Traveling with a Baby

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state? Ohio/Texas

Hello All!

Here's the basic background. On Jan 24th I left Texas to Ohio to have the baby. There were serious health concerns for both me and baby. I lived three hours from the hospital and was having symptoms of preeclampsia, combined with my diabetes, and no one could help care for me in Texas while on bed rest. I made it to Ohio where I spent the next 10 days in the hospital, then had the baby on Feb. 15th. Been on bed rest and in and out of the hospital since the birth.

Well, I've finally reached the end of my FMLA, and have to return to my job or I will lose my health insurance benefits. I already haven't been paid for three months, which has been a struggle paying the mortgage and car and all those bills from the pregnancy (I had a bill for $60K just for me - we'll see what the health insurance covers.) So, at the end of April, I will be headed back to Texas to finish out the school year (I'm a teacher), sell my house, and wrap things up in Texas. I plan to be there from April 28th to June 13th.

I have been talking with dad and want to give him plenty of time with the baby when we get there. There are no custody orders or child support through the court as of yet (dad said he wants to work things out informally between us), and this is where I start to get nervous. Dad has stated that if I take things to court he will be very angry, so I didn't plan to file anything until I got back to Ohio in June. Didn't want to rock the boat, as Silver said, til I got back to Ohio. I know I need to formalize all the child support and custody stuff because based on dad's track record of making babies, there very well could be another one in someone else's oven as we speak. Let's just say dad really likes to sow his seeds (which led to the breakup of our relationship, but I probably should have seen it coming - umph). I made a baby with him, and I know I have to deal with it.

So, now I'm starting to get really nervous about a few things. Since I still have a residence in Texas, am I still considered a Texas resident? I haven't gotten an Ohio driver's license yet - should I do that before I go? How do I prove I live in Ohio and not Texas anymore when I file?

Since there is no CP/NCP orders or custody, what could happen in Texas? Could he take the baby and refuse to return him? Could he file while I'm finishing up the year in Texas and force me to remain there forever? The baby was born in Ohio and has an Ohio address on the birth certificate. Dad signed the AOP. Dad understands that I'm selling my house and moving to Ohio. Could dad go to the daycare, check him out, and disappear?

We're on amicable terms at the moment. Dad seems to think that if he is nice enough that he will convince me to stay/get back together. He doesn't understand and won't accept that I'm sick and need to be closer to doctors (in Ohio I'm within 15 minutes of the specialists I've been seeing, in Texas, its a three hour drive through the desert with a baby). Also, the baby has a birth defect that will require surgery. The surgery is scheduled in Ohio for August. The baby should be fine after the surgery. Dad doesn't believe in doctors and is having a rough time with the fact that both baby and I require so much medical care. I guess that just because I look good on the outside, dad doesn't want to accept that my insides are all screwy. I just want to be around to raise our son (*getting all emotional*) and its not going to happen with dad cussing me out for seeing the doctor, or taking the baby to the doctor. This is so hard on me...

So, let me sum up my questions after my emotional rant.

1. Could he legally take the baby and refuse to return him? Could he file in Texas while we're there and force us to stay?

2. Should I let him take the baby to visit dad's family? Or, since we're on good terms, should I go too? Or should I let him take the baby alone?

3. Should I do anything to prove Ohio residency for baby and I? Should I get an Ohio driver's license?

4. Absent custody orders, should I allow dad to take baby overnight or during the day? I know dad is excited to show baby off, because this boy sure is cute, and I can't blame dad. I have no fear that dad would harm him, and I know that in the future dad will get long distance visitation. I know that, and I accept it. I don't know how much dad will exercise visitation, because dad has another child who he chooses not to exercise visitation with because of his work schedule. I can't force dad to be a dad, but I can facilitate as much as possible. So, I would like dad to bond as much as possible in the six weeks we're in Texas.

5. I know I'm driving myself bonkers with all the things that could possibly happen, and I guess that's what being a new mom is like. I just want to be prepared for anything. Can anyone offer scenarios I haven't thought of, or things I should do in preparation for leaving to Texas for six weeks?

thanks, I know this was long.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Ohio/Texas




I have been talking with dad and want to give him plenty of time with the baby when we get there. There are no custody orders or child support through the court as of yet (dad said he wants to work things out informally between us), and this is where I start to get nervous. Dad has stated that if I take things to court he will be very angry, so I didn't plan to file anything until I got back to Ohio in June.

