This is a doozy...

[BLeonard]

What is the name of your state? IN

OK, I'll try to make this as short as possible, but there's a lot to it. First, my wife and her ex have 4 girls. He has "Full Custody" but I don't know if that means legal or just physical custody... Anyway, he sent her a letter to the court last week petitioning to have her visitation rights suspended. In his letter, he took things that the girls "told him" and presented them as facts. Now, they're 10,9,8 and 7, so they are not exactly truthful, especially in the cases he's claiming. He flat out told my wife over the phone that he's "not letting them come down there until you move." This isn't the first time he's thrown his weight around. Since the divorce was final nearly two years ago, he has bullied my wife time and again claiming that "Since I'm the custodial parent, you have no say." He's even gone as far to move the girls from a school that is 2 blocks away from his home to a school in a different county, while using a false address as their residence, so he doesn't have to pay tuition fees. On top of that, he did not even consult the mother about it... The only way we found out was through the girls. He flat out refuses to give the mother the name, address and phone number of the school and claims that she has no rights to their school records. He won't even put her on as an emergency contact. We did research and know that this is BS and plan to call him on it. Now, if "Full custody" means "Legal custody," I know he can move the girls if he chooses, but not if it is breaking the law, which it is. And, regardless of custody, to my knowledge, the mother should have all rights to their school name, address and records. We also know that him refusing to allow the girls to go with us during the mother's visiting time is illegal. As far as what I've read, this could be grounds for change of custody. Is there any chance with all these violations (believe it or not, he has done other things that I won't bother to mention here) that a judge will grant his request for suspending custody, based on what the kids said to him?

In the divorce decree, my wife was to get a van. The van was in his name only, and he was told that it needed to be put in her name. She needed to be the owner. He never did this and, as a result, the van was towed due to expired plates. In Indiana, you cannot renew plates on a vehichle that you don't have your name on. We even told him well in advance that he needed to get the van in her name, or at least take the van in so we could get the plates renewed. We even offered to pay for it, and he still refused. Now, my wife has no vehichle due to his negligence.

And, to top it off, one of the girls is not his biologically. But, my wife had her while married to him. Can she request a paternity test to have the daughter taken from him? Would a judge grant custody of a child to a non-biological parent if a biological parent is fit and able to take care of the child?

I know, it seems like I'm leaving stuff out, but, in all honesty, the guy is just a jerk that wants to flex his muscles, using the "custodial parent" moniker as a shield to do whatever he wants. We have lived in the same place for over a year, and none of this was a problem until last week. We know that he was taken to court recently regarding the van in his name and, when he talked to us about it, simply said "I'm just gonna say it is yours." Our guess is he's mad that the judge in that case ruled against him, since he refused to change the title over, and he is using this "suspend visitation" hearing as revenge to my wife.

If anyone can help on any of the legalities of any of this, and what my wife should do about it, please respond. She's already getting a letter together as a response to the judge documenting everything. Unfortunately, we don't have the money to hire a lawyer, so we're gonna see if we can get a volunteer attorney to take her case. In a situation like this, what are the chances that an attorney would help her?

Thanks in advance

-BillWhat is the name of your state?

 

[stealth2]

What the allegations against Mom are would be useful information.

 

[Ohiogal]

Based on what you have told us...

What is the name of your state? IN

OK, I'll try to make this as short as possible, but there's a lot to it. First, my wife and her ex have 4 girls. He has "Full Custody" but I don't know if that means legal or just physical custody... Anyway, he sent her a letter to the court last week petitioning to have her visitation rights suspended. In his letter, he took things that the girls "told him" and presented them as facts. Now, they're 10,9,8 and 7, so they are not exactly truthful, especially in the cases he's claiming.

As Stealth said, what the girls say is of importance. What are the allegations? These girls are at an age where they could be found credible in court.

He flat out told my wife over the phone that he's "not letting them come down there until you move." This isn't the first time he's thrown his weight around. Since the divorce was final nearly two years ago, he has bullied my wife time and again claiming that "Since I'm the custodial parent, you have no say."


What he says is not true but I do have a question that might shed insight on a few things -- how long have you and her been involved and then married since the divorce was only two years ago?

He's even gone as far to move the girls from a school that is 2 blocks away from his home to a school in a different county, while using a false address as their residence, so he doesn't have to pay tuition fees. On top of that, he did not even consult the mother about it...

