visitation recommendations?

[lquid_user]

MN.

I am being asked by the custody evaluator what visitation schedule I would prefer. I would like to leave the state and want a long distance schedule. I'm just running this by you to see if it sounds coherent and reasonable before I suggest it to the custody evaluator.

She also said I could give her two options, one being that I stay locally and one being that I leave. She seems pretty reasonable.

If you notice any obvious discrepencies or holes that should definitely be addressed I would really like to know. I am shooting to get to be comprehensive and complete before ten tonight. any suggestions are greatly apreciated.

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In the event that I am granted the right to take the kids out of state.:

During the school year the kids would spend one weekend a month with their mother, with preference being given to any three day weekends.

During summer break this arrangement would be reversed, excepting that the father would have the kids for two weeks before the start of the school year for family vacation and to prepare for school. The mother would have a similar two continuous week period for vacation at her discretion provided that 30 days prior notice be given.

Holidays would consist of New years, Independence day, Halloween, Thanks giving, Christmas. The mother would get the kids for five consecutive days to include either Christmas or New years. We would alternate these holidays such that every other year any given holiday would be with the opposite parent.

Mom would get the kids for Mothers day, Dad would have them for Fathers day, and each parent would get the kids for the weekend nearest their own birthday if so desired. The kids would alternate their birthdays such that on any given year one parent gets both children on one childs birthday and the other parent would get the other child for that childs birthday. Each year the parent child combo would switch.


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In the event that I must continue to reside in this area.:

During the school year the mother would have the children every thursday and alternating friday and saturday night's. Father would have them at all other times, excepting the holiday schedule.

During summer break this schedule would be reversed excepting the holiday schedule and this reversal would end two weeks before the start of the school year these two weeks being continuous with the father for family vacation and preparation for the school year. The mother being allowed a similar two week continuous period for vacation at her discretion provided that 30 days notice is given.

Holidays would consist of New years, Independence day, Halloween, Thanks giving, Christmas. The mother would get the kids for five consecutive days to include either Christmas or New years. We would alternate these holidays such that every other year any given holiday would be with the opposite parent.

Mom would get the kids for Mothers day, Dad would have them for Fathers day, and each parent would get the kids for the weekend nearest their own birthday if so desired. The kids would alternate their birthdays such that on any given year one parent gets both children on one childs birthday and the other parent would get the other child for that childs birthday. Each year the parent child combo would switch.

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Well, that is the best I have come up with so far. I'm pretty exhausted lately, going at the new job pretty hard, and two toddler b-days back to back with christmas closing in. No end in sight.I've read it several times but, I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something important.

Many thanks in advance. I apreciate the advice of those who have gone before me into this dark and twisted land. ....

frozen Lquid

 

[Ithildriel]

I think you forgot Easter.

 

[lquid_user]

Easter

I purposely omitted it thinking that it would be a part of an extended weekend around spring break anyway, as well as the fact that with easter there would be an even number of holidays. Then it would be difficult to alternate holidays every year without doubling up at some point. Niether parent is particularly religious and so Easter is just another school break for us.

does the time share seem reasonable? particularly on the long distance proposal.

Thanks.

I just don't want to sound stupid or selfish when I submit the proposal.

 

[CJane]

Not sure how it is in your state, but in mine, Halloween isn't considered a holiday. Also, since it's only one day and you're proposing an out of state move... wouldn't that be problematic?

I'd recommend you use the language "In odd years Father will have the following holidays from 8am-8pm" and then "In even years Mother will have the following holidays from 8am-8pm" or something similar. Then arrange it so that if you have TGiving in an odd year, mom has Christmas that year. That way neither parent gets ALL the holidays each year. You get Memorial Weekend, she gets Labor Day Weekend, etc.

Try and make it so that y'all get the ENTIRE Father's day/mother's day weekend, instead of specifying that day... and include it as an additional weekend that month, not in place of a regular weekend.

 

[hugs-n-kisses]

How far away are you looking to move away from their mom?
Will she be losing a lot of time with the kids that she has now, while you're in the same area?

