Tomorrow is Court, Help !

[AnonymousR]

What is the name of your state? California

I posted before that I thought this was going to be over before it started, but it seems the ex-gf is going through with it.

I'm ready to put up the fight of my life now.

We went to mediation and she came out with some bull**** visitation schedule.. Every week, 1 day (thursday) 2 HOURS of SUPERVISED visitation.. i was like what the ****... I had to like beg for her to agree for at least a full day plus that 2 hours.. so 11 hours a week. I only agree'd in mediation cause it seemed like all I could get, I was scared a judge wouldnt be on my side and give her whatever she wants.

Now I want to change my mind about it. The mediator said its not final and we could change our mind at court.. so thats what I'm going to do.

What do I do to get at least half if not more control over my daughter? The EX GF wants SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY AND SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY with me barely getting any visitation.

I have a full time 8AM-5PM job. I live with my parents, so I pay no rent. I have no bills but a car payment, my job makes good $$. Has good FREE benefits for me and my dependants.

A little about her. She has a half-assed job as a Waitress at a FULL NUDE STRIP CLUB. She has bull**** hours 4 hours most of the time, with a rare day of 7 hours ... Her days are bull**** too, she gets maybe 3-4 days a week of working. Her paychecks are crap. No benefits at all.. just a job that anyone can get cause she has absolutely no skills.

Her living environment. She has lived with me the past year and 6 months, it was fine. After, she moved with her cousin who shes been living with for a whole 1 month. A single month.

A little something I have on her. She has another kid from another guy. When she got with me she totally ignored this kid. She stood at my house and would not see her child, very very rarely would she see her if she went to her grandmothers house .. and he was there. One time the kid came over the house and was crying outside and asked my mom that he wanted to see HIS mom (my ex) and my mother came into the house and told her and she told my mom to tell him she wasnt there.. She just didn't care. That kid has been living with his father for the past year. When its "my ex's" time to watch the kid, he is with his Grandma (her mother) This is constant and happend all the time.

I do not want this to happen to my child I have with her. Her find someone else and just throw my child to the side while shes interested only in a guy.

She is the one who filed for the child custody crap.. She lied on the paper saying I said I would take away my daughter and never come back! EVERONE ****in says that.. I did not! So the order was "NO VISITATIONS" until this court stuff. It has been a whole month since I've saw my little baby. She is only 1 yr 6 months.. She is learning to talk more now, and I hate that i'm not there with her. Her mother is doing this **** to me and is trying to make me see very little of my baby!

This is soley for vengence!! She is mad cause I told her to leave (broke up with her) 2 days after that she filed the papers and lied. I do not have money for a lawyer so I need to know what I need to say in court.. I want more rights to my daughter than her. At first I would deal with having a little less, but shes showing no heart for her daughters relationship with her father (me).

Help me out.. sorry for the messed up paragraphs.. TOMORROW is the day .

 

[stealth2]

Dude - she was good enough to sleep with, right? If you didn't think she was good enough Mommy material, maybe you shoud have kept it zipped? A judge is not going to be amused if the both of you walk into court slamming each other.

 

[AnonymousR]

Dude - she was good enough to sleep with, right? If you didn't think she was good enough Mommy material, maybe you shoud have kept it zipped? A judge is not going to be amused if the both of you walk into court slamming each other.

I'm not going to amuse a judge, I'm going to get my daughter. I would be fine with 50/50, she wants 98/2. So I'm out to get her now.

Anyone else have some real advice?

 

[LdiJ]

Its also not going to be particularly good for you that you agreed to something in mediation and then reneged...particularly if it was court appointed mediator and the mediator will report to the judge. Plus, your good job, benefits etc., won't make a difference...who has the most money has nothing to do with custody. PLUS...you kicked her out and the kid went with her....

Calm down, take a big deep breath and think things through. Nothing regarding custody is permanent. Consider sticking with the agreement you made for now and work into more as you go. The less hostility there is between you and mom the more likely it is that you are going to raise a happy and healthy child.....heck...if mom is the way you describe, you may end up with custody ANYWAY...without the battle.

 

[stealth2]

I'm not going to amuse a judge, I'm going to get my daughter. I would be fine with 50/50, she wants 98/2. So I'm out to get her now.