You will not have been considered an Ohio resident by June. But you could file child support.

So, now I'm starting to get really nervous about a few things. Since I still have a residence in Texas, am I still considered a Texas resident?

You are not an Ohio resident yet. If you were planning to be an Ohio resident you were supposed to get a driver's license within 30 days of moving to Ohio.

I haven't gotten an Ohio driver's license yet - should I do that before I go?

Yeah.

How do I prove I live in Ohio and not Texas anymore when I file?

Living in Ohio and being an Ohio resident for court purposes are TWO different things. Where do you receive mail? Where is your bank account based? Where are you registered to vote? Where is your driver's license? Where is your personal items located? Where is the child's daycare? Where will you be staying while in Texas? You should qualify for medicaid -- did you sign up your child or attempt to? Are you SURE that you want to return for the rest of the school year? Are you on WIC? If not, why not? Did you attempt to sign up for WIC? Where is the baby's pediatrician?

Since there is no CP/NCP orders or custody, what could happen in Texas?

Too broad of a question.

Could he take the baby and refuse to return him? Could he file while I'm finishing up the year in Texas and force me to remain there forever?

He could because YOU appear to still be a Texas resident.

The baby was born in Ohio and has an Ohio address on the birth certificate. Dad signed the AOP. Dad understands that I'm selling my house and moving to Ohio. Could dad go to the daycare, check him out, and disappear?

Dad could go to the daycare and get him. Is your house up for sale yet? If not, why not?

We're on amicable terms at the moment. Dad seems to think that if he is nice enough that he will convince me to stay/get back together. He doesn't understand and won't accept that I'm sick and need to be closer to doctors (in Ohio I'm within 15 minutes of the specialists I've been seeing, in Texas, its a three hour drive through the desert with a baby). Also, the baby has a birth defect that will require surgery. The surgery is scheduled in Ohio for August. The baby should be fine after the surgery.

The surgery proves nothing really about residency.

So, let me sum up my questions after my emotional rant.

1. Could he legally take the baby and refuse to return him? Could he file in Texas while we're there and force us to stay?

Yes he can. He can attempt to force the baby to stay. I really would question returning to Texas at this stage. I know you have a job but I would apply with the schools in Ohio near where you are. I know the school district where I am has several openings for special education teachers (over 80 when a friend applied and still several dozen openings all told. YOu could also substitute teach and apply for medicaid.

2. Should I let him take the baby to visit dad's family? Or, since we're on good terms, should I go too? Or should I let him take the baby alone?

I wouldn't let him take the baby alone.

3. Should I do anything to prove Ohio residency for baby and I? Should I get an Ohio driver's license?

Yes because as of now you are a Texas resident. Do you have an Ohio address? A lease? Anything to prove that you are living and not visiting temporarily because as of now you are visiting temporarily.

4. Absent custody orders, should I allow dad to take baby overnight or during the day? I know dad is excited to show baby off, because this boy sure is cute, and I can't blame dad. I have no fear that dad would harm him, and I know that in the future dad will get long distance visitation. I know that, and I accept it. I don't know how much dad will exercise visitation, because dad has another child who he chooses not to exercise visitation with because of his work schedule. I can't force dad to be a dad, but I can facilitate as much as possible. So, I would like dad to bond as much as possible in the six weeks we're in Texas.

I would NOT let him take the baby overnight but would encourage time while you are down there if you really decide to go. I myself would NOT go.

5. I know I'm driving myself bonkers with all the things that could possibly happen, and I guess that's what being a new mom is like. I just want to be prepared for anything. Can anyone offer scenarios I haven't thought of, or things I should do in preparation for leaving to Texas for six weeks?

That your time as an Ohio resident will NOT start until AFTER you return as you are still a Texas resident and visiting in Ohio doesn't mean resident of Ohio. Yes the baby was born here but there is so much more to it than that.

 

[Humusluvr]

You will not have been considered an Ohio resident by June. But you could file child support.

I plan to do that as soon as I get back.

You are not an Ohio resident yet. If you were planning to be an Ohio resident you were supposed to get a driver's license within 30 days of moving to Ohio.

