Unique (I think) Custody Evaluation Question

[happyinorbit]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ-
I've been perusing and did not find anything like my situation.
Gee...how to make a long story short.

Joint Physical Custody between parties since divorce--11 years.

18 months ago my daughter, age 12 at the time, left my home to her fathers after an altercation. Daughter alleged abuse and stated fear in returning home. Father refused to return daughter. Father supported daughters refusal to return home. Court Ordered therapeutic intervention between myself and daughter was ordered in March. Father drug feet and TI did not begin until sometime in June AFTER father started having issues with daughter. Issues were so extreme that TI then focused on stabilizing daughter in fathers home. Daughter never fully became stabilized and though we met with the TI to try to resolve the stability issue, we never fully got on track for the reuinfication of myself and daughter. In August and September daughter became involved in juvenile justice system. She spent 30 days in treatment (not substance abuse) so TI was suspended even further. Daughter was still not speaking to me during all this time. Shortly after her release from treatment her father sent her to live with his mother and sister. He said it was due to the continuing stress between daughter and his wife. In January of this year, Daughter was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and ADD. In January she wrote me a letter stating her desire to reconnect and attend therapy with me. At that time we started going together and mending our fences. She returned to live in my home several days a week, while maintaining her residence with grandma/aunt. In march daughter decided she didnt want anything to do with me again and also did not want anything to do with aunt/grandma. she left this home and returned to father. We have been attending TI, but now court has ordered a custody evaluation (which I requested). It seems I have a very strong case for sole custody, outside the fact my daughter does not want to live with me. Essentially, without going into details, based on what I have read and what I have discussed with my attorney, if not for the situation with daughter, it would be nearly impossible not to win my case. My questions is::::: what do you think the likelihood is that a CE will return my daughter to me against her wishes? Will the fact I am better able to meet her needs regarding her bi-polar disorder outweight her desire to continue living with her father? I know there are a lot of blanks and I am happy to fill in any information anyone wants to make an assessment. I would just like to kinda have a feel for what people think or what others have experienced to mull over.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ-
I've been perusing and did not find anything like my situation.
Gee...how to make a long story short.

Joint Physical Custody between parties since divorce--11 years.

18 months ago my daughter, age 12 at the time, left my home to her fathers after an altercation. Daughter alleged abuse and stated fear in returning home. Father refused to return daughter. Father supported daughters refusal to return home. Court Ordered therapeutic intervention between myself and daughter was ordered in March. Father drug feet and TI did not begin until sometime in June AFTER father started having issues with daughter. Issues were so extreme that TI then focused on stabilizing daughter in fathers home. Daughter never fully became stabilized and though we met with the TI to try to resolve the stability issue, we never fully got on track for the reuinfication of myself and daughter. In August and September daughter became involved in juvenile justice system. She spent 30 days in treatment (not substance abuse) so TI was suspended even further. Daughter was still not speaking to me during all this time. Shortly after her release from treatment her father sent her to live with his mother and sister. He said it was due to the continuing stress between daughter and his wife. In January of this year, Daughter was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and ADD. In January she wrote me a letter stating her desire to reconnect and attend therapy with me. At that time we started going together and mending our fences. She returned to live in my home several days a week, while maintaining her residence with grandma/aunt. In march daughter decided she didnt want anything to do with me again and also did not want anything to do with aunt/grandma. she left this home and returned to father. We have been attending TI, but now court has ordered a custody evaluation (which I requested). It seems I have a very strong case for sole custody, outside the fact my daughter does not want to live with me. Essentially, without going into details, based on what I have read and what I have discussed with my attorney, if not for the situation with daughter, it would be nearly impossible not to win my case. My questions is::::: what do you think the likelihood is that a CE will return my daughter to me against her wishes? Will the fact I am better able to meet her needs regarding her bi-polar disorder outweight her desire to continue living with her father? I know there are a lot of blanks and I am happy to fill in any information anyone wants to make an assessment. I would just like to kinda have a feel for what people think or what others have experienced to mull over.

I have no idea why you think this will be something of a slam dunk for you.

What makes you think you have a strong case for sole custody?

Your daughter has had serious issues, and at 12 - particularly with her background - her wishes will likely carry some weight in court.

The best thing to do is request that a GAL be appointed who will act in the best interest of your daughter.

 

[happyinorbit]

what i said was, aside from my daughter not wanting to return home, it would be a slam dunk.

Because father has demonstrated he is incapable of meeting her needs. Father denies she has mental issue
Father does not take her to therapy sessions for her condition
Father does not regularly take her to therapeutic intervention
Father states he is too busy to take child to therapy
Father will be caught in several lies
Father historically refuses to co-parent--documented
Father has stated in therapy he does not respect mother and refuses to consider mothers in put in raising children
Fathers entire family--mother, sister, brother is willing to state that child is better off with mother
Fathers family is willing corroberate mothers statements as to Fathers various lies
Child has equal issues with step mother as with mother. Step mother refuses to participate in therapy
Step mother has told numerous people, family and therapist that she is done with child
Father demonstrated inability to control child while under his care
Father physically assulted child while in his care- documented
Father has lied to the court numerous times- can be proven
Father lies about mother in court documents - can be proven false
Not entirely unlikey that child will be found to show that she wants relationship with mother but feels as if she cant because of fathers feeling toward mother.
Not entirely unlikely that father will show to be narcisistic.
Not entirely unlikely that father will show to have unhealthy relationship/ abusive mental/emotional relationship with child
Father and Stepmother have ignored requests from both TI and Juvenile Law to seek out therapy.
TI has stated that unless dynamic changes in fathers home, child is at risk.
TI has stated she does not believe father is supportative of reunification of mother and child
father has stated in court he does not support TI
and on and on and on. This is why I said it appears it would be a slam dunk aside from my daughters current wishes to remain with her father.
I do believe that A CU will believe that it is not in childs best interest to live with father, but I do not know if that will outweight her wishes or what she may express she will do if she is required to return to mom.

