want to leave but dont know how

[poor_us]

california

i need to leave my husband but he will not let me leave with our 4 year old daughter. i would like to go by myself but i dont know how the court will look at this. will i be charged with abandonment? even though i risk possible injury if i take my daughter with me?

 

[Pretty24]

Just Leave

You didn't say if he is abusive, i have a friend that use to be in your situation, he wouldn't let her leave with the children he was abusive to her but not the kids, i'm no lawyer but i do know there is no law that say's you can't leave your husband and take the kids, go file for a divorce, then you can go to court and fight for custody, with my friend she went to her mothers with her kids he went to get the kids but she never answer the door until she had the divorce papers and by then she had sent her kids to visit some family members as a vacation there was nothing he could do until they went to court for the divorce and custody, she has her house back and custody of her children he see's the kids maybe once a month if even that. i'm in indiana but like i said i am no attorney it might be different where you live, but now law can make you stay married to your husband.

 

[Ambr]

if you are in a dangerous situation - it is in your best interest and the interest of the child to get out. family / friends / shelter - anywhere that you can go and be safe from the abuser.

it is a common threat - you can leave, but not the child. what person is going to leave a child in that situation? no one.

find someone that you can talk to. a family member, a hot line counselor, your minister, someone. make a plan for a place to go. wait til he goes to work and leave.

contact legal aide for assistance in getting a restrainer order - he has abused you in the past and threatened you if you were to leave - and for help in filing for a divorce.

 

[Ambr]

california

i risk possible injury if i take my daughter with me?

i shudder to even think this, but when you are gone - who is he going to have to hit on?

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILD IN THIS SITUATION!!!!

place nice, let him go to work and leave WITH your daughter. seek help immediately from the courts with protective orders and FILE for divorce.

 

[poor_us]

i'm trying....everyone tells me to go, but unless you have walked in my shoes etc etc etc

 

[Ambr]

no offense on this post...

i honestly believe this was posted in the attempt to get a debate on abuse going.

i sincerely hope that you are not in an abusive situation with your child, and if you are - i hope you take steps to stop it.

 

[poor_us]

this is no ploy to get some kind of debate going. i am sorry you feel this way. i guess i am not going to get any help here

 

[Ambr]

you asked for HELP not PITY

but i do know there is no law that say's you can't leave your husband and take the kids, go file for a divorce, then you can go to court and fight for custody,

find someone that you can talk to. a family member, a hot line counselor, your minister, someone. make a plan for a place to go. wait til he goes to work and leave.

contact legal aide for assistance in getting a restraining order - he has abused you in the past and threatened you if you were to leave - and get help in filing for a divorce.

you are absolutely right - no help whatsoever.

 

[Ambr]

the effects of abuse on <b>children</b>

http://www.angelfire.com/mn/WRAPCo/kids.html
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/kids.htm

what to take with you when you leave

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/checklst.htm

a list of people who were killed by their abusive spouse - this only covers the year of 1999 and it's only the names that have been submitted. there are 100's more...

http://www.ncadv.org/remember/memorial99.htm


<B>hot line assistance</b>

http://www.actabuse.com/whyshestays.html

 

[poor_us]

i am looking for legal help, not pity. i dont need any more advice on where to go or who to talk to. i am sorry if i sound terse. i keep hearing it and hearing it, now i want to do something legal. sometimes its easy to listen to soemone tell you what to do and not so easy to do it. i know all the places to go and people to talk to, its the legal aspect i came here for, for the state of california.

 

[LegalBeagle]

Originally posted by poor_us
i need to leave my husband but he will not let me leave with our 4 year old daughter. i would like to go by myself but i dont know how the court will look at this.

If you leave and have no proof of the abuse then it will look bad for you. Don't expect to see your child again for a while.

even though i risk possible injury if i take my daughter with me?

Are you saying that he is watching you 24 hours a day and you are never left alone with the child? Are you stating that there is not a single opportunity for you to grab a few items, take the child and go to a womens shelter?

 

[poor_us]

thank you

 

[jb8849]

Personal experience

When I left my ex-husband, I filed for divorce, signed the papers, moved, and left them on the kitchen table. I did NOT have to leave the home. My attorney was prepared to file a restraining order to prevent him from coming home. Is this an alternative? You can file the restraining order yourself. Contact your district court office and ask how to do it. I, too, was very hesitant and afraid. Five years later, I watch my back now ... for the ex and his wife. However, I will never be sorry that I filed and got my life back.