Very Bad Ex

[conniebogart]

What is the name of your state? pennsylvania

Here is my story I would love any input into this matter that could possibly help me thankyou all:

I am 32 from sunbury, pennsylvania. I have 5 children, I had seperated from my ex husband about 4 years ago I had the kids and did not go for custody he and I agreed on me having them so he could have a life and I didn't trust him with them anyways because he would beat them all the time they were better off with me. My ex had left me for a place of his own so he could party and have a life he then a year later played some women on the net and found one he really wanted to meet, after a months worth of talking to her on the net he got her to go to Pennsylvania and be with him, she moved in the day she got there.
My ex would show up to bug me every day and not once ask how the kids are or can i see them he just wanted to see what i was up to, after a month he asked can I have the kids over to my place for weekends i said sure but I needed some info on this women that is living there that he didn't even know anything about, he then told me ok she is from indiana has a psycho ex husband after her and she is a depressive person that takes pills for depression and if she misses a pill then she would be weird, so I said ok but I didn't like the fact that he just moved her in new nothing about her and wanted the kids there around her, but I left them stupid me because I am a kind person and think the kids need to see their father.
When they came home from their weekend I would be told that she slept in their bed while daddy slept on the couch which totally made me mad because she shouldn't be anywhere near them at bed time. then my seven year old tells me the ex's women was hitting her which again totally made me mad.
Even after this I had a conversation with my ex about the situation telling him I don't feel that this is right, he then says it won't happen again Foolish me I believed him. In the meantime I have been working and trying to raise 5 kids alone and have a life myself and I met someone online after 5 months of talking with this man online he came to meet me I told my ex he could come stay with the kids at my house so I could have a week with this man to make sure he will be safe around the children, the ex says sure and was very pleased so the man I met on the net finally gets to pennsylvania I told the kids weeks before him arriving that they would be spending the week with daddy at our house and they new what I was doing.
The man came and I said goodbye to my babies and told them I would be back in a week then the ex took them and I moved to a hotel with this man so my kids had a home to stay in. The first day of this man being here and My ex showed up at the hotel while we were sleeping and stole my van so I could not get to work anymore so then me and the man I met on the net started working for this old lady that owned the hotel, I called my ex and asked what are you doing why did you take the van he said because the car broke down so I believed him and said Ok you keep it then I asked can you please bring the kids to see me I miss them and he said no you will never see them again and don't bother calling anymore.
So after 4 months of working at the hotel and not getting to see my children because the ex took them I had one option and that was to go to The country that the man I met from the net lived so I could get back on my feet and make good money and get my kids back. then when I got to new zealand I called around and got my ex's number and asked him if I could talk to my kids since I am not in that country now and he said no the women that he met on the net and him were taking custody and then going for abandonment because I left the country.
He then said we are getting married and moving to her state where you won't find us. I told everyone before I left america where I was going to be and why I left and he tells me that according to pennsylvania law he can claim abandonment and go for adoption for the women he is living with because I am no longer their mother.
I need to know what he can do in PA and what I can do from New Zealand because he keeps saying I can't do anything from over here and since I can't show up for a court hearing he wins. Please someone help me I don't know what to do and I love my babies I don't want to see them adopted out to this women and them thinking mommy is dead and didn't love them because thats what my ex and his women are telliing them.
Please someone that knows anything about PA laws help me out and tell me what I can do. Thankyou everyone.

 

[stealth2]

Lord what a mess you've made for yourself. Basically, since there was no custody order, he did nothing illegal. Your choices now are pretty well limited to (a) hiring an attorney in PA and explaining to the judge why you felt moving to NZ was a good way to get your kids back or (b) moving back to PA and fighting from there. But I wouldn't expect you to get custody of the kids and be able to move them to NZ with you.

 

[conniebogart]

I moved to New Zealand to get myself back on track, because he took the kids and wouldn't let me see them or talk to them. what I need to know is can he get full custody and get me for abandonment then can he have her adopt my children without me signing anything? will she have more say over what my children can do over me? I don't want to lose my children to some psychopath that will beat them. I can't get a PA lawyer from over here it is way too expensive what I would like is some good free legal help. so that I know what he can do and what I can do. ty for your response stealth.

