What does "Overnight" mean?

[longislandguy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

My current order has this clause in it:

RIGHT OF FIRST REFUSAL: In the event that either parent intends to leave the child for a period of twelve (12) hours or longer, or overnight, that parent shall first offer the other parent an opportunity for additional time with the child, before making arrangements for child’s temporary care.

I just got a job that falls on one of my nights from 7pm-3am....Is that overnight?

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

My current order has this clause in it:



I just got a job that falls on one of my nights from 7pm-3am....Is that overnight?

Keep all your questions about your situation in ONE thread.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/how-do-you-calculate-custody-percentage-601058.html
https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/holiday-schedule-601086.html

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

My current order has this clause in it:



I just got a job that falls on one of my nights from 7pm-3am....Is that overnight?

Yep, that's definitely overnight.

 

[longislandguy]

Yep, that's definitely overnight.

Thank you LdiJ, it's hard to find case law for the Nassau or even Suffolk County family courts, especially when it's specific information like what is considered 'overnight'

 

[Ladyback1]

Thank you LdiJ, it's hard to find case law for the Nassau or even Suffolk County family courts, especially when it's specific information like what is considered 'overnight'

Use the reasonable and prudent standard: Would a reasonable and prudent person find 7P-3A "overnight"?
(yes)

Use some common freaking sense instead of worrying who's getting more time on paper with the children!
Believe, most kids don't keep track of whether Mom or Dad had them 51% of the time. Furthermore--most, if not all, kids would much rather have two parents who were available and present when they needed them, instead of one parent/both parents that are so hung up on the percentage of who gets the kids the most.

Do you think, 10 years from now, a child will look back and say "*sigh* Dad only had me 49% of the time, he must not love me..."

 

[longislandguy]

Use the reasonable and prudent standard: Would a reasonable and prudent person find 7P-3A "overnight"?
(yes)

Use some common freaking sense instead of worrying who's getting more time on paper with the children!
Believe, most kids don't keep track of whether Mom or Dad had them 51% of the time. Furthermore--most, if not all, kids would much rather have two parents who were available and present when they needed them, instead of one parent/both parents that are so hung up on the percentage of who gets the kids the most.

Do you think, 10 years from now, a child will look back and say "*sigh* Dad only had me 49% of the time, he must not love me..."

I know you're right, i've always had a strange attraction to numbers and am a bit obsessive with them....You should she what my medical records file looks like! Post-its on every page documenting percentages and co-pay amounts and a running total for the year, my desk at work is full of scribbles of random numbers on every free piece of paper laying around...Numbers have just always been honest with me, words can have so many meanings but nine ALWAYS means nine.

(Warning off topic rant)
Tonight was a tough night for me. I'm supposed to pick up daughter after work at 6pm, called and mom said they "We just sitting down at olive garden for dinner" So i mentioned daughter still has homework to do before school tomorrow(Mom didn't know this) and she should be in bed by 8:30pm to wake up in time for chorus early in the morning(we have to get up at 7am)....She said she'd drop off our daughter by 7:30pm, so i got everything ready, homework laid out, pj's ready, bed made and clothes laid out for tomorrow.....9pm rolls around and they just get here, but daughter shows up, bouncing off the walls(I'm betting on a lot of soda with dinner) with a bunch of new toys,that she "Needs me to open right now!"

So now she's finally asleep at 10:30pm, but we have to wake up at 6-6:30am instead of 7:00am because she only got half of her homework done. I want to scream, but i know that won't help anything. I hate feeling like this. I'm really not a bad guy, i just hate feeling useless.
(Rant over)

 

[Proserpina]

I know you're right, i've always had a strange attraction to numbers and am a bit obsessive with them....You should she what my medical records file looks like! Post-its on every page documenting percentages and co-pay amounts and a running total for the year, my desk at work is full of scribbles of random numbers on every free piece of paper laying around...Numbers have just always been honest with me, words can have so many meanings but nine ALWAYS means nine.

(Warning off topic rant)
Tonight was a tough night for me. I'm supposed to pick up daughter after work at 6pm, called and mom said they "We just sitting down at olive garden for dinner" So i mentioned daughter still has homework to do before school tomorrow(Mom didn't know this) and she should be in bed by 8:30pm to wake up in time for chorus early in the morning(we have to get up at 7am)....She said she'd drop off our daughter by 7:30pm, so i got everything ready, homework laid out, pj's ready, bed made and clothes laid out for tomorrow.....9pm rolls around and they just get here, but daughter shows up, bouncing off the walls(I'm betting on a lot of soda with dinner) with a bunch of new toys,that she "Needs me to open right now!"

So now she's finally asleep at 10:30pm, but we have to wake up at 6-6:30am instead of 7:00am because she only got half of her homework done. I want to scream, but i know that won't help anything. I hate feeling like this. I'm really not a bad guy, i just hate feeling useless.
(Rant over)

You're incapable of saying "No sweetheart, it's a school night. The toys will still be there in the morning"?

And is she incapable of making her bed and getting her own clothes ready?!

 

[longislandguy]

You're incapable of saying "No sweetheart, it's a school night. The toys will still be there in the morning"?

And is she incapable of making her bed and getting her own clothes ready?!

The toys only came out for a second to 'make sure they work' homework and sleep were priority 1!