I have been in the hospital, and then with losing my eyesight during the surgery, I couldn't go for a driver's license. I just got cleared to drive again by the doc. I can go now for one.

Living in Ohio and being an Ohio resident for court purposes are TWO different things.

What do you mean?

Where do you receive mail?

Had it routed to the Ohio address while I'm here. So I have been getting it at my parents house since January.

Where is your bank account based?

Three places, one in Texas, one online, One I opened up here.

Where are you registered to vote?Where is your driver's license?

Texas

Where is your personal items located?

All child's items in Ohio. all my personal items in Ohio, but left all my furniture and household stuff in Texas. When I got sick, I left to Ohio the next day, and couldn't do much with my house at that point.

Where is the child's daycare?

I've been home since he was born, but was planning to go back to Texas to finish the school year. He would be in daycare for one month there.

Where will you be staying while in Texas?

My house since it hasn't sold yet. If it sells, it will take three to six weeks to go through, and I will be back in Ohio by then.

You should qualify for medicaid -- did you sign up your child or attempt to?Are you on WIC? If not, why not? Did you attempt to sign up for WIC?

I don't, I make too much money. I do have a job, in Texas, making $50K per year.

Are you SURE that you want to return for the rest of the school year?

I have to clean out my classroom and finish the grades and paperwork, otherwise they can yank my teaching credentials.

Where is the baby's pediatrician?

Ohio

Is your house up for sale yet? If not, why not?

Yes, has been for about a month

Yes he can. He can attempt to force the baby to stay. I really would question returning to Texas at this stage. I know you have a job but I would apply with the schools in Ohio near where you are. I know the school district where I am has several openings for special education teachers (over 80 when a friend applied and still several dozen openings all told. YOu could also substitute teach and apply for medicaid.

I did apply for an Ohio teaching license. I have to take the Praxis test on April 26th and pass to obtain a license, which would be at the end of May. I would then be certified to teach in Ohio. I am not employable until then, as a teacher. I have applied for several other jobs, hoping I would get one before needing to return to teaching so that I could just stay in Ohio, but I didn't get one. Jobs for the next school year are just becoming available now, but I wouldn't be employed officially until September. If I want to keep my benefits and health insurance then I have to finish the school year in Texas. I know it sucks, and that I could probably be unemployed and dependent on the state, but I have a real problem with sucking the taxpayers money. I can work, and I should.

Yes because as of now you are a Texas resident. Do you have an Ohio address? A lease? Anything to prove that you are living and not visiting temporarily because as of now you are visiting temporarily.

I have provided my parent's address as my address. I still have a mortgage in Texas, so it would be financially impossible to get a lease considering that I won't get paid again until September by an Ohio school district provided I get a job. I could go get a job waitressing for the summer. that's a possibility.

That your time as an Ohio resident will NOT start until AFTER you return as you are still a Texas resident and visiting in Ohio doesn't mean resident of Ohio. Yes the baby was born here but there is so much more to it than that.

I know its confusing to me as well, and I'm living it. I just want to find out what I should/should not do while I'm there. I'm not letting baby out of my sight. Dad doesn't need to know what daycare he is in. I want dad to get as much time as possible, but dad works from 6 in the morning until 10 at night, 7 days a week. He gets a long lunch during which he jogs, eats, watches tv, and sleeps with his co worker.

 

[Ohiogal]

Based on everything you have said, you are a Texas resident and visiting in Ohio. Your six months in Ohio will start once you permanently move to Ohio which will be after this school year. So if you are returning in June, you are most likely looking at December before you have residency for court purposes (living in Ohio for six months prior to filing of the complaint). Dad could try to start a court proceeding in Texas and you would have to really fight jurisdiction. It could be won but he could possibly prove you are nothing but a visitor to Ohio. So until December watch out.

 

[Humusluvr]

Based on everything you have said, you are a Texas resident and visiting in Ohio. Your six months in Ohio will start once you permanently move to Ohio which will be after this school year. So if you are returning in June, you are most likely looking at December before you have residency for court purposes (living in Ohio for six months prior to filing of the complaint). Dad could try to start a court proceeding in Texas and you would have to really fight jurisdiction. It could be won but he could possibly prove you are nothing but a visitor to Ohio. So until December watch out.

Thank you, that's exactly what I needed to know!

