terminating rights

[ccrawford79]

What is the name of your state?Virginia
I am currently going thru a situation with a woman. She is married with 2 kids, and her hubby is in jail. The 2 kids are by 2 different men. Her and her husband are not legally seperated but have not lived together for 2 years. We started dating and she ended up preggo. She hasnt had the baby yet and I am getting a paternity test when she has it. I am under the understanding that since she is still legally married that she has to give the baby her husbands last name. Further more, I understand that VA law says by law he is the responsible father since they are married regardless of paternity test results. Is this true? I hate to say it but I also want to give up rights to this child if it is mine. I cannot see my child growing up in this kind of life style she has. Her husband has been in and out of jail the last 8 yrs. She recently went to jail for beating him in front of her kids and had to take anger management classes for 16 weeks. She is currently on probation for 2 years. I cant stand the thought of me taking part of raising a child in that situation. If thats not bad enough she cusses her kids and her family is full of alcoholics and druggies. I know it may be part of her life but I dont want to raise a child under those circumstances. If I give up rights to the baby am I still responsible for CS if the laws say he is legally the father??? Help me please!!!!!

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state?Virginia
I am currently going thru a situation with a woman. She is married with 2 kids, and her hubby is in jail. The 2 kids are by 2 different men. Her and her husband are not legally seperated but have not lived together for 2 years. We started dating and she ended up preggo. She hasnt had the baby yet and I am getting a paternity test when she has it. I am under the understanding that since she is still legally married that she has to give the baby her husbands last name. Further more, I understand that VA law says by law he is the responsible father since they are married regardless of paternity test results. Is this true? I hate to say it but I also want to give up rights to this child if it is mine. I cannot see my child growing up in this kind of life style she has. Her husband has been in and out of jail the last 8 yrs. She recently went to jail for beating him in front of her kids and had to take anger management classes for 16 weeks. She is currently on probation for 2 years. I cant stand the thought of me taking part of raising a child in that situation. If thats not bad enough she cusses her kids and her family is full of alcoholics and druggies. I know it may be part of her life but I dont want to raise a child under those circumstances. If I give up rights to the baby am I still responsible for CS if the laws say he is legally the father??? Help me please!!!!!

I shouldn't even be responding here as I have seen how rude you can be but I will tell you what can happen on what I do know.

Legally the husband would likely be considered the father from the beginning. However, he could fight paternity and you could be forced to submit to paternity testing. Even if he doesn't fight paternity mom could take it to court to order you to submit to a paternity test. If her hubby's in jail it's likely they will already realize it's not his baby. Until that happens you have no rights and no obligations. If a paternity test is done and a judge finds you to be the legal father THEN you have rights and obligation if the court so finds to order them. You will have the right to file for visitation, and she will have the right to file for CS which will give you the obligation to pay. At that point you would be the legal father and the answer would be the same to you as it would be to anyone else who wants to TPR, it won't likely happen without a step-parent willing to adopt and/or mom's consent. Actually that's not true.... You can not exercise any rights, meaning you never have to file for visitation so in essence you will still not have rights... just the obligation to pay child support.

 

[ccrawford79]

Virginia Shouldnt respond because of how rude I have been!!! What are you talking about? I posted one thing adn it was a question and another stating that people should mind there own buisness sometimes. So in regards to your reply I have no rights to this child except being a wallet for it unless I file for visitations. Besides her husband didnt go to jail until 2 months after we were together. So yes there is a possibility that it could be his. I already said I was getting a paternity test and I still want to kow about the last name of the baby. Will she have to give it his last name since she is married?

 

[brisgirl825]

She can give the baby any name she wants.

 

[ZILLY]

I have to ask, if you did not like this world of your girlfriend's, then why did you put yourself in the position to get her pregnant in the first place? I mean, you should have been wearing a condom dude, really. The woman sounds like trailor trash and there were many red flags that you should have caught from the get go.

But my opinion isn't the matter here. Basically, the woman can put any name she wants on the birth certificate. If paternity testing is done and you are the father, she could have your name put on it or keep whatever name she puts on it in the first place.

You can terminate ALL of your rights BUT support. Custody and visitation can be relinquished but not the support order, unless her jailbird of a husband wants to adopt, I bet he'll probably beat her ass before he does it.

You say you do not want your child to grow up in an environment like hers...

Well, I say if you are so worried about it, why ask about terminating rights? It'll still be your child! Just because you would have no rights to it, doesn't mean it's not yours anymore. If you are so worried about how this child is going to grow up, then why don't you grow up and fight for custody of the child IF it is yours and give the child the right environment to grow up in.

You should have wore a condom man... you can't take the sperm back once the egg is fertilized!

 

[Grace_Adler]

As stated, she can give the child any name she wants BUT by law, her husband will be listed on the birth certificate as the LEGAL father since they are still married.

So as Tigger stated, this means you will have no legal rights or obligations unless someone goes after you for a paternity test and it turns out the child is yours. If it is determined the child is yours, you'll have to pay support unless you file for custody and IF you get it, then YOU can file for support. You also have the right to file for visitation. The only obligation you have is to pay support IF you are court ordered to do so. If you are not determined to be the legal father through paternity testing, then you have no rights or obligations to support, custody or visitation.

