surrendering rights to child

[Born to Lease]

I hope what I am about to say offends the hell out of you because it is meant to get up your ass! You completely lack feelings and consideration for anyone except yourself!

GET OVER IT!!! No wonder your husband left you, and if he is half the man he was, when he sought some pleasure with this other woman, he will get those kids as far away from you as it takes for them to be protected from YOUR UNFOUNDED BLAME AND PUNISHMENT!

You are their mother! WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING YOUR KIDS???

YOUR HUSBAND chose another woman over YOU! Again, YOU and your YOUR X-HUSBAND...NOT YOUR KIDS...Keep reading this over and over until you finally find it in your heart (if you have a heart) to WAKE UP AND STOP HURTING YOUR KIDS!!!

As far as punishing your X-Husband (he will never be with you again...IT IS OVER!!!) he was punished all the time he was living with you--a SELF-CENTERED, SELFISH woman who I am certain makes life a real pain for everyone who associates with you!!! Don't you get it, IT'S OOOOOVERRRRRR! OVER! GET OVER IT!!!

Have you not heard one damn thing??? Let me sum it up for you, exactly...

YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR HUSBAND LEFT YOU!!!
YOUR X-HUSBAND FOUND ANOTHER WOMAN TO REPLACE YOU!!!
YOU ARE HURTING YOUR KIDS!!!
STOP PUNISHING YOUR KIDS, FOR YOUR MISTAKES, AND FOR YOUR X-HUSBAND'S CHOICE TO BE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!!!

***********If you cannot stop hurting your kids*************
AS THEIR MOTHER YOU NEED TO DO THE RIGHT THING!!!
Let them STAY WITH THEIR FATHER until you have completed enough counseling and self-help classes to STOP HURTING YOUR CHILDREN!!!

Your X-Husband is the same man these kids know and love as their daddy, and IT IS NOT UP TO YOU TO DENY YOUR CHILDREN THEIR RIGHT TO A HEALTHY HAPPY LIFE and that means A LIFE WITH BOTH PARENTS--LOVING THEM, NURTURING THEM AND PROTECTING THE KIND OF HURT AND SUFFERING THAT YOU ARE INFLICTING UPON THEM!!!!

I am not discounting his responsibitliy in this situation! His choices and decisions have greatly affected the kids. But HIS DECISIONS REGARDING HIS CHILDREN SHOW THAT HE HE WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR HIS KIDS TO BE HAPPY AND EMOTIONALLY STABLE, EVEN IF THAT MEANS GIVING UP HIS VISITATION AND CONTACT WITH THEM!

I promise you, your kids are going to 'come around' soon and your X-Husband is going to be there for them...and these kids are going to realize just how strong his love is for them. You better ask yourself, what are they going to realize is true about you??? (the answer is obvious, and in case you have already 'forgotten' the answer please scroll back to the top of this post and read it as many times as it takes for you to GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!!!

By the way, you could end up in front of a judge like the one who informed me that I was violating the order of visitation WHENEVER I DID NOT ENCOURAGE MY CHILDREN TO VISIT THEIR FATHER...By not encouraging their relationship with their father you are essentially defying the court order because your actions serve as a means to 'discourage' the court ordered visitation schedule and their relationship with their father.

 

[lissa68]

And obviously,

The kind of crap your spewing in here, gives me and idea of why he might have cheated on you and left.

Time to grow up, act like a parent and get your selfish evil ways behind you.

You are damaging your child, and if possible for life.

How does that make you feel?

Honesty, in the right circumstances, but not when you use it as a tool to turn the child against the father, you make me sick

Father's are fighting for their rights to their child/children, and you come in here thinking you all mighty and ok.

Sick


Lissa68

 

[CALGON_ANYONE?]

ALL of you jumped on this lady, and not only is she hurt because of her husbands actions, she has a 13 yr. old that does not want to see "
DAD", who is the person who created the family problem to begin with. I saw nothing in this woman's post's that indicated anything other than she will not force her son.

It is NOT her obligation to throw her kid to "DAD", the one who cheated, and inforce visitation.

You are all wrong, but I see you all want to give your opinions no matter what.

Poster, here is your answer.

As long as you are making your 13 yr.old child available on your "DICK" of a "X's", visitation, you cannot be held liable for your child not wanting to go.

Let him take it to the courts and explain why his son refuses to see him, at his age they will listen to your child.

This is a difficult time in your life, and I know your hurt. Get counceling for your son, not one judge will force him untill he is ready at his age.

You did not deserve the "Chat Room" saga of this site.

Good luck to you.