 

[Indiana Filer]

I've been home since he was born, but was planning to go back to Texas to finish the school year. He would be in daycare for one month there.

Are you on medical leave from work still? How much longer has the doctor said before you are allowed to go back to work?

I don't, I make too much money. I do have a job, in Texas, making $50K per year.

Are you still getting paid while you are off?

I have to clean out my classroom and finish the grades and paperwork, otherwise they can yank my teaching credentials

.

How, if you are on an approved medical leave?

I did apply for an Ohio teaching license. I have to take the Praxis test on April 26th and pass to obtain a license, which would be at the end of May. I would then be certified to teach in Ohio. I am not employable until then, as a teacher.

Texas and Ohio are both members of the Compact dealing with the reciprocity of teaching licenses. You should be able to teach in Ohio under your TX license while you are pursuing the OH certifications.

 

[Humusluvr]

Are you on medical leave from work still? How much longer has the doctor said before you are allowed to go back to work?

Doc released me to go back to work on April 28th.

Are you still getting paid while you are off?

I am receiving disability pay which is one third my normal paycheck. If I don't go back, I will have to repay my health insurance for the three months I have been off and in hospital. I also won't be insured over the summer months, which is when I need to be looking for a teaching job in Ohio. I have thought long and hard about going back, and its pretty much a certainty. If I didn't I would be committing financial suicide, and would become unemployable. I HAVE TO have health insurance with my diabetes or I'm royally screwed.
.

How, if you are on an approved medical leave?

Only approved til April 28th. School ends beginning of June.

Texas and Ohio are both members of the Compact dealing with the reciprocity of teaching licenses. You should be able to teach in Ohio under your TX license while you are pursuing the OH certifications.

[/QUOTE]

Wrong. Texas is one of only SIX states in the nation that is not reciprocal. Texas has the lowest teacher standards and easiest teacher test because of the issues with not being able to get teachers. Texas does not take the Praxis, which is what the other 44 states, including Ohio, require. I cannot teach in Ohio until I am certified by Ohio.

Thats what the Board of Ed told me. Do you know something I don't know?

 

[Ohiogal]

YOu can substitute while in Ohio however because all you need is a Bachelor's degree in any subject. I did it. That would bring in money while you are waiting to get your praxis test. AND the income for medicaid is considered what you are CURRENTLY earning. So try for it.

 

[Humusluvr]

YOu can substitute while in Ohio however because all you need is a Bachelor's degree in any subject. I did it. That would bring in money while you are waiting to get your praxis test. AND the income for medicaid is considered what you are CURRENTLY earning. So try for it.

What would be the differences in going from private health insurance to medicaid? And there would be no sub jobs over the summer. I am looking to be certified as of May 27th, and employed in the 2008-2009 school year.

I was under the impression that if I lost my insurance I could not go to the same doctors I see now, and I could lose my insulin pump.

and my COBRA benefits would be over $700 a month. Impossible on no income. Or if I went and waitressed, finding childcare and covering my $800 mortgage would be rough. I'll get my business taken care of, no matter what.

How does WIC work?

 

[LdiJ]

What would be the differences in going from private health insurance to medicaid? And there would be no sub jobs over the summer. I am looking to be certified as of May 27th, and employed in the 2008-2009 school year.

I was under the impression that if I lost my insurance I could not go to the same doctors I see now, and I could lose my insulin pump.

and my COBRA benefits would be over $700 a month. Impossible on no income. Or if I went and waitressed, finding childcare and covering my $800 mortgage would be rough. I'll get my business taken care of, no matter what.

How does WIC work?

I remember you from the past. I also remember that you didn't listen until you were almost at "crunch" time.

You need to be consulting with an attorney.

 

[Bloopy]

What would be the differences in going from private health insurance to medicaid? And there would be no sub jobs over the summer. I am looking to be certified as of May 27th, and employed in the 2008-2009 school year.

I was under the impression that if I lost my insurance I could not go to the same doctors I see now, and I could lose my insulin pump.

and my COBRA benefits would be over $700 a month. Impossible on no income. Or if I went and waitressed, finding childcare and covering my $800 mortgage would be rough. I'll get my business taken care of, no matter what.

How does WIC work?

First, I'm glad you are healing nicely.

Take the computer Praxis... it processes much faster.

There are summer teaching jobs.

