YOU STATE: I left the state of Wisconsin to get away from her drunk and drug-using father.
RESPONSE: Did you notify him in writing at least 45 days prior to the move? Do you have documented proof he is/ has used drugs? If you don’t, it is hearsay, BUT you can make a stipulation in your agreement that NEITHER parent will use drugs, alcohol, or make derogatory remarks about the other parent in front of the child.
YOU STATE: He filed for paternity in April of 2000 and it has now progressed ever so slowly to a custody battle.
RESPONSE: Did you expect him to just give up, and walk away from the child? Is there reason as to why he wants a paternity test? Is he deemed father on the birth certificate? Is he seeking custody or visitation? How often has the child seen him since the move? Have you offered to take the child to see him? Has he come to visit the child? Does he speak with her on the phone?
YOU ASK: Does he have a leg to stand on?
RESPONSE: Yes, and No; Yes because she IS his child too, you moved and have not maintained the parental relationship between the child and the father. And No because he only has two years to challenge the paternity of the child, which you say is now 4, though he can have one done for piece of mind, or if he believes you have deceived him for the past four years about the paternity of the child. Either way he will be viewed as the only father the child knows.
Is she established in a pre-school in Oregon? Does she have a circle of friends she plays with? How often does she relatives – on both sides – do you foster the relationship between both set of grandparents, Aunts, Uncles & Cousins?
YOU STATE: I did nothing "legally" wrong. His lawyer is playing the "moral" issue.
RESPONSE: IF you do not have proof that you gave him notice of intention to move, you have done wrong, legally and morally. By denying and not fostering the relationship between father you have done wrong, legally and morally.
YOU STATE: I wish this whole thing would just stop. I am willing to work with some sort of visitation with him, with the re-assurance that he no longer drinks or takes drugs.
RESPONSE: Wishing it all would go away is not going to help you any, dealing with it as a responsible parent will help it and the child. The better relationship you and the father have will benefit the child, what he did in the past is just that- in the past. You don’t have to see him on a daily basis, so give your child a chance to make up her own mind and see her father for who he is – without your interference.
If you go to court with this attitude, you will be viewed as a vindictive parent and will lose custody.
YOU STATE: I need some advice, I can't ask my attorney because he is useless and has been terminated.
RESPONSE: If your attorney has been fired, there is no use in dwelling on the lack of representation from him/her.
ADVICE: Take a parenting class, go to the library and get books on assertive communication, and parenting plans, and any other book you find will help you become a better parent to your child regardless of what the father does. If you are negative, your child will become negative. Do not talk to her about the issues between you and the father, she is a child and entitled to remain a child, without having to deal or stress over the adult issues.
What will benefit the child? What is in HER best interest?
You can check out your State statutes at
Oregon on line- State of Oregon
http://www.state.or.us/
Revised Statutes
http://landru.leg.state.or.us/ors/
Legal Assistance;
http://www.oregoncounseling.org/LawsRights/TelephoneAdvocacy.htm
Family Law in Oregon;
http://www.ojd.state.or.us/parentingplan/home.nsf/5olsbooklet.htm?OpenPage
Oregon law & cases
http://www.findlaw.com/11stategov/or/laws.html
Rights of parents to relationship of child;
http://www.leg.state.or.us/ors/109.html
Oregon Rules, schedules and forms;
http://www.ojd.state.or.us/rules
[Edited by Legally Blonde1 on 07-19-2001 at 10:13 AM]
