TPR/name change

[VAsinglemom]

What is the name of your state? Virginia.

My four-year-old's biological father has not seen or contacted her in over 2 years. He was/is a terrible alcoholic and attempted suicide (dripping blood over me and the child-who was 6 weeks old at the time- as we slept). He has never helped support our child financially, as he never held a job because he was drunk all the time. I left him after the attempted suicide, or rather, kicked him out of my apartment. After that time he visited the child rarely if at all, every four or five months for mere minutes at a time. She never knew him as her father. She never recognized him when he came around and certainly never grew attached to him. My current boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years and he has been more of a father to her than her biological father ever was. She calls him Daddy (of her own will, we never made that determination for her). I'm in the process of filing the paperwork to have her last name changed. Being as ridiculously stupid as I was back then, I gave her her biological father's last name. Now I want to have it changed to my last name. I've also entertained ideas of having his parental rights terminated. My attorney tells me that based on the circumstances I should have no problems with either of these things. My real question is... I have no idea where this man is or how to contact him. The last known address I have for him is 3 years old and I know he no longer lives there. If the court is unable to track him down, or he fails to appear on his own behalf does that mean I automatically win? Also, he acknowledged paternity but I have never applied for an official birth certificate for my child. Do I have to put him on the birth certificate? If I don't, is he still recognized as the legal father?

My parents and I have joint custody - I had some legal problems so I wanted to guarantee that he couldn't come take the child and disappear with her if something happened to me.

 

[Inquiry123]

Now I want to have it changed to my last name. I've also entertained ideas of having his parental rights terminated. My attorney tells me that based on the circumstances I should have no problems with either of these things. My real question is... I have no idea where this man is or how to contact him. The last known address I have for him is 3 years old and I know he no longer lives there. If the court is unable to track him down, or he fails to appear on his own behalf does that mean I automatically win?

There's the possibility that he's deceased. Your att'y may be able to refer you to a PI that will locate him with the old address. Supplying a PI with his SS# or family info would be helpful as well. Don't count on the court to "track him down".

My advice: Get $1MM in term life insurance on yourself for the kid...in case something "happens to you".

 

[CJane]

My attorney tells me that based on the circumstances I should have no problems with either of these things.

Then listen to your attorney. I don't see HOW you could have no problems with it, but if you're paying someone to tell you that, by all means, listen to them.

My parents and I have joint custody - I had some legal problems so I wanted to guarantee that he couldn't come take the child and disappear with her if something happened to me.

Ummm... do you have a court order that illustrates this 'joint custody'? Because according to just about everything I've read here and elsewhere, if 'something' were to happen to you, the father of the child has first dibs.

 

[VAsinglemom]

Yes I have a court order. It's my understanding that if something were to happen to me, he would have to actively seek to have the custody of the child awarded to him - which is not likely to happen, since my daughter doesn't even know him and has a very close relationship with her grandparents.


CJane, you said you don't see HOW I could have no problems. Why? I've done a lot of researching on this even since speaking to an attorney, and it would seem that I have grounds for terminating his parental rights. As for the name change, it does require both parents' consent but once I have succeeding in terminating his rights I am free to pursue that on my own. What makes you seem to think I would run into problems?

 

[CJane]

CJane, you said you don't see HOW I could have no problems. Why? I've done a lot of researching on this even since speaking to an attorney, and it would seem that I have grounds for terminating his parental rights.

You may have grounds, but even with grounds, it's not ever a 'sure thing'. In most states (and someone with more desire to look up VA statutes can correct me if I'm wrong about your state), a petition for adoption by a step-parent needs to go hand in hand with the termination request. AND you'd still have to locate the father of the child - or at least make EVERY REASONABLE ATTEMPT to do so.

As for the name change, it does require both parents' consent but once I have succeeding in terminating his rights I am free to pursue that on my own. What makes you seem to think I would run into problems?

See above.

Question: If something as simple as a name-change requires the permission of both parents, WHY do you think that a TPR would be so simple?