 

[stealth2]

It is extremely unlikely that you'll get free legal help in PA when you live in NZ. It's impossible to say whether he can get you for abandonment or not - what proof do you have to show that you were trying to contact the kids vs his claim that you ababonded them? If he is able to terminate your rights, then yes, she can adopt them w/o your consent. In all honesty, I think you may find it difficult to convince a judge that the only option you had was to move halfway around the world.

 

[coolmomof4]

He very well could. In some if not all states, it could go like this:

He would file for a termination of rights. He can say he does not have an address for you, so his attorney would have to post in a newspaper for a certain number of days, a notice directed at you, that he is filing a motion and you have XX days to respond. If you do not respond, he can go forward with the petition. In that case, it wouldn't require your signature.

Do you have any family in the states, especially in PA other than your kids that you can stay with? You really need to get back there and do this yourself.

 

[nextwife]

File immediately in his state to pay CS and establish visitation. Get your current address into the system.

And, by the way, there are plenty of other ways to "get oneself together" that don't require running off to another country to live under someone elses roof.

You could have stayed near the kids, worked and gotten your own place using your own money. Near the kids. That way, at minimum, you could have had shared custody. Leaving them to go halfway across the world to pursue a relationship with someone you met on the net is not a good way to impress the judge and obtain an order to remove them to NZ.

 

[conniebogart]

Ok I am not trying to be rude but I think you all are making something of me that I am not, I am a very good mother I told everyone specific details but left alot of major details out that were not needed because I just need the facts of what I was talking about. I am not going to go into detail about how bad of a guy their father is or anything because it's not needed but don't judge me when you don't know the whole entire life story ok I just needed help on this subject thats all there is no need to judge why I left and what type of person I am. some guys are just rude fathers that take advantage and make a good mother lose out on a chance to raise her kids. thankyou for your opinions I do appreciate that all I am saying is don't judge what you don't know. Also nextwife I do live under my own roof no one elses and I have my own money.

 

[Tunie]

WHAT????

Tell me I'm not reading what I'm reading. A person left their children to move to New Zealand and left those children with a man she now says is not a good father but was apparently a fine father when she wanted a week at a hotel with some guy she met on the Internet?

I am VERY sorry but this just doesn't seem to be a simple case of wanting to get her kids back when she's thousands of miles away. I do sincerely hope that she is able to get herself together, come back to the States and work on recovering her dignity and her children. I can't imagine a judge looking too favorably on these types of actions but I'm not a judge - just a person who is very concerned that this person does not seem to know the seriousness of her situation.

There is no such thing as a free lunch nor GOOD FREE legal advice. You need an attorney in this country and in your jurisdiction who can TRY to help you but I doubt sincerely it will be for free.

 

[Whyte Noise]

How are we making something of you that you are not?

You are the one that said you left your children with him to be with a man you met on the net from NZ for a week in a motel to "get to know him".

You're the one that said you HAD to move to NZ to make "a life" for yourself.

No one is judging you.... they're just stating what YOU did.

I do have a question though.... this motel.... was it in the same town your house was in? The same town your job was in? If so... how is it that the ONLY place you could work was at that motel? Your co-workers or something couldn't have picked you up for work? You couldn't have went back to YOUR HOUSE? You had NO WAY AT ALL to get home?

There's just too many holes for this story to be believable!

If he was such a bad father, why did you leave them with him in the first place??

You think WE are rough on you.... how do you think a judge would look at this? You meet a man on the net, leave the kids with their father to shack up (and yes... that's what it was) for a week in a motel with someone you'd never met as a "trial run", you then decide that you can't work anywhere else BUT this motel and forget about the other job you had, you move across the friggin' planet for Cripes sake! It's not like you moved across the state! I'm sure that if you wanted to and looked hard enough you could have found a job that was within the borders of THIS country, or hell... at least on the same continent as where your children are! And, you leave your children with a man that is, at least according to you... a bad father?