If he has full legal he doesn't have to consult mom. Why does he have full legal and physical custody? HOw did that situation come about?

The only way we found out was through the girls. He flat out refuses to give the mother the name, address and phone number of the school and claims that she has no rights to their school records.

What does her court order and the state law say?

He won't even put her on as an emergency contact.

He may not have to depending on why he has full custody.


We did research and know that this is BS and plan to call him on it. Now, if "Full custody" means "Legal custody," I know he can move the girls if he chooses, but not if it is breaking the law, which it is.

Those are TWO different issues. His registering the kids and avoiding tuition does not affect mom's custody/visitation.

And, regardless of custody, to my knowledge, the mother should have all rights to their school name, address and records.

Maybe and maybe not. What do the court orders state and what does the state law state?

We also know that him refusing to allow the girls to go with us during the mother's visiting time is illegal. As far as what I've read, this could be grounds for change of custody. Is there any chance with all these violations (believe it or not, he has done other things that I won't bother to mention here) that a judge will grant his request for suspending custody, based on what the kids said to him?

The judge may suspend it temporarily depending on what the allegations say. And him refusing the girls to go with mom on her time is contempt IF mom has tried to exercise her visitation.

In the divorce decree, my wife was to get a van. The van was in his name only, and he was told that it needed to be put in her name. She needed to be the owner. He never did this and, as a result, the van was towed due to expired plates. In Indiana, you cannot renew plates on a vehichle that you don't have your name on. We even told him well in advance that he needed to get the van in her name, or at least take the van in so we could get the plates renewed. We even offered to pay for it, and he still refused. Now, my wife has no vehichle due to his negligence.

Actually your wife has no van due to her negligence as she could have taken him back to court for contempt to force the issue. Was there a time period in which he was to transfer the van to her name?

And, to top it off, one of the girls is not his biologically. But, my wife had her while married to him. Can she request a paternity test to have the daughter taken from him? Would a judge grant custody of a child to a non-biological parent if a biological parent is fit and able to take care of the child?

So she committed paternity fraud? Did hubby know that the child may not be his? She lost the chance to argue that when she didn't bring it up years ago -- like during the divorce, or at the time of birth. Not to mention the only one who could argue paternity would be the bio dad if HE even knows and then he could get rights -- mom would still be in trouble though for perpetuating a fraud upon the court.

I know, it seems like I'm leaving stuff out, but, in all honesty, the guy is just a jerk that wants to flex his muscles, using the "custodial parent" moniker as a shield to do whatever he wants. We have lived in the same place for over a year, and none of this was a problem until last week. We know that he was taken to court recently regarding the van in his name and, when he talked to us about it, simply said "I'm just gonna say it is yours." Our guess is he's mad that the judge in that case ruled against him, since he refused to change the title over, and he is using this "suspend visitation" hearing as revenge to my wife.

If anyone can help on any of the legalities of any of this, and what my wife should do about it, please respond. She's already getting a letter together as a response to the judge documenting everything. Unfortunately, we don't have the money to hire a lawyer, so we're gonna see if we can get a volunteer attorney to take her case. In a situation like this, what are the chances that an attorney would help her?

Thanks in advance

-BillWhat is the name of your state?

Again, answer the questions you have been asked above. An attorney is most probably NOT going to volunteer to help her. There is too much involved and this case could easily stretch on for a long time as it is custody.

 

[LdiJ]

It really is critical that you explain the circumstances under which dad has full custody. Its extremely rare in Indiana for a judge not to at least order joint legal custody.

Its also important to disclose the allegations that he is making now.

 

[tigger22472]

I will say that more than likely.. unless the parents came to some sort of agreement on things... their decree is to follow the Indiana Parenting Guidelines. Indiana judges are notorious for ordering cases to follow this and I'm yet to see a case that doesn't follow that, outside specific agreements with the parents and even then oftentimes it's stated it defaults to this.

Also as stated, if mom attempts to exercise visitation and dad denies her technically she can file contempt on him. However, I have a question first... there was a statement made that dad said she couldn't take the kids 'down there.' Has mom moved? If so how far away? Did it affect her visitation schedule? Did she get a modification? ALSO, depending on the allegations at hand, when this all occurred and if dad files in court about them he may not be found in contempt. I have seen cases were a parent has kept a child from the other parent (technically making them in contempt), filed for a hearing and was praised in effect for not allowing visitation as it would have been harmful for the child. In general it's not a good idea to deny visitation but sometimes it's considered in the best interest of the child.

