the kids live with me,the ex is on welfare

[lorip]

i just received notice that i owe back support since 1996.
i was paying to him untill november of 1999 when my children moved in with me then i stopped paying .
he recently applied and was approved for welfare assistance.
he is collecting for himself and our two children so in turn the state of washington is coming after me for all support.
when we were divorced in 96 he got custody of the kids . when he desided that they could live with me i was so thrilled that i got my kids back i left things the way they were. i didn't want to rock the boat he can be very vengfull. i asked him at one time to sign custody over to me and he refused. where do i turn now.
someone please help. i don't feel i should pay support for kids i am supporting and have been for two years without any help from him.

 

[Grandma B]

Changes in custody can NEVER be effected without the blessing of the Court. Since the courts still recognize him as the custodial parent, you are still liable for child support.

You need to petition the court for a change in custody. If you do receive custody, your child support payments will cease, but you will still owe any arrearage due at the time.

I would also contact the welfare authorities in WA to report (and prove via school records, etc.) that the children have been living with you from whatever date you got them. You don't have legal custody, but he also doesn't have a right to collect State assistance for them when they are reisiding elsewhere.

Good luck!

 

[NCP needs help]

I hear you!!!

Boy do I know what you mean!! My husband and I had the same situation and I will tell you how we got some help, not much but some. My 14 year old stepson moved in with us (from Calif) when he was 10 and stayed with us until he was 12. We were thrilled like you just to have him and did not take any legal action to change the court order. We could not get child support services to stop the wage witholding order and continued to pay current support for the 1st 4 months he was here. We figured we would try setting up an order for her to pay support so maybe we could break even. They wouldn't do it until the court order was changed. We couldn't afford that. We went back to child support services with proof of his school registration and the half ass note his mother wrote when he moved in with us.Finally someone stopped the current support but we were still having to pay arrears. Never did his Mother contribute to his support while he was here. I will tell you as a welfare caseworker for the State of Idaho you should have NO problem getting his welfare stopped ASAP. Depending on the type of assistance he is receiving determines what child support will enforce on you. Welfare rules do not allow for someone to collect benefits on a child that does not live with them. Court order or not!!! If you have any written proof at all of when your kids went to live with you then take it to the welfare office and show them. There is no way he can collect benefits for these kids if they are not with him! As a matter of fact he very well could have an overpayment of assistance and have to pay it back. I can not guarantee what the State of Washington does and of course you should not quote me. I would be more than glad to help you with what I know about the system here.

 

[lorip]

thank you for your time

i just want to thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply. thank you for the advise. i'm not sure what i am going to do but now i know i'm not alone. i can't think of what i might have that proves the kids are living with me and have been for two years because i desided that it would be in the best intrest of the children to keep them in the same school. so i was driving them to and from every day. do you think that statements from friends and family would do any good? i have a statement from his grown daughter,my kids half sister that states she know the kids have been with me and my husband and i have been providing all that they need for the past two years. what other kinds of things could i obtain?
any help i could obtain would be appretiated.
thanks again

 

[NCP needs help]

My reply

In the office I work at 2 notorized statements from anyone who knows the kids have been with you would be enough to close his Welfare case. Also, if you have been taking them and picking them up from school I would think the school could vouch for you too. What kind of assistance is he getting? As for dealing with the department of child support, who knows. I have a huge mess of my own and am very discouraged with the system. What would your x say if he was asked where the kids have been living? WOuld he deny that they have been with you? Does he know that welfare fraud is serious and he could get in a lot of trouble for giving false information? A phone call to Welfare should be enough for them to question him?

 

[lorip]

he is getting everything, money food stamps and medical. as far as if he would admit the kids live with me i don't know. in his mind he has all right to do what he is doing because he has legal custady so that makes him within his rights. i guess after my phone call on monday morning he will know that he was wrong and i was right. but i'm still so angry. he calls or drops by like he is my husbands and my best friend he tries to make conversation and we useally try to ignore him or give him the constant " yeah uh huh " i just want him to go away but i have to be civil for the kids sake.
thank you for all your help and advise it will help me alot