visitation

[kbl]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?TN
What is the "norm" for visitation for one year old son and 5 mth old daughter? NCP (father lives in NC) about 9 hrs from here. My children DO NOT know him and I really dont feel comfortable with sendin them to another state to visit with him. Just a little background he has since married his other baby mother, his wife has cut up our sons pictures and said "f&&K" our son. She has called my kids dsyfunctional, some much drama. I was just curious if I chose not to send my kids there if he took me to court would he be able to take my kids to NC. I dont want them anywhere near his wife or him for that matter if he cant defend them from his so called wife......

 

[Rushia]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?TN
What is the "norm" for visitation for one year old son and 5 mth old daughter? NCP (father lives in NC) about 9 hrs from here. My children DO NOT know him and I really dont feel comfortable with sendin them to another state to visit with him. Just a little background he has since married his other baby mother, his wife has cut up our sons pictures and said "f&&K" our son. She has called my kids dsyfunctional, some much drama. I was just curious if I chose not to send my kids there if he took me to court would he be able to take my kids to NC. I dont want them anywhere near his wife or him for that matter if he cant defend them from his so called wife......

Are there any current orders for visitation?

 

[kbl]

No there are not. He doesnt even want to see our daughter just our son and he said he isnt payin for anything he cant see. I have no problem with him seein them. I have a problem with his wife disrespectin my children. and if i was to send them to his/her home she would be able to do whatever she wanted and i would be no where around

 

[Rushia]

No there are not. He doesnt even want to see our daughter just our son and he said he isnt payin for anything he cant see. I have no problem with him seein them. I have a problem with his wife disrespectin my children. and if i was to send them to his/her home she would be able to do whatever she wanted and i would be no where around

If there are support orders, then he has to pay no matter what visitation is. If there is not one, then I would suggest that you get one soon. They are 2 seperate issues. If there are no visitation orders then you do not have to send either child to see him. If you really have that much of an issue with her then don't send the kids, just don't be surprised when he decides to file for visitation. When that arrises then perhaps you can address the situation in court. In the meantime or if you don't want to go to court then perhaps you could just talk to him about your concerns. You never know it may be worth a shot.

 

[kbl]

He pays CS. We have spoken about this plenty of times and he says that he has taken care of the problem and then she turns around and disrespects my kids again. If he wants to take me to court than I will go with bells on. But what about DV (not me, the wife) cant I use that in court that the house is unstable for the kids to be there? He has been arrested numerous times for beatin her... I just want my children to be safe. I really want to know if a judge would send a 1 yr old to another state to be around people he doesnt even know. How healthy could that be for the child???

 

[Rushia]

He pays CS. We have spoken about this plenty of times and he says that he has taken care of the problem and then she turns around and disrespects my kids again. If he wants to take me to court than I will go with bells on. But what about DV (not me, the wife) cant I use that in court that the house is unstable for the kids to be there? He has been arrested numerous times for beatin her... I just want my children to be safe. I really want to know if a judge would send a 1 yr old to another state to be around people he doesnt even know. How healthy could that be for the child???

There's never any real telling what a judge would do. If you can get the reports maybe it would help. The judge may order a "get to know" period for the child.

 

[BethM]

He has been arrested numerous times for beatin her... I just want my children to be safe. I really want to know if a judge would send a 1 yr old to another state to be around people he doesnt even know. How healthy could that be for the child???

Do you have copies of police reports that will prove he has been arrested for abusing his wife? If you do then, yes, a judge will take into account that it is probably not a fit environment for the child. What you need to do right now is tell him no, that you are not comfortable due to her attitude and his history of abusing her and that you do not feel it is the proper environment for your children.

The only option he has as far as visitation is to take you to court and request that the courts order it. Is he motivated enough to do that? Would he spend the money it would take to do that? In situations like this, at times, the other parent is just making noise. Just sit back, keep your children with you where you know they are safe and let him make the next move.

 

[kbl]

yeah he use to live here in TN, so the DV was here. So he was sentenced here. I dont know if he is blowin smoke or not, if he listens to her she will probably tell him to forget it and go on with their lifes. But I was readin other posts about SP gettin to involved and actually ruin the NCP chances of visitation and such.... I am not goin to send my children there, and if he wants to see them I guess he will come here and visit with them. I just dont want to be the reason why my babies have no father. And I dont want him thinkin that I want him back and that is the reason why he has to visit them here. It has gotten to the point that I had my number changed and the only way he can contact me is thru email.... I just dont have time for the drama that comes with them too. If he did take me to court and we went for mediation (sp?) does the wife have to go too? Are the visits for her? So say for instance they came here and I tell him that he can see them but she cant, is that ok? I mean she really has nothin to do with our two kids, and she only makes me want to keep them from him....