As Ohiogal stated as far as the school records go it could land on the wording of the decree. Since this poster isn't even sure the state of custody it's unlikely he knows the other wording in the decree.

 

[tigger22472]

It really is critical that you explain the circumstances under which dad has full custody. Its extremely rare in Indiana for a judge not to at least order joint legal custody.

Its also important to disclose the allegations that he is making now.

Actually I find that to be untrue myself. I know in my own case I assumed for the first few year (before I actually knew anything about the law) that I had joint custody... I had been award SOLE legal custody of my children without even requesting it. As biased as it sounds though, in Indiana the only thing I see rare about it is the fact that it was given to a father. We're a mommy state.

 

[BLeonard]

The child that is not biologically his was due to her being raped. The ex knows that she might not be his and the rapist signed off all rights as the father. As I said, very complicated.

Basicallly, the only allegation that he has against the mother is our cats having fleas. We give them flea medication regularly and take all precautions to prevent it as best as possible, but, somethimes, stuff happens.

The final hearing was very informal... There is nothing in the divorce papers stating that he has Sole Legal custody. In fact, up until about 30 seconds before the divorce was finalized, they were to have joint custody. The only reason that was changed was due to dad "changing his mind." With the informality of the situation and lack of information in the divorce decree, I have to believe that he only has sole physical custody, as I see absolutely no reason why the judge would have awarded sole legal custody to him.

The mother and I have been living in the same place for over a year, so the term "down there" is maybe 25-30 minutes away (We live in Ft. Wayne, he's in Auburn). He flat out said over the phone that he wasn't allowing them to come down with us.

The father filed nothing in court until a letter a week ago stating that he wanted to suspend visitation.

State laws say regarding the school situation...

Each parent shall promptly provide the other with copies of a child’s grade reports and notices from school as they are received. A parent shall not interfere with the right of the other parent to communicate directly with school personnel concerning a child.

Under Indiana law, both parents are entitled to direct access to their child’s school records, Indiana Code ' 20-10.1-22.4-2.

I know that him illegally putting them in a school has no effects on visitation, we are just planning to bring it up, due to the fact that he is not only violating the court order by not allowing scheduled visitation time, but he is also breaking the law.

Her and I were married pretty much right after the divorce was finalized. We have lived here for over a year and no addresses, situations, etc have changed in that time. Just out of the blue, last week we get a letter stating that he wants to suspend visitation. Again, we suspect that this is nothing more than retaliation for him losing the case regarding the van that he refused to get put in her name. He was to get the title of the van transferred over to her name as soon as the divorce was finalized. He did nothing. We made payments and even paid the ticket regarding the plates. Well before that, we also offered to pay for the plate renewal, but he would have to do it, based on the van still being in his name. He refused that as well. There was nothing we could do about the matter, since he never got the van title in her name. As I said, you can't get plates for a vehichle that doesn't have your name on it.

He has also time and again gone against the visitation schedule, which defaults to the state schedule, due to there being nothing in the decree regarding changes to the visitation schedule. He has not allowed the girls to be with their mother on her birthday, on Christmas at her designated time among other holidays. Although mother has expressed interest on having them here on Christmas Eve, he simply says that he "am not going to allow that."

In all honesty, at the time of the divorce, none of this seemed like it would ever be an issue. There was never any dispute regarding ANYTHING until a week ago. Until this happened, mom and dad were very cordial, with the exception of times that dad wanted to do something and simply disallowed mother her visitation rights regarding holidays, etc.

The thing with the kids is, they say one thing to their mother about how they dislike things up at his house, then say to him that they don't like things here. He also told mom that she wouldn't be allowed down because "they don't want to go." He even wrote this in the letter to the judge. Here, it's the opposite. They get here, and they don't want to go home. This is why I think that the kids' word will be of very little use. They just are trying to please the parent they are with. Indiana state law regarding this states:

Child Hesitation. If a child is reluctant to participate in parenting time, each parent shall be responsible to ensure the child complies with the scheduled parenting time. In no event shall a child be allowed to make the decision on whether scheduled parenting time takes place.

