What is the name of your state? Colorado
My son is 3yrs 2 months. His bio-dad has not seen him since he was 3 months old, although he called for the first year. During the calls, he would refuse to discuss my son, but rather initially attempted to get back together, then it moved into threats and intimidation. While we were together, he started out with verbal abuse that I didn't catch onto until he hurt me. It was while I was preg. that he did this and I realized that he was an alcoholic also. I tried to make things work, but finally when I caught him driving drunk with my son we left. During the calls, that became more violent, he stated that if given the chance to be alone with me, he had fantasies of raping me and if he thought he could get away with it, killing me, and he also stated that he would not willingly give up his parental rights because he knew that would mean that he would have control of me the rest of my life. He also stated that if I took him to court for child support, then he would fight for visitation and while he had our son, he would intentionally abuse him because he knew that it would kill me. He also said that if I took him to court for money, that he wouldn't work, so he wouldn't have to give me anything. In e-mail conversations with bio-dads mother, she stated that she felt it was not safe for our son to be left alone with dad and also told me this in person. I also am afraid for my safety and so, although the father knows what city we live in, he doesn't know where exactly.(we live in the same state)
I did do an initial consultation with a lawyer and he said that if the bio-dad fights me, that it could cost me upwards of $20,000. Even then, it isn't a guarentee that I would get sole custody. Therefore I have never gone to court or asked for child support. Recently I found out that the father has been on probation twice since I left him, the current probation he is on for the same type of domestic violence he commited against me. He also got his 2nd DUI. Also recently I became engaged to a man from the UK (gotta love eharmony). Because from what I understand, in colo., once the bio-dad signed the birth certificate and the affidavit of support (which he did) we have joint custody even if he never sees the child. I am now looking into going to court to have some resolution and move forward with our lives.
I hope that is good background!! Here are my questions:
1. I realize that if I want to take bio-dads rights away, then my new husband would have to adopt him. I'm honestly a bit unsure about this. Is it better to have full custody or strip this man's rights away? Would it just be easier and less expensive to go straight for elimination of rights/adoption rather than trying for total custody where I get to choose how and when the bio-dad sees his child.
2. I never expected to ask for or get back child support so my motivation for going for full custody stems from my desire to be the only person in control of my son's future. This might seem odd, but my step-dad adopted my brother and I and when my parents divorced, he got visitation and used it to abuse my brother and I and we had no choice but to go to his house. So my question on this point is: If I do go for full custody instead, Do I get back and current child support?
3. Because my fiancee is from the UK, I'd like to get a passport for my son, however I have been refused bacause I don't have full custody/ability to get his signature for the form. Once I start the court process, can I get a passport right away, with permission for the court to leave to country or do I have to wait until all is said & done.
4. Also, does anyone know what the length of time I have to be married for my husband to adopt my son is in case we have to go that route?
5. I would like to get the lawyer that is going to go most strongly for my case, is there any way to find lawyers that will stay within the law, but be as agressive as possible and not be outrageously expensive?
6. Finally, based on what i've read so far in this forum, it seems like the best place to start the court battle is in the city I reside in. Does this seem right?
Thank you so much for any help you all can give in this matter!!
HCR
My son is 3yrs 2 months. His bio-dad has not seen him since he was 3 months old, although he called for the first year. During the calls, he would refuse to discuss my son, but rather initially attempted to get back together, then it moved into threats and intimidation. While we were together, he started out with verbal abuse that I didn't catch onto until he hurt me. It was while I was preg. that he did this and I realized that he was an alcoholic also. I tried to make things work, but finally when I caught him driving drunk with my son we left. During the calls, that became more violent, he stated that if given the chance to be alone with me, he had fantasies of raping me and if he thought he could get away with it, killing me, and he also stated that he would not willingly give up his parental rights because he knew that would mean that he would have control of me the rest of my life. He also stated that if I took him to court for child support, then he would fight for visitation and while he had our son, he would intentionally abuse him because he knew that it would kill me. He also said that if I took him to court for money, that he wouldn't work, so he wouldn't have to give me anything. In e-mail conversations with bio-dads mother, she stated that she felt it was not safe for our son to be left alone with dad and also told me this in person. I also am afraid for my safety and so, although the father knows what city we live in, he doesn't know where exactly.(we live in the same state)
I did do an initial consultation with a lawyer and he said that if the bio-dad fights me, that it could cost me upwards of $20,000. Even then, it isn't a guarentee that I would get sole custody. Therefore I have never gone to court or asked for child support. Recently I found out that the father has been on probation twice since I left him, the current probation he is on for the same type of domestic violence he commited against me. He also got his 2nd DUI. Also recently I became engaged to a man from the UK (gotta love eharmony). Because from what I understand, in colo., once the bio-dad signed the birth certificate and the affidavit of support (which he did) we have joint custody even if he never sees the child. I am now looking into going to court to have some resolution and move forward with our lives.
I hope that is good background!! Here are my questions:
1. I realize that if I want to take bio-dads rights away, then my new husband would have to adopt him. I'm honestly a bit unsure about this. Is it better to have full custody or strip this man's rights away? Would it just be easier and less expensive to go straight for elimination of rights/adoption rather than trying for total custody where I get to choose how and when the bio-dad sees his child.
2. I never expected to ask for or get back child support so my motivation for going for full custody stems from my desire to be the only person in control of my son's future. This might seem odd, but my step-dad adopted my brother and I and when my parents divorced, he got visitation and used it to abuse my brother and I and we had no choice but to go to his house. So my question on this point is: If I do go for full custody instead, Do I get back and current child support?
3. Because my fiancee is from the UK, I'd like to get a passport for my son, however I have been refused bacause I don't have full custody/ability to get his signature for the form. Once I start the court process, can I get a passport right away, with permission for the court to leave to country or do I have to wait until all is said & done.
4. Also, does anyone know what the length of time I have to be married for my husband to adopt my son is in case we have to go that route?
5. I would like to get the lawyer that is going to go most strongly for my case, is there any way to find lawyers that will stay within the law, but be as agressive as possible and not be outrageously expensive?
6. Finally, based on what i've read so far in this forum, it seems like the best place to start the court battle is in the city I reside in. Does this seem right?
Thank you so much for any help you all can give in this matter!!
HCR