 

[Rushia]

yeah he use to live here in TN, so the DV was here. So he was sentenced here. I dont know if he is blowin smoke or not, if he listens to her she will probably tell him to forget it and go on with their lifes. But I was readin other posts about SP gettin to involved and actually ruin the NCP chances of visitation and such.... I am not goin to send my children there, and if he wants to see them I guess he will come here and visit with them. I just dont want to be the reason why my babies have no father. And I dont want him thinkin that I want him back and that is the reason why he has to visit them here. It has gotten to the point that I had my number changed and the only way he can contact me is thru email.... I just dont have time for the drama that comes with them too. If he did take me to court and we went for mediation (sp?) does the wife have to go too? Are the visits for her? So say for instance they came here and I tell him that he can see them but she cant, is that ok? I mean she really has nothin to do with our two kids, and she only makes me want to keep them from him....

Well I know in NY she can come with him for moral support to court, but she wouldn't be allowed to speak. She has no rights as a stepparent, so no the visits are not for her. Since there is no current visitation order then you can so whatever you want.

 

[candi4687]

hey

Best thing you can do is get the paperwork from the DV so that just in case he does pursue this matter anymore you have that ready. I am not so sure that it will have any affect on him being able to see his kids though. I live in TN also and I have 24 counts of DV against my ex and since none of them were towards the kids the judge said they were in no danger. Even though some of these acts were done in ffront of them he was not doing it to the kids so he can see them anytime he chooses. Messed up but I am somewhat greatful he never chooses to see them unless it is out of spite to mess with my life. ISN'T LIFE GRAND?!?!?...lol Another thing is get proof of what she has done as far as the disrespectfulness towards your kids. I know it is easier said than done but in all fairness just saying so does not prove anything to a court. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Oh yeah before he left the state did he go through the proper procedures to move? Find out if he was supposed to do anything about his move and maybe that atleast could give you more time IF he does anything. Best of Luck getting anything done around here.

 

[LdiJ]

Ok....since the babies don't know him at all there really is little to no chance that a judge would allow him to take them out of state for visitation....nor any real chance that he would immediately get unsupervised visitation. He is going to have to visit in your home at first, until the babies have a chance to bond with him.

Even once he gets unsupervised visitation, its unlikely that he will be able to take either of them out of state for a while.

 

[kbl]

Ok, so how do the babies get to know him if he lives in another state? Does he have to come here and spend the night with them for a couple of days every month? I have a police report on her for harassement would that help? The last time my kids saw him was in Aug (the baby was a newborn so she didnt see him at all) he was on R&R leave (in Iraq) he took our one year old son and kept him for eight hours didnt want to bring him home until I told him I was callin the police. My baby smelled like smoke and beer. And I told him then he will NEVER take him out of this house again unless I am there with him. Its a shame that I have to go to the extreme with him and he is their father. But the good thing is my babies are just fine whether he is in their life or not....

 

[kbl]

Oh yeah but since the DV is against HER , wouldnt the judge look at it that their home in unstable????

 

[LdiJ]

Ok, so how do the babies get to know him if he lives in another state? Does he have to come here and spend the night with them for a couple of days every month? I have a police report on her for harassement would that help? The last time my kids saw him was in Aug (the baby was a newborn so she didnt see him at all) he was on R&R leave (in Iraq) he took our one year old son and kept him for eight hours didnt want to bring him home until I told him I was callin the police. My baby smelled like smoke and beer. And I told him then he will NEVER take him out of this house again unless I am there with him. Its a shame that I have to go to the extreme with him and he is their father. But the good thing is my babies are just fine whether he is in their life or not....

Yes, he would need to come and visit in your community as frequently as possible so that the babies can bond with him. If you have an amicable enough relationship that you can let him spend the night at your house, it would be easier for the babies to bond with him. If not, then he needs to stay somewhere else and spend time with them during the day.

The DV issues do effect whether or not his home is viewed as stable.

 

[kbl]

OK I got it now, so at least when he comes back (this week) some time, I can tell him how I think it should go until the babies get to know him. We get along for the most part that he can stay here, but his wife is goin to stand in the way of him doin that. But that really isnt my problem. If he wants to get to know them he will do whatever he has too.... I dont want it to get to the point that we have to go to court, and nobody is happy.... we got along long enough to make two kids we should get along long enough to raise two kids.