want to change my childs school, CA

[mrslunar]

I am in California.

I have a daughter in third grade. I would like to change her school, however her father doesn't agree, so it looks like in order to get permission to do this I'll need to go to court.

I know that the burden is heavily on me to prove this is in her best interest, right? I'm concerned because my experience with the court has been that they seem to treat everything very cookie cutter and will generally ALWAYS err on keeping things the same, so I guess I'm worried nothing I could say would be good enough for a mediator to recommend letting me change her school.

Are there any "good enough" reasons the court would view to change schools? Or do you think this is a lost cause?

 

[Silverplum]

I am in California.

I have a daughter in third grade. I would like to change her school, however her father doesn't agree, so it looks like in order to get permission to do this I'll need to go to court.

I know that the burden is heavily on me to prove this is in her best interest, right? I'm concerned because my experience with the court has been that they seem to treat everything very cookie cutter and will generally ALWAYS err on keeping things the same, so I guess I'm worried nothing I could say would be good enough for a mediator to recommend letting me change her school.

Are there any "good enough" reasons the court would view to change schools? Or do you think this is a lost cause?

Try the truth.

 

[mrslunar]

Silverplum, I'm reading your other replies in other threads and I *love* you.

But....uh.....yeah that's what I'm asking. I don't mean that I intend to lie or make something up. I'm just asking if there are BIG HUGE reasons they will consider it and otherwise don't. My experience with the court has been they won't change the custody agreement unless there is, like, death threats or terrorists or something. I'm not asking "Hey, tell me what to make up" I'm asking "Hey, are my concerns as a mom legit or will I just get knocked down in court because they don't like to change stuff".

For what it's worth**************.(if you don't want to know the gory details, stop reading now.....)
My daughter attends an academic magnet school that is VERY test oriented. The school offers no art, music, or science to speak of and every year she's had HOURS of homework each night, over weekends, over holiday breaks, and even over summer vacation. Her father and I actually agreed, verbally of course, that we would take her out if it seemed not to be a good fit, but now he's backing out of that and wants to keep her there. His "argument" is that "she has friends and it would be cruel to take her away from them". I contend that the school I want her to go to is only about 10 blocks away and she'd still see her friends. I just want her to have a more normal, well rounded, less pressured education. And, on a practical level, the school I would like her to go to is our "neighborhood" school and she could take the bus. Transportation has been a HUGE issue this year. Lastly, her father has succeeded in getting the school to not talk to me. I don't get notes for parent teacher conferences or anything. I'd like the opportunity to be involved in her schooling and it seems like it's kind of messed up there no matter how hard I try. Anyways**************yeah, to sum up.....normal schooling, more practical for our family, oh...and I have two other sons who will be attending that school, I'd like my daughter to go to school with her siblings. I just don't know if I can express any of that in a way that a mediator will really care.

 

[Silverplum]

I don't see a thing *wrong* with what you wrote. Your reasoning is fine. (Personally, I don't think that the fact that the 1/2 siblings go to that school is pertinent, but that may just be me.)

Judges LIKE the truth.

All you EVER have is a chance. No one could EVER give you a guarantee. So, go for it and do your best. That's all you can ever do.

 

[Zephyr]

I don't see a thing *wrong* with what you wrote. Your reasoning is fine. (Personally, I don't think that the fact that the 1/2 siblings go to that school is pertinent, but that may just be me.)

Judges LIKE the truth.

All you EVER have is a chance. No one could EVER give you a guarantee. So, go for it and do your best. That's all you can ever do.

and gather evidence regarding the school not communicating with you and/or not wanting to be cooperative with you

 

[mrslunar]

My husband is reluctant because we've never been able to change anything previously. It's never been a big deal, and honestly he's had an attorney in the past where I couldn't afford one. I can now, but my husband is now reluctant. I can see his point....the other issue at stake is her middle school destination. Her school stops at 6th grade and then it would be assumed she'd just move on to the larger academic middle school. We would prefer her to, again, stay with siblings and go to the smaller, neighborhood school. My husband feels like if we "lose" now it would set us up to lose for the middle school battle. All I can think is I need to hire a damned expensive attorney.

 

[Zephyr]

the school refusing to communicate with a parent should be of huge interest to a judge ruling on the child's best interests.....

 

[mrslunar]

and gather evidence regarding the school not communicating with you and/or not wanting to be cooperative with you

I have a hard time doing this in mediation. I'm pretty emotional and, honestly, I appear to be 10 years younger than I am, which means I appear to be 15 years younger than her father. I think that works against me. (In reality, we're only 3 years apart....he looks old, I look young). Anyways, we get into mediation and I always get a little flustered while he remains cool and calm and suave. YOU'D love him if you met him. So, I'm trying to figure out how to state all this effectively to get me the best chances in mediation. It would be nice to just get the mediators recommendation and end it there, you know? I'm tired of going in there looking and feeling like an ass.

He's been in contempt of the custody agreement a million times over the past five years but I can't bring myself to go back to court, it's such a disheartening experience.

 

[Silverplum]

I have a hard time doing this in mediation. I'm pretty emotional and, honestly, I appear to be 10 years younger than I am, which means I appear to be 15 years younger than her father. I think that works against me. (In reality, we're only 3 years apart....he looks old, I look young). Anyways, we get into mediation and I always get a little flustered while he remains cool and calm and suave. YOU'D love him if you met him. So, I'm trying to figure out how to state all this effectively to get me the best chances in mediation. It would be nice to just get the mediators recommendation and end it there, you know? I'm tired of going in there looking and feeling like an ass.

He's been in contempt of the custody agreement a million times over the past five years but I can't bring myself to go back to court, it's such a disheartening experience.

As far as MEDIATION goes...you can request to mediate separately. It takes longer, necessarily, but it's great if you can't deal WITH your X. He's in 1 room, you're in another, the mediator travels back&forth and earns his/her fee. Another good feature about this is that you get a few minutes between dealings with the mediator in order to compose yourself.

 

[mrslunar]

As far as MEDIATION goes...you can request to mediate separately. It takes longer, necessarily, but it's great if you can't deal WITH your X. He's in 1 room, you're in another, the mediator travels back&forth and earns his/her fee. Another good feature about this is that you get a few minutes between dealings with the mediator in order to compose yourself.

Thank you, I'd never heard of that, I think I might ask for that option. I think it would definitely keep me focused and on track NOT to have to listen to his smarmy double talk.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you, I'd never heard of that, I think I might ask for that option. I think it would definitely keep me focused and on track NOT to have to listen to his smarmy double talk.

It's a happenin' thing in Colorado. Ask and see if you can do it in CA, if you go to mediation.

 

[Zephyr]

I have a hard time doing this in mediation. I'm pretty emotional and, honestly, I appear to be 10 years younger than I am, which means I appear to be 15 years younger than her father. I think that works against me. (In reality, we're only 3 years apart....he looks old, I look young). Anyways, we get into mediation and I always get a little flustered while he remains cool and calm and suave. YOU'D love him if you met him. So, I'm trying to figure out how to state all this effectively to get me the best chances in mediation. It would be nice to just get the mediators recommendation and end it there, you know? I'm tired of going in there looking and feeling like an ass.

He's been in contempt of the custody agreement a million times over the past five years but I can't bring myself to go back to court, it's such a disheartening experience.

you also might want to try, with some close friends- role playing every thing you want to sa in mediation, have another friend their to interrupt and/or say things to undermine you - whatever your ex's specialty is, so you go in well prepared and well practiced