What happens when/if you get remarried? Are you going to change the child's name again?

 

[VAsinglemom]

If I were to get married at some point (which isn't going to be anytime soon) and my husband wanted to adopt my daughter then yes, I may change her name to reflect the name of her adoptive father. Now, as for the step parent adoption, that's in cases of voluntary relinquishment of parental rights, not an involuntary TPR. In Virginia, a name change doesn't "require" permission of both parents. They do require that the parent who isn't involved in the filing be notified so that they may respond and dispute the filing if they so choose.

Virginia also makes clear that inability to locate the absentee parent also constitutes grounds for termination of parental rights.

 

[CJane]

Virginia also makes clear that inability to locate the absentee parent also constitutes grounds for termination of parental rights.

Ok. You have fun with your filings. After all, you have an attorney who's already told you what you want to hear.

Let us know how it goes.

 

[VAsinglemom]

Well, my real questions were never addressed and still stand.

He acknowledged paternity by signing a form at the hospital when my daughter was born. Does this make him the legal father? Do I have to put him on the birth certificate?

 

[CJane]

Well, my real questions were never addressed and still stand.

He acknowledged paternity by signing a form at the hospital when my daughter was born. Does this make him the legal father? Do I have to put him on the birth certificate?

Yes, it makes him the legal father.

Yes, you most likely do have to put him on the BC. Virginia must be the strangest state in the US if you can actually leave the hospital w/out filling out a BC. Are you SURE this wasn't done along with everything else at the hospital, and you just don't have a copy?

 

[VAsinglemom]

It's possible that there IS a birth certificate on record, and the form that I still have from the hospital is just a request for a copy of it. I filled out so many dang papers when she was born it's hard to say for sure. Another question, when I get her last name changed (legally - she already thinks her last name is the same as mine. I never mention her "real" father. She's only 4, so I don't think it's really the time to spring all of that on her) I have to change her birth certificate, right?

 

[Inquiry123]

My real question is... I have no idea where this man is or how to contact him. The last known address I have for him is 3 years old and I know he no longer lives there. If the court is unable to track him down, or he fails to appear on his own behalf does that mean I automatically win?

Getting back to the real question...What evidence are you anticipating presenting to the court that you have attempted to locate Dad before TPR?

 

[CJane]

Getting back to the real question...What evidence are you anticipating presenting to the court that you have attempted to locate Dad before TPR?

Silly. That's not her question at all. An attorney already told her it'll be no problem.

OP ~ Yes, IF you are successful and a name change is granted, her BC will also be changed. However, her father will not be removed (I'm betting he's already on the BC).

 

[LdiJ]

It's possible that there IS a birth certificate on record, and the form that I still have from the hospital is just a request for a copy of it. I filled out so many dang papers when she was born it's hard to say for sure. Another question, when I get her last name changed (legally - she already thinks her last name is the same as mine. I never mention her "real" father. She's only 4, so I don't think it's really the time to spring all of that on her) I have to change her birth certificate, right?

I am sure that her birth certificate exists and bio-dad's name is on it. The hospital is responsible for making sure that happens.

If you legally change her last name, then you would also need to change her birth certificate.

 

[LdiJ]

Silly. That's not her question at all. An attorney already told her it'll be no problem.

OP ~ Yes, IF you are successful and a name change is granted, her BC will also be changed. However, her father will not be removed (I'm betting he's already on the BC).

Well...he would be if she also does a TPR.

There are some states that don't require a stepparent adoption in order to terminate parental rights for abandonment or other "cause". I have no idea if VA is one of them or not. However since an attorney has told her that she can, I suspect that it is.

 

[ceara19]

There's the possibility that he's deceased. Your att'y may be able to refer you to a PI that will locate him with the old address. Supplying a PI with his SS# or family info would be helpful as well. Don't count on the court to "track him down".

My advice: Get $1MM in term life insurance on yourself for the kid...in case something "happens to you".

http://ssdi.rootsweb.com/

She can check the Social Security Death Index for free.