called dad. I said no..and I am not going to. Now...she has officially stopped seeing her kids...since I don't answer the phone. I almost think it make her get a beat down from new boyfriend if she talks to him or something. When she doesn't have a boyfriend *which is rarely ever* she doesn't have a problem talking to dad. It's when she's involved with someone, she stops talking to him.

Ohio gal....Since she didn't do as the court order stated and has just got them sporadically during the summer...this is contempt of court?

It is hard to not get the kids involved. I never tell them she's coming and neither does dad. She calls them...and says that she's getting them. Then doesn't show up. They are older..so they have concept of time. They know when its her weekend and they know that it's her summer right now. They are slowly getting used to it.

Re the bolded: No. Visitation is enforceable by the NCP not the CP. In other words the CP cannot force the NCP to utilize the time but the CP has the responsibility of making sure the children are available for the court ordered time.

Congrats by the way on taking the step back. I give credit where credit is due. Just watch the "we"s as you dont' want to let something like that slip if you are ever called to testify.

 

[stepmom04]

Re the bolded: No. Visitation is enforceable by the NCP not the CP. In other words the CP cannot force the NCP to utilize the time but the CP has the responsibility of making sure the children are available for the court ordered time.

Congrats by the way on taking the step back. I give credit where credit is due. Just watch the "we"s as you dont' want to let something like that slip if you are ever called to testify.

Thank you. My husband *me....past tense now...no more...promise *, has always veered away from court order to appease her *actually children..cause its the only way they see their mom*. But from now on..to cover his bootie....the court order is the visitation.

 

[StampGirl]

You would be proud of me the other day when she did call me ...she said...isn't it your weekend. Your weekend..to me. I told her no...it's dad's weekend, his kids..his decision..if you have a question about kids..call dad. She still didn't call dad...called me 2 hours later seeing if I called dad. I said no..and I am not going to. Now...she has officially stopped seeing her kids...since I don't answer the phone. .

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Make it HER decision to see the kids. That was hard to do I am sure, but a necessary move on your part.

 

[stepmom04]

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Make it HER decision to see the kids. That was hard to do I am sure, but a necessary move on your part.

Not as hard as I once thought. It's peaceful. Like I said....she won't call dad, sounds like her problem.