 

[lquid_user]

c-jane? if you get a chance.

it's a bit wordy and I'm sure the attorneys will make it unpretty, but here goes.
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Holidays:

Mother would be granted on even years:

For New Years: a five day period including New years day and eve such that this period would terminate at 8pm on a night before the resumption of school and begin at 8pm on a night five days previous such that would not interfere with the Christmas time of the father.

For Independence Day: Independence Day itself and the nearest weekend beginning at 8pm the night previous to independence day or the Friday previous, and ending at 8pm on the night after independence day or the Sunday following .

For Christmas: Christmas day and eve and five consecutive days linked to those in such a way that they neither interfere with school nor the fathers new years time. Beginning and ending at 8pm with details to be discussed no less than thirty days prior.

Mother would be granted on odd years:

Easter and it’s corresponding extended holiday weekend beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending at 8pm and the last day of break.

Thanksgiving and it’s corresponding holiday break beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending 8pm the night before the resumption of school.

These holiday times would be in addition to other “regular” weekends

The father would retain the children during holiday times not addressed herein

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do you think that that sounds abit better??

 

[lquid_user]

hmm

ok.. does anyone know when school break is ?? all of june july and august?? does that seem right? I think maybe only half of june

 

[lquid_user]

well

How far away are you looking to move away from their mom?
Will she be losing a lot of time with the kids that she has now, while you're in the same area?

I would be moving about 6.5 hrs away an easy 8 hr trip.

and with the current schedule of Mom gets them tues and thurs and every other weekend and I get them at all other times I have them roughly 60% and she has roughly 40%

I can't begin to do the math but I think that the role reversal during the summer should help to balance things out a great deal..

this is of course for the staying locally option. I think the move would decrease time overall.

 

[lquid_user]

I'll try again

latest draft.

In the event that I am granted the right to take the kids out of state.:

During the school year the kids would spend one weekend a month with their mother, with preference being given to any three day weekends.

During summer break this arrangement would be reversed, excepting that the father would have the kids for two weeks before the start of the school year for family vacation and to prepare for school. The mother would have a similar two continuous week period for vacation at her discretion provided that 30 days prior notice be given.

Holidays:

Mother would be granted on even years:

For New Years: a five day period including New years day and eve such that this period would terminate at 8pm on a night before the resumption of school and begin at 8pm on a night five days previous such that would not interfere with the Christmas time of the father.

For Independence Day: Independence Day itself and the nearest weekend beginning at 8pm the night previous to independence day or the Friday previous, and ending at 8pm on the night after independence day or the Sunday following .

For Christmas: Christmas day and eve and five consecutive days linked to those in such a way that they neither interfere with school nor the fathers new years time. Beginning and ending at 8pm with details to be discussed no less than thirty days prior.

Also an additional weekend near the eldest childs birthday
Mother would be granted on odd years:

Easter and it’s corresponding extended holiday weekend beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending at 8pm and the last day of break.

Thanksgiving and it’s corresponding holiday break beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending 8pm the night before the resumption of school.

Also an additional weekend near the youngest childs birthday

These holiday times would be in addition to other “regular” weekends

The father would retain the children during holiday times not addressed herein

Special exceptions:

Mom would get the kids for the weekend of Mothers day beginning on the previous Friday at 8pm and ending on the following Sunday at 8pm, Dad would have them for Fathers day beginning at 8pm on Friday and ending at 8pm on sunday, and each parent would get the kids for the weekend nearest their own birthday beginning at 8pm Friday and ending at 8pm Sunday. These weekends would be in addition to existing “regular” weekends.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the event that I must continue to reside in this area.:

During the school year the mother would have the children every thursday and alternating friday and saturday night's. The Mother would also be allowed any three day weekends during the school year. Father would have them at all other times, excepting the holiday schedule.

During summer break this arrangement would be reversed, excepting that the father would have the kids for two weeks before the start of the school year for family vacation and to prepare for school. The mother would have a similar two continuous week period for vacation at her discretion provided that 30 days prior notice be given.