Honey... a judge and opposing counsel would have a field day with this in court. You wanted legal advice? That's it.

You need a PA attorney, and you need one fast because the longer you put this off, the worse it gets.

(Edit to add: It was also just brought to my attention by an esteemed colleague of mine....

If you had enough money to fly (or even take a boat) to NZ (because you damn sure can't drive there!).... How is it that you didn't have enough money to stay in the states with your children and get an attorney to fight this bad ex?)

 

[kidoday]

Something doesn't add up. You can't manage to get to work, resort to working for the motel you stayed in, can't manage to get back to your house, yet make the decision to move to NZ to start a new life.

Who paid for the airfare to get you to NZ? Couldn't they have paid for you to get back to your house or work?

Naaaah, something is wrong here.

 

[CaliCat]

Several things don't add up. First is why you thought he was a good enough father to take care of the children for a week while you spent a week shacking up with a man you met online after bashing your father, saying he's a horrible person, condemning him for living with someone he met online as you did. Only he was with the woman for a period of time before even bringing the childrne into it.

Second is why you didn't file a police report for your stolen van.

After that, why you asked him to bring the children to visit you at the motel instead of going home.

And why didn't you have the man stay at the motel, you stay at home, and ask your ex to watch the children during the day so you can do day things with the man and be home at night? How do you think it makes the children feel to suddenly have Mommy gone when they finally just met Daddy?

Next is why you had no choice but to work at the motel afterward. Why did you leave your job? Hotel maids and front desk people make peanuts, certainly not enough money for a plane or ship ticket to NEW ZEALAND!

And why on earth did you feel that you had to waste ticket money to fly thousands upon thousands of miles away to improve your life. That ticket money would have been better spent on getting an attorney or getting a place closer to your children or a new vehicle. If there was no custody order, you could have taken the children back.

If you aren't providing for their care while he has them and he does have another woman in his life serious enough to adopt them if you lose rights, it sounds to me as if they may very well have grounds to terminate your right. For crying out loud, YOU LEFT THIS HEMISPHERE!! You DID abandon your children. I hope the week with the man was worth losing your children over.

If you went before a judge, he would yell at you and ask you the same questions I have. Assuming he doesn't throw you in jail for abandoning your children in the first place.

If you are a "great mother," why did you decide you have to stay with the man 24/7 and leave you children with a "bad" father? Either you need to give us a LOT more details and do some serious explaining or:

I SUGGEST THAT THIS WHOLE POST BE TAKEN AS A HEARTLESS JOKE

and that the true posters and people with good advice go back to helping people with serious and real issues.

Geez, lady, if only you knew what kinds of terrible things happen to children every day you'd be ashamed for making something like this up and wasting precious time. So 'fess up or give us (make up?) the damned details you claim to be omitting!

 

[stealth2]

Ok I am not trying to be rude but I think you all are making something of me that I am not,

Uh, no. No we are not. I can say that I've gone solely by what you posted. And a judge will have some very difficult and serious questions about the situation - many of which have been posed by other posters. Moving halfway around the world is not generally the first solution people come to when confronted with your circumstances. So how do you intend to convince a judge that it was for reasons other than being with the guy? And that's just to start. Most countries don't allow you to just arrive and start working the next day - just how long HAVE you been there? If you have skills great enough to quickly become solvent and living on your own - why is it that you could not use them in closer proximity to your kids?

Surely even you can see that there are huge holes in your story - holes which your ex and his attorney will rip into gaping chasms. The only chance you stand is by having an attorney in PA. Even that is a pretty slim chance. And as has been said many times before to you - a free lawyer is almost certainly not going to happen. Not for a non-resident. So you have a choice to make - your new life, or your kids. Don't like that input? Oh well. Ignore it.

 

[coolmomof4]

The first thing that stuck in my mind after reading this person's posts, is that You met a guy on the internet and spent a week in a motel with him.

You didn't know this person. You could have ended up dead. You put your life at risk. It happens more than some people realize obviously. It's a fact that people use the net to do terrible things.