Visitation inferference?

[usound76]

This is in KY.

My ex usually picks our daughter up from daycare on Thursday afternoons at 5:30 PM, feeds her dinner, then brings her home. He does this as a "favor" to me since that is usually my late day at work. She has an appointment at Children's Hospital tomorrow at 4:00. I made this appointment 2 months ago and informed him that he would not need to pick her up on the 19th. Today, I called to remind him of the appointment and he informed me that I was interfering with his visitation and that would not be acceptable. (If you check my posting history, you will see that this is totally out of character for him.) He told me that I either changed to appointment to a different day, or he would contact his lawyer.

This appointment was just fine with him 2 months ago and I cannot change the day. I took off work for this and the Cerebral Palsy Clinic is only on Thursday afternoons. She is getting fitted for a new wheelchair and gait trainer, it's not just some random check-up. If I cancel, the wait is another 2-3 months. My legal question is this: Am I truly "interfering" with his visitation? I suggested that he accompany us to the appointment, but his response was "I don't have time for that crap". I don't want to do anything illegal, but this is a very important appointment!

Our divorce papers state: "The non-custodial parent shall have parenting time from 5:00 PM every Tuesday until the beginning of the school day on Wednesday", which he doesn't exercise. Thursdays were just a verbal agreement. Since Thursday isn't mentioned, am I OK to take her to the appointment without fear of trouble?

 

[Zigner]

Based ONLY on this post, I would say that you can take your daughter to the appointment without fear of legal repercussions.

 

[CSO286]

Based ONLY on this post, I would say that you can take your daughter to the appointment without fear of legal repercussions.

Co-sign, please.

 

[ecmst12]

Take her to the appointment, but if you want to smooth things over, offer to bring her to his house for dinner afterwards.

 

[usound76]

Thank you all!

I would take her to his house for dinner, but she's not allowed in their home. His wife will not allow her to be around her "normal" children. I guess Cerebral Palsy is some contagious disease or something.

 

[frylover]

Thank you all!

I would take her to his house for dinner, but she's not allowed in their home. His wife will not allow her to be around her "normal" children. I guess Cerebral Palsy is some contagious disease or something.

This is not legal advice, but THAT is absolutely SICKENING!

 

[usound76]

Yes it is most sickening and heartbreaking. I have been dealing with this for a number of years. I have just learned to accept that the woman is who she is...an idiot.

 

[MichaCA]

This is not legal advice, but THAT is absolutely SICKENING!

That, and that he is threatening the mom when she's taking daughter to an important medical appointment, on HER time...and dad does not even care to go to the appointment.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You can only be found in contempt, by a judge, of what is court ordered. If Thursdays are not court ordered, then you cannot be in violation of a non-existent order.

 

[usound76]

New twist

Hello again. We have a new twist on this situation. I called the hospital today to confirm her appointment and get parking directions since they are under remodel. I was informed that her appointment was cancelled yesterday. When I informed them that I did NOT cancel, she replied "no you didn't, her father did"! I told them there was a misunderstanding and asked if the appointment was still available, but they had already filled the slot. Now we're on a waiting list until her next appointment in MID JULY!

I called him to ask why he cancelled the appointment. He yelled at me saying that "his children are not crippled, she doesn't need that crap or any doctors saying there's anything wrong with HIS daughter". I asked him to calm down, and speak rationally. He then said "well, you won't let me terminate my parental rights to that kid, so I'm exercising my parental right to make your life h*ll". I told him that TPR was not up to me, it was up to the state. He then said "f*** you" and hung up on me.

I'm at my wits end with this man. He's got a major denial issue with our daughter's handicap and has since she was born. He's never been involved with doctor appointments, therapies, IEP meetings, etc. We have joint legal and physical custody of her with me being CP. Is there anything I can do legally? I already plan to just not tell him about future appointments, but in our decree it says that both parents need to agree on medical, educational, and religious decisions. This is not the first time he has been uncooperative. Would sole legal custody solve this issue? If so, how do it accomplish this?