Talk to your current doctors. They may not normally take Medicaid but they be willing to work something out since you are an established patient.

I waitresses with a Masters and earned more than my starting professional salary. Best money you can make with your clothes on. Waitressing can be an evening job which could help with child care costs if your family is willing to help out.

You won't have an $800 morgage if you sell your home.

Could you settle your business in Texas two weeks?

I'd stall in Texas for a week or two before getting together with Dad.

Good luck.

 

[Humusluvr]

First, I'm glad you are healing nicely.

Thanks! I think it is a blessing that both baby and I are doing so well.

Take the computer Praxis... it processes much faster.

To get the license that I am qualifies for, I have to take two different tests. Both of them are paper based only and based on the weird timing of things, I have to take the Ohio tests in Texas. They weren't even offered near my home! I'm driving 200 miles to the college they are offered at. thankfully I have a friend willing to baby sit overnight as soon as I get back, because the test starts at 7:45. And, since I didn't know when I was signing up for the tests whether or not I would be healed/able to see/in the state/out of state - it cost me $295!!! Plus another $250 for Ohio to review my college credentials!!! Plus $85 for a FBI back ground test and fingerprinting. I swear - this is robbery! and all this trouble is just to teach Biology. that doesn't even include my principal's license. or if I were to not pass the tests! then I'd have to pay and take them again. I know that all professions have their "fees" and "certifications," but this is ridiculous IMHO.

There are summer teaching jobs.

It has become my full time job, finding a job. Oh yeah, and taking care of the baby.

Talk to your current doctors. They may not normally take Medicaid but they be willing to work something out since you are an established patient.

I will have to look into that! I have never talked to anyone about medicare because I never thought I might qualify, and I always thought it would only be if I were unemployed. I will have to call a caseworker on Monday.

I waitresses with a Masters and earned more than my starting professional salary. Best money you can make with your clothes on. Waitressing can be an evening job which could help with child care costs if your family is willing to help out.

I have to really agree with you there! I used to make enough to put myself through college. And I know my family would help out!

You won't have an $800 morgage if you sell your home.

I pray it sells fast. I know I'm probably SOL in making too much on it given the foreclosure mess the country is in, so I listed it $10K below what I would have gotten last year. I just hope that it doesn't sit on the market forever...

Could you settle your business in Texas two weeks?

I'll be there April 28th to June 13th. That's finish school, clean out class, clean out house, pack uhaul, move back.

I'd stall in Texas for a week or two before getting together with Dad.

Dad told me tonight he actually won't be around in Texas that much when we're there. He has a bass fishing tournament he's going to for a week, then a hunt in South Texas for another week, then he's flying to Argentina for ANOTHER week in May - all that on top of his normal 24/7 work schedule. That's the bachelor's life, I guess.

And LdiJ, I absolutely do listen, and use all the advice to formulate my game plan. Thankfully, all has gone smoothly so far. I appreciate everyone's advice and suggestions.

 

[Ohiogal]

To get the license that I am qualifies for, I have to take two different tests. Both of them are paper based only and based on the weird timing of things, I have to take the Ohio tests in Texas. They weren't even offered near my home! I'm driving 200 miles to the college they are offered at. thankfully I have a friend willing to baby sit overnight as soon as I get back, because the test starts at 7:45. And, since I didn't know when I was signing up for the tests whether or not I would be healed/able to see/in the state/out of state - it cost me $295!!! Plus another $250 for Ohio to review my college credentials!!! Plus $85 for a FBI back ground test and fingerprinting. I swear - this is robbery! and all this trouble is just to teach Biology. that doesn't even include my principal's license. or if I were to not pass the tests! then I'd have to pay and take them again. I know that all professions have their "fees" and "certifications," but this is ridiculous IMHO.

Lets see -- the bar costs over $500 and it is over three days and it starts early in the morning so you have to find a hotel and pay for food and everything. You also have to take the ethics test which is another chunk of change. (I think it is about $100). Then there are the biennial licensing fees of $350. A teacher's license is good for FIVE years. Attorneys only two. Ours is vastly more expensive. Then we also have to purchase malpractice insurance -- teachers don't. OH yeah and attorneys need a background check just like teachers. Want to trade licensing fees?

It has become my full time job, finding a job. Oh yeah, and taking care of the baby.