Anyone else have some real advice?

Piss the judge off, and you'll end up with the really short end of the stick. But carry on.

 

[AnonymousR]

Its also not going to be particularly good for you that you agreed to something in mediation and then reneged...particularly if it was court appointed mediator and the mediator will report to the judge. Plus, your good job, benefits etc., won't make a difference...who has the most money has nothing to do with custody. PLUS...you kicked her out and the kid went with her....

Calm down, take a big deep breath and think things through. Nothing regarding custody is permanent. Consider sticking with the agreement you made for now and work into more as you go. The less hostility there is between you and mom the more likely it is that you are going to raise a happy and healthy child.....heck...if mom is the way you describe, you may end up with custody ANYWAY...without the battle.

She took her with her! But the mediator said .. we can change our minds though. Its far too little for me to see her. I only agree'd cause I felt pressured into it, cause she lowballed me so much at first. There was no hostility until she came out with trying to let me see my baby 2 hours a week. And her wanting sole custody and sole legal.. so I feel worthless.. just a visitor to my child.

 

[LdiJ]

She took her with her! But the mediator said .. we can change our minds though. Its far too little for me to see her. I only agree'd cause I felt pressured into it, cause she lowballed me so much at first. There was no hostility until she came out with trying to let me see my baby 2 hours a week. And her wanting sole custody and sole legal.. so I feel worthless.. just a visitor to my child.

Again..nothing is permanent when it comes to child custody....you have 16 1/2 years to go here...

 

[karma1]

Some "pointers".....

when is court, first of all?

I'd do everything I could to show a judge that 50/50 placement is what you are prepared to do....

Do you have a crib/age appropriate bed for the child?

WHat will your daycare arrangements be when you are working? or if you should need daycare? grandparents?

Have you ever taken an infant/child CPR/first aid course?

Look into some infant/parent type classes that might be offered (YMCA?) where both of you could participate....swim classes? gymboree?

Besides this---always show the judge you are willing to work with the other parent--like cooperate on schedules--doctors appointments, that sort of thing...show YOU are being cooperative and will be for the next 17+ years....
Look into Right of First Refusal, which means, if one parent is not available for whatever reason during that parents parenting time, (which, btw, is a great term to use=Parenting Time)----the other parent gets first choice at watching the child....

Just some ideas...
Have you documented all this refusal of her letting you see your child?

 

[LdiJ]

when is court, first of all?

I'd do everything I could to show a judge that 50/50 placement is what you are prepared to do....

Do you have a crib/age appropriate bed for the child?

WHat will your daycare arrangements be when you are working? or if you should need daycare? grandparents?

Have you ever taken an infant/child CPR/first aid course?

Look into some infant/parent type classes that might be offered (YMCA?) where both of you could participate....swim classes? gymboree?

Besides this---always show the judge you are willing to work with the other parent--like cooperate on schedules--doctors appointments, that sort of thing...show YOU are being cooperative and will be for the next 17+ years....
Look into Right of First Refusal, which means, if one parent is not available for whatever reason during that parents parenting time, (which, btw, is a great term to use=Parenting Time)----the other parent gets first choice at watching the child....

Just some ideas...
Have you documented all this refusal of her letting you see your child?

They have already been to mediation. He already agree to a schedule and now he wants to back out

 

[karma1]

Mediation is not binding....

but most certainly the judge will read the mediators rec's....

I missed that court was tomorrow--oopsies

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? California

I posted before that I thought this was going to be over before it started, but it seems the ex-gf is going through with it.

I'm ready to put up the fight of my life now.

We went to mediation and she came out with some bull**** visitation schedule.. Every week, 1 day (thursday) 2 HOURS of SUPERVISED visitation.. i was like what the ****... I had to like beg for her to agree for at least a full day plus that 2 hours.. so 11 hours a week. I only agree'd in mediation cause it seemed like all I could get, I was scared a judge wouldnt be on my side and give her whatever she wants.

Now I want to change my mind about it. The mediator said its not final and we could change our mind at court.. so thats what I'm going to do.

What do I do to get at least half if not more control over my daughter? The EX GF wants SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY AND SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY with me barely getting any visitation.

