Temp custody and TRO

[SandieTN]

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

I am the wife of the Father of a 6yo daughter; he WAS the NCP, since she was born. BM left him while she was pregnant, and moved back in with her ex-husband, the Father of her son. As of Friday, F was awarded temp custody, and a TRO. Due to 3 fires at the Mother's house in the last week, Judge agreed daughter was in danger! Thankfully, we have had daughter during all of this. Mother is in the process of moving in with her Mother and Step-Father. Her house has been foreclosed, and she is being evicted.

We have actually had daughter the majority of the time the last 3 years. Mother has been unemployed the last 2 years, and her children have become her means of support. Needless to say, BM is very angry and vindictive about temp order. She was served yesterday, and the hearing is this coming Friday. We have been told this hearing is basically a formality; and the showdown will be later, when Father is going for full, permanent custody.

What are our chances of winning this? Hubby is really torn right now! He is questioning whether he has done the right thing by his daughter, or just made it harder on her in the long run, if he should lose?

Please, feel free to ask me more if you need more info or clarification. Dad is going crazy with worry that something will come up, and we can't keep his daughter safe.

 

[VeronicaGia]

I really hope dad is doing this with the help of an attorney. This is not something he should try to tackle on his own.

He needs to document all of his time with this child. If he can prove he has had the child most of the time anyway, and a judge already ruled that she is a danger to the child his chances may be good, but no one here can tell you what a judge will decide.

 

[SandieTN]

Yes, we have an attorney. She already had a lot of the facts, but this other situation came up so quickly, we didn't have a whole lot of choice but to file emergency. The fire investigator's statement was main evidence bringing it all together. He says she is a "nut case". The police investigator agrees.

But for now, we have daughter safe; that's all that matters. We just hope all goes well Friday, and know we need to prepare for the permanent hearing coming in the future. We have time tracker software showing we have had her more than 50% of the time the previous 6 months. We have a relationship with the school, and have attended functions with daughter there. Her teacher told us she didn't think she had even met the BM; but said she had called her and chewed her out on the phone. We take her to church, and have many witnesses to testify that we are involved in her life, although H was the NCP (legally, anyway).

 

[snostar]

The fire investigator's statement was main evidence bringing it all together. He says she is a "nut case". The police investigator agrees.

You might consider requesting a psychiatric evaluation for the mother.

 

[SandieTN]

That is coming, probably, before the permanent custody case.

She has been in psychiatric care before, and takes meds for a multitude of problems. There have been times the children were there, and she was asleep and they could not wake her up. So, there truly is a danger, not counting the fires.

I just hope she doesn't cry poor, poor, pitiful me; and the court fall for it. But this Judge is pretty sharp; I don't think that will be a problem.

 

[SandieTN]

Update

Father of her other child talked to H; she had called him and called my H a MF, SOB, and asked him to be witness for her to show she is a good Mother. Father of other child is planning to filing for custody of his son today.

This is going to be a circus! We just want to keep the kids out of harm's way.

 

[SandieTN]

Remember us

Court is scheduled for 10:00 tomorrow. Due to a mix up on the docket, we thought they were going to put it off till next Friday. I really think H would lose his mind in another week, LOL.

BM finally called last night, and talked to her daughter. Husband talked to her a little, and was cordial, but told her he couldn't answer any questions. Then, she called back today and asked him to drop the case; he told her he could not do that.

Just remember us; and say a little prayer.

 

[VeronicaGia]

So what happened at court?

 

[SandieTN]

She showed up without an attorney; the Judge strongly suggested she needed one. When she said she wanted one, that ended it for then. Hearing postponed until March 15th. He allowed Mom visitation, and we keep temp custody. He asked for supervised visitation, so she would not be alone with the child at night. Mom was po'd. They asked where could she go; she suggested her Mom and Step-Dad's (where she is staying now). Hubby asked for her Dad and Step-mom's. BM looked at Judge, shaking her head back and forth, going "NO, NO, they're on his side!" pointing to H. Even the court officer got a chuckle out of that.

So, H relented to say ok to BM's Mom's house. If we get full custody, that is where she will go for visitation, anyway. He hopes he scored points with the Judge by being negotiable.

So, we keep hanging on!

 

[SandieTN]

Surprise, now BM wants to settle

BM has called; she now wants to settle, because she can't get a lawyer, and she doesn't want to go to court. I think she may have finally realized she really doesn't have much of a case, and she might lose everything if it goes to court.

