Why do I get no say in anything?

[Katya872]

What is the name of your state? CT

I don't understand why the "victim" gets no say in anything. The court put the protective order in place- I didn't want it. I was never in any danger from my fiance. I am mentally ill and my dr. took me off meds for a few months and I had "manic episodes" that were violent and I endangered myself during them. My fiance restrained me (gently- no marks ever left) and otherwise never did anything to me- to prevent me from kicking out windows and trying to drive the car when hysterical. I shouldn't have called the police on him- I know that- but I do stupid things when manic and off meds. (I'm back on meds. thankfully) I had a letter from my psychiatrist saying that my fiance did no wrong- that the restraint was necessary. I told the court people that I didn't want him prosectuted, that he never hurt me and only did what he could to protect me. I told them I wanted the protective order revoked. They wouldn't and they are holding my fiance's case over for a jury trial. (I actually assaulted my fiance and left cuts and bruises that the court saw.)

I don't understand why they insist on doing this- I have proved to them what happened and why- but its like they don't care, or don't believe me or my psychiatrist.

Katya
I'm so scared about what will happen next.

 

[stealth2]

Because, unfortunately, it is very common for victims to recant even in cases of horrific abuse. So the authorities pretty much take no notice of it.

 

[CdwJava]

Prior to the laws mandating that the police document and later, arrest, domestic violence suspects, the cycle was repeated over and over and over again. As Stealth said, victims (75% + of them) recant their stories. It is part of the psuchology and dependency in the abusive relationship.

Prior to mandatory arrest laws, officers would come to homes repeatedly. This took up precious man hours, put officers at risk, and wasted every one's time when the victim dropped the charges or refused to prosecute.

Because of this dynamic, the states have recognized that a special niche needed to be carved out of the system to deal with DV. You are experiencing the consequences of that niche.

Speak with his attorney and offer to testify on his behalf as to the truth of the matter. Keep in mind that it might mean YOU going to jail for admitting to the felonious assault, but, if it's the truth ...

- Carl

 

[Katya872]

[QUOTE/]
Speak with his attorney and offer to testify on his behalf as to the truth of the matter. Keep in mind that it might mean YOU going to jail for admitting to the felonious assault, but, if it's the truth ...

- Carl[/QUOTE]

I am already charged with assaulting him, I think. I got a summons- but they didn't take me to jail- so I'm not really sure- no one would tell me what is going on with me when I asked at the courthouse. I go back to court a 3rd time for myself later in Jan. and am supposed to bring a report from my shrink on how I'm doing. Who knows.

I will contact his atty. and offer to testify on his behalf. They told me at the prosecutors office today when I told them the police report wasn't true that I could go to jail for a year for making a false report (not that I remember saying what is in the report- I was not on my meds. and don't remember saying those things - my shrink said I was in a psychotic/manic episode). But- I'm facing lots of time in the psych ward of the hospital anyway- so I really don't care at this point. I just want the truth out.

Katya

 

[Gracie3787]

Katya,
I am also bi-polar. I too have gone off my meds and ended up in a mess because of a manic episode. I was Baker Acted into the hospital and I was terrified that my husband would be arrested because he was the one who called 911 that nite.

I learned a lot that nite, now everytime I start thinking that I can do without my meds, I deliberately remind myself of that nite. It really helps keep me going the right way.

Because your illness is documented, your whole mess will probably be straightened out. However, please use that situation to help yourself stay on your meds.
I wish you the best.
Gracie

 

[rmet4nzkx]

[QUOTE/]
Speak with his attorney and offer to testify on his behalf as to the truth of the matter. Keep in mind that it might mean YOU going to jail for admitting to the felonious assault, but, if it's the truth ...

- Carl

I am already charged with assaulting him, I think. I got a summons- but they didn't take me to jail- so I'm not really sure- no one would tell me what is going on with me when I asked at the courthouse. I go back to court a 3rd time for myself later in Jan. and am supposed to bring a report from my shrink on how I'm doing. Who knows.

I will contact his atty. and offer to testify on his behalf. They told me at the prosecutors office today when I told them the police report wasn't true that I could go to jail for a year for making a false report (not that I remember saying what is in the report- I was not on my meds. and don't remember saying those things - my shrink said I was in a psychotic/manic episode). But- I'm facing lots of time in the psych ward of the hospital anyway- so I really don't care at this point. I just want the truth out.

Katya [/QUOTE]
Katya, Do you have an attorney? If not you really need one.

 

[chinaroo]

I thought I was the only one like this.

I am suprised to hear someone elces story so like my own. I too am the out of control one and he is the one in jail. However I have never been diagnosed with anything worse then A.D.D and depression. Now he's in jail and they won't believe me. I have totally messed up my life, his life and our kids lives. I hate myself for this. And my husband still loves me and wants to come home when this nightmare is over. IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME PLEASE LET ME KNOW.