Holidays:

Mother would be granted on even years:

For New Years: a five day period including New years day and eve such that this period would terminate at 8pm on a night before the resumption of school and begin at 8pm on a night five days previous such that would not interfere with the Christmas time of the father.

For Independence Day: Independence Day itself and the nearest weekend beginning at 8pm the night previous to independence day or the Friday previous, and ending at 8pm on the night after independence day or the Sunday following .

For Christmas: Christmas day and eve and five consecutive days linked to those in such a way that they neither interfere with school nor the fathers new years time. Beginning and ending at 8pm with details to be discussed no less than thirty days prior.

Also an additional weekend near the eldest childs birthday
Mother would be granted on odd years:

Easter and it’s corresponding extended holiday weekend beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending at 8pm and the last day of break.

Thanksgiving and it’s corresponding holiday break beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending 8pm the night before the resumption of school.

Also an additional weekend near the youngest childs birthday

These holiday times would be in addition to other “regular” weekends

The father would retain the children during holiday times not addressed herein

Special exceptions:

Mom would get the kids for the weekend of Mothers day beginning on the previous Friday at 8pm and ending on the following Sunday at 8pm, Dad would have them for Fathers day beginning at 8pm on Friday and ending at 8pm on sunday, and each parent would get the kids for the weekend nearest their own birthday beginning at 8pm Friday and ending at 8pm Sunday. These weekends would be in addition to existing “regular” weekends.


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I hope that all makes sense to someone outside my head.

also with our current arrangement I get 57% of overnights and she gets43% of overnights. in the bottom scenario from abovewith me staying in the area I get60% of overnights and she gets 40% dead on. I don't consider it a big change , but she may. My reasoning for alot of it is to reduce the back and forth during the week. I think it's really hard on the kids. I know it's really hard on me.

it looks like the moving away schedule would cut in to her parenting time 17% off the whole or reduce it from 146 days to 90 days. a serious reduction.. any suggestions on how to give up more days in the long distance scenario and still have some holidays with my kids?.. if only summer break were 50 days longer.

I don't think there is any way to make this seem good.

thanks


thanks

 

[meribeth]

sorry if I over looked....but if you move out of state what about transportation?

 

[Zephyr]

latest draft.

In the event that I am granted the right to take the kids out of state.:

During the school year the kids would spend one weekend a month with their mother, with preference being given to any three day weekends.

During summer break this arrangement would be reversed, excepting that the father would have the kids for two weeks before the start of the school year for family vacation and to prepare for school. The mother would have a similar two continuous week period for vacation at her discretion provided that 30 days prior notice be given.

Holidays:

Mother would be granted on even years:

For New Years: a five day period including New years day and eve such that this period would terminate at 8pm on a night before the resumption of school and begin at 8pm on a night five days previous such that would not interfere with the Christmas time of the father.

For Independence Day: Independence Day itself and the nearest weekend beginning at 8pm the night previous to independence day or the Friday previous, and ending at 8pm on the night after independence day or the Sunday following .

For Christmas: Christmas day and eve and five consecutive days linked to those in such a way that they neither interfere with school nor the fathers new years time. Beginning and ending at 8pm with details to be discussed no less than thirty days prior.

Also an additional weekend near the eldest childs birthday
Mother would be granted on odd years:

Easter and it’s corresponding extended holiday weekend beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending at 8pm and the last day of break.

Thanksgiving and it’s corresponding holiday break beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending 8pm the night before the resumption of school.

Also an additional weekend near the youngest childs birthday

These holiday times would be in addition to other “regular” weekends

The father would retain the children during holiday times not addressed herein

Special exceptions:

Mom would get the kids for the weekend of Mothers day beginning on the previous Friday at 8pm and ending on the following Sunday at 8pm, Dad would have them for Fathers day beginning at 8pm on Friday and ending at 8pm on sunday, and each parent would get the kids for the weekend nearest their own birthday beginning at 8pm Friday and ending at 8pm Sunday. These weekends would be in addition to existing “regular” weekends.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the event that I must continue to reside in this area.:

During the school year the mother would have the children every thursday and alternating friday and saturday night's. The Mother would also be allowed any three day weekends during the school year. Father would have them at all other times, excepting the holiday schedule.

