usmcfamily
Senior Member
Just wanted to offer a little hope for those of you in the midst of ugly family situations..........I have been there and wanted to say that it CAN actually work out okay.
I won't bore you with the long version of my story but will sum it up by saying I have a wonderful daughter who will be 6 in July -- for the first 3 years of her life her bio-father was limitedly involved with her and paid support whenever I located him and turned in his info to the CSE office so they could garnish his wages again. He was NOT ready to be a father - and I beat my head against a wall for 4 years trying to make him one...... When my daughter was 3 I met a wonderful man who became the only "daddy" she really knew -- the ex issue caused some bumps in the road but I never let that effect my daughter (issues were resolved between us without her knowing or hearing anything! - I think that is VERY important and I NEVER bashed her father within her hearing - another VERY important thing for everyone to remember).......when my husband and I married shortly after her 4th b-day we were transferred (he is military) from Oregon to North Carolina.........that was the turning point in this whole thing....... Just prior to the move her father started showing an interest in his child (he had been paying steady support and had even paid off his arrearages! and had actually been using his visitation time!) and so we made every effort to see that our move didn't effect that --- we (DH and I) met with him and set out a visitation plan that would allow him to combine his monthly visits into longer but more spaced out visits (even going to the point of putting her in a year round school vs a traditional calender one so she had 4 3 week breaks throughout the year that he could use for visits), agreed to a weekly phone schedule where we alternate weekends on who calls who, we opened our home to him ANYTIME he can make the trip out here so that his only expense is a plane ticket and agreed to split the airfare for when she goes out there.
My daughter now has TWO daddies - both of whom she loves and both of whom love her VERY MUCH! It hasn't been easy to say the least but in the end it has been worth it because she is a happy well-adjusted and MUCH LOVED little girl. This year her daddy (my DH) won't be here for her birthday --- BUT her dad (bio) and his fiancee will - they are flying out here to stay with us for an entire week and help her celebrate! They will be staying in our home and we will be the happy (abliet somewhat disfunctional.....haha) family that we have worked so hard to become.
As I said -- just wanted to say that it can work - if anyone had ever told me when this started that this would be what would happen I would have laughed in their face but it has ......... So please don't let your anger/bitterness/unhappiness get in the way of your child's HAPPINESS -- you can do it!
I won't bore you with the long version of my story but will sum it up by saying I have a wonderful daughter who will be 6 in July -- for the first 3 years of her life her bio-father was limitedly involved with her and paid support whenever I located him and turned in his info to the CSE office so they could garnish his wages again. He was NOT ready to be a father - and I beat my head against a wall for 4 years trying to make him one...... When my daughter was 3 I met a wonderful man who became the only "daddy" she really knew -- the ex issue caused some bumps in the road but I never let that effect my daughter (issues were resolved between us without her knowing or hearing anything! - I think that is VERY important and I NEVER bashed her father within her hearing - another VERY important thing for everyone to remember).......when my husband and I married shortly after her 4th b-day we were transferred (he is military) from Oregon to North Carolina.........that was the turning point in this whole thing....... Just prior to the move her father started showing an interest in his child (he had been paying steady support and had even paid off his arrearages! and had actually been using his visitation time!) and so we made every effort to see that our move didn't effect that --- we (DH and I) met with him and set out a visitation plan that would allow him to combine his monthly visits into longer but more spaced out visits (even going to the point of putting her in a year round school vs a traditional calender one so she had 4 3 week breaks throughout the year that he could use for visits), agreed to a weekly phone schedule where we alternate weekends on who calls who, we opened our home to him ANYTIME he can make the trip out here so that his only expense is a plane ticket and agreed to split the airfare for when she goes out there.
My daughter now has TWO daddies - both of whom she loves and both of whom love her VERY MUCH! It hasn't been easy to say the least but in the end it has been worth it because she is a happy well-adjusted and MUCH LOVED little girl. This year her daddy (my DH) won't be here for her birthday --- BUT her dad (bio) and his fiancee will - they are flying out here to stay with us for an entire week and help her celebrate! They will be staying in our home and we will be the happy (abliet somewhat disfunctional.....haha) family that we have worked so hard to become.
As I said -- just wanted to say that it can work - if anyone had ever told me when this started that this would be what would happen I would have laughed in their face but it has ......... So please don't let your anger/bitterness/unhappiness get in the way of your child's HAPPINESS -- you can do it!
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