What can I do to stop this?

[toomuchstress]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

I was the ncp of my two children since my divorce 8 years ago. My ex has taken me to court mutliple times because she was losing money (case #1-after her remarriage- she lost spousal support) or was unhappy about something she didn't like. The first 2 times we went to court, her requests for contempt were found to be without merit. Of course, I still had to pay attorney fees to defend myself. Last year, she wanted the tax deductions and when I told her to call me at home instead of at work to discuss this, she became angry. She then went to the police department and filed child abuse charges because I spanked my daughter (2 swats on the butt) for lying. She filed a RO against me and I did not see my children for 5 weeks. The Sheriff Deputy that delivered the RO, the CPS agent, and the judge all agreed that this was discipline, not abuse. My ex did not stop there, she filed for supervised visitations and when they said she couldn't get that, she had a GAL appointed and convince the GAL that I should be made to take my children to the library or the park for my weeknight visitation because the visitation was with me, not their half-brothers. The children have always gotten along great so that shouldn't have been an issue. I never missed a visitation or skipped a CS payment. She put the children in couseling and the counselor even admitted to me that she was a part of the couseling to 'keep the conversation going'. My children were literally being torn apart by this. They hated couseling, hated having to 'chose' between us and we're not happy that they weren't allowed at my house with their brothers. My ex wanted me to terminate my rights and told me until I did, she would keep this up. I made a very tough decision and felt it in the childrens' best interest to get them out of the situation. I signed off and was made to sign an agreement that I will have no contact with my children. I know many will not agree with this, but I think they are better off not being 'pawns' and in a few years will be old enough to come find me and let me explain.

7 months later (yes, I was still paying CS and carrying health insurance) their stepfather has adopted them. It hasn't even been a month since the adoption and my ex is charging me with contempt again for non-payment of medical bills and extra-curricular activities. She has never once given me a bill to reimburse her on. I have receipts where I have paid bills that came to my house (she listed my address on the records). I also paid every other month for my daughters medicine (she was on ADHD medication), and also paid over $3,000 for braces. I have these receipts.

Now, my question....how far back can she go with medical bills? My decree doesn't state I owe for extra curricular events and even have a letter from her stating she was paying for one activity. Can I be held responsible? The major question....how do I get this to stop?? I gave her our children, have not seen her or them in 8 months. When do I get left to live in peace? I'm sorry this is so long, but I wanted you to understand the frustration here.What is the name of your state?

 

[Ohiogal]

If stepdad adopted them then you should not be paying for medical bills or child support and should petition CSEA to stop the Child Support immediately. You are no longer legally or financially responsible for these kids. And if she takes you back to court for anything, petition for HER to pay your attorney fees.

 

[toomuchstress]

I have contact CSEA and they are in the process of terminating the CS, but that entailed an agreed judgement entry sent to my ex and myself that had to be signed that we agree my obligation is over. I signed mine and returned it. I have not heard anything else. The reason I paid CS so long is that I signed my rights over in the beginning of July, but she did not file for the adoption until November. It went to court Jan 29th. She's trying to get medical bills from before the adoption I would presume. I don't know what they are as she has not sent any bills to me to pay. But I have proof that I paid any bills that I received and paid $160/month for 22 months (this was just finished in Dec) for my child's braces.

 

[Gracie3787]

I have contact CSEA and they are in the process of terminating the CS, but that entailed an agreed judgement entry sent to my ex and myself that had to be signed that we agree my obligation is over. I signed mine and returned it. I have not heard anything else. The reason I paid CS so long is that I signed my rights over in the beginning of July, but she did not file for the adoption until November. It went to court Jan 29th. She's trying to get medical bills from before the adoption I would presume. I don't know what they are as she has not sent any bills to me to pay. But I have proof that I paid any bills that I received and paid $160/month for 22 months (this was just finished in Dec) for my child's braces.

Maybe the best thing to do is to refuse to pay for anything you aren't sure of. Then it will be up to her to take you to court, at which time she will be required to provide proof that the bills were from before the adoption. You can request that she pay your attorney's fees also.

I don't understand why CSEA claims they can't stop the CS unless they have an AGREED judgement. When your rights were terminated and especially when the adoption took place- you legally stopped being a parent and do not have any legal obligation at all for any further CS. The court orders for TPR and adoption is all they need to stop the CS, and it should be stopped right away, not years from now.

 

[toomuchstress]

She is taking me back to court. Within 2 weeks of the adoption being final, she filed contempt charges for the medical bills and extracurricular activities. According to her affidavid, she has requested payment and I refuse to pay. I have never received anything from her for medical bills. In fact, when she got my daughter new glasses last year, I asked no less than 3 times for a copy of the bill so I could pay my share and she refused to give it to me. She was ticked off and trying to make a statement. How can I prove she never provided me with these bills? I love the children and don't mind paying my share, but how can she pull me into court and claim I refuse to pay...and how far back can she go? She did this when I remarried and was told at that time that she needed to provide the bills in a timely manner, but it's not in writing anywhere.

As far as the CS, I also don't understand the Agreed Judgement entry. I thought once they were provided with the final adoption papers, it would just be ordered to stop.

 

[Gracie3787]

She is taking me back to court. Within 2 weeks of the adoption being final, she filed contempt charges for the medical bills and extracurricular activities. According to her affidavid, she has requested payment and I refuse to pay. I have never received anything from her for medical bills. In fact, when she got my daughter new glasses last year, I asked no less than 3 times for a copy of the bill so I could pay my share and she refused to give it to me. She was ticked off and trying to make a statement. How can I prove she never provided me with these bills? I love the children and don't mind paying my share, but how can she pull me into court and claim I refuse to pay...and how far back can she go? She did this when I remarried and was told at that time that she needed to provide the bills in a timely manner, but it's not in writing anywhere.

As far as the CS, I also don't understand the Agreed Judgement entry. I thought once they were provided with the final adoption papers, it would just be ordered to stop.

Take all reciepts to court, then simply state that you never recieved any other bills. Of course, she'll claim that she sent them, but then ask her for proof that she sent them. It might come down to this: you can't prove that you never recieved the bills, she can't prove that she sent them- at that point a Judge can look at whether or not you paid anything at all, you have so that will help convince the Judge that you are being truthful. It will be up to the Judge then as to whether or not you have to pay, but certainly you shouldn't be ordered to pay for any expense incurred after TPR and adoption.

 

[Ohiogal]

If she has waited more than 90 days to ask you to pay bills plead waiver of payment -- it may not work but it also might. She has the obligation of getting the bills to you in a reasonable amount of time.

 

[toomuchstress]

Thank you both for your help. I appreciate it.