However, in VA, your rights can be terminated without any type of adoption being done. (I haven't lived in VA for 10 yrs but I do remember that much LOL and one of my best friends had her ex's rights terminated and no one adopted her child.) In order for this to happen, you may have to first be determined to be the legal father, I'm not sure about that part because states work differently. In any case, she would have to be the one to petition the court to terminate them and you would sign a form to relinquish them. They of course would have to be based on Virginia's grounds to terminate and I'm not sure of all the grounds but you could go to VA's General Assembly website and look up the statutes.

 

[tigger22472]

Grace, great post, and truly accurate I'm sure.. I just wanted to point something out simply because we seem to be having a rash of people the last few days (more so then usual) on this whole TPR thing and what's 'fair' and what isn't..

If the state does not need a step-parent to adopt, that does NOT mean that it can automatically happen just because a parent wants to terminate rights. The other parent must agree (hence Grace's point that the mother would have to petition) and even then it's up to the judge. If the parent is on state aid even with both parents consenting it likely wouldn't happen.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Thanks.

Yeah, I don't know if my friend was receiving any type of assistance or not, like Medicaid. I don't think she was and as far as I know she worked all the time. She didn't have any problems at all with her TPR and said it was pretty easy and went along kind of quickly but that doesn't mean that everyone's would be like that and like you said, it doesn't mean it's a gauranteed (sp?- sorry having a brain fart lol) thing. There's a lot of things that play a role in it. Hers was probably easier because he never supported the child, was abusive, druggie, no contact, etc and I believe had a rap sheet a mile long.

 

[ccrawford79]

Virginia
I know I should have noticed the red flags in the beginning. I thought maybe having a guy in her life that respected her and her other 2 kids would change her a little bit. None the less I was told when I was 16 I could never have kids due to a car accident! We wont go there!!! So pretty much she can give it any name she wants and I have no choice. I dont even know if she is aware of the fact that her husbands name will have to be on the birth certificate. Im sure he'll be happy saying as how he cant stand me anyways if it is my kid. As far as the full custody thing goes. Would it be like proving her to be an unfit mother and raising the baby in a safe environment? If so like I said in the first thread. She has an arrest record and the cops wrote it down that she beat her hubby in front of the kids. Honestly I think she is doing good to afford the 2 she has now....no telling what this one is gonna cost her. OH! by the way she is on medicaid for the baby. once she has it I doubt she qualifies for it. LOL.............I know I messed up now. Like zilly said......cant take it back now.

 

[ZILLY]

I think you should do whatever you have to request DNA testing and if this child turns out to be yours, you fight your ass off trying to prove this woman is unfit and fight for custody. It could cost you some money, I'm not sure if Virginia has any type of legal aide available, but if they do, utilize it.

You are right, this child should not grow up in an environment full of abusers and jailbirds. IF this child is yours, you need to do whatever is possible to get custody. And if what you say is true about these people, you shouldn't have a problem.

 

[ccrawford79]

Virginia

Thanks Zilly!!!! I know it would be in the best interest of any child to be raised in a stable family setting. Her 7 year old son is i desperate need of counseling. He has an awful temper. He almost knocked out the window in my vehicle because he got so mad. Thanks again and I will fight for what I think is right no matter what. I will also look into legal aide if I need it.

 

[ZILLY]

Good luck man. I'm not promising you the moon here, but with these people's criminal records and abuse history, you have a fighting chance.

From here on out, document EVERYTHING. Get a copy of every police report you can, especially this last incident with her beating up her ex. (tough cookie?!) Even if you are uncertain this child is yours, collect your evidence now in case you need it.

Once again, good luck and keep us posted.

 

[ccrawford79]

Virginia

Thanks again Zilly! I have a friend that is a cop that can prolly get a copy of that last incident. And no she isnt a tough cookie.......lol just white trash that dont have any better sense. or could be a case of the dumba55's that has lasted all her life!!! Who knows!

 

[ccrawford79]

VA

I forgot to ask one more question. Since she is married and her hubbys name will have to go on the birth certificate. Does she have to request a paternity test to recieve cs from me? and if she does it at birth will his name still be on the birth certificate? lol...two more things. If she requests it...who pays for it? and does she have to tell the hospital she is married or can she put my name on the bc anyways. If she has to tell them and dont wont that make the bc not legal?

 

[ZILLY]

Does she have to request a paternity test to recieve cs from me? If she requests it...who pays for it?

She will file for support. When you go to the hearing, you proclaim you are not sure you are the father and you want genetic testing done. You only pay if the child is yours.

and if she does it at birth will his name still be on the birth certificate?

Whoever's name she chooses to be on the birth certificate will remain as such until you guys find out who the daddy is. She can change it once paternity is determined.

and does she have to tell the hospital she is married or can she put my name on the bc anyways. If she has to tell them and dont wont that make the bc not legal?

Well, the only way she can name on you on the bc is if she tells the hospital that her marital status is "separated". It's basically up to her who she puts on the bc. The bc won't ever be considered illegal. Once paternity is established, the bc can be changed.