Him saying that they he wasn't allowing them to come down due to them not wanting to is a direct violation of this.

We recently had an inspection done by the neighborhood code enforcement and passed easily. The only adjustment we needed to make was to move the smoke alarm so it wasn't directly above the oven, which was done in the inspector's presence. There is nothing wrong with the living quarters that poses a threat, according to the report.

Thanks for all the input thus far... Hope the additional info clears things up a bit.

-Bill

 

[tigger22472]

The child that is not biologically his was due to her being raped. The ex knows that she might not be his and the rapist signed off all rights as the father. As I said, very complicated.

um... what do you mean he knows the child MIGHT not be his yet the rapist signed off all rights? At any rate none of that would matter, the fact the child was born within the marriage makes him the legal father and obviously has been the psychological parent.

Basicallly, the only allegation that he has against the mother is our cats having fleas. We give them flea medication regularly and take all precautions to prevent it as best as possible, but, somethimes, stuff happens.


Are any of the children allergic to them? Do they often go back to his house with many bites? As a person with many animals, and a person allergic to fleas it is very well controlled.

The final hearing was very informal... There is nothing in the divorce papers stating that he has Sole Legal custody. In fact, up until about 30 seconds before the divorce was finalized, they were to have joint custody. The only reason that was changed was due to dad "changing his mind." With the informality of the situation and lack of information in the divorce decree, I have to believe that he only has sole physical custody, as I see absolutely no reason why the judge would have awarded sole legal custody to him.

What you 'see' doesn't matter, what matters is the EXACT wording of the decree. If it says sole custody at all that would mean legal custody.

The mother and I have been living in the same place for over a year, so the term "down there" is maybe 25-30 minutes away (We live in Ft. Wayne, he's in Auburn). He flat out said over the phone that he wasn't allowing them to come down with us.

So she did move? What is the mileage between the two?


The father filed nothing in court until a letter a week ago stating that he wanted to suspend visitation.

Then if he's denied visits and he can prove to the court that he had reason to don't expect too much to happen to him. If he can't prove anything (and I SERIOUSLY doubt it's over fleas) then he can expect a chewing out, but he's covered his butt by filing.

State laws say regarding the school situation...

Each parent shall promptly provide the other with copies of a child’s grade reports and notices from school as they are received. A parent shall not interfere with the right of the other parent to communicate directly with school personnel concerning a child.

Under Indiana law, both parents are entitled to direct access to their child’s school records, Indiana Code ' 20-10.1-22.4-2.

I know that him illegally putting them in a school has no effects on visitation, we are just planning to bring it up, due to the fact that he is not only violating the court order by not allowing scheduled visitation time, but he is also breaking the law.

How is he breaking the law? If you are talking about using another address for school... that won't have any leverage on custody and could raise the support your wife pays if he adds in tuition. Which I must say that I"m lost on... what tuition are you speaking of? Public schools in Indiana do not have tuition. In fact schools aren't even allowed to charge for many many things because it 'looks' like tuition

Her and I were married pretty much right after the divorce was finalized. We have lived here for over a year and no addresses, situations, etc have changed in that time.

A year is nothing in time... but prior to that there was a move right?

Just out of the blue, last week we get a letter stating that he wants to suspend visitation.

Again, this is going to be more than fleas. Why are you not stating what the kids have said or do you NOT know what they have said? How do you know they haven't told a school counselor things?

Again, we suspect that this is nothing more than retaliation for him losing the case regarding the van that he refused to get put in her name. He was to get the title of the van transferred over to her name as soon as the divorce was finalized. He did nothing. We made payments and even paid the ticket regarding the plates. Well before that, we also offered to pay for the plate renewal, but he would have to do it, based on the van still being in his name. He refused that as well. There was nothing we could do about the matter, since he never got the van title in her name. As I said, you can't get plates for a vehichle that doesn't have your name on it.

If your wife hasn't done anything regarding this what makes you think this issue has to do with the van? Why can it not be based on whatever it is the kids have said?


He has also time and again gone against the visitation schedule, which defaults to the state schedule, due to there being nothing in the decree regarding changes to the visitation schedule.

And your wife filed contempt when? It would be a little late now as it will look like retaliation to his petition.