So? You are not going to get sympathy for that. You made choices. And quite frankly you are looking at problems from now until December if you return to Texas.

I will have to look into that! I have never talked to anyone about medicare because I never thought I might qualify, and I always thought it would only be if I were unemployed. I will have to call a caseworker on Monday.

Medicare? No. Medicaid. It is given to women without insurance who are not CURRENTLY earning a lot of money. And newborns. And pregnant women. I believe you were told all this.

I pray it sells fast. I know I'm probably SOL in making too much on it given the foreclosure mess the country is in, so I listed it $10K below what I would have gotten last year. I just hope that it doesn't sit on the market forever...

It very well could> Have you thought about an auction?

I'll be there April 28th to June 13th. That's finish school, clean out class, clean out house, pack uhaul, move back.

And therefore consider December 13th as the day you have established residency for court purposes.

Dad told me tonight he actually won't be around in Texas that much when we're there. He has a bass fishing tournament he's going to for a week, then a hunt in South Texas for another week, then he's flying to Argentina for ANOTHER week in May - all that on top of his normal 24/7 work schedule. That's the bachelor's life, I guess.

Jealousy is NOT becoming. You chose him.

And LdiJ, I absolutely do listen, and use all the advice to formulate my game plan. Thankfully, all has gone smoothly so far. I appreciate everyone's advice and suggestions.

Buckle up though because it can get to be a very bumpy ride where Texas could have jurisdiction for as long as dad lives there.

 

[Humusluvr]

Lets see -- the bar costs over $500 and it is over three days and it starts early in the morning so you have to find a hotel and pay for food and everything. You also have to take the ethics test which is another chunk of change. (I think it is about $100). Then there are the biennial licensing fees of $350. A teacher's license is good for FIVE years. Attorneys only two. Ours is vastly more expensive. Then we also have to purchase malpractice insurance -- teachers don't. OH yeah and attorneys need a background check just like teachers. Want to trade licensing fees?

I'm sure we could debate all day about the expense of jobs, continuing education, college classes, and the salary earned per job. Lawyers seem to earn a lot more money than teachers - but we could debate hours worked, vacations, etc. I was just saying that in my situation, it was a lot of money.

Medicare? No. Medicaid. It is given to women without insurance who are not CURRENTLY earning a lot of money. And newborns. And pregnant women. I believe you were told all this.

If I quit my job, I can go on COBRA - then I am guaranteed insurance when I get a new job due to HIPPA. But I would be paying $700 per month for that.

If I go on Medicaid, from what I understand, then I would not be eligible for private health insurance from the new school district that I work for due to my diabetes, which is a pre existing condition. I live in fear of the pre existing condition. Because of the Medicaid, I would be denied.

It very well could> Have you thought about an auction?

Then, I might not even get what I paid for it, no? and I have to go back to Texas at some point to pack, so no matter what, I have the Texas move to make. And if I don't clean out my classroom before they find out I am moving, the other teachers will pillage my room and take my personal/professional things. I know that sounds crappy, but I know it will happen.

And therefore consider December 13th as the day you have established residency for court purposes.

I guess that is what I have to deal with. So, I couldn't petition for custody/visitation before that? Dad has wanted this to be informal from the very beginning. He doesn't want to go to court. He wants to work things out between us.

Jealousy is NOT becoming. You chose him.

Actually, that is the opposite of where I was going with that. I will be in Texas six weeks. I'm offering him six weeks with the baby. He's choosing to go fishing, hunting, and vacationing. He knew when we were going to be there, and he still made plans. I chose a man who's priority is fun, not family. and I chose a man who's job OWNS HIS SOUL. that's something that makes me very sad, not very jealous. I feel very stupid for not knowing what I was getting into.

Buckle up though because it can get to be a very bumpy ride

That's probably the most true statement I've ever heard. I know I'm adding a lot of personal details to the child custody issue, but there is so much that is affected here. I'm so glad to have you all as a springboard, helping me brainstorm, and helping me know what some of my options are.

 

[CJane]

This is kind of extreme, but have you considered keeping the mail forwarded to Ohio, getting an Ohio driver license, convincing your parents of the wisdom of them providing care for the child, utilizing daycare in Ohio, emptying your house and sending your belongings to Ohio, and staying with friends in TX while you finish up the school year?