 

[MichaCA]

All I know is a custody evaluator will take in several considerations in determining physical and legal custody and a specific visitation plan, course of action for child, etc.

In my case, one of four determining factors was how bonded daughter is to me...along with her desires.

I don't think its a slam dunk either. Depends on the custody evaluator and what comes up. Dad could simply be ordered to comply with the TI, etc.

Do you have an attorney? Do you know if the custody evaluators recommendation will be automatically adopted by the court, or if one of you (parents) oppose it...will that necessitate a trial?

 

[happyinorbit]

I do have an attorney.
I do not believe the court will accept the recommendation out of hand. We do have a trial set, which leads me to believe that both parties will have an opportunity to argue the CU recommendation. However, there are other issues on the table, so the trail could be set just for those outstanding items.

I do understand that the CU wants to see how the child bonds with parent. Which is why I ask the question. Clearly she is with Dad and wishes to remain there. She is not spending time with me. However, it the CU can show that father is alienating child, or othewise intentionally influencing child to resist mother due to his own pathology, wouldnt that make a difference?

 

[MichaCA]

My opinion - again - is that its really up to what tools the custody evaluator uses. Hopefully - if its blatently clear dad has been regularly influencing child...then that will show up and then there would be clear recommendations around that.

Don't forget that you can always make requests. When I went through a custody evaluation I put a lot of energy into preparation. What were the big issues vs smaller one's - so I didn't overload the evaluator.

Advice I got from a one-time consultation with an attorney prior to our ordered custody evaluation was to make a book. I did. It was a notebook with tabs, a table of contents...I'll try to recall how I sectioned it.

One section; all court orders

" any therapy reports

" all court - ordered mediation findings

" all submitted declarations by me

" all submitted declarations by ex

" a "personal summery" written by me that I had to do a lot of work on to keep to around 3 to 4 pages (double spaced)

" misc...say any police reports, whatever


I had this submitted to the custody evaluator a good week before our evaluation was to start. I have to say, he was VERY impressed and the point also being that it was very helpful in giving him an overview of our case

Be prepared for the interviews with cliff notes in case you space out on big information - our custody evaluator would read my summery and stuff...but he also needed to hear my responses from my mouth.

 

[happyinorbit]

WOW! Fantastic advice! I am going to do that. I have already started putting together all the things you mention, but had no idea how to assemble them. This is fantastic.

Can you explain a little more about your personal summary. What exactly do you mean, like what kind of information did it contain and what was the goal you were wanting to accomplish with the summary.

Also--do you think personal statements, or references would be valuable? I have plenty of people willing to speak on my behalf who have observed me for many years with all my children.

 

[happyinorbit]

hoping someone with experience can answer this question about the personal statement. Anyone?

 

[Proserpina]

hoping someone with experience can answer this question about the personal statement. Anyone?

Honestly, such personal statements are not going to hold much (if any) weight at all.


Statements cannot be cross-examined, and obviously both sides will be able to find people to bolster their own cases; there would be no objectivity at all.

KWIM?

 

[MichaCA]

Hi,

I totally agree with Prosperina. I didn't have an attorney, just those instructions...so I kind of 'winged it'...you know?

I forgot to include there was also a section for all the court orders (we'd had several by then).

In my summery I kept it as brief and to the point as possible...just like a legal declaration. I named all the major concerns I had regarding daughter, how and why I felt like father and I didn't get along well enough for joint legal custody, and some of his parenting decisions that I was afraid of for daughter, how some of the court-ordered visitation plans had affected her.

I had a friend edit my list down...just major highlighted situations that had occured...I kept it to 3 or 4 pages - double spaced. Not "father is unable to meet her needs"...but three huge examples where dad was blatently neglecting childs' needs. Use examples, not your own assessments. Let the evaluator make the assessments.

This is not something EXPECTED of you in any way shape, or form. I just wanted to get my word in before we all started our interviews. MY understanding of custody evaluators is they want to hear what we have to say to their questions mainly. Thats the area I had the hardest time with. Our evaluator was super experienced and so very professional and strict with his time, his questions...no time for chatting AT ALL. The best thing I did besides the book was to be as prepared as I could before each meeting with the evaluator.

In the end, even if your evaluation process is quite different...the key is to be as prepared as you can with what your concerns are ***and how you feel those concerns relate to your childs best interest... ALWAYS bring it back there.

I hope that helps. If you do write up a summery, make sure you have un-emotional friends edit it for you...its about impossible yourself being in the middle of all the junk. I had a good friend helping me edit and after a paragraph or so on one subject would tell me I needed to cut out pieces of information and stick to the top 2 - 3. Otherwise, its overwhelming for anyone to process.

Another thing the attorney advised me was...people go into evaluations sometimes scared or defensive - no matter what, always treat the evaluator as if he/she is on your side - wanting to do whats best for the child. I remembered that throughout and found it helpful.

 

[Just Blue]

Posting Hx is a must.

 

[happyinorbit]

Posting Hx is a must.

what is Hx?

 

[Proserpina]

what is Hx?

History.

Once in awhile, reading a poster's posting history can be quite enlightening.

 

[happyinorbit]

oh. i guess i dont really get it.