He has not allowed the girls to be with their mother on her birthday, on Christmas at her designated time among other holidays. Although mother has expressed interest on having them here on Christmas Eve, he simply says that he "am not going to allow that."

I haven't looked at the guidelines in a while, but really none of this matters. Your wife hasn't seemed to have done anything about it.

In all honesty, at the time of the divorce, none of this seemed like it would ever be an issue. There was never any dispute regarding ANYTHING until a week ago. Until this happened, mom and dad were very cordial, with the exception of times that dad wanted to do something and simply disallowed mother her visitation rights regarding holidays, etc.


How can you say they wree very cordial but yet he was denying visitation. That makes no sense. However, I can tell you that my husband and his ex appear cordial but if she fell of the face of the earth tomorrow he'd be excited and no matter what his child comes first....So if his daughter came to him and told him that XXX happened at mom's he'd be filing something too because mom will lie to his face.

The thing with the kids is, they say one thing to their mother about how they dislike things up at his house, then say to him that they don't like things here. He also told mom that she wouldn't be allowed down because "they don't want to go." He even wrote this in the letter to the judge. Here, it's the opposite. They get here, and they don't want to go home. This is why I think that the kids' word will be of very little use. They just are trying to please the parent they are with. Indiana state law regarding this states:

Child Hesitation. If a child is reluctant to participate in parenting time, each parent shall be responsible to ensure the child complies with the scheduled parenting time. In no event shall a child be allowed to make the decision on whether scheduled parenting time takes place.

Him saying that they he wasn't allowing them to come down due to them not wanting to is a direct violation of this.

And when your wife filed contempt the judge said??

We recently had an inspection done by the neighborhood code enforcement and passed easily. The only adjustment we needed to make was to move the smoke alarm so it wasn't directly above the oven, which was done in the inspector's presence. There is nothing wrong with the living quarters that poses a threat, according to the report.


What was this for? Is it a HOA?

Thanks for all the input thus far... Hope the additional info clears things up a bit.

-Bill

Actually it doesn't and it makes no difference... nothing you have stated changes things. Dad DID NOT FILE a suspension of visitation solely based on you having a problem with fleas every once in a while. Your wife has no idea what the children have said, nor has she filed contempt on him for violating her visitation rights. By not doing so she's told the courts that she's fine with how things are going.

 

[fairisfair]

well when it comes to a choice of kids vs. cats, I think the answer is pretty simple. Can't blame dad for not wanting the children in a flearidden environment. I say have the house professionally treated, and the cats treated by a veternarian. If this is a problem that just can't be under control, then it is time to say bye bye kitty.

As for the visitation, mom needs to start exercising her rights. That means more than a phone call where dad says no. She needs to go to get the children for her ordered visitation, with her court order in hand,and demand that they be released to her. She needs to start documenting the times that she is refused and calling the police on those occasions. No, the police aren't going to MAKE him give her the kids, but that is the beginning to her building a contempt case against dad.

I am sure that the children know the name of their school. Check out deltabravo.net for information on how to get the school to comply with mom's request for duplicate information regarding the children's education.

 

[BLeonard]

The mileage during the entire time since their divorce has not dramatically changed in the two years she's lived in Fort Wayne... She's lived in Fort Wayne since before the divorce was even finalized. It's about 25 miles from Auburn. The mileage has not been a concern at any time.

In the letter, he's stated that the kids have said different things, which we can prove are completely untrue. The thing is, when they're with us, they talk about things that go on up there, so we don't listen too much to it. All of a sudden, he's deciding to take their words for things, I suppose. I don't know exactly what they have said or haven't... It's not really stated in the letter we got.

In regards to the school, he's breaking the law by using a false address, claiming that the kids live at the false address. The school is in Allen county, and he lives in DeKalb. He lives 2 blocks from the local school, but took it upon himself to enroll them in a school not even in his county. By claiming that the girls live at the false address, he avoids having to pay out-of-county fees (tuition was a poor choice of words). The fact of the matter is, the mother wants the name, address and phone number of the school, along with a copy of the report cards... He flat out refuses to provide it. That in itself is breaking the law, due to the post I made earlier.

We actually just got off the phone with the court and, until the hearing on Dec 20th, he has no rights to disallow visitation, which he has already done once. I guess we'll just document his refusals and bring them up in court. My wife was also told to write a letter in rebuttal to his.

