Whose responsibility is it?

[angeleyzad]

What is the name of your state? Maine (Sorry for the length, but I want to give enough info for this matter)

I've been waiting for my Ex to file a modification, it still hasn't been done. He (and his mother) have threatened it for a few months now. He was living in NH (2 hours away), and 8 months ago moved in with his then GF (now married) in VT (now 4 hours away). He is using this move as his change of circumstances. Question 1 - would there be any type of time limit to use the move as a change of circumstances?

Here's the issue now. He asked me last Monday what the daycare charges were for our 2 boys. I told him this info on Tuesday. On Thursday, he called the daycare to find out what I was paying, and told her that he had asked me a month ago and I have never told him. She gave him the prices - at which time he said that those were not the prices that were given out earlier (we - daycare and I - think his wife called earlier, under a fake name, with 2 kids moving to our area looking for daycare - same ages, but girls, not boys. She was given the introductory pricing, as any new contract at my daycare gets). My daycare explained it to my Ex, although he wouldn't admit to where he got the pricing from, but it was obvious. He went on to tell my daycare that he didn't trust me to give him the correct pricing. Two days later (Saturday), he called my daycare back and had her fax to him the pricing, what it is now, and when it increased over a year ago.

Back in March, he wrote me a letter saying that according to info from our original court battle (our divorce was final 01/02, and he filed at that time to amend because he was fired form his job and moved to NH, and that amendment took almost 2 years - amendment wasn't final until 01/04), the daycare prices were scheduled to decrease due to the kids starting school. He was using those prices, to try to get me to change the child support amounts (our daycare charge is included in child support). I had told him in March that pricing had gone up, but had not made any changes because the amount that was listed in our order was just about what I was paying now. He never questioned me more on that. I know that the child support can be modified once every 3 years without any change of circumstances, or if there is a 15% change of what he is paying to what he should be paying. The meager difference in daycare amounts does not add up to the 15% change.

He had also asked me in that letter in March to contact DHS, whom I use for collection/enforcement of the child support order. The payments were originally coming direct from him, but they were not consistant, so I applied for the services of DHS for the collection/dispersement of the court order. I was given information before (from DHS), that in order to make any changes to our child support amount, that we would have to go through the courts to get a new court order. Suposedly, my Ex contact DHS (or so he says), and they informed him that I have to contact them to change the amount of daycare costs included in our child support. Now, he has lied before (see example of this above, when he contacted the daycare), so I do not know if he had contacted them or not. I had told him the information that I was given previously, that since we had a court order for child support, DHS could not modify it, it had to go through the court.

Ex just sent me another e-mail Saturday, and repeated the e-mail on Monday, to contact DHS to notify them of the new daycare amount, he said that it looked like he was overpaying. I guess this is where the question lies - whose responsibility would it be to have the child support revised? We do not fall into the 3 year mark yet (5 months to go), and the change in daycare cost would not make the 15% requirement for a change within the 3 years. Am I at fault if I do not request to have it changed? Or does the burden fall on him because he is the one that wants it changed?

The other problem too, would be the traveling costs. While I understand that many judges do split the costs of traveling, how would it be fair if he knowingly moved further away from his children to be closer to his girlfriend? Is there any specific arguement that I could use to deny taking on his traveling costs? He wants a reduction in child support, or for me to travel half way. I feel that it was him that created the distance, so he should be responsible for the added costs.

All that I have been dealing with from him, it seems that he wants the benefits of the long-distance visitation (majority of summer, majority of vacations, etc.), but he also still wants every other weekend. It's been about 5 months now since he has asked me for everything in a letter, which I responded to, not denying outright, but giving him the reasons that it was not logical. I had offered a few extra days on one of his summer vacations, but he of course never responded to it. He has not come back with anything on the letters, except now with the daycare info.

I know that he does not want to give up his weekends, as is normal in the long distance plans, but what usually happens in cases like this? Basically he wants the best of both worlds. I do not want to keep the boys away from him, they need to have time with their father. But, if he really wanted the amount of time with them that he is asking for, wouldn't it be better for him to have moved closer, not further away? Is this something that may work in my favor if he ever does file for modification? I am trying to think of the best interests of our children, and to keep them stable.What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

 

[Zephyr]

if he wants the change- he should file for modification, it's really that simple

 

[angeleyzad]

if he wants the change- he should file for modification, it's really that simple

That's basically what I have been telling him, but he keeps putting it back on me. I have thought about just basically ignoring him on it, but then again, I don't want to look bad if and when it does go to court. Although he has already been admonished by the judge for leaving things until the last nimute and not taking care of things himself. So, maybe that would actually work in my favor. Who knows.

