Visitation Problems What to do?

[critterperson]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

I would ask for suggestions if anyone has any. During the last two months my sons (4) and (2) have been going on their regular visitation with their dad... my 2 year old is fine no problems, but my 4 year old is having big problems especially the last month...Here goes...When my 4 year old comes home from his dads house on Wednesdays (5pm-8pm) he is violent, throwing things, crying and he tells us that he wasn't able to play at dads the whole time because he didn't want to eat his entire dinner...so apparently his father made him sit at the kitchen table for the entire visit while my son watched his new wife's oldest child (she has 3) set up a race track in the kitchen (next to the table) but he couldn't play...I asked his dad about it and he confirms the stories that my 4 year old is telling me...I asked him why he would force him to eat if he wasn't hungry, and his comment is "when dinner is on the table he will eat"...I could see not making something different but forcing a 4 year old to sit at the kitchen table for 3 hours seems a little rough. As a result of his father doing this both on his weekday visitation and his weekend visitation My 4 year old has started to cry and scream when it is time to go to dad's...He used to love going to dads and now after his visitations he is coming home super upset and often wets the bed at night...We also took him for a preschool physical about 3 weeks ago and he was weighed and everything but we just took him again because he was under the weather and he has lost 4lbs in 3 weeks and his outbursts about going to dads are getting worse...Please help...is their anything I can do his dad tends to be a butt head and talking to him isn't working...I am also concerned that something else might be happening at dads that my four year old won't or isn't telling me (and it has only been the last two months that the outbursts began he used to love going to dads) because this extreme upset seems a little odd over just food. Any input would be appreciated...

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

I would ask for suggestions if anyone has any. During the last two months my sons (4) and (2) have been going on their regular visitation with their dad... my 2 year old is fine no problems, but my 4 year old is having big problems especially the last month...Here goes...When my 4 year old comes home from his dads house on Wednesdays (5pm-8pm) he is violent, throwing things, crying and he tells us that he wasn't able to play at dads the whole time because he didn't want to eat his entire dinner...so apparently his father made him sit at the kitchen table for the entire visit while my son watched his new wife's oldest child (she has 3) set up a race track in the kitchen (next to the table) but he couldn't play...I asked his dad about it and he confirms the stories that my 4 year old is telling me...I asked him why he would force him to eat if he wasn't hungry, and his comment is "when dinner is on the table he will eat"...I could see not making something different but forcing a 4 year old to sit at the kitchen table for 3 hours seems a little rough. As a result of his father doing this both on his weekday visitation and his weekend visitation My 4 year old has started to cry and scream when it is time to go to dad's...He used to love going to dads and now after his visitations he is coming home super upset and often wets the bed at night...We also took him for a preschool physical about 3 weeks ago and he was weighed and everything but we just took him again because he was under the weather and he has lost 4lbs in 3 weeks and his outbursts about going to dads are getting worse...Please help...is their anything I can do his dad tends to be a butt head and talking to him isn't working...I am also concerned that something else might be happening at dads that my four year old won't or isn't telling me (and it has only been the last two months that the outbursts began he used to love going to dads) because this extreme upset seems a little odd over just food. Any input would be appreciated...

I remember as a tot I had to stay with an aunt while my mother was hospitalized .

My aunt would make me sit at the table from hrs. on end . I wouldn't eat what was put in front of me , if I didn't like it .

Maybe DAD was raised to eat everything that was put on his plate , and it carries over that's what He expects of the Children .

Maybe He don't want to have the kids come back to your home hungry saying they didn't eat .

Who knows .

I don't see any abuse or neglect .

There may be other issues as to why Dad does this .

What to do ??? Try having a talk with Dad .

How much food does the 4 yr. old usually eat ?
Is the plate being overfilled ?

Does the child want to play instead of eat ?

You two need to have an adult discussion , and resolve it .

 

[critterperson]

I remember as a tot I had to stay with an aunt while my mother was hospitalized .

My aunt would make me sit at the table from hrs. on end . I wouldn't eat what was put in front of me , if I didn't like it .

Maybe DAD was raised to eat everything that was put on his plate , and it carries over that's what He expects of the Children .

Maybe He don't want to have the kids come back to your home hungry saying they didn't eat .

Who knows .

I don't see any abuse or neglect .

There may be other issues as to why Dad does this .

What to do ??? Try having a talk with Dad .

How much food does the 4 yr. old usually eat ?
Is the plate being overfilled ?

Does the child want to play instead of eat ?

You two need to have an adult discussion , and resolve it .

My son has always been a snacker (eats a little at a time all day) which I have been told is great by our pediatrician... they say that grazing is the best way to eat because it helps reduce the chances of being overweight... I have tried the adult discussion with dad because I want our kids to have a good time there...It allows me a day to relax and I want to know that they are having fun (it can't always be fun but at least they shouldn't dread it)
I would rather they come home hungry than tramatized...If you saw my son when he gets home you would think someone or something tortured him all day, and as I said it has only been the last two months???I will try to talk to dad again...I miss my son wanting to go to his fathers...It was nice when I didn't have to force my child out the door (now I spend my days wondering if Nicholas is having a good time instead of relaxing )

My son's father is the one who eats all day long, little bits at a time so I guess I don't understand why they would have a problem... they have the same eating habbits...

I can't help but think that if his father doesn't stop doing this to our son is just going to end up resenting him, and I would hate for that to happen...My aunt Jean did that to me and my twin when we were growing up and even to this day when I see her that is the first thing that comes to mind (and it isn't a plesent memory)...Also, I didn't have to see my aunt as much as our son sees him...so I worry that they will grow apart for something as simple as food... when, where and how much...

 

[LdiJ]

My son has always been a snacker (eats a little at a time all day) which I have been told is great by our pediatrician... they say that grazing is the best way to eat because it helps reduce the chances of being overweight... I have tried the adult discussion with dad because I want our kids to have a good time there...It allows me a day to relax and I want to know that they are having fun (it can't always be fun but at least they shouldn't dread it)
I would rather they come home hungry than tramatized...If you saw my son when he gets home you would think someone or something tortured him all day, and as I said it has only been the last two months???I will try to talk to dad again...I miss my son wanting to go to his fathers...It was nice when I didn't have to force my child out the door (now I spend my days wondering if Nicholas is having a good time instead of relaxing )

My son's father is the one who eats all day long, little bits at a time so I guess I don't understand why they would have a problem... they have the same eating habbits...

I can't help but think that if his father doesn't stop doing this to our son is just going to end up resenting him, and I would hate for that to happen...My aunt Jean did that to me and my twin when we were growing up and even to this day when I see her that is the first thing that comes to mind (and it isn't a plesent memory)...Also, I didn't have to see my aunt as much as our son sees him...so I worry that they will grow apart for something as simple as food... when, where and how much...[/QUOTE]

When you talk to dad, try to emphasize the bolded items.