Taking Care of Mom

[Rose]

What is the name of your state? AR
My Mom had a stroke in Jan 05 and went into a nursing home after her hospital stay. She didn't identify with the other patients and asked if I would move in with her and take care of her. I quit my job in another state and moved to AR to move my Mom back into her home. We had discussed a small salary and expenses to be paid to me for doing this.
Shortly after this move, a brother and another relative tricked my Mom into signing Power of Attorney over to him. I didn't object to this, but he has since refused to pay me a salary and insists no agreement was ever made, although he couldn't have known anyway. No written agreement was ever made.
Do I have recourse now? After she dies?
The main reason for the concern is that her MD says she will gradually decline and need nursing home care again in the future. And when she does, her savings will have to be used first to pay for the Nursing Home. In that case, where would that leave my claim against her estate?
Any information is appreciated.

 

[candg918]

Practical - not legal - consideration

You should have your brother price 24 hour per day in-home care for your mother that he would have to arrange if you were not there. He would find it to be far more than he might have expected and more than what your mother agreed to pay or gift to you.

Perhaps the lawyers on the forum would comment on my observation that if your mother is competent to sign POA then she is competent to make her wishes known about the agreement she had with you. From your post it sounds like the signing of the POA and her agreement with you occurred about the same time and after her stroke. If she is not competent to do one then she is not able to do the other, and the POA should be invalidated. If she has not been declared incompetent, the POA permits him to act on her behalf but she can still act on her own accord and pay you herself; she can also revoke her POA to him by appointing a new POA.

 

[BlondiePB]

What is the name of your state? AR
My Mom had a stroke in Jan 05 and went into a nursing home after her hospital stay. She didn't identify with the other patients and asked if I would move in with her and take care of her. I quit my job in another state and moved to AR to move my Mom back into her home. We had discussed a small salary and expenses to be paid to me for doing this.
Shortly after this move, a brother and another relative tricked my Mom into signing Power of Attorney over to him. I didn't object to this, but he has since refused to pay me a salary and insists no agreement was ever made, although he couldn't have known anyway. No written agreement was ever made.
Do I have recourse now? After she dies?
The main reason for the concern is that her MD says she will gradually decline and need nursing home care again in the future. And when she does, her savings will have to be used first to pay for the Nursing Home. In that case, where would that leave my claim against her estate?
Any information is appreciated.

If mom is competent, have her revoke the POA, close her accounts and open new ones, and have her see an Elder Law attorney to make sure her affairs are in order. All bank accounts etc. will require a copy of the revocation.

What was your salary of the job you took to take care of your mother and how long did you work at your last job?

 

[Rose]

What was your salary of the job you took to take care of your mother and how long did you work at your last job?

I was supposed to receive car payment, insurance, health insurance, room & board, plus a small salary. The amount of the salary was not really outlined, because my expenses were supposed to be taken care of.

I have received car payment, room & board only; no insurance or health insurance.

My previous job paid 13 per hour.

 

[BlondiePB]

Thank you, Rose. Is your mother competent?

 

[Rose]

Thank you, Rose. Is your mother competent?[/QUOTE

Sometimes she is so lucid it's hard to imagine she is anything but old.
At other times, she is very obviously not competent to handle her own affairs.
She has deteriorated since I moved in. She has had more strokes and has been hospitalized 4 times; each time seeming less in tune with reality.
But about the POA: she couldn't decide who she wanted as POA, so my brother and another relative "helped" her make it up. I wasn't with them at the attorney's, but that much has been told to me. Again, I am not opposed to that POA. I just want to know what leverage I have to obtain what Mom & I had previously discussed.
It was on this agreement that I quit my job and moved to AR.
My brother stated before the move that he always thought that I would move here to take care of her. And he was aware of the gist of the agreement, even if he denies that he was.
I have read in the news that a person has reasonable expectation to a share in the estate for care given, even if it was not specifically provided for. But if the MD is correct and a nursing home will be needed in spite of anything I can do for her, then that means that her 'estate' will be taken if she lives long enough. Around $50,000 in CD's is all there is.
I'm sure to my brother, it seems I want all of it. But to me, it seems he wants as much of it as he can get without providing the care and undergoing all the stress I am going through.
Well, anyway, thanks for letting me share.

 

[BlondiePB]

Thank you, Rose. Is your mother competent?[/QUOTE

Sometimes she is so lucid it's hard to imagine she is anything but old.
At other times, she is very obviously not competent to handle her own affairs.
She has deteriorated since I moved in. She has had more strokes and has been hospitalized 4 times; each time seeming less in tune with reality.
But about the POA: she couldn't decide who she wanted as POA, so my brother and another relative "helped" her make it up. I wasn't with them at the attorney's, but that much has been told to me. Again, I am not opposed to that POA. I just want to know what leverage I have to obtain what Mom & I had previously discussed.
It was on this agreement that I quit my job and moved to AR.
My brother stated before the move that he always thought that I would move here to take care of her. And he was aware of the gist of the agreement, even if he denies that he was.
I have read in the news that a person has reasonable expectation to a share in the estate for care given, even if it was not specifically provided for. But if the MD is correct and a nursing home will be needed in spite of anything I can do for her, then that means that her 'estate' will be taken if she lives long enough. Around $50,000 in CD's is all there is.
I'm sure to my brother, it seems I want all of it. But to me, it seems he wants as much of it as he can get without providing the care and undergoing all the stress I am going through.
Well, anyway, thanks for letting me share.

You need a contract from the POA. Suggest having the attorney that did the POA do the contract. Going to court over all this after your mother dies could be an exercise in futility, especially if mom's estate pays for nursing home care which averages at least $60,000.00 per year.

 

[Rose]

You need a contract from the POA. Suggest having the attorney that did the POA do the contract. Going to court over all this after your mother dies could be an exercise in futility, especially if mom's estate pays for nursing home care which averages at least $60,000.00 per year.

I won't be able to get a contract. I found out how opposed he was to all this when I asked for the 3rd time to pay me my salary and this time with back pay. He became very angry.

 

[BlondiePB]

I won't be able to get a contract. I found out how opposed he was to all this when I asked for the 3rd time to pay me my salary and this time with back pay. He became very angry.

Unless there's some reason (such as pre-existing conditions) that would make insurance coverage for you extremely high or if you are being paid by the POA with mom's money and she cannot afford this, you really are not asking for too much to take care of your mother 24/7. Since the POA is responsible and liable for mom's care and she cannot be left alone, start looking for a job where you will receive health insurance and inform the POA that you are doing so.

The POA is responsible and liable for making sure that mom has the care required. I did the math based on your previous salary and know how much in-home private duty costs. Private duty will cost a lot more money.