 

[CJane]

A whole lot of what you posted really isn't relevant. He's perfectly within his rights to call the daycare center, or have his wife call the daycare center re: pricing. He's also well within his rights to file for a modification of the child support amount - that isn't to say it would be granted.

As far as the visitation issue... weren't you told in previous posts that 4 hours just isn't that big of a deal when considering every other weekend visitation? YES, he should be responsible for the INCREASE in transportation... but if you were already driving a portion of the distance, it's fair of him to expect you to continue driving that amount. Since he created the distance, he's unlikely to receive a reduction in the CS amount to account for travel.

 

[angeleyzad]

A whole lot of what you posted really isn't relevant. He's perfectly within his rights to call the daycare center, or have his wife call the daycare center re: pricing. He's also well within his rights to file for a modification of the child support amount - that isn't to say it would be granted.

As far as the visitation issue... weren't you told in previous posts that 4 hours just isn't that big of a deal when considering every other weekend visitation? YES, he should be responsible for the INCREASE in transportation... but if you were already driving a portion of the distance, it's fair of him to expect you to continue driving that amount. Since he created the distance, he's unlikely to receive a reduction in the CS amount to account for travel.

I know that he is well within his rights to call her, I had not problem with that. She, however, has no legal rights or bearing with anythign that goes on with our children. But, they did not call to just find out what daycare costs were - they were trying to show that I had lied, which I did not. Also, he had lied to my daycare provider, saying that I had not given him the information when I had 3 days prior. Also, I agree that he has the right to file for modification. The problem is that he is trying to make me do it, telling me that it's my responsibility.

Also, as far as the transportation, I do not drive any portion of the distance. He has been ordered to drive, although he had gotten a deviation in the child support amount, so essentially, I was paying for him to travel. He has doubled his driving distance/time now, and I just do not want to be made responsible for it. I say that I'm willing to keep the deviation that we have now, although I believe that the amount of the deviation should have been split, so that he was still responsible for part of it.

I am in no way opposed to the every other weekend visitation, that should remain as it is. The problem that I have is that he is trying to work in more of a long-distance visitation schedule as well, plus get extra 1-day visits, like teacher workshops at school, when the kids have the day off. He requested that he pick the boys up after school the day before, keep them for the day off from school, then bring them back the next morning (or that night, if there's school the next day) - which means 8 hours driving for the boys, and 16 hours of driving for Dad, all for one extra day of visitation. I can't see how that's in the boys' best interest.

 

[LdiJ]

This is how I would recommend that you respond to dad.

1) Its the responsibility of the party who wants a child support change to petition for a modification. You aren't the one who wants a modification.

2) Its the responsibility of the party that wants to change visitation to petition for a modification. You are perfectly happen with the visitation orders that are in place.

3) Its the responsibility of the party who wants to change the transportation arrangements to petition for a modification. You are perfectly happy with the transporation orders that are in place, because he is the one who created the extra distance.

Therefore, since he wants to make all of these changes, he needs to petition for a modification.

 

[angeleyzad]

I agree, and that is basically what I have done. I told him that it was his responsibility, not mine. He does not want to listen to me, though. It's been a pattern with him, since the divorce was started. He would not do any of the work, if I wanted it done, I had to do it. Even when he filed contempt against me last fall for having a needed medical procedure done on our son - he had wanted a second opinion, and he wasn't happy with the second opinion that I got. He told me that he would bring our son in for another apointment, and he never did. The judge all but yelled at him about it, saying that he (the ex) dropped the ball. He has his new wife doing alot of his work now, I can tell because of the correspondence between us, I can tell when he writes and when she writes. I think it's more her that's pushing all this than him, seeing that everything was fine until they decided to move in together and get married. I know that his mother has been pretty loud about the fact that she thinks that my ex pays too much in child support, and I see the same attitude from the new wife.