 

[nextwife]

Parents have no business discussing with their kids whether someone had an affair and their marriage died anymore than they should discuss their marriage dying because they had a lousy sex life, because one was selfish or one was unsupportive, or one wanted more kids and the other didn't. Marriages die for many reasons, and none of them are the child's business. And in almost all cases someone is hurt. An affair is many times the symptom of a dying narriage, not the cause of death.

Kiddo wants what daddy's money brings? Well, kiddo needs to know that it's a two way street, he better treat both parents with respect and that he has no business ignoring what the legal system has determined should happen. It's not his place. And 13 year olds are NOT left to make such decsions.

But we, Ms. Bathwater, are supposed to be the grown-ups. WE do not involve our children in this.

 

[stealth2]

You're absolutely right, nextwife. Kids simply do not need to be told the gory details.

 

[lsut1ger]

Let him take it to the courts and explain why his son refuses to see him, at his age they will listen to your child.

This is a difficult time in your life, and I know your hurt. Get counceling for your son, not one judge will force him untill he is ready at his age.

You are SADLY mistaken if you think this will be the scenario. Mom will be the one explaining to the judge WHY she has informed her 13 yr old child of what ADULT matters transpired in the break up of her marriage and why she has been passively allowing the child to behave in a completely disrespectful and inappropriate manner.

Don't be surprised if it gets down to MORE time and co-counseling for Dad and son to repair the relationship....

and since the poster can't seem to gain control of her 13 yr old, perhaps placement in the fathers home would be more appropriate?

Newsflash - the courts care about the best interest of the children and having a relationship with their father IS in their best interest. I don't supose you've read any studies or statistics on children from one-parent support systems? It's only beginning...this woman is on the fast track to raising a delinquent...one we can all be AWFULLY proud to watch our tax dollars going to support when he lands his ass in jail. All b/c his Mother taught him at an early age, the fine art of defying authority and court orders.

Be afraid, VERY afraid.

 

[issaka]

In regard to your original question, will dad have to pay child support if he relinquishes his rights. The probability of that happening is between Nil and 0. So do what you can to help repair this relationship between your child and his father. It's not about you, it's not about what he did to you, it's about your son. His emotional and mental health is at stake. It's imperative that you make your son go into counseling, and make him see his father. Don't forget your child is a child, not a man. If you allow him to make these life altering decisions on his own you will regret it deeply. And isn't your life full enough of "would have's" and "should have's". Be selfless, thats what it takes to raise a child.

 

[CALGON_ANYONE?]

Parents have no business discussing with their kids whether someone had an affair and their marriage died anymore than they should discuss their marriage dying because they had a lousy sex life, because one was selfish or one was unsupportive, or one wanted more kids and the other didn't. Marriages die for many reasons, and none of them are the child's business. And in almost all cases someone is hurt. An affair is many times the symptom of a dying narriage, not the cause of death.

Kiddo wants what daddy's money brings? Well, kiddo needs to know that it's a two way street, he better treat both parents with respect and that he has no business ignoring what the legal system has determined should happen. It's not his place. And 13 year olds are NOT left to make such decsions.

But we, Ms. Bathwater, are supposed to be the grown-ups. WE do not involve our children in this.

You are very mature arn't you? Making fun of a screen name in cyber world because you do not like the opinion of that person? Show us all where she claimed she discussed the affair with her son? Come on people, kids are not stupid and she stated the child was in counceling. I was 11 years old when the judge listened to me about not wanting to visit dad, so you are wrong.

The people responding to her on here, put more into the story than the origional poster did and not one of you are attorneys. The emotional well being of this child is more important at this point, even the father does not force him.

 

[stealth2]

So, Calgon - you're in IL? And told the judge that you didn't want to visit your Dad because he had an affair and left? And can state for certain that a judge will listen and heed the child's desire? Because you know that in MOST states, while a judge will listen to a 13yo, a judge does NOT base their decision SOLELY on a child's wishes. It is MORE likely that a judge would order joint counseling AND visitation of some type.

And perhaps dnara would tell us just how it came about that a kid her son's age came to find out Dad had an affair.

 

[dnara]

he had an affair with one of our sons frenz mothers - i dont know how they found out - but they hated her for messing up our lives and him because he left. now he has a new wife and she has tried to take my kids!!!

 

[issaka]

Dnara,
The whole situation is sad. You are not a villian, just caught up in emotion and circumstance. But please, put your son into some counseling. This should help him to heal.

 

[CALGON_ANYONE?]

So, Calgon - you're in IL? And told the judge that you didn't want to visit your Dad because he had an affair and left? And can state for certain that a judge will listen and heed the child's desire? Because you know that in MOST states, while a judge will listen to a 13yo, a judge does NOT base their decision SOLELY on a child's wishes. It is MORE likely that a judge would order joint counseling AND visitation of some type.

