SMURFEELAW
Member
What is the name of your state? Arizona
A few of you might remember me but here is quick background.
I am step-mom and my husband has joint legal sole physical custody with Mom having supervised visitation only (Supervisor to be approved by Dad)
Mom & Dad divorced in Feb 2002. 50/50 physical custody from June 2002- July 2004 since then Child has lived with us full time. I have been a permanent part of Dad/ child's lives since July 2002. My step-daughter is 7 1/2.
Mom was ordered to 6 month random drug testing in Oct 2004 and has yet to complete any testing. She has had very limited visitation w/ the child since August of 2002. She does live 200 miles away, but the lack of visitation is mostly due to her non-compliance of the drug testing and constant involvement with known addicts to where dad does not feel that the child is safe, even with a Supervisor due to mom also having some difficulty controlling what she says to and in front of the child. I have often acted as the Supervisor (Dad's choice) mom would also prefer me to dad although she obviously prefers no supervision. Her mother has also acted as the Supervisor but wrote the Court that she could not deal with it.
Here is the question I have.
My husband and I both know (the only reason I include myself is because "we" often discuss the situation before my husband makes a decision) that the most important thing is what is best for the child. Obviously being a girl and 7 and not knowing anything about mom's problems, exept that a judge set certain rules and Mom has to follow those rules before child can see mom more often and w/o someone else there, her mom and their relationship are very important. Over the Christmas break maternal Grandma (lives in same town as mom) said she would give it another go and be the supervisor b/c she said mom was doing really well so my husband agreed and child went to grandmas for 3 days mom stayed with grandma. Grandma asked for an extra day and dad agreed and then grandma all of a sudden backed out and later we were told that mom spent most the time on the phone and had kept child up all night long with her one night and that mom did not spend much time at all with the child (besides that one night) mom had unknown male visitors (her mother had strictly prohibited this) and the one cardinal rule was broken, which is child was not to be left alone with mom for any length of time (grandma, mom, brother (11) {Grandma has custody of brother}, cousin (11) and child went to the movies grandma couldn't afford all the tickets so Grandma could not go and mom was alone with child and two other minors).
So now mom has called and asked for child to go to her mothers for Spring Break. We have not heard from grandma that she has agreed to this but Dad is trying to decide if child's need to see mom outweighs dad's fear that mom is still not responsible enough.
Any advice? Should he let her go (if grandma is willing to supervise) or stick to his guns, I don't think mom will ever do what the Court has ordered as long as she gets to see the child every few months or so but if mom cannot comply to the Court Order the child suffers, she loves her mom and her mom loves her BUT....
Thanks I know it is long I just didn't want anyone to have to search back to 2005 to look up background.
A few of you might remember me but here is quick background.
I am step-mom and my husband has joint legal sole physical custody with Mom having supervised visitation only (Supervisor to be approved by Dad)
Mom & Dad divorced in Feb 2002. 50/50 physical custody from June 2002- July 2004 since then Child has lived with us full time. I have been a permanent part of Dad/ child's lives since July 2002. My step-daughter is 7 1/2.
Mom was ordered to 6 month random drug testing in Oct 2004 and has yet to complete any testing. She has had very limited visitation w/ the child since August of 2002. She does live 200 miles away, but the lack of visitation is mostly due to her non-compliance of the drug testing and constant involvement with known addicts to where dad does not feel that the child is safe, even with a Supervisor due to mom also having some difficulty controlling what she says to and in front of the child. I have often acted as the Supervisor (Dad's choice) mom would also prefer me to dad although she obviously prefers no supervision. Her mother has also acted as the Supervisor but wrote the Court that she could not deal with it.
Here is the question I have.
My husband and I both know (the only reason I include myself is because "we" often discuss the situation before my husband makes a decision) that the most important thing is what is best for the child. Obviously being a girl and 7 and not knowing anything about mom's problems, exept that a judge set certain rules and Mom has to follow those rules before child can see mom more often and w/o someone else there, her mom and their relationship are very important. Over the Christmas break maternal Grandma (lives in same town as mom) said she would give it another go and be the supervisor b/c she said mom was doing really well so my husband agreed and child went to grandmas for 3 days mom stayed with grandma. Grandma asked for an extra day and dad agreed and then grandma all of a sudden backed out and later we were told that mom spent most the time on the phone and had kept child up all night long with her one night and that mom did not spend much time at all with the child (besides that one night) mom had unknown male visitors (her mother had strictly prohibited this) and the one cardinal rule was broken, which is child was not to be left alone with mom for any length of time (grandma, mom, brother (11) {Grandma has custody of brother}, cousin (11) and child went to the movies grandma couldn't afford all the tickets so Grandma could not go and mom was alone with child and two other minors).
So now mom has called and asked for child to go to her mothers for Spring Break. We have not heard from grandma that she has agreed to this but Dad is trying to decide if child's need to see mom outweighs dad's fear that mom is still not responsible enough.
Any advice? Should he let her go (if grandma is willing to supervise) or stick to his guns, I don't think mom will ever do what the Court has ordered as long as she gets to see the child every few months or so but if mom cannot comply to the Court Order the child suffers, she loves her mom and her mom loves her BUT....
Thanks I know it is long I just didn't want anyone to have to search back to 2005 to look up background.