-Bill

 

[tigger22472]

The mileage during the entire time since their divorce has not dramatically changed in the two years she's lived in Fort Wayne... She's lived in Fort Wayne since before the divorce was even finalized. It's about 25 miles from Auburn. The mileage has not been a concern at any time.

I asked because it IS a concern for the state. If there is more than a 100 mile difference it has to go through the courts. It doesn't apply here but this is why I asked actual milage

In the letter, he's stated that the kids have said different things, which we can prove are completely untrue. The thing is, when they're with us, they talk about things that go on up there, so we don't listen too much to it. All of a sudden, he's deciding to take their words for things, I suppose. I don't know exactly what they have said or haven't... It's not really stated in the letter we got.

So you have no idea what they have said or what he can or cannot prove.

In regards to the school, he's breaking the law by using a false address, claiming that the kids live at the false address. The school is in Allen county, and he lives in DeKalb. He lives 2 blocks from the local school, but took it upon himself to enroll them in a school not even in his county. By claiming that the girls live at the false address, he avoids having to pay out-of-county fees (tuition was a poor choice of words). The fact of the matter is, the mother wants the name, address and phone number of the school, along with a copy of the report cards... He flat out refuses to provide it. That in itself is breaking the law, due to the post I made earlier.

And although the guidelines state that, it's trivial when mom knows where they go to school and can get the information on her own, especially when you want to argue that the distance is not far. As far as the false address, that's not going to be a custody breaker either.


We actually just got off the phone with the court and, until the hearing on Dec 20th, he has no rights to disallow visitation, which he has already done once.

The *court* (I'm assuming you mean clerk) has no right to tell you this. Again, depending on what he's denying for will depend on if he will get in trouble or not

I guess we'll just document his refusals and bring them up in court. My wife was also told to write a letter in rebuttal to his.

-Bill

Yes, she is expected to file a response to his filing... and yes she should bring the denial up in court, however, expect for her to answer why all of a sudden it's now an issue.

 

[critterperson]

First of all...Fleas can be a pain in the butt for anyone with animals...But I don't think they are a reason to prevent visitation...Do you live near a lot of sand? The reason for the question is because many people are unaware that fleas can be tracked into your home on your shoes or the bottom of your pants and can infect your animals if you walk through an area that is highly flee infested, and bring it home to your animals...(i.e. sandy area's are often havens for fleas) I had to learn this the hard way with my cats as they are all indoor cats, and have never been outside… but about a year ago we had a flea infestation that took about a month of constant attention and patience to gain control of…It is very important to not just treat the animals, but you also need to treat the area’s they have come in contact with (rugs, furniture etc) Good Luck Anyone who would suggest that you dump your kitty because of flea's doesn't have or in my opinion shouldn't have animals...JMO from a CRITTERPERSON and I am often called a Bunny-hugger

 

[Silverplum]

Let us know when you plan to specifically answer specific questions.
Till then, you're wasting time.

 

[fairisfair]

First of all...Fleas can be a pain in the butt for anyone with animals...But I don't think they are a reason to prevent visitation...Do you live near a lot of sand? The reason for the question is because many people are unaware that fleas can be tracked into your home on your shoes or the bottom of your pants and can infect your animals if you walk through an area that is highly flee infested, and bring it home to your animals...(i.e. sandy area's are often havens for fleas) I had to learn this the hard way with my cats as they are all indoor cats, and have never been outside… but about a year ago we had a flea infestation that took about a month of constant attention and patience to gain control of…It is very important to not just treat the animals, but you also need to treat the area’s they have come in contact with (rugs, furniture etc) Good Luck Anyone who would suggest that you dump your kitty because of flea's doesn't have or in my opinion shouldn't have animals...JMO from a CRITTERPERSON and I am often called a Bunny-hugger

Just FYI, I didn't suggest that he just dump the animals, not without taking every possible measure to correct the situation. But when push comes to shove, and it means keeping a cat or seeing the kids, and having the kids in a clean and pest free environment, it's a no brainer. well, at least for most of us.

 

[tigger22472]

Just FYI, I didn't suggest that he just dump the animals, not without taking every possible measure to correct the situation. But when push comes to shove, and it means keeping a cat or seeing the kids, and having the kids in a clean and pest free environment, it's a no brainer. well, at least for most of us.

I agree!!!