Who is right here?

[big girls mommy]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My ex has visitation rights under Rule 17, which states every other weekend and every Wednesday. All has went ok until recently. He was unable to pick her up on his weekend becuase he left on vacation. So I let him take her on the next weekend, which technically was mine but becuase I was so lenient with him, it was ok. Since he took her on this weekend, I told him he could not pick her up on the next weekend, which WOULD HAVE been IF he didn't switch with me before. He picker her up from preschool without my permission (which I have already discussed with the owner of the school) so the police and I went to his apartment and he had to give her to me since he just had her the past weekend. The police explained that they almost couldn't make him give her to me becuase the Rule 17 states every other weekend (no dates given). Anyhow, so I expected him to pick her up the following weekend but he called and said he wasn't doing so. The next weekend he showed up and I told him he couldn't take her becuase he was supposed to the past weekend and he volunteered not to. So he went and got the Sherriff (I left not knowing he was coming back). My sister whom is my neighbor called my cell to tell me so I called the Sherriffs dept. Apparently, he provided his weekends to them (dates). I told them this isn't possible as Rule 17 only states every other weekend. So yesterday in the mail, I receive a letter from his mother with what they provided to the Sherriff. It is an informal calendar that she typed up that states the opposite weekends that I state becuase she doesn't have where he switched with be when he went on vacation. I have a work schedule that is worked around the weekends he takes her so I can't just switch with him when he needs to. He seems to think that I must comply with what he needs (as he always has). What rights do I have when it comes to these situations. I am the SOLE LEGAL CUSTODIAN as stated in our paperwork. We were never married but he is on the birth certificate. Can someone give me some advice. What the police tell me and what the Sherriff's Dept have done are total opposites of each other so I don't know what is right.

Thanks- M

 

[themannings4]

I feel so sorry for you because I have been where you are now except my ex was in prison and it was his parents doing that to me. I ended up going to an attorney and they went over the decree and it stated what weekends and visitation they where and where not allowed to have. That helped a lot since I could bring it up when they would show up and try to take him without my permission. You can also go to the school and let them know that under no circumstances are they to release your child to anyone but you. They would call me the second the grandparents would show up so that I could get to the school.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My ex has visitation rights under Rule 17, which states every other weekend and every Wednesday. All has went ok until recently. He was unable to pick her up on his weekend becuase he left on vacation. So I let him take her on the next weekend, which technically was mine but becuase I was so lenient with him, it was ok. Since he took her on this weekend, I told him he could not pick her up on the next weekend, which WOULD HAVE been IF he didn't switch with me before. He picker her up from preschool without my permission (which I have already discussed with the owner of the school) so the police and I went to his apartment and he had to give her to me since he just had her the past weekend. The police explained that they almost couldn't make him give her to me becuase the Rule 17 states every other weekend (no dates given). Anyhow, so I expected him to pick her up the following weekend but he called and said he wasn't doing so. The next weekend he showed up and I told him he couldn't take her becuase he was supposed to the past weekend and he volunteered not to. So he went and got the Sherriff (I left not knowing he was coming back). My sister whom is my neighbor called my cell to tell me so I called the Sherriffs dept. Apparently, he provided his weekends to them (dates). I told them this isn't possible as Rule 17 only states every other weekend. So yesterday in the mail, I receive a letter from his mother with what they provided to the Sherriff. It is an informal calendar that she typed up that states the opposite weekends that I state becuase she doesn't have where he switched with be when he went on vacation. I have a work schedule that is worked around the weekends he takes her so I can't just switch with him when he needs to. He seems to think that I must comply with what he needs (as he always has). What rights do I have when it comes to these situations. I am the SOLE LEGAL CUSTODIAN as stated in our paperwork. We were never married but he is on the birth certificate. Can someone give me some advice. What the police tell me and what the Sherriff's Dept have done are total opposites of each other so I don't know what is right.

Thanks- M

The best advice that I can give you is to go back to court and revise the visitation schedule. Instead of every other weekend, make it that he gets the first and third weekends of the month....or the 2nd and 4th weekends, and spell out exactly what happens if he needs to miss a weekend...but stick strictly to the schedule, don't change it if he misses a weekend due to a holiday or vacation. I realize that means that sometimes he might get three weekends in a row (because of makeup time) but that means that sometimes you will get three weekends in a row too.