I have a full time 8AM-5PM job. I live with my parents, so I pay no rent. I have no bills but a car payment, my job makes good $$. Has good FREE benefits for me and my dependants.

A little about her. She has a half-assed job as a Waitress at a FULL NUDE STRIP CLUB. She has bull**** hours 4 hours most of the time, with a rare day of 7 hours ... Her days are bull**** too, she gets maybe 3-4 days a week of working. Her paychecks are crap. No benefits at all.. just a job that anyone can get cause she has absolutely no skills.

Her living environment. She has lived with me the past year and 6 months, it was fine. After, she moved with her cousin who shes been living with for a whole 1 month. A single month.

A little something I have on her. She has another kid from another guy. When she got with me she totally ignored this kid. She stood at my house and would not see her child, very very rarely would she see her if she went to her grandmothers house .. and he was there. One time the kid came over the house and was crying outside and asked my mom that he wanted to see HIS mom (my ex) and my mother came into the house and told her and she told my mom to tell him she wasnt there.. She just didn't care. That kid has been living with his father for the past year. When its "my ex's" time to watch the kid, he is with his Grandma (her mother) This is constant and happend all the time.

I do not want this to happen to my child I have with her. Her find someone else and just throw my child to the side while shes interested only in a guy.

She is the one who filed for the child custody crap.. She lied on the paper saying I said I would take away my daughter and never come back! EVERONE ****in says that.. I did not! So the order was "NO VISITATIONS" until this court stuff. It has been a whole month since I've saw my little baby. She is only 1 yr 6 months.. She is learning to talk more now, and I hate that i'm not there with her. Her mother is doing this **** to me and is trying to make me see very little of my baby!

This is soley for vengence!! She is mad cause I told her to leave (broke up with her) 2 days after that she filed the papers and lied. I do not have money for a lawyer so I need to know what I need to say in court.. I want more rights to my daughter than her. At first I would deal with having a little less, but shes showing no heart for her daughters relationship with her father (me).

Help me out.. sorry for the messed up paragraphs.. TOMORROW is the day .

You date a stripper who ignores her child she already has~ And somehow you are surprised at anything that happens after that?

You can ask the judge for equal parenting time...follow the advice of what karma1 wrote. Even though court is tomorrow- it's still advisable to have CPR and age appropriate activities for your child while she's in your care. Arrange for childcare etc., and demonstrate you are trying to be responsible and have a relationship with your child. That's what the judge will look at- Not all the terrible things you say about the mother, NOW that you aren't with her anymore.

Although you have a "good job" and make good money, you still live with your parents and don't pay rent or the bills, which doesn't show you are independent.

 

[Reyna7]

?????

I want to know what happened today,,,so OP, please tell!!

 

[AnonymousR]

Well I'm back.

I had to put up a fight, I let the judge know I felt pressured into agree'ing at mediation, and she let me tell my story. I basically told her I was ignorant to the law and didn't know I had some power i here, I thought she had all the power because she filed. I explained my situation, let her know of my job.. and her job, she took note of that THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Her hours are ****ty, mine are not.. so she took that into consideration when choosing some hours of visitation.

I have my baby Tuesday -- 14 hours, and i drop her off the next morning
I have my baby Thursday -- 14 hours, and i drop her off the next morning
I have my baby Sunday from like 9am to like 8pm, which isn't bad.

I have a lot more time than originally planned.. But one thing I have a question on. On our mediation paper it said that we did not agree on custody, Legal or PHysical.. she asked us questions about it, but on the paper she gave us.. it doesnt say who has physical or legal custody.. sole or joint?? It doesnt say anywhere.. so what do I do?

Needless to say, her mother called me up pissed.. and all bitchy.. ahaha

Happy as a motherf'er,
Ralph

 

[stealth2]

Well.... if she's got 77% and you have 23% of the week with the child, she's certainly got primary custody. But that's certainly a better time split than she was offering.

 

[AnonymousR]

Well.... if she's got 77% and you have 23% of the week with the child, she's certainly got primary custody. But that's certainly a better time split than she was offering.

How about the Legal custody?? I was seeking joint and she was seeking sole..