 

[ecmst12]

You can put in a request at the doctor's office to confirm with you before cancelling any appointments in the future. I wouldn't bother going to court. If in the future he tries to claim contempt because you stopped telling him about her appointments, you can file for sole legal at that time and explain why. But I doubt he will bother going to court, other than to get child support reduced, because that seems to be his main concern. Don't spend your time and money in court when you don't have to. Besides, you don't have to agree in order for you to take her to a routine dr's appointment. Agreement would be needed for things like non-emergency surgeries or other major procedures not done on an urgent basis.

He seems like a cold, hateful person and I feel sorry for the child.

 

[CSO286]

Hello again. We have a new twist on this situation. I called the hospital today to confirm her appointment and get parking directions since they are under remodel. I was informed that her appointment was cancelled yesterday. When I informed them that I did NOT cancel, she replied "no you didn't, her father did"! I told them there was a misunderstanding and asked if the appointment was still available, but they had already filled the slot. Now we're on a waiting list until her next appointment in MID JULY!

I called him to ask why he cancelled the appointment. He yelled at me saying that "his children are not crippled, she doesn't need that crap or any doctors saying there's anything wrong with HIS daughter". I asked him to calm down, and speak rationally. He then said "well, you won't let me terminate my parental rights to that kid, so I'm exercising my parental right to make your life h*ll". I told him that TPR was not up to me, it was up to the state. He then said "f*** you" and hung up on me.

I'm at my wits end with this man. He's got a major denial issue with our daughter's handicap and has since she was born. He's never been involved with doctor appointments, therapies, IEP meetings, etc. We have joint legal and physical custody of her with me being CP. Is there anything I can do legally? I already plan to just not tell him about future appointments, but in our decree it says that both parents need to agree on medical, educational, and religious decisions. This is not the first time he has been uncooperative. Would sole legal custody solve this issue? If so, how do it accomplish this?

First off, contact the clinic, and request a note be put on the record that you need to be contacted about scheduling changes, etc.

Have you documented the "uncooperative"-ness? What specifically has Dad done? Do you have dates, times, etc? You could certainly file a motion requesting that you have final say on all medical decisions. Even still, you would be required to keep Dad informed of updates and changes in child's medical conditions, etc.

 

[usound76]

I have written down the instances in a notebook. He has cancelled this appointment, as well as a couple of pediatrician appointments for well child check-ups and immunizations. Those I found out about when we showed up to the office, they worked us in anyway. The pedi. now contacts me if someone else tries to cancel an appt. He has refused to give her her seizure meds since he feels "she doesn't need them". He gave her Benadryl so she would go to sleep, even though he was told she CANNOT have any anti-histimines with her seizure meds. I found this out after an overnight a few years ago, but since he doesn't keep her overnight anymore, it's not an immediate issue. He refuses to cooperate with therapy tools, assistive communication switches, etc. There is a very long list. I feel that some of his uncooperation is putting our daughter's health and personal well-being at risk.

Yes, he is very cold to her. He doesn't see her much because he has to "spend time with his 'normal' kids" from his new marriage. She has never laid eyes on either of her two half-brothers. If he doesn't want to see her, I'm fine with that. I think she's actually better off not knowing him and his coldness, but that's not for me to decide. I make her available for visitation, he does not exercise it. Totally HIS loss.

If it comes down to it, how do I file for sole custody myself?

 

[Ohiogal]

You can put in a request at the doctor's office to confirm with you before cancelling any appointments in the future. I wouldn't bother going to court. If in the future he tries to claim contempt because you stopped telling him about her appointments, you can file for sole legal at that time and explain why. But I doubt he will bother going to court, other than to get child support reduced, because that seems to be his main concern. Don't spend your time and money in court when you don't have to. Besides, you don't have to agree in order for you to take her to a routine dr's appointment. Agreement would be needed for things like non-emergency surgeries or other major procedures not done on an urgent basis.

He seems like a cold, hateful person and I feel sorry for the child.

Actually I disagree. File to change to sole legal at this time and bring this to the attention of the court. You can NOT just ignore the court order because you do have a LEGAL remedy available to you. And they have to agree IF the court order states they have to agree upon all medical decisions. And taking the child to the doctor is a medical decision. If the order states medical treatment then I would agree that taking the child for an ordinary check up is NOT treatment.