 

[tigger22472]

Little will be done about it. When a NCP misses a visitation they have the right to 'make it up' the following weekend AND then in turn get their regular scheduled weekend. Yes he gets 2 weekends in a row, but then again so did you. Most STATE guidelines for visitation state this.

 

[big girls mommy]

Thank all of you for your responses. I did have a meeting with the owner of the preschool and they do not release her to anyone other thank me now. So that is settled. Also- I have went through my paperwork and no where in it does it state that can make up a weekend if he misses his, due to the fact that there was never any dates of weekends written in stone, just plainly, every other weekend. I am just concerned that he is going to try to pull this every weekend and get away with it simply becuase the sherriff and police don't know which is which for us. I have the police on one hand making him give her to me becuase it isn't his weekend according to me and the sherriff making me give her up becuase according to him, it is his weekend. My daughter doesn't see any of this because it always happens when she is sleeping but I don't want to do this every other weekend. I can't afford a lawyer but if that is what it will take then I will afford it. I was just hoping you guys would tell me that I have the right to enforce this and not him by bringing the law to our home all the time. I have looked all over teh web for more defination on custody rights for sole legal parents but can't ever find anything more than I already know. I know the Rule 17 like the back of my hand. I have a copy at home, at copy at my office, and a copy in her preschool file so if there is any questions, I have it close.
thanks again, all of your input is appreciated! BTW- Tigger22472, is there a place that I can find the state guidelines other than my paperwork. My paperwork does not schedule his weekends, it simply states, every other weekend. If I could find something else on this that I can research, that would be great!

 

[tigger22472]

You need to search "Vistitation Guidelines In Ohio" on your computer. Regardless if it says it in your decree if there is a state prevision you may look at trouble if he OR you were to push the issue. Generally the states have STANDARD guidelines that unless it is specifically stated differently in the decree you are in a way expected to go by. What I'm saying is that if your state has the provision to make up that time in their state guidelines and you push the issue or if he takes it to court simply because you didn't allow him to make it up then more then likely that judge will go by those guidelines. My state DOES say this. It clearly states that if visitation is missed on the scheduled weekend the NCP is allowed the following weekend to make up and then would get the next weekend as it would be the scheduled weekend. As far as the daycare goes he may or may not be able to fight that issue also. He is the parent also and he could have it court ordered that he is also allowed to pick the child up at preschool when he is utilizing visitation. Just giving you somethings to look at in the future.

What is Rule 17?

 

[big girls mommy]

Rule 17 is basically the standard visitation in Ohio. There are a couple different "Rule's" that I know of that are visitation schedules. Preschool is not a problem because his visitation doesn't start until 6 PM and they are closed then. They will not release her until his visitation time starts and since they are closed, they can't release her. I will check into those guidelines. Really I am not this petty about weekends but he has given me nothing but a hard time lately and for 4 years I have been nothing but lenient with him when it comes to seeing her. I am just fed up with him walking over me always trying to scare me with a lawyer always. I am just to the point that if he wants to go that route then fine, not only will we get dates set in stone for weekends, he will also be forced to pay his child support. He gets paid under the table and I am sure you know how that goes. But I don't complain about that, one day he will get what is coming to him. I am not worried about him getting any more or less time with her, he is not stable enough to provide what she needs.

 

[tigger22472]

What is the wording in your decree? Does it say in essence... "visitation alternate weekends and one evening a week per visitation guidelines" or in some reference to that? Again wether it says it or not the guidelines are a base. If there is any dispute on how to do things that aren't referred to in the decree judges generally go back to the guidelines as they are basically the minimum allowed. Definately get up to date on those. Those will allow you to let you know what you can legally get away with and what you could have problems with if the issue is pushed. You need to make sure YOU know how close to that legal line you can get without crossing it and what you can and can not enforce so that if he actually follows through with his threats then he looks like the A** in front of the judge and you don't.

 

[big girls mommy]

The exact phrase is "Alternate weekends from Fri, 6 pm until Sunday, 6 PM; (then it states some stuff about holidays) then, The non-residential parent will have mid-week visitation of 5 PM to 8 PM on Wednesday evening every week. Then it goes on to say she can spend the night if he can transport her to school by 9 am. She stays with him every Wednesday night all night. That night is not a problem, just weekends.

