The Whole Process

[Tina Arrington]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

Here is my story. I was with this man for a little over 2 years. During that two years, he had cheated on me, physically abused me, spent time in jail(1 being a felon) and I found out he was using drugs the whole time. I didn't know much about drug users, but after I found out, all I wanted to do was help him beat it. It was a hard lesson to learn, but it didn't work. So I made him leave once and for all. It wasn't the first time I had made him leave during our whole relationship, but he kept coming back, wanting me to help him. Yeah, I was dumb enough to think I could help him. Finally, I made him leave and knew that I would have to move so he could not just show up at my door anymore. Unfortunately, 5 months later I went to the doctor and found out I was 5 months pregnant. I didn't know what I was going to do. It took me a few weeks to find out where he was staying, so I sent him a letter and told him. Yeah, he showed up at my door again, because I hadn't moved yet, just to see for himself. He stayed for a week talking about how he was going to change and be a good father to this baby because he hadn't been there for his other 3 kids etc. etc. etc. After he was gone for a week, he messaged me on the pc and said he didn't want anything to do with this child and that it wasn't his. I made a copy of what he said. To make a long story short, my little girl is almost 4 years old and I have been happily married (we married July, 2008)to a man that has been in my little girl's life since she was two weeks old. He loves her as his own. How do I start the process of my husband adopting our little girl? Her biological father has wanted nothing to do with her even though he has my cell phone number, knows where I work and knows my email and messenger accounts. The only thing I changed since being with him was my location because I didn't want him to say he wasn't able to find me. My daughter's birth certificate doesn't have a father's name on it because I had remembered when I was with her father that he said that one time he had gotten into trouble for taking one of his children from his ex. and I didn't want that happening for my daughter. It was a precautionary thing I guess. Anyway, would love to know what I need to do. I don't have a lot of money and hoping this won't cost me an arm and leg although I will do what I have to do for my daughter's happiness.

Thanks,
Tina

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

Here is my story. I was with this man for a little over 2 years. During that two years, he had cheated on me, physically abused me, spent time in jail(1 being a felon) and I found out he was using drugs the whole time. I didn't know much about drug users, but after I found out, all I wanted to do was help him beat it. It was a hard lesson to learn, but it didn't work. So I made him leave once and for all. It wasn't the first time I had made him leave during our whole relationship, but he kept coming back, wanting me to help him. Yeah, I was dumb enough to think I could help him. Finally, I made him leave and knew that I would have to move so he could not just show up at my door anymore. Unfortunately, 5 months later I went to the doctor and found out I was 5 months pregnant. I didn't know what I was going to do. It took me a few weeks to find out where he was staying, so I sent him a letter and told him. Yeah, he showed up at my door again, because I hadn't moved yet, just to see for himself. He stayed for a week talking about how he was going to change and be a good father to this baby because he hadn't been there for his other 3 kids etc. etc. etc. After he was gone for a week, he messaged me on the pc and said he didn't want anything to do with this child and that it wasn't his. I made a copy of what he said. To make a long story short, my little girl is almost 4 years old and I have been happily married (we married July, 2008)to a man that has been in my little girl's life since she was two weeks old. He loves her as his own. How do I start the process of my husband adopting our little girl? Her biological father has wanted nothing to do with her even though he has my cell phone number, knows where I work and knows my email and messenger accounts. The only thing I changed since being with him was my location because I didn't want him to say he wasn't able to find me. My daughter's birth certificate doesn't have a father's name on it because I had remembered when I was with her father that he said that one time he had gotten into trouble for taking one of his children from his ex. and I didn't want that happening for my daughter. It was a precautionary thing I guess. Anyway, would love to know what I need to do. I don't have a lot of money and hoping this won't cost me an arm and leg although I will do what I have to do for my daughter's happiness.

Thanks,
Tina

Has Dad actually been legally established as Dad? This is at this point the most important question.

 

[Tina Arrington]

Has Dad actually been legally established as Dad? This is at this point the most important question.

No. I told him when I found out I was pregnant and he has not established a full-time home that I know of. I don't know how to reach him for anything, except by message on the pc (in this case, I am not sure he even has a pc available to him). I have left him messages, but no response was given.

 

[Tina Arrington]

I am also very sure he is the father because I wasn't with anyone else. Last known address was in another county about 3 hours from I live. I barely found him years ago whenever he physically abused me, I took a restraining order out on him and the police couldn't even find him to serve him until I went through my cell phone records when he had a cell phone under my plan and found a number to a girl's home on his cell phone record, but that was about 5 or 6 years ago.

 

[Proserpina]

I am also very sure he is the father because I wasn't with anyone else. Last known address was in another county about 3 hours from I live. I barely found him years ago whenever he physically abused me, I took a restraining order out on him and the police couldn't even find him to serve him until I went through my cell phone records when he had a cell phone under my plan and found a number to a girl's home on his cell phone record, but that was about 5 or 6 years ago.

First he needs to be established as Dad and he will be given the right, generally, to become an active father...of course he'll also be given the right to pay child support which (though it's actually pretty sad) is sometimes enough leverage to persuade him to voluntarily relinquish his rights so that your husband can adopt your daughter.

He'll need to be served.

 

[Tina Arrington]

First he needs to be established as Dad and he will be given the right, generally, to become an active father...of course he'll also be given the right to pay child support which (though it's actually pretty sad) is sometimes enough leverage to persuade him to voluntarily relinquish his rights so that your husband can adopt your daughter.

He'll need to be served.

So if he cannot be found to be served to establish him as the dad, is there anything that I can do?

 

[Proserpina]

So if he cannot be found to be served to establish him as the dad, is there anything that I can do?

Yes - you can eventually have him served via publication.

Honestly though I strongly recommend you save up and hire an attorney for this; step-parent adoption can be tricky and the last thing you want to do is make a mistake that allows Dad to have the adoption overturned in the future.

 

[Tina Arrington]

Yes - you can eventually have him served via publication.

Honestly though I strongly recommend you save up and hire an attorney for this; step-parent adoption can be tricky and the last thing you want to do is make a mistake that allows Dad to have the adoption overturned in the future.

Thanks for the advice Now do you know a round-a-bout figure of how much that will cost?

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks for the advice Now do you know a round-a-bout figure of how much that will cost?

Honestly I couldn't even begin to guestimate - so much is variable. Call around a few local adoption attorneys and see what their ballpark figure is.