Hubby has talked to his attorney; she suggested he proceed with caution and talk to her. She said IF they can reach an agreement, then they can file it with the court as an agreed order, and this could all be resolved.

I'm not holding my breath, but negotiations are on. We (hubby and I) are going to work on a proposal this weekend, then H will try to sit down with BM and work it out. They had verbally agreed before to split physical custody, but now H wants legal custody and no child support (which is what she will fight for).

Pray for us; we need all the help we can get!

 

[stealth2]

Best of luck - sounds like things are moving forward for y'all.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Re: Surprise, now BM wants to settle

BM has called; she now wants to settle, because she can't get a lawyer, and she doesn't want to go to court. I think she may have finally realized she really doesn't have much of a case, and she might lose everything if it goes to court.

Hubby has talked to his attorney; she suggested he proceed with caution and talk to her. She said IF they can reach an agreement, then they can file it with the court as an agreed order, and this could all be resolved.

I'm not holding my breath, but negotiations are on. We (hubby and I) are going to work on a proposal this weekend, then H will try to sit down with BM and work it out. They had verbally agreed before to split physical custody, but now H wants legal custody and no child support (which is what she will fight for).

Pray for us; we need all the help we can get!

***Aha! I answered you on another website.....

Anyway, my questions there are the same here. Does your husband have a TRO against her or does he have one on behalf of the child against her? If he has a TRO against her, he should not under any circumstances meet her in person. In fact, he shouldn't even be talking to her. His attorney should be handling this. And, keep in mind that she may be setting him up by all the sudden wanting to make a deal. He would be advised to allow his attorney to handle the presentation of the deal.

Also, if he decides he wants no support, make that a temporary decision reflected in the court order if possible. In other words, father foregoes support for the period of one year due to extreme hardship of the other parent. Make sure he gives himself a way to file for support in the future.

This burns me up. Men, it seems, constistently have to forego support just to get custody. It's wrong.

 

[SandieTN]

We had a TRO in behalf of the child; Judge allowed visitation after hearing last Friday (2/27). The attorney has told him he can talk to her, but to proceed with caution. BM does not want to go to court. But, I cannot see this ever resolving itself, as both parents want custody, and H told BM that when she picked daughter up yesterday. Then, she called H back and unloaded on him. She thinks she should have custody, her reason being she is the Mother. H (and everybody else who knows about the case) thinks since he has had the child the majority of the time the last three years, it's time to make him the "legal" custodian.

When school started last August, Mother declared we were going back to every other weekend visitation, but have records since August 1, 2003, that we have had her 50% or more of the time. The teacher has us to sign daily sheets; we have copies of those showing 59% of the time we signed them. And, we have had her every weekend but one since that time.

Basically, he is tired of jumping through BM's hoops; we drop everything on her whim to pick up daughter (sometimes on 5 minutes notice). It is not fair for daughter to expect Mom to pick her up at school, then we show up and she asks "well, what did Mom say this time?". H talked to BM the first of this year about that, and she agreed that was not fair. But, it has gotten worse instead of better. Then, BM will turn around the declare "I'm the custodial parent, I have rights", and demand everything be HER way.

So, we are just holding on, trying to wait it out and make sure daughter is safe, secure, and stable.

 

[SandieTN]

Court Day

We went back to court today, and came out with temporary custody; BM has visitation two weekends to our one, plus she has daughter on Wednesdays. No support either way at this time. He wanted to hear no testimony, or see any evidence. He said we are just going to leave her where she is for now (with Father) .

They served BM with Petition for Permanent Custody when she arrived at court, and she was almost late. (The Judge was getting ready to start without her.) She still has no attorney; she told the Judge she has no money, since H was not paying support, her other ex-H is not paying support, she doesn't have a job, and can't get disability. The Judge really didn't want to hear it, and told her so. But BM's Mother came with her, and assured the Judge that she would get her a lawyer. And H's attorney made it clear with the court that H had been paying his support, until the court ordered it stopped, due to the fact we have temporary custody. Even though we have had the daughter the majority of the time the past 3 years (verified), support had been paid every month.

We were ready to go with a Temporary Parenting Plan, but the Judge said that was unnecessary, as he wants this resolved permanently as soon as possible. He told her she had 30 days to file her answer to the petition. He told her to have her lawyer contact our lawyer, then he wants it on the docket as soon as they can agree on a date. He said he wants this little girl to know what it going on, and where she is supposed to be.

So, now the waiting starts; the Judge let it be known he wants this case finished; and the sooner the better.