 

[stealth2]

I think a judge is going to be very annoyed that the two of you can't work this out. One switched weekend doesn't mean every following weekend has to be switched.

 

[WyattJ]

Agree

I think a judge is going to be very annoyed that the two of you can't work this out. One switched weekend doesn't mean every following weekend has to be switched.

I have to agree with Steath2. There are plenty of times where there will be a missed weekend and a make-up weekend but that doesn't mean you need to switch it all.

I have gone three weekends without my son and so has his father, but that mostly due to holidays. Our visitation agreement states: Regardless of whose weekend its whose holiday.

Next time he asked to skip a weekend visit (because that is what he did) you can tell him he can have her the next two weekends or he loses out on a make-up visit.

 

[tigger22472]

The exact phrase is "Alternate weekends from Fri, 6 pm until Sunday, 6 PM; (then it states some stuff about holidays) then, The non-residential parent will have mid-week visitation of 5 PM to 8 PM on Wednesday evening every week. Then it goes on to say she can spend the night if he can transport her to school by 9 am. She stays with him every Wednesday night all night. That night is not a problem, just weekends.

Again that states what he's entitled to. That doesn't refer to 'makeup' time which he more then likely IS entitled to. Stealth is right... one missed weekend doesn't mean that all the weekends are switched. Would you want this much trouble if YOU needed or wanted to switch a weekend? Please don't say you wouldn't... say for example a family member is getting married on Dad's weekend and wants your child in the wedding... would you or would you not speak to dad about seeing if you could have the child that weekend and let him make his weekend up? Judges don't like to hear that parents can't get along on small things like this, and yes this is a small thing. A father had a missed visitation... informed you of such instead of simply not showing up, calling ... etc... utilized the next weekend and the following weekend was his scheduled weekend. If it were to go to court it is highly likely the one that will be in 'trouble' or 'bashed' is you for not allowing him to make the time up that he told you IN ADVANCE about.

Secondly you need to make sure exactly what you have told the daycare because I have done some reading up on 'Day Care' and school things in Ohio and it IS stated that he has the same rights as you do when it comes to day care.

If you can not find those guidelines you need to call your local courthouse about them and possibly an attorney to find out where you can get copies of them .... AND you need to keep up with them... states change them often (many times every year).

 

[big girls mommy]

When my job includes weekends I have to work around this. I can't keep going to work and switching weekends becuase he decided it was inconvenient to keep her. He doesn't work weekends so this shouldn't be a big deal. And, since I am the only one financially supporting her, I don't have much room for trouble at work. I have never asked to switch weekends as I plan things accordingly. She is what I plan my life around. I have never asked to modify this schedule, he is used to doing it every month at least, now that I have put a stop to it he is mad. Why would the judge be mad about me telling him he can't be changing his weekends all the time becuase of some unnecessary plans. If he want to vacation, then go when you don't have her, that is all I am getting at.

 

[tigger22472]

When my job includes weekends I have to work around this. I can't keep going to work and switching weekends becuase he decided it was inconvenient to keep her. He doesn't work weekends so this shouldn't be a big deal. And, since I am the only one financially supporting her, I don't have much room for trouble at work. I have never asked to switch weekends as I plan things accordingly. She is what I plan my life around. I have never asked to modify this schedule, he is used to doing it every month at least, now that I have put a stop to it he is mad. Why would the judge be mad about me telling him he can't be changing his weekends all the time becuase of some unnecessary plans. If he want to vacation, then go when you don't have her, that is all I am getting at.

You aren't making any sense... If you work weekends then what difference does it make if dad has the child? What you HAVE been saying is you expect him to get the next weekend then start a new alteration.... If he takes a makeup weekend then his REGULARLY scheduled weekend you're back on that schedule. This has happened ONE time.

As far as you working around your childs schedule and planning things.. that's fine.. but not everyone revolves their lives around your child (that was the point I was making about a family members wedding).

 

[stealth2]

So you have a regular schedule that you've planned around, and there was ONE weekend that needed rescheduling. So you went and rescheduled every subsequent visitation around that? That's whacked. You ARE allowed to say the weekend he wants to change it to isn't convenient, but probably not allowed to totally deny him a make-up if he tries to reschedule in a timely fashion.