During summer break this arrangement would be reversed, excepting that the father would have the kids for two weeks before the start of the school year for family vacation and to prepare for school. The mother would have a similar two continuous week period for vacation at her discretion provided that 30 days prior notice be given.

Holidays:

Mother would be granted on even years:

For New Years: a five day period including New years day and eve such that this period would terminate at 8pm on a night before the resumption of school and begin at 8pm on a night five days previous such that would not interfere with the Christmas time of the father.

For Independence Day: Independence Day itself and the nearest weekend beginning at 8pm the night previous to independence day or the Friday previous, and ending at 8pm on the night after independence day or the Sunday following .

For Christmas: Christmas day and eve and five consecutive days linked to those in such a way that they neither interfere with school nor the fathers new years time. Beginning and ending at 8pm with details to be discussed no less than thirty days prior.

Also an additional weekend near the eldest childs birthday
Mother would be granted on odd years:

Easter and it’s corresponding extended holiday weekend beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending at 8pm and the last day of break.

Thanksgiving and it’s corresponding holiday break beginning at 8pm the last day of school and ending 8pm the night before the resumption of school.

Also an additional weekend near the youngest childs birthday

These holiday times would be in addition to other “regular” weekends

The father would retain the children during holiday times not addressed herein

Special exceptions:

Mom would get the kids for the weekend of Mothers day beginning on the previous Friday at 8pm and ending on the following Sunday at 8pm, Dad would have them for Fathers day beginning at 8pm on Friday and ending at 8pm on sunday, and each parent would get the kids for the weekend nearest their own birthday beginning at 8pm Friday and ending at 8pm Sunday. These weekends would be in addition to existing “regular” weekends.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope that all makes sense to someone outside my head.

also with our current arrangement I get 57% of overnights and she gets43% of overnights. in the bottom scenario from abovewith me staying in the area I get60% of overnights and she gets 40% dead on. I don't consider it a big change , but she may. My reasoning for alot of it is to reduce the back and forth during the week. I think it's really hard on the kids. I know it's really hard on me.

it looks like the moving away schedule would cut in to her parenting time 17% off the whole or reduce it from 146 days to 90 days. a serious reduction.. any suggestions on how to give up more days in the long distance scenario and still have some holidays with my kids?.. if only summer break were 50 days longer.

I don't think there is any way to make this seem good.

thanks


thanks

give her more of the x-mas holiday break from school, while you would actually swap the holiday itself, giving mom more than just half would give her more nights, so basically give up your new years

give her spring break every year

you asked for suggestions....

if she were the one moving away with the children, what would you want?
in your position you have to be not just fair but MORE than fair

you are planning on providing ALL of the transpo correct?

 

[beth_parr]

Don't know if your forgetting some holidays or leaving them out for a reason but...

new years day, easter, memorial day, 4th of july, labor day, thanksgiving, x-mas day and x-mas eve, new years eve day, halloween, M.L. King day.

I think thats it.

 

[lquid_user]

yeah

I think it's likely that I'll have to provide all of the transportation. The custody evaluator isn't asking about that though so right now I'm just looking at trying to be fair and comprehensive.

and yeah, christmas holidays she might as well keep them the rest of the break. but on my year to have them for christmas I'll let her have half.

and fyi the memorial and labor days I think would be three day weekends which will automatically go to the mom. and the other small holidays would interfere with school. I know it doesn't look it but I'm trying to keep it simple.

Really I doubt that I'll be allowed to leave state with them. The evaluator asked me to make up a plan though with that in mind, so I'll try even if in vain.


well just a few more little changes and I think it will be a good suggestion for her.

Thank you for the input. It helps to have another perspective.

lquid