I like making her bed and picking out her clothes, she's 8yrs old so she CAN do it, but, when she comes home and has a nice clean room and everything is set out and ready for her....I just think it helps it feel more 'homey.' She told me the other day that she thinks i have a perfect life, If only she knew how much running around it took and the people i've taken out of my life(It's just me now), so everything was 'perfect' when she got here! I don't know, i'm a sentimental fool. LOL, i think i have to start dating again or atleast get a hobby, my daughter is the only one i ever think about, when she's not with me i miss her and worry about her constantly and everything i do is for her.

**I expect to get bashed for this(Called controlling and told to get mental health help), bash away, but i'm happy because daughter is happy and that's all that really matters and i'm sure you all feel the same way about your kids!**

 

[Proserpina]

The toys only came out for a second to 'make sure they work' homework and sleep were priority 1!

I like making her bed and picking out her clothes, she's 8yrs old so she CAN do it, but, when she comes home and has a nice clean room and everything is set out and ready for her....I just think it helps it feel more 'homey.' She told me the other day that she thinks i have a perfect life, If only she knew how much running around it took and the people i've taken out of my life(It's just me now), so everything was 'perfect' when she got here! I don't know, i'm a sentimental fool. LOL, i think i have to start dating again or atleast get a hobby, my daughter is the only one i ever think about, when she's not with me i miss her and worry about her constantly and everything i do is for her.

**I expect to get bashed for this(Called controlling and told to get mental health help), bash away, but i'm happy because daughter is happy and that's all that really matters and i'm sure you all feel the same way about your kids!**

You're micromanaging, and frankly you're doing your daughter more harm than good.

And yeah - you need counseling. Your daughter is all you think about? THAT is going to damage her even more.

Let us know when she comes back pregnant at 15 after a streak of rebellion due to her parents acting like children and catering to her every whim.

 

[TheGeekess]

You're micromanaging, and frankly you're doing your daughter more harm than good.

And yeah - you need counseling. Your daughter is all you think about? THAT is going to damage her even more.

Let us know when she comes back pregnant at 15 after a streak of rebellion due to her parents acting like children and catering to her every whim.

But don't start any more threads about it. Use one you already have established, like you were asked to do in the second post. I think you've been here enough to know that's how we operate.

 

[Ladyback1]

The toys only came out for a second to 'make sure they work' homework and sleep were priority 1!

I like making her bed and picking out her clothes, she's 8yrs old so she CAN do it, but, when she comes home and has a nice clean room and everything is set out and ready for her....I just think it helps it feel more 'homey.' She told me the other day that she thinks i have a perfect life, If only she knew how much running around it took and the people i've taken out of my life(It's just me now), so everything was 'perfect' when she got here! I don't know, i'm a sentimental fool. LOL, i think i have to start dating again or atleast get a hobby, my daughter is the only one i ever think about, when she's not with me i miss her and worry about her constantly and everything i do is for her.

**I expect to get bashed for this(Called controlling and told to get mental health help), bash away, but i'm happy because daughter is happy and that's all that really matters and i'm sure you all feel the same way about your kids!**

You need therapy. Not because you're controlling. You're obsessed, and frankly your obsession is a little on the scary side! It's not healthy for you, and darned sure isn't healthy for the child.

I want my children to be happy, as does any caring parent but....I also want them to grow up to be well-adjusted, responsible, caring men. Catering to them, NOT allowing the stumble (sometime fall) on their own, NOT allowing them to realize/learn that their actions can have long-reaching effects not only on them, but other people, is doing them no favors.

 

[stealth2]

The toys only came out for a second to 'make sure they work' homework and sleep were priority 1!

I like making her bed and picking out her clothes, she's 8yrs old so she CAN do it, but, when she comes home and has a nice clean room and everything is set out and ready for her....I just think it helps it feel more 'homey.' She told me the other day that she thinks i have a perfect life, If only she knew how much running around it took and the people i've taken out of my life(It's just me now), so everything was 'perfect' when she got here! I don't know, i'm a sentimental fool. LOL, i think i have to start dating again or atleast get a hobby, my daughter is the only one i ever think about, when she's not with me i miss her and worry about her constantly and everything i do is for her.

**I expect to get bashed for this(Called controlling and told to get mental health help), bash away, but i'm happy because daughter is happy and that's all that really matters and i'm sure you all feel the same way about your kids!**

Please - do NOT date anyone until you have a better balance to your own life - find some hobbies, make some friends, learn how to be an adult AND a Daddy, rather than just a Daddy.

WRT to your daughter... No one denies that they like to do things for their kids. But there is doing things, and there is overdoing. Honestly, by 8, a child should be starting to show independence in some areas. You should be fostering that, rather than doing everything for her. For several reasons. The most important is that she NEEDS to learn how to organize things herself. I can see picking out clothes and straightening up - even laying out her homework (!) once you realize that she is going to be late. But not as an every time thing. Making things "perfect"? Oh dude - you are setting her up for such a fall when she has to do these things for herself! At what age do you think she's going to take over responsibility for her own clothing choices, keeping her room clean, organizing her own homework?

The other reason, which comes very close to importance, is that when/if you DO bring someone into your life for more than a casual date? You will have set your daughter up as a "mini-wife" who will do anything and everything possible to drive your partner away - because she will be used to "her man" doing everything for her. She will not be amused that there is some "other woman" taking your time away from her. NoSirreeBob. Not at all. If you don't believe me, go read at steptalk.com - the number one complaint is husbands/partners who cater to their child's (especially daughter's) every whim to the exclusion of their new wife/partner.

You're setting all of you up for a big fall.