And perhaps dnara would tell us just how it came about that a kid her son's age came to find out Dad had an affair.

No I am not in IL,. Yes I was 11 years old and went in front of the judge. Visitation was ordered, but indifference to whether I wanted to go. It was also not an affair . The point is you where all assuming the child knew of the affair and that "Big Bad Mom" did it, some went so far as trashing her as to why her husband cheated to begin with.

Hopefully you have a better understanding now that you know it was with the boys friends mother. The mother needs to request her son speak to the judge, he and his dad have alot of healing, and he should not be forced,PERIOD!

Poster,

File a motion in the court concerning your visitation issues, I agree I would never physically push my kid into the car and say Bu BYE. In time and with dad and son in counceling hopefully he can heal, but to a kid this was pretty crappy in my book. The things he must have heard in school because of this.

Also Poster, as one person was bashing you pretty mad, You are NOT at fault for his affair, he chose this no matter what.

 

[Born to Lease]

I find it impossible to believe that this man chose to have the affair just to hurt his child. He made a choice to be with another woman, and the fact that the woman happened to be the mother of a friend makes no difference in this matter.

My point regarding the reason he decided to end the marriage was, the problems were between him and his wife, the woman's responsibility, not the child's, to keep the marriage together. And if she has always been like she is now, then yes she is the reason he left!!! (in fact, she is the reason regardless--for whatever reason, he chose to leave her--it might not have been 'her fault' that he left her, but nevertheless because of whatever, he left her. That is only a 'slam' if you don't like me for pointing out the truth, but it is still the truth and like I said, GET OVER IT!) Who is at fault is irrelavent...and has never been brought up, except by calgon in a completely false statement--reason is relevant, fault is what this woman is getting all screwed up over!

Again, this is ALL about a pissed off mother whose pride and heart have been hurt. This SHOULD NOT INVOLVE HER CHILD--PERIOD! And the fact that this child's life is being destroyed, because of the selfish actions of his mother, is absolutely unfair.

If this was an issue that involved a boss deciding to terminate employment of the mother and replace her with a 'better' employee, the child should not be put in the middle. Equally, the child should be left out of this matter as well!

I remember pulling my kids off my legs while they were screaming and crying, making them go with their dad. However, they love me for it to this day because, if I had defied court orders and had done nothing to 'push them' to have a relationship with their father, they would not have the stability and emotional balance they have today as a result of their relationship with their father AND his wife.

It is the right of every child to have 2 parents, and it is WRONG for one of those parents to deny, interfere with or discourage those rights! It is our duty as parents I, for one, plan to do everything I can to make sure my children get all the love they deserve!

Show me one statement that proves this woman's actions are based on anything other than her own issues and strictly out of love and respect for her son. Having an affair caused a lot of hurt and as a result their living arrangements changed. But that man is still that child's father and nothing this mother can do will EVER change that fact--even if the child never sees his father again, HE WILL ALWAYS BE HIS FATHER!

If this woman does not change her attitude and her methods of 'handling' her son's anger and sadness over his father leaving the marriage to be with another woman, then it won't be long he will cut the ties with his mother too. Then what, he will have no binding ties with either parent! Is that how a mother shows her love for her children? I think it shows selfishness and foolishness on her behalf!

 

[dnara]

so, how will he prove that i dont encourage the kid - its just his word against mine

 

[CALGON_ANYONE?]

Show me one statement that proves this woman's actions are based on anything other than her own issues and strictly out of love and respect for her son.(QUOTE)


What actions? Look, I disagree with both your posts and I will not argue with you. You are adding to this story. First you accuse her of discussing her son and involving him,(you are assuming), then you go as far as to tell a perfect stranger here for legal advice that she cause her man to cheat(you are assuming again).

I said what happened to me as a 11 yr old, and apparently she is not getting anything but trashed by you. How dare you even think you know this woman. If you had said that to me and I was in the same boat as her, I would slap you.

You are appauling, so leave the lady alone, she does not need to hear your rediculous hurtful comments.

God, you act as if you lived in they're bedroom, how do you know what happened in this womans marraige?

The fact that it was with a sons friends mother definetly effects this child, how would you feel going to school and facing the neighborhood at his age? Let the son heal.

I will tell the poster this one last time.

You can file a motion to discuss visitation, visitation will always be ordered, but the judge may order counceling for son and dad in order for him to get through this before forcing him to visit.

Hey, Dad made his bed, he should have thought of his children before sleeping with the friends mom. Thats how I see it, and I offer the advice out of experience.

Good luck Poster.